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  1. #1
    staceel is offline Junior Member
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    enforcing return on time visitation

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North dakota
    I have joint custody with primary physical custody of 3 kids ages 5,4 and 2. We went to a mediator for the divorce and agreed on reasonable visitation and had a default agreement if that didnt work. The default agreement stated he recieved him every other weekend from friday after school to monday morning with one midweek visit up to 4 hours on the weekend he has the kids and 2 midweek visits on the weeks he doesnt have the kids. My ex is unable to comprimise and things have to be his way so the reasonable visits set up between us have not worked. The last one he wanted to try was having them from thursday to friday evening on the weeks he doesnt have them on the weekends and thursday to sunday on the weekend he does have them. When this schedule didnt work he just kept them anyways. He also had changed the pick up time 2 other times in the past by a day or two and numerous times by hours. I told him we were going to have to go to the default agreement and gave him the kids thursday night. His girlfriend picked them up and i was suppose to pick them up later that evening. He calls and tells me he is keeping them until friday at 630pm. I have a lawyer but she thinks the judge will be mad because we are suppose to work this out ourselves and i would look bad because i am a little bitter. My ex has serious control issues and my kids are worried now that their dad is going to keep them, which he ends doing
    what can i do
    thanks
  2. #2
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    I have a lawyer but she thinks the judge will be mad because we are suppose to work this out ourselves and i would look bad because i am a little bitter.

    I agree with your lawyer.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  3. #3
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by seniorjudge View Post
    I agree with your lawyer.
    So do I.

    Think about it: this is your attorney's JOB. S/he knows the Judge/s in your area, and the Judge in your particular case. Part of what you are paying for is the attorney's expert opinion.

    You're going to have the same Judge throughout your childrens' minority, barring death. I'd make it a point to not piss off my Judge.
  4. #4
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    ...
    I'd make it a point to not piss off my Judge.
    ...


    Wise words, those.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  5. #5
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by seniorjudge View Post
    Wise words, those.
    Of course I was speaking of YOU, SJ.
  6. #6
    staceel is offline Junior Member
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    so how do you work with someone who only does things his way.
  7. #7
    seniorjudge is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by staceel View Post
    so how do you work with someone who only does things his way.
    I am a big fan of mediation.
    There are two rules for success:

    (1) Never tell everything you know.
  8. #8
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by staceel View Post
    so how do you work with someone who only does things his way.
    Well by realizing that is NOT true. If he did things ONLY his way he would just keep the children permanently and you would NEVER see them.

    Get over this being about YOU and HIM. It is not and never will be. It is about the children. And why would children be terrified that their father is going to have them? What has been put into their heads?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  9. #9
    staceel is offline Junior Member
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    i have suggested mediation and also co parenting counceling to my ex. We communicate through email and he just ignores it and doesnt respond. I get along with his girlfriend and he had her arrange visitation which went well until he decided to start changing the return times in the middle of the visit. He also started giving her a bad time about how we got along.
  10. #10
    profmum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silverplum View Post
    So do I.

    I'd make it a point to not piss off my Judge.
    Should be the mantra of any divorced parent..
  11. #11
    staceel is offline Junior Member
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    i completely understand that this is about the kids. If it just made my life difficult i would deal with it. My kids are not terrified of their father but they want to know when they are going and coming back. Even at the age of 4 and 5 they do realize when its suppose to be a overnight visit and a evening visit. I also spend time with them telling them the fun things and who they are going to see and do at the visit because i do talk to my ex's girlfriend.
  12. #12
    longsally111 is offline Member
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    Keep a clear and concise log of conversations with ex- what was agreed upon and then what he does as far as returning the child. Turn this in to a judge and explain that he is not adhereing to the agreement. He should be the one in trouble, not you.
  13. #13
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by longsally111 View Post
    Keep a clear and concise log of conversations with ex- what was agreed upon and then what he does as far as returning the child. Turn this in to a judge and explain that he is not adhereing to the agreement. He should be the one in trouble, not you.
    I agree. You have an "as agreed" order with a default order to use if you cannot agree.

    Dad is violating things right and left. I think that you should insist on sticking to the default order and take him back to court for contempt, if he refuses to honor the default orders.
  14. #14
    staceel is offline Junior Member
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    i started a log recently, how many times does he have to do this before i take it to the judge? So far he has changed the pickup time 3 times this month.
    Also if i take this to the judge would he be able to get my 2 and 4 y/o olds blankets back. I always sent them with the kids and about a month ago he refused to return them with the kids
  15. #15
    Silverplum is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by staceel View Post
    i started a log recently, how many times does he have to do this before i take it to the judge? So far he has changed the pickup time 3 times this month.
    Also if i take this to the judge would he be able to get my 2 and 4 y/o olds blankets back. I always sent them with the kids and about a month ago he refused to return them with the kids


    LISTEN TO YOUR ATTORNEY.

    Blankets. For Pete's sake.

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