• FreeAdvice has a new Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, effective May 25, 2018.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our Terms of Service and use of cookies.

ex living in motel with children

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills   Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

Status
Not open for further replies.
L

Linda Joyce

Guest
I understand what you are going thru, I've been thru it in Ohio, I can possibly give some advice , feel free to email me.
 


annefan

Member
Re: To Kat and Anne

Cheeka said:
I don't know who you think you are coming onto a site like this and being so rude and inaccurate as well. As far as me being out of the picture, I just want to say that when my hubby goes to work, who takes care of THEIR child. I DO! Everything in his life affects mine and our family.

I 'come off' on this site from PERSONAL experience especially with the part about DISENGAGING in stepfamily situations. What I told you is absolutely accurate...and if you don't get it now, you will soon, trust me. Simple solution: Your husband needs to make appropriate provisions for the babysitting of HIS children. YOU are not their MOTHER, never will be their mother, and you will never bear the legal and/or emotional responsibilities of THEIR children. They simply are not yours and never will be, barring death of the custodial mother AND father's approval of your possible adopting. If 'everything in his life affects' you and your children, you might need some counseling to fix a possible co-dependent personal need.

Again, blunt but accurate. Thank you very much for reading.
 
M

mikesonlyangel

Guest
I thought that when you became a STEP MOTHER that you took on responibility of the mother when the child was in your home, hence the title, sorry but jmo. And why is it that people can be so nasty to other people in here, sorry but why not stick to the subject of the post. she asked a question, answer it and go on, what does it help to make nasty hurtful remarks anyhow????
 

annefan

Member
mikesonlyangel said:
I thought that when you became a STEP MOTHER that you took on responibility of the mother when the child was in your home, hence the title, sorry but jmo. And why is it that people can be so nasty to other people in here, sorry but why not stick to the subject of the post. she asked a question, answer it and go on, what does it help to make nasty hurtful remarks anyhow????

No nasty intentions. Simple facts. Taking on responsibilities of mother to ANYONE else's children gives a person no RIGHTS. Legal or otherwise. If anything, the belief that stepmothering/fathering involves such responsibilities will only leave you with feelings of despair, frustration, anxiety, anger, etc. etc. etc.
I am a stepmother to (count 'em) five children ranging from 9 to 20 yrs old, and I have developed a friendship with every one of them, however, I never can/never will be their mother. They have 2 biological parents who are responsible for them and my place in their lives will never overstep that boundary. If you think that stepmothers/fathers do successfully position themselves in that way, you let me know about them. Because the truth of the matter is that 78%+ of remarrieds with children from previous marriages/relationships end up with recurrent divorce...why? You get the picture.
 

misslawli

Member
Mainly for mikesonlyangel....

There is not meant to be any nasty intentions. Also this is just to shed some light on the situation, I am not attacking you or Cheeka in any way shape or form. They(Anne & kat) give straight forward legal advice. Why should they sugar coat the situation? There's not much mercy here. And there is even less in courtroom. A Judge has absolutely no tolerance for ignorance nor attitude. Do you think the other attorney is going to be stickey sweet and lovey dovey??:rolleyes: The reality is if she can't handle this then she either better stay home from court or suck it up. And The other posters are right, this is the fathers responsibility. As far as the courts are concerned she is a legal stranger. That is just the way it is.
 
S

shuga24

Guest
kat1963 said:
>>My husband is about to go off.

Apparently, that is his problem...he just can't stop sharing!!! Didn't anyone tell him he didn't need to populate the world himself? Let's see, 3 with one ex, 1 another, 1 with you. Five children, 3 different women..sheessh, no wonder he's bankrupt!

Listen, if she violated the court order by not allowing holiday visitation & moving without notice, then file a motion to show cause/contempt. Check the local court house website, most have the forms on line. If not, they are usually available at the court house, or copies at the local law library.

Most states have free or low cost vasectomies available. Health insurance usually covers most if not all. In addition, health insurance costs are sometimes lowered when there is a newborn waiver.

KAT
[/QUOTE That was a little harsh it doesn't matter how many kids he has and with who. That is not part of any legal advice.
 
