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  1. #1
    debanna is offline Junior Member
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    Ex Boyfriend Is Trying to Take My Child

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?KY

    I have a son with a man who I used to date off and on, he's 8. I'm 25 years old and his father is 28 years old. His father when my son was 2 got into an argument with me because he thought I was seeing another man and during sex he cut me with a knife. He made me think he wanted to "make love" to me to get me in a vulnerable state and then took advantage of it and cut me.. It was a 2 cm cut on the inside of my leg. I went to the doctor for stitches and they asked me what happened, I told them and he was charged with rape and battery. He ended up getting an assault charge which ended up being a felony and the rape was dropped.

    Since 2005 until last year he was in our son's life because he was in prison. When my son was born he took a paternity test and he's the father. I'm not going to say I'm perfect, I have battled drug addiction for the past ten years and I'm only 25. But I've cleaned up and been to rehab, have a job, another baby and I live with my parents in a home with 4 bedrooms. My son also has my last name.

    My son's father didn't pay me any child support while in prison and he got out about a year and a half ago. He owes me about 8 grand in child support and has had a job the past year yet he didn't pay me anything. My caseworker is on it. He has visitation rights but no custody. He says he's changed but I don't believe it. He does take his son from time to time when he comes up to see him. He got off of parole last month and now I've been served with papers saying he wants to get full custody and take my rights away!

    His situation is this: He lives with his grandma in Texas and on top of owing me child support has no car of his own. He has a job making three times what I make, but he doesn't spend the money wisely. Because of our son we are facebook friends and pretty much every photo is him drinking or drunk. I know he's also had three girlfriends in the past year and tried to move in with all three of them but then they dumped him for being possessive. He failed a drug test during his parole but never went back to prison. He also got into two fights that I know of while on parole which both resulted in the other person needing stitches and for whatever reason charges were never pressed even though one of them the police had to come and put him in handcuffs to figure out what happened. Also, when he's had chances to come and see his son, he chooses not to a lot of time and gets drunk instead. Even though is parole officer told him in front of me that he could come see his son pretty much anytime all he had to do was ask. I've also begged him to call him more often and he never calls him. I don't understand why he wants custody but to hurt me or stop the child support. If he's 8 grand in debt, when would someone go to jail for non support?

    I'm just wondering if the court would ever give anyone like him custody of a child? I want him to be in our child's life, but he's dangerous. He hurt me, and I can get over that if he's changed because our son should have a relationship with his dad no matter what he did to me. I'm not interested in him romantically, I just want my child to be happy. But I don't think he has his ducks in a row and I can't afford a lawyer. But I have a job, am not on drugs, I have a drug abuse counselor that I've been seeing weekly and now monthly for the past year who can vouch that I'm so far an ex drug addict and I don't plan on going back. But my drug abuse history and the fact I live with my parents scares me. But my son has two grandparents, a mother, a sister and two aunts who are with him all the time and he has lots of loving people around him. Where as if he was with his father, even with all the other stuff he has going on, he'd have noone but his father and his grandmother. I'm just scared.
    Last edited by debanna; 07-07-2012 at 10:54 PM.
  2. #2
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by debanna View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?KY

    I have a son with a man who I used to date off and on, he's 8. I'm 25 years old and his father is 28 years old. His father when my son was 2 got into an argument with me because he thought I was seeing another man and during sex he cut me with a knife. He made me think he wanted to "make love" to me to get me in a vulnerable state and then took advantage of it and cut me.. It was a 2 cm cut on the inside of my leg. I went to the doctor for stitches and they asked me what happened, I told them and he was charged with rape and battery. He ended up getting an assault charge which ended up being a felony and the rape was dropped.

    Since 2005 until last year he was in our son's life because he was in prison. When my son was born he took a paternity test and he's the father. I'm not going to say I'm perfect, I have battled drug addiction for the past ten years and I'm only 25. But I've cleaned up and been to rehab, have a job, another baby and I live with my parents in a home with 4 bedrooms. My son also has my last name.

    My son's father didn't pay me any child support while in prison and he got out about a year and a half ago. He owes me about 8 grand in child support and has had a job the past year yet he didn't pay me anything. My caseworker is on it. He has visitation rights but no custody. He says he's changed but I don't believe it. He does take his son from time to time when he comes up to see him. He got off of parole last month and now I've been served with papers saying he wants to get full custody and take my rights away!

    His situation is this: He lives with his grandma in Texas and on top of owing me child support has no car of his own. He has a job making three times what I make, but he doesn't spend the money wisely. Because of our son we are facebook friends and pretty much every photo is him drinking or drunk. I know he's also had three girlfriends in the past year and tried to move in with all three of them but then they dumped him for being possessive. He failed a drug test during his parole but never went back to prison. He also got into two fights that I know of while on parole which both resulted in the other person needing stitches and for whatever reason charges were never pressed even though one of them the police had to come and put him in handcuffs to figure out what happened. Also, when he's had chances to come and see his son, he chooses not to a lot of time and gets drunk instead. Even though is parole officer told him in front of me that he could come see his son pretty much anytime all he had to do was ask. I've also begged him to call him more often and he never calls him. I don't understand why he wants custody but to hurt me or stop the child support. If he's 8 grand in debt, when would someone go to jail for non support?

