Ex Has Unstable Life

[FrustratedMom16]

Live in Kentucky

Currently my ex is violating 5 parts of our settlement. Past owed child support, owed payments for daughter's therapy, smoking around kids, telling me where he's living, expired tags on car (he tends to lose his license)
We have a 40/50 timeshare arrangement. My ex lived with his mother 1.5 years, got an apartment and about 10 months later lost it and moved in with his brother and lied about doing so. He even lied and confused our 6 year old about it. His brother kicked him out and he had to take kids to a hotel during Xmas break. I've had the kids for the last 2 weeks straight since he can't get an apartment probably due to his ruined credit. His phone was turned off for non payment and once he gets in trouble over illegally driving his car, he'll lose the pizza delivery job he took just before we finalized the divorce to try and lower his child support payments. He also racked up thousands in credit card debt during our divorce (which took 1.5 years). He wants the kids but I requested no overnights as I do not think living in a hotel during a school week (he gets them Tuesday night to Friday morning) is acceptable. It would also be the 3rd place they lived with him in 3 months. I want to know if such instability is grounds to have the timeshare arrangement changed. I know it's impacting my son but I doubt I could get a professional to write anything. He has been seeing a counselor but not nearly long enough. Does ruined credit, massive debt, inability to pay normal bills, driving illegally, moving around and living in a hotel and repeated settlement violations count towards being too unstable to have the children so often?
Also, whenever I take him to court for anything (I have a DVO and he tried to force his way into my car to get to my boyfriend of 2 years) his lawyer throws out every single false claim she can think of. They like to accuse me of child abuse or claim my boyfriend spanks the kids (he doesn't, kids say he doesn't). I've even been reported to CPS but nothing came of it since nothing is happening. However, it seems like the court just buys whatever even though it's clearly a retaliation tactic. He's never pursued anything from it probably because it would be too expensive to only have it disproven. It does keep me from taking him to court though just in case one day the judge decides he could never ever lie despite all the documented cases of him doing so.
How to I combat the false claims (I've gotten affidavits from some ppl already) and should I halt the overnight visits and can I even do that?

 

[CTU]

Live in Kentucky

Currently my ex is violating 5 parts of our settlement. Past owed child support, owed payments for daughter's therapy, smoking around kids, telling me where he's living, expired tags on car (he tends to lose his license)
We have a 40/50 timeshare arrangement. My ex lived with his mother 1.5 years, got an apartment and about 10 months later lost it and moved in with his brother and lied about doing so. He even lied and confused our 6 year old about it. His brother kicked him out and he had to take kids to a hotel during Xmas break. I've had the kids for the last 2 weeks straight since he can't get an apartment probably due to his ruined credit. His phone was turned off for non payment and once he gets in trouble over illegally driving his car, he'll lose the pizza delivery job he took just before we finalized the divorce to try and lower his child support payments. He also racked up thousands in credit card debt during our divorce (which took 1.5 years). He wants the kids but I requested no overnights as I do not think living in a hotel during a school week (he gets them Tuesday night to Friday morning) is acceptable. It would also be the 3rd place they lived with him in 3 months. I want to know if such instability is grounds to have the timeshare arrangement changed. I know it's impacting my son but I doubt I could get a professional to write anything. He has been seeing a counselor but not nearly long enough. Does ruined credit, massive debt, inability to pay normal bills, driving illegally, moving around and living in a hotel and repeated settlement violations count towards being too unstable to have the children so often?
Also, whenever I take him to court for anything (I have a DVO and he tried to force his way into my car to get to my boyfriend of 2 years) his lawyer throws out every single false claim she can think of. They like to accuse me of child abuse or claim my boyfriend spanks the kids (he doesn't, kids say he doesn't). I've even been reported to CPS but nothing came of it since nothing is happening. However, it seems like the court just buys whatever even though it's clearly a retaliation tactic. He's never pursued anything from it probably because it would be too expensive to only have it disproven. It does keep me from taking him to court though just in case one day the judge decides he could never ever lie despite all the documented cases of him doing so.
How to I combat the false claims (I've gotten affidavits from some ppl already) and should I halt the overnight visits and can I even do that?