M

mikesonlyangel

Guest
I really think that the mods here have a hard time keeping up or comments like "keeping their legs closed" would have no place in here. This is an advice area and that is what should be here, the battling suckS, did you know this website is known for ripping peoples head off, there are tons of people that have told me that this is what goes on here and that if you want advice not to go here, sad people won't come for advice just because they have to worry about having their heads ripped off, no one said it would be easy going to court but who made you their judge and jury? God forbid someone really needs help and you treat them decently. maybe I am wrong to say anything, but maybe you should think of how you would want to feel. and the one poster that said the thing about the deal not being advice Ita. Figure I won't be allowed here after this, but come on have you all become so hard from all your battles in court that you can't give advice in a easy way, instead of a mean and (if i tear your head off and treat you bad it is ok since youll have that experience in court way)?
 
T

TexasNative

Guest
Cheeka said:
What is the name of your state? Ohio
We are having a problem with the ex just picking up and moving from town to town and not notifying us. We were supposed to have my stepdaughter for Christmas but her mother yanked her out of school for the second time and took off with her a week before Christmas.

*** "We"? This is not your place to involve yourself in a matter between the biological parents.


When you are a part of one of the biological parents, it IS WE...She is involved in his everyday life, to include his children and everything that involves them..


We found her last week and they are living in a motel. My stepdaughter spent Christmas in a motel with no tree when she could have been here with us in a home.

*** Wherever the custodial parent resides is of no concern to you so long as it is not in a cardboard box on the street, and even then, it is of concern to the child's non-custodial parent...not you.

It is every concern of "THEIRS"... This is something that obviously was discussed between the biological parent and her, which constitues "WE".. It sounds to me that "THEY" have alot of concern for his children and wanting them to have a normal childhood and living in Hotel after Hotel and not having a Christmas Tree, especially being 5 years old.....Shows no stability to me...After all we learn from our parents....What is that going to teach the child.?????.


She does not allow the scheduled visitation because she is jealous of me.

*** And for a minute, place yourself in HER shoes. Perhaps you annoy her because you overstep your bounds in matters concerning THEIR child.

Sound to me like the biological mother is selfish, as she is thinking of herself and not the child. They, which constitutes on her part "WE", have every right to want to see the child, and the child has every right to see her dad. When the judge orders visitation, and the orders are set, it isn't "overstepping" your bounds to want to have the order inforced. That is the reason they have visitation is because it is healthy for the children. The younger ones only know that their mother and father aren't together anymore, they are too young to understand why, that is why it is important for them to be able to see both.


It has been 3 years since they divorced and my husband has a right to see his daughter. She loves to be here with us. She is only 5. Her other ex-husband is fighting for custody of their 15 year old son. We tried to do this the nice way but it did not work. I have been trying to get an atty for a week now and no one wants to take the case, even though they say we have a great one.

*** Again, "we" don't have a case, the non-custodial father might. Perhaps you misinterpreted the attorneys' reluctance to represent YOU.

The attorney doesn't have to represent "her", as the attorney represents "them", as she would put it "WE". If the step parent, shouldn't have anything to do with the child support, child custody, etc. then why does the Attorney Generals Office send out letters to the Step Parent's to sign to be "involved"?


We have everything documented. My husband is about to go off. I don't know who else to turn too. Any suggestions would be appreciated. We are not wanting to take the child from her mother but we have no choice here. She deserves to have a home.
*** Then your husband should 'go off' and speak to an attorney himself, and without your interference.

Wrong answer.... The Attorney's and Judge's want to see a stable family enviornment. When a couple joins in marriage, it constitues "we". They share everything in life from that point on, to include money matters, where they live, where they work, and THE KIDS, to include their own and STEP kids. If you are in a relationship where you have NO SAY on what your step kids do, or what goes on, then you are in the wrong relationship, and THAT is what causes divorces. When a step parent "CARES", that shows the children more than just sitting back and basically saying "you are not mine, get out of my face".


I don't care if the child is your step child or not, you have every right to treat them as your own when they are in your care... When they are not in your care, you still have every right to worry about them, and to try to make it better for them if they are in an unstable situation.


