Enforcing an order

[airwick]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

We went to mediation 2 months ago about visitation for our son with a man who was on the birth certificate but is not the biological father. My husband is the biological father and that is part of the order that the birth certificate be changed. We just got the order filed today. We have been going back and forth with this case as you can probably imagine. It got finalized today. We've been doing the mediated arrangement for 2 months now and parts of the other party has already had an issue complying with some of the measures. My lawyer tells me I have to wait 30 days from this finalization to do anything about the non-compliance because it could make them mad and they (the other party and his parents) could come back and try to make another lawsuit for me. However, I'm concerned that waiting and not telling them is going to give them the defense of "well you've been letting it slide why start now". I'm only questioning because sometimes my lawyer says something one day and the next day it's different. Which actually happened today! Also, as part of the order the other party is not a conservator. So, to avoid more problems in the future and because all parties did spend a pretty penny and alot of time and emotional output, I'd just like to know if that's correct or if I should go ahead and inform the other party of what they may not realize at the next visitation (or maybe through letter so it's not in front of my son), or do I need to wait the 30 days to avoid legal reprocussions from their side?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas

We went to mediation 2 months ago about visitation for our son with a man who was on the birth certificate but is not the biological father.

Then who is he and why were you mediating visitation?

My husband is the biological father and that is part of the order that the birth certificate be changed. We just got the order filed today. We have been going back and forth with this case as you can probably imagine. It got finalized today.

You cannot get an order filed and finalized on the same day. Can you be clearer about what you are talking about here.

We've been doing the mediated arrangement for 2 months now and parts of the other party has already had an issue complying with some of the measures. My lawyer tells me I have to wait 30 days from this finalization to do anything about the non-compliance because it could make them mad and they (the other party and his parents) could come back and try to make another lawsuit for me.

So, someone who is not the father has been visiting your child for two months and isn't fully complying with the mediated agreement....but I don't understand the rest of what you are saying at all.

However, I'm concerned that waiting and not telling them is going to give them the defense of "well you've been letting it slide why start now". I'm only questioning because sometimes my lawyer says something one day and the next day it's different. Which actually happened today!

This part I don't really get at all.

Also, as part of the order the other party is not a conservator. So, to avoid more problems in the future and because all parties did spend a pretty penny and alot of time and emotional output, I'd just like to know if that's correct or if I should go ahead and inform the other party of what they may not realize at the next visitation (or maybe through letter so it's not in front of my son), or do I need to wait the 30 days to avoid legal reprocussions from their side?

I am sorry, but I am not clear what is going on here at all.

 

[Ohiogal]

Then who is he and why were you mediating visitation?

If he is on the birth certificate and the child is young, you should know the answer, LD. He was the LEGAL father. OP, how old is the child?

Why did you let this man sign the affidavit of paternity and why did YOU sign the AOP allowing this man to be put on the birth certificate if he was NOT the biological father?

How long have you been married to your husband?

Did your husband sue to disestablish paternity? When? How old was the child when that happened?

Did the child call the man on the birth "dad" at any point? If so, why?

Sounds like musical daddies caught up with the OP and now she is griping.

 

[LdiJ]

If he is on the birth certificate and the child is young, you should know the answer, LD. He was the LEGAL father. OP, how old is the child?

Why did you let this man sign the affidavit of paternity and why did YOU sign the AOP allowing this man to be put on the birth certificate if he was NOT the biological father?

How long have you been married to your husband?

Did your husband sue to disestablish paternity? When? How old was the child when that happened?

Did the child call the man on the birth "dad" at any point? If so, why?

Sounds like musical daddies caught up with the OP and now she is griping.

She said that her husband was the biological father, and the way that she rambled, I couldn't make enough sense out of it to be sure what she was saying.

 

[Ohiogal]

She said that her husband was the biological father, and the way that she rambled, I couldn't make enough sense out of it to be sure what she was saying.

I am going with musical daddies. She just married her husband AFTER the child was born and after her then current sex object and her signed the AOP and she presented said person on the AOP as daddy and now she is griping because she changed her mind. In other words, OP screwed up when she decided to just let anyone sign the AOP (which would have required HER signing the AOP stating that the man was the baby's daddy to the best of her knowledge -- hence a decision on her part). Sucks when musical daddies doesn't work out how she wants it to. Oh well.

