ex has drug problem

[arieus]

What is the name of your state? north carolina
i believe my ex has a problem with cocaine. custody has not been set yet (we have to go thru 2 mediation sessions) but it hasn't been an issue since he has been so busy partying that he doesn't seem concerned about where his child is. my question is this:when is the proper place to bring this up to ensure that when he does sober up long enough to see his child (1 year old) the visitation will be monitored for the safety of the child? i have not kept him from visiting (he has not attempted to visit) but i am terrified that he will show up messed up on drugs and the baby won't be safe with him unsupervised. i have asked his mother and father if they would be willing to supervise visitation and they both have agreed if the court allows it, and on that note, will they require drug testing to force him to clean up? he was a really good dad before, and i know that if he got off the drugs he would be there for his son. any advice on how to make this happen would be appreciated!

 

[djohnson]

Are you going through an attorney to do this? What have they said? It should be something you put in the order but you will have to show proof and not just what you think in order to get the judge to agree that if the dad contests it.

 

[arieus]

i haven't gotten an attorney, i am hoping to make it thru the process without one. my ex hasn't come to any of the hearings so far, but i was thinking that maybe i could bring it up when we go to mediation? would that be the right time to voice concerns like that? at the last hearing i was told that if he doesn't show up to the next one, mediation will be closed and we will go to trial...at some point it seems like we should get to explain what is going on in the household, right?

 

[lobbier]

I reside in IN, and my sister had the same problem. Ex brother-in-law was severly entangled with drugs. Sister and her attorney did bring this up in court, and were quite concerned about the children being around that life style the ex had choosen to pursue.

The ex openly admitted he had a drug problem in court, however, the judge still done nothing. Doesn't make sense to any of us.

You can have two of the same cases with two totally different outcomes. You never know...

 

[arieus]

uh oh, that may be a bad thing. my ex will never admit it...despite to 50 lbs (or so) that he lost in the last couple months of our relationship. i went so far as to give him a drug test. i stupidly let him know i was bringing it over and he had an hour and a half heads up before i got there. when he filled the cup, the temperature didn't even register (has to be at least 90 degrees)...so i know he tampered with it (or went and got his best friends pee!) the point being that i know he will fail a drug test if the courts administer it, but i am not sure how to pursue it.

 

[djohnson]

Also just some info for you. Depending on the typr drug he is using there are things he can buy to drink that will make them not show up in his urine, and show a negative effect. I am not a drug expert but know there is differences. If given a choice a blood test is best or hair. They are also more expensive and someone will need to eat that cost. The courts aren't. I know you can do this alone but with heavier issues an attorney would be a wise decision.

 

[stealth2]

A court may not be willing to order drug tests unless you have proof that he's using. I would really suggest an attorney.

 

[purpledragon]

I have the same issue. I have talked to 2 different attourneys, and when it came time to go to court, the drug issue was never brought up. They can easily fake a drug test. Hair included. for some odd reason, the bio shaves his head before court every time. Plus there are several hair shampoos that supposedly remove the toxins for about 6 hours. I wish they would do surprise drug tests right there in the courthouse. Or, have an officer or other official escort the parties to where ever they have to get the test taken at. There has to be a way around this.

 

[arieus]

i didn't think it would be that difficult! we have to go to a couple sessions of mediation before we go to court (if he shows up) so i thought that would be the best time and place...i wanted to have his visitation supervised (by his mom or dad) until he cleans up...now what do i do?

 

[djohnson]

You really really really really need to get an attorney if you feel that strongly about it. We can give you little pieces of advice and information here but it will not help you if he has proper representation and you are on your on. It may cost more but you need it. Check into legal aid and see if you can get help.

 

[Grace_Adler]

Arieus, call 1-800-662-7660. It is the no. to the NC Bar Association. Ask them to refer you to a family attorney in your area. Once they do, call the attorney's office to schedule an appt. and tell them the bar referred you. With a referral they can only charge you $35.

 

[arieus]

thank you so much for that number...i don't qualify for legal aid...their income guidelines are ridiculous, they said i couldn't make more than $18K...i would be living under a bridge making that amount, but with 2 kids i don't know how i could afford an attorney on my own. i am going to call that number this afternoon and see if i can get an appointment.
oh, and he definatley will not have an attorney...he doesn't show up to any of the hearings (for support or custody) and from i have heard, he is so far off in la-la land that none of this is real to him. he just got evicted last week and him and the nasty slut that he cheated on me with are staying temporarily at a relatives house-she has had her child taken away from her already-i can only assume for the same reason.
Thanks again!

 

[Grace_Adler]

Good Luck. Let us know what you found out.

 

[Chassa]

please come back and let us know how it went. my situation is similar to yours - i am trying to find an attorney and figure out how to get proof...they are expensive, but i feel so hopeless and know on my own i would be a ball of tears - best of luck! the best advice i have gotten so far is to document, document, document.

 

[arieus]

document...wow, my ex's dad has been drilling THAT point into me. i did a good job at first, but now i haven't heard from my ex since the beginning of jan so i haven't had anything to write down, and it doesn't seem too credible to write down things that i hear from others (even if i know they are true) it's really crazy to me that we are going thru this, he is a completely differant person-now even his best friend is saying he has turned into a crack-head.
i called the bar yesterday. after a mere 30 minutes on hold, i got a referral that i set up an appointment with on thursday. it's a good thing the first 30 minutes are pretty cheap, because it jumps to $210 an hour afterwards!! jeez, don't they realize that if you are there in the first place, chances are you're probably NOT loaded, or else you could have gotten a PI to get the info for you??
i will be sure to let you guys know how it goes, it sounds like there are a lot of people in my shoes--sad, isn't it? it seems like such a crazy situation that it would be moderately isolated.