Now seeing that this is an advice column, I am going to give her my advice... Contact your Attorney General's Office or the state that the Divorce was given, and have them send your husband papers for you to sign, stating that you have every legal right in the case of the children. Your husband would have to agree to that, but I am sure by your original post, that he would be happy to do that....Seems to me that there needs to be more STEP PARENTS out there like you, and less out there like some of the advisors on this forum.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
All very nice and sweet, TexasNative. But legally completely moot. As a stepparent, the OP has no legal rights to do anything about this situation. Only her husband does.
 
T

TexasNative

Guest
stealth2 said:
All very nice and sweet, TexasNative. But legally completely moot. As a stepparent, the OP has no legal rights to do anything about this situation. Only her husband does.



If you read the post correctly, she is asking advice on "them" referred to her as "we". She doesn't say "SHE" is trying to do it, she says "WE" are........There is a big difference....As to her not having any legal rights, that is true to a certain extent. She has all the legal rights her husband allows her to have while the children are in "THEIR" home as well as all the legal rights that he "CAN" sign to her coming from the Attorney General's Office. And that is not "moot".
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
Since you opened this can of worms then let's review.

....As to her not having any legal rights, that is true to a certain extent.
That is true, for every situation EXCEPT this child. She is a legal stranger just as anyone walking down the street. She has no more rights than you or I would in this child's life. If you have any statute or law from the OP's state that says different, then please share it.

She has all the legal rights her husband allows her to have while the children are in "THEIR" home
Wrong again. Unless her husband is a judge who has signed a custody document giving his wife certain rights and obligations under color of law, he can't "give" her anything regarding this child.

In fact, if he gives permission for this woman to spank the child and the bio mother finds out and files battery charges against her, guess what? That's right. she'll answer for it in court.

The plain fact is neither the father nor the mother have no power to confer any "Rights" to a third party. That was accomplished when the judge signed the custody order. And the court is the only body which can grant those rights.

as well as all the legal rights that he "CAN" sign to her coming from the Attorney General's Office.
Again wrong. The attorney general is a lawyer for the state. Nothing more. S/He is the chief legal authority of the state and sometimes issues opinion briefs, representes the state in litigation and most times oversees the legal climate of the state.

An Attorney General has no more power to 'confer' anything than you or I. Only a judge, legislature or jury has that right.

Therefore, all your points are moot unless you can return here and provide the statute, law or code that says otherwise.
 
T

TexasNative

Guest
These are my responses to the "wanna be" Attorney here....


....As to her not having any legal rights, that is true to a certain extent.
That is true, for every situation EXCEPT this child. She is a legal stranger just as anyone walking down the street. She has no more rights than you or I would in this child's life. If you have any statute or law from the OP's state that says different, then please share it.

That you are wrong......She does have rights in this childs life.... If the child is in her home, and she has rules, the child abides by those rules, therefore she has rights.......The state or NO ONE else has any rights over that..... Any state will tell you that they have NO RIGHT to what goes on in the home, unless the child is being abused or neglected......Therefore, your theory is shot to hell......

She has all the legal rights her husband allows her to have while the children are in "THEIR" home
Wrong again. Unless her husband is a judge who has signed a custody document giving his wife certain rights and obligations under color of law, he can't "give" her anything regarding this child.

The judge doesn't have to sign a document to "his" wife rights....He has that choice.....The rights she has with the CHILD is that in her own home......If she makes dinner and tells the child to eat her spinach, will she go to jail because she told the child that she had to eat her spinach before she got up from the table??????? I THINK NOT.........THEREFORE SHE HAS RIGHTS........

In fact, if he gives permission for this woman to spank the child and the bio mother finds out and files battery charges against her, guess what? That's right. she'll answer for it in court.

No one talked about disiplining in that manner.....But if she chose to disipline her and tell her to stand in the corner, AGAIN, THAT IS HER RIGHT...... You state that if she spanks her, that the mother of the child can file charges and she would answer for it in court, WELL..........guess what??????? The father could answer for it in court as well....If you know the law, YOU, I, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR WIFE, YOUR MOTHER, (get the hint) can go to jail for spanking YOUR OWN CHILD......Disiplining the child is not the issue here....