Of course she hasn't answered any of the questions posed to her which means she is probably pouting in the corner about how mean we all are. Again, OH WELL.

 

[airwick]

Thank you for your "help"

Thank you for assuming you know me personally. On the other end of the computer it must be nice to be be able to make judgments about people you've never met. You must be correct about me pouting in a corner because there's no way someone could get busy and not make it back to the internet for a few hours. You guys are very helpful. If this question is such a problem for you you always have the power not to answer.

For those who asked questions or were confused what my question was who actually want to help answer the question:
Actually, I signed the AOP with who I did because I thought that that was correct due to the timing of what I thought was my menstrual cycle. Because I was younger that was evidence enough for me that it was the other man. Never said I was perfect.
My husband did not come into the suit until later, my attorney had just me on from the beginning. We were married at this point and that's how my lawyer chose to approach it.
As far as the filing and finalizing, just going by what my lawyer said. I'm not a lawyer hence why I might be asking a question on a legal forum. I have a lawyer yes but sometimes his answers change so I wanted another opinion.
I just tried to give background on the situation, sorry if it was rambling.


I never said I wanted visitation taken back from the other man just that since we all spent alot of time and money on this order (both sides) that it should be being followed. Do I wait the 30 days my lawyer says to even point out to them the things that are not being complied with?

I'd like to point out I said bring up to them, not run back to court with them.

Thank you for your time and if you feel it's been wasted there's no requirement for you to answer.

 

[airwick]

Thought this might be confusing

We were married before the lawsuit began. I reread it and thought it might need clarification.

 

[Ohiogal]

Thank you for assuming you know me personally. On the other end of the computer it must be nice to be be able to make judgments about people you've never met. You must be correct about me pouting in a corner because there's no way someone could get busy and not make it back to the internet for a few hours. You guys are very helpful. If this question is such a problem for you you always have the power not to answer.

For those who asked questions or were confused what my question was who actually want to help answer the question:
Actually, I signed the AOP with who I did because I thought that that was correct due to the timing of what I thought was my menstrual cycle.

Did you tell the other guy that you had been with other men and it was possible that he was not the daddy before you signed the AOP?

Because I was younger that was evidence enough for me that it was the other man. Never said I was perfect.

Yeah okay. Whatever. Did the other man know you were having sex with other than just him or did you "forget" to mention that fact to him?

My husband did not come into the suit until later, my attorney had just me on from the beginning. We were married at this point and that's how my lawyer chose to approach it.

He didn't come into your life later though. He was there sooner. The other man deserved to know it.

As far as the filing and finalizing, just going by what my lawyer said. I'm not a lawyer hence why I might be asking a question on a legal forum. I have a lawyer yes but sometimes his answers change so I wanted another opinion.
I just tried to give background on the situation, sorry if it was rambling.

Well you haven't answered the questions. How old is the child? Who filed the suit? When was it filed?

I never said I wanted visitation taken back from the other man just that since we all spent alot of time and money on this order (both sides) that it should be being followed. Do I wait the 30 days my lawyer says to even point out to them the things that are not being complied with?

Visitation is a right NOT an obligation.

I'd like to point out I said bring up to them, not run back to court with them.

Thank you for your time and if you feel it's been wasted there's no requirement for you to answer.

How about you answer the questions that were asked.
When did you get married compared to when the child was born? How old is the child? Did the other man know you were boffing your hubby around the time of conception and that he was NOT the only choice? How long have you been married to your husband?

Did your husband sue to establish paternity? When? How old was the child when that happened?

Did the child call the man on the birth certificate "dad" at any point? If so, why?

 

[airwick]

To your first two questions yes. Neither one of us asked for DNA testing. I had what I thought was a menstrual cycle after being with my now husband. So neither one thought it was necessary.

The other man filed the suit. This was about 8 months or so ago. My child is 3 and a half. I understand visitation is a right, he wanted visitation, so I guess I should rephrase my question to be is the paper just a guideline and the specifics we all worked out are not worth the paper it's printed on?

