i know that blankets sound retarded. I never had one. The kids had one made for them and they were all made the same but different colors and even the 2 y/o would not go to sleep easily if i substated the other kids blanket in the past. It is there security item. I cant replace it, cant sew one or buy it in the store.
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enforcing return on time visitation
- Thread starter staceel
- Start date
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I would ask for the blankets. Others may foo foo it, but we are talking about young children here. I also was in fear of court dates when our daughter was young (thank God I think dad ran out of money!!!) as the reality of the situation was her life would change every 4 to 5 months based on the current court appt mediators mood...this went on for years and it WAS detrimental to our daughters well being.
Stick with the default deal, make it clear, and do not hesitate to show up if ex shows a pattern of not respecting it.
Come on parents....if a child has a special blanket, and they are living back and forth between two homes...don't you think a blanket is important? I am being serious. I wonder if there is a bit of jadedness in this legal realm towards kids sometimes. And, my experience is, unfortunately, not all attorneys look out for the best interests of the child, but to make sure they follow the local protocol and 'look good' in terms of choosing or forcing cases to bend to their ability to keep their reputation. Honestly, there are many attorneys out there not invested in the best interests of the child....
but then again, what is the best interests of the child is so often contested that it becomes impossible.
I think we need to treat children, especially the young one's with a extra degree of compassion and their needs (blankets, breast milk, what have you) if we want to raise healthy children. I suspect, without knowing for sure, that none of us here on this site has had to grow up from early childhood in two separate households. I still try to imagine what it would be like.
Stick with the default deal, make it clear, and do not hesitate to show up if ex shows a pattern of not respecting it.
Come on parents....if a child has a special blanket, and they are living back and forth between two homes...don't you think a blanket is important? I am being serious. I wonder if there is a bit of jadedness in this legal realm towards kids sometimes. And, my experience is, unfortunately, not all attorneys look out for the best interests of the child, but to make sure they follow the local protocol and 'look good' in terms of choosing or forcing cases to bend to their ability to keep their reputation. Honestly, there are many attorneys out there not invested in the best interests of the child....
but then again, what is the best interests of the child is so often contested that it becomes impossible.
I think we need to treat children, especially the young one's with a extra degree of compassion and their needs (blankets, breast milk, what have you) if we want to raise healthy children. I suspect, without knowing for sure, that none of us here on this site has had to grow up from early childhood in two separate households. I still try to imagine what it would be like.
NON legal advice ahead!
If these blankets are TRULY thier security blankets....well at this point, I am assuming you may have to introduce NEW security items if dad won't return them.
if you give them a new special "blankie" cut it in HALF. leave one half at "home". I have done this with both my DD AND the SD (well mom did it with SD). For SD it was a godsend, that mom did this, as SD was VERY attached to her blankie, and we lived very far apart
when my kid was a year and a half-her special blankie was tossed by housekeping in a hotel-I just got her a new lovie-she didn't miss a beat with her new special blankie and still has it in her room-she is 11 now
If these blankets are TRULY thier security blankets....well at this point, I am assuming you may have to introduce NEW security items if dad won't return them.
if you give them a new special "blankie" cut it in HALF. leave one half at "home". I have done this with both my DD AND the SD (well mom did it with SD). For SD it was a godsend, that mom did this, as SD was VERY attached to her blankie, and we lived very far apart
when my kid was a year and a half-her special blankie was tossed by housekeping in a hotel-I just got her a new lovie-she didn't miss a beat with her new special blankie and still has it in her room-she is 11 now
LdiJ
Senior Member
I remember my blankie. I was a horrible basket case if my blankie was lost for even a moment. Dividing it in half wouldn't have worked for me either, because my blanket also had to smell just right. When it would get washed, I would be working hard to get it back to smelling just right (a combination of my mother's perfume and other scents).NON legal advice ahead!