    I'm just wondering if the court would ever give anyone like him custody of a child? I want him to be in our child's life, but he's dangerous. He hurt me, and I can get over that. But I don't think he has his ducks in a row and I can't afford a lawyer. But I have a job, am not on drugs, I have a drug abuse counselor that I've been seeing weekly and now monthly for the past year who can vouch that I'm so far an ex drug addict and I don't plan on going back.
    Breathe. Status quo is on your side. Where did Dad file? If he filed in Texas, then you need to let Texas know that they do not have jurisdiction.
  3. #3
    debanna is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGeekess View Post
    Breathe. Status quo is on your side. Where did Dad file? If he filed in Texas, then you need to let Texas know that they do not have jurisdiction.
    He filed in my state. KY. But he lives in Texas and doesn't plan on moving because of his job. I mean, what would he have to do as far as status quo is concerned? Wouldn't the fact that he violently attacked the mother of his child be enough to make sure he never has full custody?? Even if he got his own place and car??
  4. #4
    gr8rn is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by debanna View Post
    He filed in my state. KY. But he lives in Texas and doesn't plan on moving because of his job. I mean, what would he have to do as far as status quo is concerned? Wouldn't the fact that he violently attacked the mother of his child be enough to make sure he never has full custody?? Even if he got his own place and car??
    Status quo means your child has lived with you all of his life. He couldn't have custody unless he could prove you unfit and nothing you have said indicates that he has any chance at all. Don't worry. He won't get what he is asking for.
  5. #5
    TheGeekess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by debanna View Post
    He filed in my state. KY. But he lives in Texas and doesn't plan on moving because of his job. I mean, what would he have to do as far as status quo is concerned? Wouldn't the fact that he violently attacked the mother of his child be enough to make sure he never has full custody?? Even if he got his own place and car??
    So, have you been served or is it just Dad running his mouth?

    If you've been served, what do the papers say Dad is asking for?
  6. #6
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGeekess View Post
    So, have you been served or is it just Dad running his mouth?

    If you've been served, what do the papers say Dad is asking for?


    These are the important questions, yeap!
  7. #7
    Blue Meanie is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheGeekess View Post
    So, have you been served or is it just Dad running his mouth?

    If you've been served, what do the papers say Dad is asking for?
    He got off of parole last month and now I've been served with papers saying he wants to get full custody and take my rights away!
    **************************************************************************************************
  8. #8
    st-kitts is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by debanna View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?KY

    But I don't think he has his ducks in a row and I can't afford a lawyer. But I have a job, am not on drugs, I have a drug abuse counselor that I've been seeing weekly and now monthly for the past year who can vouch that I'm so far an ex drug addict and I don't plan on going back. But my drug abuse history and the fact I live with my parents scares me.
    There is nothing wrong with living with your parents. Have you asked your drug abuse counselor if they are aware of any legal aid resources? Maybe they have some suggestions.

    In terms of his filing, the biggest thing I can think to tell you is don't ignore any court appearance or response. Failing to appear or ignoring the requirements of the courts is the quickest way to lose by default. So, if you get court papers saying you must respond or you must show up, take the dates and times seriously. If it says you need to respond, maybe someone here can give you some tips to respond.

    Good luck!
  9. #9
    debanna is offline Junior Member
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    The papers say that he's asking for full custody of our child. So basically I have full custody now, he has visitation. He wants to switch it and take our child full time and me have visitation. I have to respond by thirty days. I talked to him and he said that if I respond and say that I won't give him up then we'll have to go in front of a judge and his lawyer is going to ask for the judge to investigate my parenting skills. Basically having CPS come to my home and also me submit to a drug test.

    This happened to one of my sisters. She lost custody of her child because she is a drug addict. She does not live here because she's in jail right now because she got caught with methamphetamines and was with a person who had a mobile meth lab. But she's not me. We don't support what she does and she can't live here if she's on drugs. So I think he's thinking that if my sister lost custody of her kid then I must be doing the same thing. My parents don't do drugs and have for years tried so hard to keep us out of that lifestyle. It's just all around us. Our house is clean, not the best house, but it's clean and safe. So I know they can't use anything like that against us. My parents work and they have a good name, just us kids have ruined ours by running around and using drugs but I'm trying to get over that and move on and actually have a life for my two babies. Because I do have another child.

    I'm just going to be honest and maybe some of you might be able to tell me if I'll have a hard time. I do have issues, but my child is taken care of. My little girl, I did have to have three men do a paternity test before I found out who the father was. I learned from that, but that's still the reality and my ex is throwing that around saying I can't be a good parent because of that. But my little girl's father is in her life, we are not together. I've had two boyfriends and one of them is now in jail and isn't getting out because he's going to prison for 20 years for a violent crime. The last one I had used to be my ex's friend and yeah, he has been in trouble too. I come from a really rough area and everyone I know is either in jail or has been in jail or prison. That's just how it is in my town and I sure don't have the money to leave. But I've left all of that and I can't help what other people do. I'm done with bad boys and all that. But I'm scared he can use this stuff against me because most people who have a kid wouldn't date a bunch of men who have been or are in jail/prison. It's just that that's about all there is around here and these are people I grew up with and have known them for years. Three months ago I decided that if I had to be alone forever, I'd never date another local boy I know or anyone who is or has been in jail. That was part of my therapy to get away from people who would put me into situations where I might use again.
    Last edited by debanna; 07-08-2012 at 10:48 PM.

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