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User:Name

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I'm raising an almost 5 year old non relative. He came to live with me when he was 2 days old. He was born in prison and I agreed to help his grandma take care of him until his mother was released from prison.It ended up just being me though. When he was 6 months old, mom got out of prison but chose not to take him. Long story short, she had very little to do with him and knew nothing about his special needs and would not take him to the specialist he needed to see. When he turned 2, I filed for custody. I was given physical and legal custody with mom having standard visitation and dad has been in prison the whole time and will be for the next year so he doesn't have visitation. Mom only shows up every couple months and has brought him back 3 times now with her smelling very strongly like alcohol. He points to the wine at the store and says that's the kind of Koolaide mom drinks and that the purple one tastes really bad. She previously admitted in court that she had tried to pick him up once after she had been out drinking all night and, "probably shouldn't have been driving". His special needs make it very difficult for him to be out of his routine so when she does show up out of the blue, it is very upsetting for him. His teachers always ask me if he has visited her after he returns because they say his behavior is very different in the days following the visits. He is violent and very emotional and clingy and calls himself stupid a lot. I get a lot of messages from mom and step mom that I obviously don't work with him because he should know his ABC's and colors by now. He has FASD though and it makes it difficult for him to retain new information. He is in a school for special needs kids and receives speech, OT, and special education there. I took him to the behavior clinic at Children't hospital and he told the doctor that step mom touches him when he goes to the bathroom and that she cusses at him and spanks him with his pants down. Honestly, I don't think she's molesting him. From what it sounds like to me, she is trying to teach him how to aim better, but I still think it's VERY inappropriate for her to touch him there at all. He is almost 5 and can use the bathroom independently for the past 2 years now. He also complains that he wakes up at night there and there is no one there. He has nightmares and lots of accidents after he returns from there and will not let me leave the room without him. Anyway, based on some of the things that he told the doctor and how he flipped out after he told her, (flipped a table, ran out of the room, became very violent and upset), she thinks that he has PTSD from things that happen at mom's and she called Children Services. They are coming to interview him this week. I filed for supervised visitation already and we have a hearing in a couple weeks. I'm just wondering how I can prepare and who I need to subpoena. Should I have one of his teacher's go? I have a visitation log from the past 2 years. She has missed over 150 visits and only had 24 in almost 2 1/2 years. I just want to be prepared. I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want to take things that I can't use or miss anything that I Should be using. Thanks
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? OH

I'm raising an almost 5 year old non relative. He came to live with me when he was 2 days old. He was born in prison and I agreed to help his grandma take care of him until his mother was released from prison.It ended up just being me though. When he was 6 months old, mom got out of prison but chose not to take him. Long story short, she had very little to do with him and knew nothing about his special needs and would not take him to the specialist he needed to see. When he turned 2, I filed for custody. I was given physical and legal custody with mom having standard visitation and dad has been in prison the whole time and will be for the next year so he doesn't have visitation. Mom only shows up every couple months and has brought him back 3 times now with her smelling very strongly like alcohol. He points to the wine at the store and says that's the kind of Koolaide mom drinks and that the purple one tastes really bad. She previously admitted in court that she had tried to pick him up once after she had been out drinking all night and, "probably shouldn't have been driving". His special needs make it very difficult for him to be out of his routine so when she does show up out of the blue, it is very upsetting for him. His teachers always ask me if he has visited her after he returns because they say his behavior is very different in the days following the visits. He is violent and very emotional and clingy and calls himself stupid a lot. I get a lot of messages from mom and step mom that I obviously don't work with him because he should know his ABC's and colors by now. He has FASD though and it makes it difficult for him to retain new information. He is in a school for special needs kids and receives speech, OT, and special education there. I took him to the behavior clinic at Children't hospital and he told the doctor that step mom touches him when he goes to the bathroom and that she cusses at him and spanks him with his pants down. Honestly, I don't think she's molesting him. From what it sounds like to me, she is trying to teach him how to aim better, but I still think it's VERY inappropriate for her to touch him there at all. He is almost 5 and can use the bathroom independently for the past 2 years now. He also complains that he wakes up at night there and there is no one there. He has nightmares and lots of accidents after he returns from there and will not let me leave the room without him. Anyway, based on some of the things that he told the doctor and how he flipped out after he told her, (flipped a table, ran out of the room, became very violent and upset), she thinks that he has PTSD from things that happen at mom's and she called Children Services. They are coming to interview him this week. I filed for supervised visitation already and we have a hearing in a couple weeks. I'm just wondering how I can prepare and who I need to subpoena. Should I have one of his teacher's go? I have a visitation log from the past 2 years. She has missed over 150 visits and only had 24 in almost 2 1/2 years. I just want to be prepared. I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want to take things that I can't use or miss anything that I Should be using. Thanks
If his dad is in prison who is the "stepmom" you are talking about?
 

User:Name

Member
He has an appointment to start seeing a counselor. The one we did take him to is too far away for him to see frequently enough so we had to find one closer to home.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
He has an appointment to start seeing a counselor. The one we did take him to is too far away for him to see frequently enough so we had to find one closer to home.
That is an issue then. If this were a problem, you would have sought out consistent counseling sooner. You have no evidence that mom is to blame for his outbursts. You have assumptions. The teacher is not a witness to this. Has the teacher met mom? Has the teacher talked to mom? Or is the teacher relying on what you are stating? Does mom know where her child attends school? Is mom listed on the paperwork?
 