If these blankets are TRULY thier security blankets....well at this point, I am assuming you may have to introduce NEW security items if dad won't return them.
if you give them a new special "blankie" cut it in HALF. leave one half at "home". I have done this with both my DD AND the SD (well mom did it with SD). For SD it was a godsend, that mom did this, as SD was VERY attached to her blankie, and we lived very far apart
when my kid was a year and a half-her special blankie was tossed by housekeping in a hotel-I just got her a new lovie-she didn't miss a beat with her new special blankie and still has it in her room-she is 11 now
Now my granddaughter on the other hand just needs a blankie, any one of her blankies is just fine with her, and I don't remember my daughter having a blankie at all.
Each child is different and should be treated individually when it comes to security items. However, any parent who won't let their child take their security item back and forth between homes, is a real POS in my personal opinion.
I agree with the posters that think the blankie is a big issue.My older daughter had her blanket until she was 4 years old and she absolutely would not have settled for a replacement (believe me I tried).She could not get to sleep without it.
When I would wash it she would wait by the washer and dryer the whole time..we got to where we played board games in the laundry room while this went on(as she got older).
And we were an intact family.I cannot imagine how much my daughter would have needed her blanket if she was traveling back and forth between parents.
So please do not discount the importance of these blankets. I feel sorry for OP's children that their Dad does not understand this and refuses to return them
OP..could you ask the girlfriend to intercede on the children's behalf?
My niece has a blanket and she is 27 years old (it is in tatters)!! My brother died when she was young and she has never gotten over her attachment to this blanket.I know this is not normal but I think it speaks to how comforting these things can be to children.
When I would wash it she would wait by the washer and dryer the whole time..we got to where we played board games in the laundry room while this went on(as she got older).
And we were an intact family.I cannot imagine how much my daughter would have needed her blanket if she was traveling back and forth between parents.
So please do not discount the importance of these blankets. I feel sorry for OP's children that their Dad does not understand this and refuses to return them
OP..could you ask the girlfriend to intercede on the children's behalf?
My niece has a blanket and she is 27 years old (it is in tatters)!! My brother died when she was young and she has never gotten over her attachment to this blanket.I know this is not normal but I think it speaks to how comforting these things can be to children.
i guess i should clarify. It is not the time with dad that i have a problem with. I agree that it is in the kids best interest to spend time with both parents. My ex appears to use the visitation as a control issue. One week he tells me i am not allowed at his house and tells me to meet in town to get the kids. The next week he says that he wont meet in town and if i want to get the kids i go to his house to get them. i dont particually want to go to his house but i try to just go with the flow.
i am not bitter about the divorce, i left him. THat didnt sit too well with him and he tends to lash out at me from time to time and the only thing that tends to get my goat is when it affects the kids. Hence not returning the blankets. I also want the kids to know in advance when they are going there and coming back and get upset when he changes the return time.
I do like and respect my lawyer. I was just looking to see if there were any other options. I also get frustrated with visitation being turned into Battle Visistation and the only way it wouldn't happen is if he got the kids whenever he wanted for however long he wanted.
I also hate the idea of going back to court because i tend to not always portray what i mean to say and it comes out bad.
The best thing about having my lawyer is that i finally realized his constant threats about taking me back to work or reducing his hours to decrease child support was not going to happen. i didnt keep a note book for a long time because i felt it was petty after all the times i heard "i am going to note this and document it and use it for the future"
I guess i am looking for suggestions on how to make things go smoothly for all parties involved.
By the way the girlfriend looked for the blankets to return them and couldn't find them.
i am not bitter about the divorce, i left him. THat didnt sit too well with him and he tends to lash out at me from time to time and the only thing that tends to get my goat is when it affects the kids. Hence not returning the blankets. I also want the kids to know in advance when they are going there and coming back and get upset when he changes the return time.
I do like and respect my lawyer. I was just looking to see if there were any other options. I also get frustrated with visitation being turned into Battle Visistation and the only way it wouldn't happen is if he got the kids whenever he wanted for however long he wanted.
I also hate the idea of going back to court because i tend to not always portray what i mean to say and it comes out bad.
The best thing about having my lawyer is that i finally realized his constant threats about taking me back to work or reducing his hours to decrease child support was not going to happen. i didnt keep a note book for a long time because i felt it was petty after all the times i heard "i am going to note this and document it and use it for the future"
I guess i am looking for suggestions on how to make things go smoothly for all parties involved.