You follow your court order to the word until the order is changed.

(It is, after all, an order and not a suggestion)

If you wish to try and modify the current arrangement, you're free to do so. Be aware that parents can retain their parental rights (including visitation and partial custody) even if they are living in a hotel or motel; your feelings about it are not important.

You should also probably keep your boyfriend away during pick-up and drop-off if you're not doing that already.

 

[FrustratedMom16]

You follow your court order to the word until the order is changed.

(It is, after all, an order and not a suggestion)

If you wish to try and modify the current arrangement, you're free to do so. Be aware that parents can retain their parental rights (including visitation and partial custody) even if they are living in a hotel or motel; your feelings about it are not important.

You should also probably keep your boyfriend away during pick-up and drop-off if you're not doing that already.

I wasn't requesting if I could not follow my order. And you totally ignored the entire argument about paying his bills. As for the boyfriend, I have a DVO. I'm not showing up at pick up and drop offs alone and I've been with the guy for 2 years. He lives with me. No court has the right to micromanage me like that. My ex should control himself. I divorced so I wouldn't have to tip toe around him anymore.

 

[Ohiogal]

I wasn't requesting if I could not follow my order. And you totally ignored the entire argument about paying his bills. As for the boyfriend, I have a DVO. I'm not showing up at pick up and drop offs alone and I've been with the guy for 2 years. He lives with me. No court has the right to micromanage me like that. My ex should control himself. I divorced so I wouldn't have to tip toe around him anymore.

Poor parents can have custody of their children. Your arguments matter not. And yes, a court has a right to say boyfriend CANNOT attend pick up and drop off. You should get off your high horse.

 

[stealth2]

I wasn't requesting if I could not follow my order. And you totally ignored the entire argument about paying his bills. As for the boyfriend, I have a DVO. I'm not showing up at pick up and drop offs alone and I've been with the guy for 2 years. He lives with me. No court has the right to micromanage me like that. My ex should control himself. I divorced so I wouldn't have to tip toe around him anymore.

Now, I suggest you pay a lawyer for advice. Have a great day.

 

[FrustratedMom16]

Well, obviously the courts are biased. I was told that simply being behind on a utility bill could cause me to lose custody but he can lose his home and basically ignore the settlement and that's perfectly ok. By the way, he's not "poor," he's irresponsible. And it isn't "custody" it's timeshare. Custody is decision rights, timeshare is how much time they spend with whom. But apparently I have a "high horse" because I'm concerned for the best interests of my children. How awful am I. I'll just back off and let him probably damage my son's respiratory system like the doctor thinks is happening and tell the counselor sorry my son won't get over his issues, Daddy is allowed to screw with his mental stability by not properly providing.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, obviously the courts are biased. I was told that simply being behind on a utility bill could cause me to lose custody but he can lose his home and basically ignore the settlement and that's perfectly ok. By the way, he's not "poor," he's irresponsible. And it isn't "custody" it's timeshare. Custody is decision rights, timeshare is how much time they spend with whom. But apparently I have a "high horse" because I'm concerned for the best interests of my children. How awful am I. I'll just back off and let him probably damage my son's respiratory system like the doctor thinks is happening and tell the counselor sorry my son won't get over his issues, Daddy is allowed to screw with his mental stability by not properly providing.

Who told you that you could lose custody if you were behind on a utility bill?...Because that is just absurd.

I empathize with how you are feeling. I doubt that any of us would be happy if our children were living the way that yours are 3 days a week. The problem however is that the law does not view things that way.

Poor people, people who are stupid with money, people who have little to nothing are still allowed to have their children. The law is not going to step in unless the children are actually sleeping on the streets or in a car.

If the law will not step in, then you have no valid reason to disobey your court orders...and only a minimal chance that a judge would modify the parenting orders.

However, you might be able to get the judge to hammer down on him for smoking around the children.