The plain fact is neither the father nor the mother have no power to confer any "Rights" to a third party. That was accomplished when the judge signed the custody order. And the court is the only body which can grant those rights.

The judge doesn't have to grant that in an order.....When they decided to get married, then at that point, they both have RIGHTS in that home......


as well as all the legal rights that he "CAN" sign to her coming from the Attorney General's Office.
Again wrong. The attorney general is a lawyer for the state. Nothing more. S/He is the chief legal authority of the state and sometimes issues opinion briefs, representes the state in litigation and most times oversees the legal climate of the state.

An Attorney General has no more power to 'confer' anything than you or I. Only a judge, legislature or jury has that right.

Therefore, all your points are moot unless you can return here and provide the statute, law or code that says otherwise.

You need to study law a little better (if in fact you do at all). I know this for a fact, as I had to do this last year with my STEP KIDS........
 
H

hexeliebe

Guest
You need to study law a little better (if in fact you do at all). I know this for a fact, as I had to do this last year with my STEP KIDS........
Well then I'm sure you'll be more than happy to prove your outrageous statements. how about a case number or executive order signed by the Attorney General conferring rights to you regarding the step children?

Until then, all you've given are plattitudes and 'guesses' as to what you think is right. And what you think has no more bearing on the law than what I think or your children think.

To put it bluntly, since all you've done since posting here is confuse the issue and not stated one legal theory in which to support your claims, unless you can post relevant case law, statutory references or any other legal documentation that supports your assertions, then please keep your "OPINION" to yourself.

It does no good and only confuses the poster as to the correct and legal path to take.
 
T

TexasNative

Guest
You need to study law a little better (if in fact you do at all). I know this for a fact, as I had to do this last year with my STEP KIDS........
Well then I'm sure you'll be more than happy to prove your outrageous statements. how about a case number or executive order signed by the Attorney General conferring rights to you regarding the step children?

For one, I don't have to supply you with any information on my case. I am not here to "prove" anything on my part, I am giving her "good" advise on what I know from my situation that I went through with my Step kids and which just so happens to be the same thing she is going through now......As far as advise, you aren't giving any advise to this person, you are just making stabs at her for asking for advise....

Until then, all you've given are plattitudes and 'guesses' as to what you think is right. And what you think has no more bearing on the law than what I think or your children think.

I don't have to give "guesses" or "plattitudes", as I know because this happend to me....(as stated before) And by the way, if you were legal minded, you would know that all cases are different......There are no two cases alike, nor are all States alike nor do they have the same statutes......

To put it bluntly, since all you've done since posting here is confuse the issue and not stated one legal theory in which to support your claims, unless you can post relevant case law, statutory references or any other legal documentation that supports your assertions, then please keep your "OPINION" to yourself.

I will voice what I know when I want to voice them. As far as keeping opinions to yourself, you need to heed that so called "advise" you gave me...... I didn't give an "OPINION", I gave a "FACT".

It does no good and only confuses the poster as to the correct and legal path to take.

The only one confusing the "ORIGINAL" poster is you.....I do believe that the reason you are asking me to keep my post to myself, is because you KNOW that I am right and it kills you to read a post from someone who has intelligence..... I simply gave her information as to where she could start.........ATTORNEY GENERAL...... I didn't rip her apart like you all want to do.....SHE DOES HAVE RIGHTS WITH THIS CHILD.........So why don't you keep it legal instead of trying to "bash" her for wanting information....It shows alot of her to come and ask for help to begin with......The only thing you are doing is showing how un-intelligent you are to the world of "LAW". She doesn't want to hear "YOUR" law, she wants to know what she can do....... I am not interested in listening to you "try" to be an attorney that you apparently "ARE NOT", and I am not claiming to be an attorney, I have just been through this before, so I KNOW FIRST HAND........FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE IS BETTER THAN YOUR "SO CALLED LAW" or should I say "GUESSING" or "OPINION".......
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential
data-ad-format="auto">
Top