Enforcable visitation over 100 miles

[brokenheart_mom]

What is the name of your state? Texas

I want to verify that I am within my legal rights for visitation of my son.
My husband and I are separated and have temporary orders in affect. I live about 700 miles from him and he has temporary custody of our 5 year old son (long story). My temp orders state that I have visitation of my son on the 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekends of the month and that my husband has to surrender him to me at his school upon dismissal on the Friday that begins my weekend. The orders also state that I must surrender my child back to my husband at 6:00 p.m. at my primary residency. This stipulation of my surrendering is stated under the following order:
"Order, the terms and conditions of possession of the child that apply regardless of the distance between the residence of a parent and the child are as follows:"
then it continues to state:
"Surrender of the Child by (my name) - (my name) is ORDERED to surrender the child to (his name) at the residence of (my name) at the end of each period of possession."
So I can go up there and get my son and he has to come to my house to pick him up right?
What happens if he is unable to come pick him up? What are my responsibilities then?

 

[anabanana]

Your responsibilities then are to feed and shelter and love him until dad gets his butt down to pick him up, and to get back on up there and collect him again for your next visit, and turn him back over to dad when he comes for him. And if you really think dad won't come, you better have some plan for child care in place so you can still go to work.

You just suit up and show up and hold up your end of the bargain. If dad washes out more than a few times, you could probably get a modification and get primary custody back. But DO NOT fail to show up to get him. Don't have a car problem, or miss the bus, or whatever. Rent a car. If you have no credit card, find someone to rent a car for you, and get added as the secondary driver. You can get a weekend rate. DO NOT FAIL. You do not want to be standing in front of a judge at some point saying, well, I couldn't go because I had this or that or the other problem. RIGHT NOW figure out every possible contingency plan so that you NEVER miss your pickup.

And don't delude yourself that the court would understand such difficult circumstances if you fail. Your child is the most important thing going, and you gotta be willing to go to any lengths. Whatever your screw-up was before, you do the right thing now, and you'll get your child and your dignity and self-respect back. You don't, and you'll lose it all.

 

[kidoday]

Whatever your screw-up was before, you do the right thing now, and you'll get your child and your dignity and self-respect back. You don't, and you'll lose it all.

Not all ncp mothers are screw ups, have no dignity, or self respect. :

 

[anabanana]

Point taken. I just assumed that if he had "temporary" custody, and it's a "long story," that she had some kind of problem. Shame on me. I stand corrected, and thanks for the smile.

I will say, however, that if she lets the logistical hassle of this arrangment be bigger than she is, it will cost her that self-respect. Whereas if she does whatever is necessary to overcome this absurdly difficult arrangement, she can take a lot of pride in that effort.

Many parents would rather have the regret of failure than the hassle it takes to succeed. It's a choice, but she'll make the right one if she's mature enough to stay focused on the kid and the value of that relationship.

 

[navy_kids]

Not all ncp mothers are screw ups, have no dignity, or self respect. :

I don't say much here but... I second that

 

[nextwife]

Gee. What a ridiculous arrangement. 700 miles driving for a weekend? And 700 miles back with the kids for each of you?

Haven't either of you ever heard of airports, and escort arrangments and discount airfares? That's far better for a child than a 1400 mile regular weekend road trip.

You WANT your kid picked up at 6 pm and driven 700 miles home the same night?

Traversing that distance, either by plane or car is a logistical nighmare. I hope you will both be flexible if he cannot strictly observe the pick up times and has traffic or flight delays.

Who moved?

 

[kidoday]

I may be wrong here, but the way I read her post is that she is hoping that she will pick up the child and the father won't want to make the 1400 rt and she will be able to keep the child.

 

[Smarty Panties]

I'm wondering if the temp orders were made before she moved 700 miles away? I can't imagine a judge setting those terms for someone who lives that far away.

 

[brokenheart_mom]