 

[Ohiogal]

Well, obviously the courts are biased. I was told that simply being behind on a utility bill could cause me to lose custody but he can lose his home and basically ignore the settlement and that's perfectly ok. By the way, he's not "poor," he's irresponsible. And it isn't "custody" it's timeshare. Custody is decision rights, timeshare is how much time they spend with whom. But apparently I have a "high horse" because I'm concerned for the best interests of my children. How awful am I. I'll just back off and let him probably damage my son's respiratory system like the doctor thinks is happening and tell the counselor sorry my son won't get over his issues, Daddy is allowed to screw with his mental stability by not properly providing.

Your attitude sucks. Being behind on a utility bill would not cause you to lose custody. Being poor or even irresponsible is not going to lose dad "timeshare". Custody is more than just decisions rights as there are TWO types of custody but continue on your merry little way with your ignorance. How is dad going to screw with your son's mental stability but not your daughter's by not properly providing? You haven't stated dad is not feeding the children or giving them a roof over their head or making sure they are warm. You quite frankly need to hire an attorney.

 

[stealth2]

Well, obviously the courts are biased. I was told that simply being behind on a utility bill could cause me to lose custody but he can lose his home and basically ignore the settlement and that's perfectly ok. By the way, he's not "poor," he's irresponsible. And it isn't "custody" it's timeshare. Custody is decision rights, timeshare is how much time they spend with whom. But apparently I have a "high horse" because I'm concerned for the best interests of my children. How awful am I. I'll just back off and let him probably damage my son's respiratory system like the doctor thinks is happening and tell the counselor sorry my son won't get over his issues, Daddy is allowed to screw with his mental stability by not properly providing.

Oh please - your attitude will do as much to screw with kiddo's head as anything Dad is doing. Really. Now go find that lawyer.

 

[CTU]

I wasn't requesting if I could not follow my order.

Did you forget what you wrote? Here, I'll remind you:

"should I halt the overnight visits and can I even do that?"

And you totally ignored the entire argument about paying his bills.

Because that's exactly what the court will do.

We do not remove or restrict parental rights because the parent is poor.

As for the boyfriend, I have a DVO.

That's nice. Does your DVO give your boyfriend permission to step in if Dad becomes mouthy? No? Well, then.

How about you get the order modified to have exchanges take place at the local police station? Win/win, surely? Boyfriend's presence isn't required, and hence no chance that Dad will try to use that against you.

I'm not showing up at pick up and drop offs alone and I've been with the guy for 2 years. He lives with me. No court has the right to micromanage me like that.

Oh, the court has every right to micromanage parents who can't do it themselves. Did you know the court can order the parent to make sure the significant other is not present at all during parenting time. Don't believe me? Read these forums.

. My ex should control himself. I divorced so I wouldn't have to tip toe around him anymore.

Do you not understand that it can be considered a hostile and antagonistic move on your part?

You have a lot to learn, madam.

 

[FrustratedMom16]

Did you forget what you wrote? Here, I'll remind you:

"should I halt the overnight visits and can I even do that?"



Because that's exactly what the court will do.

We do not remove or restrict parental rights because the parent is poor.



That's nice. Does your DVO give your boyfriend permission to step in if Dad becomes mouthy? No? Well, then.

How about you get the order modified to have exchanges take place at the local police station? Win/win, surely? Boyfriend's presence isn't required, and hence no chance that Dad will try to use that against you.



Oh, the court has every right to micromanage parents who can't do it themselves. Did you know the court can order the parent to make sure the significant other is not present at all during parenting time. Don't believe me? Read these forums.



Do you not understand that it can be considered a hostile and antagonistic move on your part?

You have a lot to learn, madam.

