garzfamily
Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas
Here is my problem, my ex and I get along just fine when everything is going her way. She asks for extra money beyond what I pay for my child support and as often as I can I will give it to her. My daughter was recently accepted to a very nice private school and I was asked to pay half of her tuition each month. I obliged. I was also asked to buy her 2 sets of uniforms for school. I informed her mother that I could only afford to buy 1 set that totaled $130. Her mother was fine with that... at the time.
Fast-forward a few weeks, my daughter has two failing grades in school because of the transition from public school to private school and my girlfriend (who has been in her life since 2007) offered to tutor her. My girlfriend has her degree in Elementary Education and is more than competent to tutor her. Well after this was offered my daughter's mom became very upset stating that my girlfriend has no place in my daughter's life and talking nasty about my girlfriend (they have always gotten along up until this point, even coaching my daughters vball team together) and saying that I have no right contacting my daughters school regarding her grades. This caused alot of stress on my girlfriend and the next day she ended up in the emergency room complaining of cramping (she is 7 months pregnant). I text my daughter's mom and was angry that she had in some part contributed to the strain on my girlfriend. I said that I hope she is proud of herself and that if anything happens to this baby that I hope the words she has said haunts her. And as long as I am her dad (not to mention paying half her tuition) I WILL be involved in my daughters academics. She then told my daughter that I said that I hope her dead brother haunts her and that I threatened her school tuition. From then on out she has denied me visitation claiming that my daughter does not want to see me. I have called and filed a report on her with the police department so it can be recorded. as you can see in the emails, she is very ugly when she is upset and I am just not sure what my next move is. Here are the email's that were sent back and forth this morning...
Dear (daughter's mom),
I'm sure you realize that I consider my time with (dd) to be extremely special and valuable beyond measure. She is a part of my family, and these visits are an important part of all of our lives.
In our last hearing on this matter, visitation was ordered by the courts on this schedule:
Every other weekend beginning at 6:00 PM on Friday and ending at 6:00 PM on Sunday.
In practice, however, you have failed to comply with this schedule and have put undue restrictions on it that are not in compliance with the court order.
Because of your actions, I've had less than my allotted time with (dd). Your failure comply with the court order makes it difficult on me, as I look forward to seeing (dd) during my allotted parenting time. It also makes it extremely difficult to plan the kinds of activities we like to do on these occasions.
The conditions and restrictions you have placed on these visits violate the court ordered schedule and are not acceptable. You have approximately 25 days per month to schedule activities for (dd) as you see fit, please allow me to do the same with my 5 days.
I'm willing to be flexible with the schedule (for example, when special events occur), but I expect reasonable advance notice and compensatory time. I also reserve the "right of refusal" on all such changes in the court ordered schedule. I hope that we can reach agreement on these issues without involving a third party, but understand that I will do whatever is necessary so I can spend my parenting time with (dd).
I also ask that you refrain from involving (dd) in any conversation involving visitation or otherwise that is meant solely for the two of us as adults. I fear that involving her in such arguments and speaking negatively about me will cause permanent damage and result in a strained relationship between (dd) and myself. Please remember that such talk is also outlined in the court order and is not acceptable.
Respectfully,
(Me)
To (Me),
You silly, misguided, cowardly man! You and (girlfriend) throw nonsense legal mumbo jumbo (that you obtain from the internet) at us all the time and this has a lot to do with why (dd) canNOT stomach the two of you.
Why don't you be the good daddy you claim to be and call your daughter this evening? She hasn't heard from her daddy in quite some time.
And for the record:
(dd) refuses to go with you this weekend.
(dd) is afraid of retaliation from your knocked up lazy girlfriend.
(dd) doesn't want to hear you and your knocked up lazy girlfriends negative thoughts about me
YOU cannot provide a safe and stable home for my daughter to come visit.
(dd) does NOT feel safe staying at random people's homes during her visit with her father. Also, can you assure me that (dd) will be in your care at all times during this 48 hour visit?
Since you are so desperate to spend time with (dd) and plan "activities" with her; does this mean you are NOT scheduled to work Friday evening all day Saturday and Sunday before 6 pm?
(dd) refuses to be left alone in the care of your girlfriend. I also feel strongly about (dd) not being left alone with her.
The court order says I am to have an address and all relevant information of where (dd) will be spending her 48 hour visit with you....I have no clue where you two homeless peole are calling home these days.
In the future have your attorney contact me with your childish antics. You are causing a great deal of emotional stress on (dd) and her custodial parent. Regards, (daughter's mom)
ALSO...
Non Custodial Parent,
I am supportive of (dd) visiting her father during his court ordered visits. I encourage dd to see things in a positive light and work towards making amends with you and your girlfriend. However, (dd) adamantly refuses to go and fears emotional retaliation from the two of you. Again, I will speak to (dd) daily about her visits with you and encourage her to spend time with you, I will even make sure she is available during your visitation times. Having said that under no circumstances will I "force" (dd) to visit you against her will and at a time when she is in fear or in danger of emotional abuse. I'd also appreciate it if I have an address of where she would be staying as you and your girlfriend have no permanent place of residency. I'd like to be informed not only of the address but also the names of the people who reside at that location. Finally, I (in the best interest of (dd)) would like to be assured that (dd) will be in your care exclusively during her 48 visit. She is at no time to be under the sole care of (father's girlfriend) for fear of her emotional well being and safety.
