• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

Emotional abuse vs. Physical abuse

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

Y

Yas

Guest
Everyone knows that physical abuse towards a child by a parent would automatically (and rightfully so) disqualify the abusive parent from having custody (probably for life) - but does anyone know how it works with emotional abuse? My ex (who at the moment has the baby until the GAL has seen us both & it goes to court in January) constantly tries to tell me that I "do not" love my daughter, and that she "does not" need her mother, or she "needn't bother" getting to know my son, as my ex is not his father - and if he was telling our daughter the same thing (she's too young now but it's never too early to start for some people) would that count against him?
 


FoggyDew

Member
Do they recognize Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) in the UK? If so, although it is extremely difficult to prove, that might be something for you to consider. Good luck.
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Thanks for the answer! Yes they certainly do recognise PAS here in the UK - but my problem is, my ex may well have emotionally and physically abused me, he may well have taken my daughter from me when she was 2 weeks old, by alleging I was a psycho who tried to overdose (and this has recently been proved false by my clean doctor's records) but the one thing my lawyer says is that the "courts like to maintain the status quo" - i.e if she's happy with her dad, then leave her there. This is unbelievable. Maybe if I had given her voluntarily, then fine, give me a hard time, I would deserve it, but the way he did it...unbelievable.

Still, I have a son, so this should help me (quote from my lawyer) "tremendously".

Thanks again.
 

FoggyDew

Member
My own struggles truly pale in comparison to the nightmare you are living. I wish you the best of luck Yas, and my prayers are certainly with you. Hang in there!
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Thanks, well I have the chance to show the GAL tonight that I am not the psycho depressive he tries to make out! I'm nervous but at least this way I get a fair shot. Everyone says the fact I have a son should swing it my way, but I am still terrified.

Thanks again! Good luck to you, I'm sorry, I don't know your story, but I wish you every success.
 
N

newgirlfriend

Guest
Yas,

Just wanted to wish you good luck tonight with the GAL. I don't post here too often anymore but I still read up every now and then.

My boyfriend has had one visit so far with a GAL but it was at the GAL's office. The advice that was given to him was try not to bash the other parent. The more cooperative you look the better for you. And when referring to your daughter, always say 'our' daughter.

I am sure that you knew that so I hope every thing goes well.

Please let me know tomorrow how it went!!
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Hey how are you honey?? Fine I hope!

Well, it is 8pm and the GAL has just left. I had already seen her in her office 2 months ago, and on that occasion, she needed to hear the whole history of how exactly my ex ended up with the baby. But today she described her visit as "a fly on the wall" visit - that is, she wanted to observe how me, the baby and my 5 year old son all played together. She asked me to pretend she wasn't there. So we all played together, had a bite to eat, I showed her the baby's cot, she was happy with it, and was also satisfied with where my son sleeps, and the hour was up before I knew it.

It seemed to go very well, I kept sneaking looks at her face, and she looked delighted. My mother made an appearance, and told the GAL how she was a childcare expert, as well as teaching childcare (all true), and the GAL was very interested in this. (my mother didn't make it obvious, she only said it when the GAL asked what she did for a living).

The baby did not want to leave at 8pm and made a real fuss, (she wanted to stay with me, and kicked off her shoes, took my hand, and tried to continue playing with me and my son) and my son was similarly very upset that his sister was leaving after only an hour. I hope that impressed the GAL..?

Thank God it's over is all I can say!

Love,

Yasmin
 
H

HappySingleMom

Guest
I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. My prayers are with you. I feel that a child belongs with their mom unless their mom is mental...which you are not. I believe what your ex is doing is wrong and you should somehow find a way to prove what he is doing. Also, don't underestimate your daughter's comprehension of whats going on and what her dad tells her. She is very impressionable and whatever he says may stick with her. Its up to you to show her that you love her unconditionally and to disprove whatever toxic thoughts he is putting into your daughter's brain. Seems to me, that her being with her father is hurting her more than it is helping her.
Good luck dear...keep us posted!
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Yes he is definitely a believer in Parental alienation....the sad thing is if the child was with me, I would never have held back on him seeing her, yet this way round, we have recent letters from his lawyer telling that "he does not want to share the child" - is this not Parental alienation?? This is what I am hoping gives me the upper hand.