We DO meet at the police roll call center and yet, once again, he tried to get in my car while I called the cops. He held my kids hostage in his car and attempted to get in mine and I tried to go get an officer before he came to my car but the door was locked and 911 was friggin busy. Being married to someone in the past does not mean I should have to put up with such behavior. If you want to say, well the courts will disagree, then I say women need to stand up for themselves until it all stops. It's stupid to think his actions toward me are ONLY ever going to be toward me. As for all the other details: He lost the winter coats I bought and now refuses to send them to school in one, will even send them in t-shirts at 35 degrees out and in pants with holes the size of my forearm. I started keeping and replacing all the clothes he sends that are way too small (size 3t on a 6 year old!?)
He is truant to the point where I informed the truancy officer to go after him, not me, it's not my doing, if he gets his license suspended AGAIN one of two will happen: 1. He will be arrested possibly with my kids in the car and they'll be sent to CPS until someone contacts me, not ok. 2. He'll be in a wreck while driving illegally and if my kids are present there is no insurance to cover anything that may happen to them, not his decision. Don't go on about health insurance, that's not what I mean. My daughter's thoughts on the matter are not included because she is special needs and while he likes to claim she said this or that in court, any of her 5 therapists will tell you she did not. Also, I had to get her extra therapy because he kept being so late for her school that she was missing her therapy. He bad mouths me and my boyfriend to the kids. He likes to take chances like Boy Scout meetings to come over and threaten to run my boyfriend over with his car.
Also, my lawyer is the one who said being behind on bills suggests instability. I have a lawyer, but she's cheap since he cost me $8k for refusal to sign papers and lying on interrogatories and petty nonsense just for the divorce. So I've been trying to talk to her but I need to know if I can halt overnights by having a rushed motion that gets me in court by Tuesday. So I'm trying to learn exactly what I should do based on legal advice and personal experience. Instead, I'm being treated like the worst person ever for basically expecting a proper place for my kids and for my ex to follow court orders. Yes, clearly I'm just the worst.

 

[cbg]

No. You cannot halt overnights by having a rushed motion that gets you into court by Tuesday. I hope that this is now clear to you.

You need to follow the court order To The Letter until the order is changed. I'm sorry if you don't like the legally correct answer but that is what it is.

 

[stealth2]

There is really nothing there that warrants an emergency hearing.

 

[CTU]

We DO meet at the police roll call center and yet, once again, he tried to get in my car while I called the cops. He held my kids hostage in his car and attempted to get in mine and I tried to go get an officer before he came to my car but the door was locked and 911 was friggin busy. Being married to someone in the past does not mean I should have to put up with such behavior. If you want to say, well the courts will disagree, then I say women need to stand up for themselves until it all stops. It's stupid to think his actions toward me are ONLY ever going to be toward me. As for all the other details: He lost the winter coats I bought and now refuses to send them to school in one, will even send them in t-shirts at 35 degrees out and in pants with holes the size of my forearm. I started keeping and replacing all the clothes he sends that are way too small (size 3t on a 6 year old!?)
He is truant to the point where I informed the truancy officer to go after him, not me, it's not my doing, if he gets his license suspended AGAIN one of two will happen: 1. He will be arrested possibly with my kids in the car and they'll be sent to CPS until someone contacts me, not ok. 2. He'll be in a wreck while driving illegally and if my kids are present there is no insurance to cover anything that may happen to them, not his decision. Don't go on about health insurance, that's not what I mean. My daughter's thoughts on the matter are not included because she is special needs and while he likes to claim she said this or that in court, any of her 5 therapists will tell you she did not. Also, I had to get her extra therapy because he kept being so late for her school that she was missing her therapy. He bad mouths me and my boyfriend to the kids. He likes to take chances like Boy Scout meetings to come over and threaten to run my boyfriend over with his car.
Also, my lawyer is the one who said being behind on bills suggests instability. I have a lawyer, but she's cheap since he cost me $8k for refusal to sign papers and lying on interrogatories and petty nonsense just for the divorce. So I've been trying to talk to her but I need to know if I can halt overnights by having a rushed motion that gets me in court by Tuesday. So I'm trying to learn exactly what I should do based on legal advice and personal experience. Instead, I'm being treated like the worst person ever for basically expecting a proper place for my kids and for my ex to follow court orders. Yes, clearly I'm just the worst.

You need to read what was actually written before responding to what you think was written.

You're welcome.

 

[LdiJ]

No. You cannot halt overnights by having a rushed motion that gets you into court by Tuesday. I hope that this is now clear to you.

You need to follow the court order To The Letter until the order is changed. I'm sorry if you don't like the legally correct answer but that is what it is.

Maybe the better wording is that its unlikely that a judge would view this as something requiring emergency action. Emergency orders ARE a legitimate legal reality.