Thank you for your attention in this matter, (daughter's mom)
Dear (daughter's mom),
I have no problem providing contact information and an address for (dd) while she is with me. Let me remind you though that who (dd) is around during my parenting time is my decision. Never would I or have I allowed (dd) to be in a position where I feared for her well being, emotional or otherwise. If you fear for (dd) safety during her visits then it is important for you to let the courts know and let them decide since our parenting agreement was signed by both of us and by the judge.
Let me also remind you that (dd) had no problem coming for her weekends here until you decided to bring her into an adult conversation where she felt like she needed to choose sides. Not once have I or (girlfriend) bad-mouthed you to (dd) during my weekends, we do not feel that it is constructive. Also, anytime that (dd) is in my presence and you and I have an argument on the phone I excuse myself and I make sure that she doesn't hear any of it. Let me reassure you that that will continue.
It is important that (dd) knows that SHE is not in charge of visitation. We should present an united front and insist together that there is no other option. If you give in, you becomes an accomplice and prove to (dd) that you do not really respect my parenting role. Let me assure you that I will not give in, I feel that this would be a sign to (dd) that I don’t really care. The best plan is to work together to get (dd) to go.
This weekend I am off work, so yes, (dd) will be in my care the entire time, but know that it is not like that every weekend. There are times that I have to work and (dd) is left in the care of a competent adult, whether that is (girlfriend) or someone else of my choosing. That is MY choice. Again let me reassure you that I would never put (dd) in any kind of position where she were in danger. I am confident that if she felt uncomfortable she would come to me and talk to me.
I will be there this Friday to pick her up at 6:00PM.
Thank You,
(Me)
Dear (me) and (girlfriend),
These emails are being forwarded to my attorney as we speak. AGAIN, please do not contact me again via email.
(dd) feels unsafe around your girlfriend she shouldn't be forced to be in a situation that would leave her primarily in your girlfriend's care.
Don't you agree that all this is for (dd) best intrest? (dd) being in constant fear is not in her best interest.
I will discuss important matters concerning you, my daughter and myself with (dd) as I see fit, NOT you. (dd) does not feel comfortable talking to you because it is plain as day that you don't speak for yourself, (girlfriend) does the speaking for you.
(daughter's mom)
I'm just not sure what to do. Should I get a mediator?
Here is my problem, my ex and I get along just fine when everything is going her way. She asks for extra money beyond what I pay for my child support and as often as I can I will give it to her. My daughter was recently accepted to a very nice private school and I was asked to pay half of her tuition each month. I obliged. I was also asked to buy her 2 sets of uniforms for school. I informed her mother that I could only afford to buy 1 set that totaled $130. Her mother was fine with that... at the time.
Fast-forward a few weeks, my daughter has two failing grades in school because of the transition from public school to private school and my girlfriend (who has been in her life since 2007) offered to tutor her. My girlfriend has her degree in Elementary Education and is more than competent to tutor her. Well after this was offered my daughter's mom became very upset stating that my girlfriend has no place in my daughter's life and talking nasty about my girlfriend (they have always gotten along up until this point, even coaching my daughters vball team together) and saying that I have no right contacting my daughters school regarding her grades. This caused alot of stress on my girlfriend and the next day she ended up in the emergency room complaining of cramping (she is 7 months pregnant). I text my daughter's mom and was angry that she had in some part contributed to the strain on my girlfriend. I said that I hope she is proud of herself and that if anything happens to this baby that I hope the words she has said haunts her. And as long as I am her dad (not to mention paying half her tuition) I WILL be involved in my daughters academics. She then told my daughter that I said that I hope her dead brother haunts her and that I threatened her school tuition. From then on out she has denied me visitation claiming that my daughter does not want to see me. I have called and filed a report on her with the police department so it can be recorded. as you can see in the emails, she is very ugly when she is upset and I am just not sure what my next move is. Here are the email's that were sent back and forth this morning...
Dear (daughter's mom),
I'm sure you realize that I consider my time with (dd) to be extremely special and valuable beyond measure. She is a part of my family, and these visits are an important part of all of our lives.
In our last hearing on this matter, visitation was ordered by the courts on this schedule:
Every other weekend beginning at 6:00 PM on Friday and ending at 6:00 PM on Sunday.
In practice, however, you have failed to comply with this schedule and have put undue restrictions on it that are not in compliance with the court order.
Because of your actions, I've had less than my allotted time with (dd). Your failure comply with the court order makes it difficult on me, as I look forward to seeing (dd) during my allotted parenting time. It also makes it extremely difficult to plan the kinds of activities we like to do on these occasions.
The conditions and restrictions you have placed on these visits violate the court ordered schedule and are not acceptable. You have approximately 25 days per month to schedule activities for (dd) as you see fit, please allow me to do the same with my 5 days.