He has tried the following: "she is nutty" - well my doctor's records came back clean.

"She took an overdose when the baby was born and that's why I took the baby" - again, my doctor's records are 100% clean.

"Her home is unsafe for kids" (even though I have raised my 5 year old boy there - well the GAL certainly seemed impressed when she was here")

"Her mother hates the baby" (ummm..this one is a total fabrication, and my mother came to speak to the GAL, mentioning her numerous childcare qualifications & ending with "I love my 2 grandchildren with all my heart" - and when the hour with the GAL was up, the baby reached out for a kiss from my mother - would she do that if my mother showed ANY "hate" to her???)

Thank you all for the kindness - I know I am a Brit & sometimes some of you say cannot help me but you all try to anyway, and I am so grateful, and will keep you updated.

Yasmin :)
 

shanney27

Member
Yas,

I am glad your visit with the GAL went so well. Before you know it your baby girl will be back with you. Keep your chin up and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Shanney
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Aww thanks Shanney! It did seem to go so well (I pray).

Did you see my other post?? We got my ex's medical records today...oh my God, it is scary. Slashed wrists, overdoses/stomach pumping, inability to work/study due to feelings of helplessness, inability to get on with his own father... I knew some of this, but not to that extent. I had not thought it was that bad.

These are all things I had tried to tell my lawyer all this time, but was told I had to prove it, as he was trying to say the same about me. But my records came back clean.

Hope you're well, Shanney...have you seen IAAL's latest flirtation attempts??? He's a slippery one!
 

shanney27

Member
Yas,

He really sounds like a scary guy...When you get custody (I do believe it is just a matter of time), are you going to ask for supervised visits for him? I mean it sounds like he is a loose cannon and who knows he could try and take off with her? I would be afraid of that if I were you! As for us we are doing great now. We were able to get CS modified w/o lawyers and my hubby has found a good secure new job with the county. So all we have to deal with now is ticky tack stuff like holiday visitation etc. Otherwise we are in a lull (LOL). Continued good luck to you!

Shanney

P.S. Ya I saw the posts with IAAL flirting...he sure is funny. He makes me laugh quite frequently and often provides a lighter atmosphere to this site which is sometimes BADLY needed. The issues we deal with are so emotional and he helps to lighten it up sometimes.
 
Last edited:

FoggyDew

Member
Yas, I agree with Shanney... supervised visitation with that kind of psychological history is certainly warranted. The simple fact that they/he actually put in writing "does not want to share" [your daughter] should sway a judge. That positively screams "control freak" and is certainly not in the best interest of the child. She is not a toy for pete sake and you'd think he would have graduated from Kindergartenesque behaviour at his age! She is a child who deserves her both her mother and father. I am so glad that the GAL visit went well and am curious as to how his GAL visit went. The light is shining brighter on your horizon Miss Yas - keep your chin up!
 
Y

Yas

Guest
Thanks both! Will it matter that the worst of his mental illness was from a few years back? My lawyer said this should still go against him even though the worst happened a while ago. This is because to have had that sort of history at all, and then want to raise a baby girl alone is not very good! I knew he had been ill, but not THAT ill!

Believe it or not, I always wanted JOINT custody, as I knew he would go crazy at anything less, but he turned the whole thing round and kept her away from me, so now it looks like HE is the primary carer - even though he literally had withheld her from me to get to that position.

Yep - I have always been scared he will run off with her - and for that reason I got her passport made last year - which he only found out about last week, and has already told his lawyer that I "must have been attempting a kidnap" - oh PLEASE!! I only got it cos I was scared HE would kidnap her! And anyway what was HE doing trying to get one?? The fact I have had the passport for a year and not tried anything must mean something?
 

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top