The other man was referred to as Daddy by others including me until I found out otherwise but my child did not. My child calls my husband, his biological father Daddy.

My husband did not sue at all. Our lawyer did not put him on the suit that was from the other man until 3 months ago before we went to mediation. At that time from what I understand he was put on for the adjudication of parentage and to be able to participate in the mediation for visitation.

I think I answered all the questions. If not let me know what's missing. The judge signed the order yesterday. So I'm not sure what all these questions have to do with whether the order should be followed as it says? I understand they pertain to my case, but I'm just curious what value they have on the order being followed at this point. Not being rude, just trying to figure out where we're going with this.

 

[LdiJ]

To your first two questions yes. Neither one of us asked for DNA testing. I had what I thought was a menstrual cycle after being with my now husband. So neither one thought it was necessary.

The other man filed the suit. This was about 8 months or so ago. My child is 3 and a half. I understand visitation is a right, he wanted visitation, so I guess I should rephrase my question to be is the paper just a guideline and the specifics we all worked out are not worth the paper it's printed on?

The other man was referred to as Daddy by others including me until I found out otherwise but my child did not. My child calls my husband, his biological father Daddy.

My husband did not sue at all. Our lawyer did not put him on the suit that was from the other man until 3 months ago before we went to mediation. At that time from what I understand he was put on for the adjudication of parentage and to be able to participate in the mediation for visitation.

I think I answered all the questions. If not let me know what's missing. The judge signed the order yesterday. So I'm not sure what all these questions have to do with whether the order should be followed as it says? I understand they pertain to my case, but I'm just curious what value they have on the order being followed at this point. Not being rude, just trying to figure out where we're going with this.

That is actually a bit of an unusual situation. Had I been in your shoes I don't think that I would have agreed to anything in mediation. I would have let the judge rule on the case based on its merits and the law.

Your child is very young and the other man isn't even "daddy" to your child. I forsee this being problematic as time goes on.

What kinds of things are not being adhered to?

 

[nextwife]

That is actually a bit of an unusual situation. Had I been in your shoes I don't think that I would have agreed to anything in mediation. I would have let the judge rule on the case based on its merits and the law.

Your child is very young and the other man isn't even "daddy" to your child. I forsee this being problematic as time goes on.

What kinds of things are not being adhered to?

Just because Mom has decided to have her kiddo call her husband dad (which was improper if a different man was legally dad), doesn't mean the man has no relationship with the child! She said everyone had considered legal dad as dad until mom started musical daddies.

I'm curious if mom was accepting financial support of any kind from legal dad until she decided she'd rather be with new hubby. I know I sure wouldn't want the child I knew as mine yanked from me simply because someone else had decided to withold rather important information, like "I slept with someone ELSE". Once one has been parent to a child for any period of time, it's pretty darn cruel to suddenly want to UNDO their parentage. DNA should matter before paternity is established. Moms' shouldn't play games with paternity that way.

 

[LdiJ]

Just because Mom has decided to have her kiddo call her husband dad (which was improper if a different man was legally dad), doesn't mean the man has no relationship with the child! She said everyone had considered legal dad as dad until mom started musical daddies.

I'm curious if mom was accepting financial support of any kind from legal dad until she decided she'd rather be with new hubby. I know I sure wouldn't want the child I knew as mine yanked from me simply because someone else had decided to withold rather important information, like "I slept with someone ELSE". Once one has been parent to a child for any period of time, it's pretty darn cruel to suddenly want to UNDO their parentage. DNA should matter before paternity is established. Moms' shouldn't play games with paternity that way.

I understand your personal opinion however visitation laws are not about the needs or feelings of the parents, they are about the best interest of the child. I am not at all sure that I would consider a 3 1/2 year old continuing a parental style relationship with someone who is not his father continuing for the long term. At 3 1/2 the child would quickly forget this other man. Instead, there is going to be an awkward scenario where someone who isn't even related to the child is going to have legal access to the child.

How is that going to work later on down the road?...I can forsee some potentially serious problems.