I'm willing to be flexible with the schedule (for example, when special events occur), but I expect reasonable advance notice and compensatory time. I also reserve the "right of refusal" on all such changes in the court ordered schedule. I hope that we can reach agreement on these issues without involving a third party, but understand that I will do whatever is necessary so I can spend my parenting time with (dd).
I also ask that you refrain from involving (dd) in any conversation involving visitation or otherwise that is meant solely for the two of us as adults. I fear that involving her in such arguments and speaking negatively about me will cause permanent damage and result in a strained relationship between (dd) and myself. Please remember that such talk is also outlined in the court order and is not acceptable.
Respectfully,
(Me)
To (Me),
You silly, misguided, cowardly man! You and (girlfriend) throw nonsense legal mumbo jumbo (that you obtain from the internet) at us all the time and this has a lot to do with why (dd) canNOT stomach the two of you.
Why don't you be the good daddy you claim to be and call your daughter this evening? She hasn't heard from her daddy in quite some time.
And for the record:
(dd) refuses to go with you this weekend.
(dd) is afraid of retaliation from your knocked up lazy girlfriend.
(dd) doesn't want to hear you and your knocked up lazy girlfriends negative thoughts about me
YOU cannot provide a safe and stable home for my daughter to come visit.
(dd) does NOT feel safe staying at random people's homes during her visit with her father. Also, can you assure me that (dd) will be in your care at all times during this 48 hour visit?
Since you are so desperate to spend time with (dd) and plan "activities" with her; does this mean you are NOT scheduled to work Friday evening all day Saturday and Sunday before 6 pm?
(dd) refuses to be left alone in the care of your girlfriend. I also feel strongly about (dd) not being left alone with her.
The court order says I am to have an address and all relevant information of where (dd) will be spending her 48 hour visit with you....I have no clue where you two homeless peole are calling home these days.
In the future have your attorney contact me with your childish antics. You are causing a great deal of emotional stress on (dd) and her custodial parent. Regards, (daughter's mom)
ALSO...
Non Custodial Parent,
I am supportive of (dd) visiting her father during his court ordered visits. I encourage dd to see things in a positive light and work towards making amends with you and your girlfriend. However, (dd) adamantly refuses to go and fears emotional retaliation from the two of you. Again, I will speak to (dd) daily about her visits with you and encourage her to spend time with you, I will even make sure she is available during your visitation times. Having said that under no circumstances will I "force" (dd) to visit you against her will and at a time when she is in fear or in danger of emotional abuse. I'd also appreciate it if I have an address of where she would be staying as you and your girlfriend have no permanent place of residency. I'd like to be informed not only of the address but also the names of the people who reside at that location. Finally, I (in the best interest of (dd)) would like to be assured that (dd) will be in your care exclusively during her 48 visit. She is at no time to be under the sole care of (father's girlfriend) for fear of her emotional well being and safety.
Thank you for your attention in this matter, (daughter's mom)
Dear (daughter's mom),
I have no problem providing contact information and an address for (dd) while she is with me. Let me remind you though that who (dd) is around during my parenting time is my decision. Never would I or have I allowed (dd) to be in a position where I feared for her well being, emotional or otherwise. If you fear for (dd) safety during her visits then it is important for you to let the courts know and let them decide since our parenting agreement was signed by both of us and by the judge.
Let me also remind you that (dd) had no problem coming for her weekends here until you decided to bring her into an adult conversation where she felt like she needed to choose sides. Not once have I or (girlfriend) bad-mouthed you to (dd) during my weekends, we do not feel that it is constructive. Also, anytime that (dd) is in my presence and you and I have an argument on the phone I excuse myself and I make sure that she doesn't hear any of it. Let me reassure you that that will continue.
It is important that (dd) knows that SHE is not in charge of visitation. We should present an united front and insist together that there is no other option. If you give in, you becomes an accomplice and prove to (dd) that you do not really respect my parenting role. Let me assure you that I will not give in, I feel that this would be a sign to (dd) that I don’t really care. The best plan is to work together to get (dd) to go.
This weekend I am off work, so yes, (dd) will be in my care the entire time, but know that it is not like that every weekend. There are times that I have to work and (dd) is left in the care of a competent adult, whether that is (girlfriend) or someone else of my choosing. That is MY choice. Again let me reassure you that I would never put (dd) in any kind of position where she were in danger. I am confident that if she felt uncomfortable she would come to me and talk to me.
I will be there this Friday to pick her up at 6:00PM.
Thank You,
(Me)
Dear (me) and (girlfriend),
These emails are being forwarded to my attorney as we speak. AGAIN, please do not contact me again via email.
(dd) feels unsafe around your girlfriend she shouldn't be forced to be in a situation that would leave her primarily in your girlfriend's care.
Don't you agree that all this is for (dd) best intrest? (dd) being in constant fear is not in her best interest.
I will discuss important matters concerning you, my daughter and myself with (dd) as I see fit, NOT you. (dd) does not feel comfortable talking to you because it is plain as day that you don't speak for yourself, (girlfriend) does the speaking for you.
(daughter's mom)
I'm just not sure what to do. Should I get a mediator?