Ok, first thanks to everyone for the replies. I've been away from my computer getting ready for my trip to BFE.
Yes, the temp orders were set in place before I moved. I lived in a very small town with my husband and had no family or real friends to help me. Not to mention I lost my job and was financially uable to support myself there. So I moved back home with family for a while until I could get back on my feet. Needless to say after only 2 weeks back home (in Houston) I landed a good job and now have a place of my own.
The temp orders were signed by me at the time because I was the one that left the home because my husband refused and I could not afford an attorney to file and force him to leave (I just got one yesterday). These orders were put into place in December. Anyway, at that time everything between he and I was very amicable and agreed upon. I "trusted" that once the divorce was final and I was able to move back to Houston (as agreed upon by both of us) that I would get my son back. Shame on me. Lesson learned.
Now he has not only gone back on every promise ever made, but has made things as difficult on me as possible. I have made concessions outside of the temp orders only to have him stab me in the back with it. Now the gloves have come off and I am no longer willing to be the nice guy. As you can imagine he is none to happy about that.
I also absolutely agree that my son would do better flying (he is only 5, but I believe that he would adjust to the process). However on this trip, my husband has contested a motion for continuance, and I have to go up for a hearing on it. Even though I just retained an attorney, as I stated earlier, yesterday. He knows that he will loose the hearing but wanted to try to "put me out" by having me drive up there. So...just deserts. He will in turn have to find a way down here (which he will have to fly down to pick him up in order for my son to go to school Monday). This is not the only benefit of bringing my son back to Houston. I also have an 11 year old son (from a previous relationship) that is in school, unable to go with me up there, and I think it would be good for my my boys to see each other too. Not to mention all the family I have here.
QUESTION: My temp orders are only guidelines to be followed, and it states as much, put in place so that if my husband and I cannot agree apon a visitation schedule those guidelines will stand. So if I/we agree to deviate from it would it still cast a bad light?

 

[snostar]

So if I/we agree to deviate from it would it still cast a bad light?

Not necessarily, but he may "claim" he never agreed to a change. Due to the distance a modification is needed ASAP.

 

[brokenheart_mom]

The temp orders do have a separate visitation section for parents that reside more than 100 miles apart. However the schedule is the same. It does, however, state that if had (which I didn't, wasn't aware of it at the time) that if I moved more than 100 miles away and sent my husband a letter requesting alternative weekend visitation within 90 days of the move that the visitation would be one weekend a month. I moved in Feb. Due you think it's too late to still opt for that visitation? It's not that I don't want to see my son every other weekend, it's just financially difficult with me paying child support, attorney, supporting my other son, and maintaining my household. I'm not rich by any means and have already let all bills go other than neccessities. My family/friends are not a viable source for financial backing either. So I'm scraping by to say the least. I just want my baby at any cost and I will do whatever needed.

 

[anabanana]

B-heart--

I've been away for a spell. What's the update on your situation? Seeing that the orders were drawn before you moved, it all makes more sense. I see that you have another child. Seems like that ought to have some weight in the visitation and custody arrangements. Anything change?

 

[nextwife]

I see that you have another child. Seems like that ought to have some weight in the........ custody arrangements. Anything change?

IN general, I'm curious why you feel that if a NCP has another child, that should have any particular weight in a change in custody? NCPs have additional children all the time without the courts considering that in determining custody for a child from a different relationship.

 

[brokenheart_mom]

What's the update on your situation? Seeing that the orders were drawn before you moved, it all makes more sense. I see that you have another child. Seems like that ought to have some weight in the visitation and custody arrangements. Anything change?

No, nothing has changed as of yet. We go back to court next week for the final hearing. I retained an attorney 2 weeks ago (the judge only granted us a 3 week continuance to prepare....what a joke!). I'm basically not only fighting my stbx and his attorney but the judge as well. My attorney has said as much. This divorce is taking place in a very small town and the judge is in my stbx's corner for the simple fact that our son lives there and not here in Houston with me. It is a common and well known fact that people from that area view cities as "bad". My attorney has filed a motion for continuance that will more than likely be denied and we are trying our best to prepare for the case. I am going to pick up my son this weekend for Labor Day (unless the judge rules that I can't again...see previous threads). Visitation changes will more than likely have to made after the final divorce. I pray that visitation will be for my stbx and not me.

IN general, I'm curious why you feel that if a NCP has another child, that should have any particular weight in a change in custody? NCPs have additional children all the time without the courts considering that in determining custody for a child from a different relationship.

nextwife...I'm curious as to why you think keeping siblings together isn't in the best interest of the children? My boys have been together their entire lives, and they miss each other a great deal. I really don't see how a judge couldn't take that into consideration. It's not like I have a slew of kids. I have two boys, that are close and love each other. I don't see how their relatinship should be belittled because my stbx isn't the father of my other son. Like I said they were raised together they do not understand the difference. It's amazing to me how little the "court" really seems to care for children and how little stock they put into their emotions and concerns.

 

[nextwife]

My question was "in general" and NOT specific to your case. NCPs having more kids is NOT necessarilly considered by the judge in custody decisions.

See, let's say Mom has custody of a child. Then Dad and his new wife have a child. Dad wants custody now so those siblings can reside together. You tell ME how often the judges consider that a reason to change custody?

Or, let's say dad entered the marriage with custody of a child from a prior relationship. You then have a child and divorce a couple years later. Should Dad have a greater right to custody of your child together because he has the sibling?