I also don't see this case a musical daddies case at all. I see this case as an honest mistake having been made.

 

[airwick]

Still no answer

nextwife: No I did not accept child support, money etc from him. I did not tell my child to call my husband Daddy. My child actually did that on his own. In some of my replies you will see where I said I referred to the other man as Daddy. My child did not. I never heard my child call him anything in particular.

I'll say again if you don't like the post or have nothing but insults you always have the option not to waste your time. Insults don't help with answering the question which is what I'm asking for, not personal attacks.

At the top of this page it says outstanding advice, I'm not asking for a commentary on past mistakes, just advice for the question I've asked which is a legal question not a personal one.

LdiJ: I agree with you what I should've done. Unfortunately I took advice from my lawyer which has proved to cause more problems than solutions. As far as what is not being adhered to, one is who picks the child up. In our order it only specifies one person who is to pick up the child and drop him off (the other man) and does not say anything about competant adults or the like. There are different people who have picked the child up, the other man has always dropped him back off up to this point. Also, there is a provision about personal effects being returned and that is sometimes done and sometimes not. Also, there's a provision (which I've been told from another source is hard to enforce so I'm not sure why my lawyer put it in there) about discouraging the child if he does call them familial names. My child has called one of the other man's parents (so what was his grandparent) a familial name that he did not call him anytime before and was not discouraged by them (My husband and I were witnesses to this and it is spelled out in the order). I'm not trying to be picky and all this I'm just trying to find out if since we all spent so much time and money into this thing that we all signed and was agreed to by all three of us, if I need to wait 30 days before just telling them that we need to stick to it or if these certain provisions were a waste of our time. Again, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not perfect, and just wanting understanding if anyone else has it on that I'm not receiving from my lawyer. Thank you.

 

[airwick]

To ld again

About future problems down the road I agree. I have started having my child seeing a play therapist not just because of this situation but we have had changes (such as a move) that I just want to keep him on top of his mental health through all this. I will say that when the other man was asked throughout all these legal things if they considered later on in life how this might go, the question was brushed off. Again, should have been a red flag for me to follow my instincts and not advice I didn't agree with. On the other hand my instincts got me in this situation in the first place.

 

[LdiJ]

nextwife: No I did not accept child support, money etc from him. I did not tell my child to call my husband Daddy. My child actually did that on his own. In some of my replies you will see where I said I referred to the other man as Daddy. My child did not. I never heard my child call him anything in particular.

I'll say again if you don't like the post or have nothing but insults you always have the option not to waste your time. Insults don't help with answering the question which is what I'm asking for, not personal attacks.

At the top of this page it says outstanding advice, I'm not asking for a commentary on past mistakes, just advice for the question I've asked which is a legal question not a personal one.

LdiJ: I agree with you what I should've done. Unfortunately I took advice from my lawyer which has proved to cause more problems than solutions. As far as what is not being adhered to, one is who picks the child up. In our order it only specifies one person who is to pick up the child and drop him off (the other man) and does not say anything about competant adults or the like. There are different people who have picked the child up, the other man has always dropped him back off up to this point. Also, there is a provision about personal effects being returned and that is sometimes done and sometimes not. Also, there's a provision (which I've been told from another source is hard to enforce so I'm not sure why my lawyer put it in there) about discouraging the child if he does call them familial names. My child has called one of the other man's parents (so what was his grandparent) a familial name that he did not call him anytime before and was not discouraged by them (My husband and I were witnesses to this and it is spelled out in the order). I'm not trying to be picky and all this I'm just trying to find out if since we all spent so much time and money into this thing that we all signed and was agreed to by all three of us, if I need to wait 30 days before just telling them that we need to stick to it or if these certain provisions were a waste of our time. Again, I'm not a lawyer, I'm not perfect, and just wanting understanding if anyone else has it on that I'm not receiving from my lawyer. Thank you.

In this particular instance I would address these issues immediately. I would not wait at all. This is a third party visitation case. Someone who does not have any parental rights to a child has been given some visitation. You should not handle this the way that you would handle things with another parent or even with other grandparents.

You need to stand your ground or life is going to end up very confusing for your child.