User:Name

Member
He has been seeing counselors and behavior specialists. I was just meaning that we are going to go somewhere new now because I want him to go more frequently, hopefully weekly. The teacher has never met mom but mom is listed on his paper work and knows where he goes. I haven't told the teacher anything about mom except to explain that I have custody and mom can have info about him but not pick him up or change anything without my consent.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
He has been seeing counselors and behavior specialists. I was just meaning that we are going to go somewhere new now because I want him to go more frequently, hopefully weekly. The teacher has never met mom but mom is listed on his paper work and knows where he goes. I haven't told the teacher anything about mom except to explain that I have custody and mom can have info about him but not pick him up or change anything without my consent.
Do any of those counselors have a reason why he behaves as he does?
 

User:Name

Member
4 year old complains that when he goes, mom tells him that he's going to go and live with her. It really upsets him and the behavior specialist thinks part of it is just that he is upset and confused by that and by the inconsistency of the visits. He doesn't see mom for anywhere from 6 weeks to 4 months and then she pops in and takes him for 2 days. We have to stand out there and wait for her just in case she shows up too, and she has only let me know ahead of time 5 times out of the over 150 visits that she has missed that she wasn't coming. I've sent her messages several times ahead of time to see if she was coming but she never responds until after she is already suppose to have been here. What concerns me the most is that she's an alcoholic and won't hold off on the drinking while she has him. I won't let him go with her obviously if she shows up drunk, but when she brings him back sometimes, she has blood shot eyes and reeks of alcohol. I call the police but they only found her once and that was when she was trying to pick him up and I didn't let her. She was cited and admitted to that one in court already.

ETA:His special needs make it very difficult for him to be out of his routine so it is especially hard on him that she just pops in after months and doesn't visit consistently, so I'm wondering if we could get something in the order that she has to visit more regularly? I'm not sure how this works, so I want to get it all figured out before I ask for anything that isn't really doable.
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
4 year old complains that when he goes, mom tells him that he's going to go and live with her. It really upsets him and the behavior specialist thinks part of it is just that he is upset and confused by that and by the inconsistency of the visits. He doesn't see mom for anywhere from 6 weeks to 4 months and then she pops in and takes him for 2 days. We have to stand out there and wait for her just in case she shows up too, and she has only let me know ahead of time 5 times out of the over 150 visits that she has missed that she wasn't coming. I've sent her messages several times ahead of time to see if she was coming but she never responds until after she is already suppose to have been here. What concerns me the most is that she's an alcoholic and won't hold off on the drinking while she has him. I won't let him go with her obviously if she shows up drunk, but when she brings him back sometimes, she has blood shot eyes and reeks of alcohol. I call the police but they only found her once and that was when she was trying to pick him up and I didn't let her. She was cited and admitted to that one in court already.

ETA:His special needs make it very difficult for him to be out of his routine so it is especially hard on him that she just pops in after months and doesn't visit consistently, so I'm wondering if we could get something in the order that she has to visit more regularly? I'm not sure how this works, so I want to get it all figured out before I ask for anything that isn't really doable.
Request the following:
1) Mom must let you know 24 hours ahead of time if she is going to exercise her visitation. If you don't hear from her, she forfeits.
2) Request orders that she not be allowed to drink at any time during her visits or for twenty four hours before.
3) Depending on the county, they may be order her to wear a scram bracelet during her visit which will report if she is drinking during. If you can get that ordered, that will help you get supervised.
4) Have it ordered that Mother must attend counseling with the child in order to understand her child's special needs.
 

User:Name

Member
Request the following:
1) Mom must let you know 24 hours ahead of time if she is going to exercise her visitation. If you don't hear from her, she forfeits.
2) Request orders that she not be allowed to drink at any time during her visits or for twenty four hours before.
3) Depending on the county, they may be order her to wear a scram bracelet during her visit which will report if she is drinking during. If you can get that ordered, that will help you get supervised.
4) Have it ordered that Mother must attend counseling with the child in order to understand her child's special needs.
Thank You! That sounds perfect. I've been taking him to his different doctors, therapist, and counselors for 4 years now and have all but begged her to go learn something about his FASD and other problems but she has refused. I didn't know they could court order her to do it. That would really help.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Thank You! That sounds perfect. I've been taking him to his different doctors, therapist, and counselors for 4 years now and have all but begged her to go learn something about his FASD and other problems but she has refused. I didn't know they could court order her to do it. That would really help.
Juvenile court can make any orders in the best interest of the child. Make sure to also serve the child's father with any changes.
 

CJane

Senior Member
No, mom is not married to her. Let's get that straight.

Next, is the child in counseling? If not, why not?
Unless we know what state Mom and her Wife live in, we can't possibly know for sure whether or not they're legally married.
 

CJane

Senior Member
They live in West Virginia but went to Maryland to get married.
They're legally married in their state of residence, then. I'd have a hard time saying Mom's legal spouse isn't Step-Mom. *I have a hard time when people say my step-kids don't have another step-mom because they don't live in a state where their marriage is recognized. They're married. Period.
 

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