By the way the girlfriend looked for the blankets to return them and couldn't find them.
penelope10
Senior Member
Coming in at the 11th hour regarding the blankie issue. Dad really should return the blankies. I know it's hard, but this needs to be approached in the most diplomatic manner as possible. Perhaps at exchange you can slip Dad a note with a friendly reminder that the kids would like to have their blankies at both Mom and Dad's.
I have three kiddos. Sissy really didn't give a flip about her blankie as she got older. Bub, on the other hand, absolutely loved his blankie. He felt sorry for Sissy's blankie when she no longer wanted it and took it over too. (LOL, but because it wasn't truly "his" blankie he had no problem absolutely wearing it out). We used to laugh over his own blankie---he was very protective about it. In fact, we asked him what he was going to do when he went off to college about Blankie. He told us that when he went off to college he planned on having Blankie made into the liner of a sports jacket he could wear. (He told us this when he was about eight). By the time he was a teenager Blankie was retired and put in a safe place. (Bub gave up sleeping with Blankie some time before this because he became afraid Blankie was getting too worn and might fall apart.) However, he was absolutely insistent that Blankie never be moved unless he knew where. When Bub passed away, he was buried with Blankie as well as with his Teddy.
Lil Bit has a blankie. While she no longer uses Blankie, she also knows exactly where Blankie is in the house. She became quite upset when one of the Bostons chewed a hole in Blankie. Fortunately, I found a good tailor who was able to repair Blankie as good as new.
My point in telling this story is that blankies can be a very important source of security for some kiddos......I would think especially if the kiddos travel from one home to another when parents are divorced.
I would try appealing to Dad's better side about the blankets. If he knows that it is honestly causing the children distress, perhaps he will send the blankets home with the kiddos the next time they come back from his house. (As I said this should be handled in a diplomatic, non- accusatory manner on the OP's part) Then when the kiddos go back to Dads the blankets should go with the children as well.....
I have three kiddos. Sissy really didn't give a flip about her blankie as she got older. Bub, on the other hand, absolutely loved his blankie. He felt sorry for Sissy's blankie when she no longer wanted it and took it over too. (LOL, but because it wasn't truly "his" blankie he had no problem absolutely wearing it out). We used to laugh over his own blankie---he was very protective about it. In fact, we asked him what he was going to do when he went off to college about Blankie. He told us that when he went off to college he planned on having Blankie made into the liner of a sports jacket he could wear. (He told us this when he was about eight). By the time he was a teenager Blankie was retired and put in a safe place. (Bub gave up sleeping with Blankie some time before this because he became afraid Blankie was getting too worn and might fall apart.) However, he was absolutely insistent that Blankie never be moved unless he knew where. When Bub passed away, he was buried with Blankie as well as with his Teddy.
Lil Bit has a blankie. While she no longer uses Blankie, she also knows exactly where Blankie is in the house. She became quite upset when one of the Bostons chewed a hole in Blankie. Fortunately, I found a good tailor who was able to repair Blankie as good as new.
My point in telling this story is that blankies can be a very important source of security for some kiddos......I would think especially if the kiddos travel from one home to another when parents are divorced.
I would try appealing to Dad's better side about the blankets. If he knows that it is honestly causing the children distress, perhaps he will send the blankets home with the kiddos the next time they come back from his house. (As I said this should be handled in a diplomatic, non- accusatory manner on the OP's part) Then when the kiddos go back to Dads the blankets should go with the children as well.....
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s_abbott84
Member
Well if you and dads gf get along, why not mention this to her? She may understand a lot better. When my husbands daughter came on weekeds, what ever she wore was washed and sent back with her to moms house, because it was items from home, it should go home. Dad needs to understand this. I'm suprised your kids havent ask dad to take them back with them.
This was probably already said, but if dad is not returning the kids, can you not pick them up? Bring your order with you, if nothing else call the authorities with papers in hand, he might get the point after the first time.
This was probably already said, but if dad is not returning the kids, can you not pick them up? Bring your order with you, if nothing else call the authorities with papers in hand, he might get the point after the first time.
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