FatherScott
Junior Member
(california) (ages 23) (2 year old daughter)
She has hit me.
She had her brother beat me up during a child exchange.
She violated the mutual restraining order, went to jail and was ordered to serve community service.
I keep a calender of events & custody to show her track record of custody violations & everything else.
Right now she is contempt of court because she will not tell me where she lives and is refusing to give me our daughter on my custody days.
Before it wasnt a problem, Just call the cops and goto her house and get my daugher, but now the cops cant help me anymore, we dont know where she lives and she never answers her phone. (voicemail is full)
Ive made atleast 16 police reports explaining each violation, she's refused to give me our daughter multiple times throughout this entire year. Its up until now that its gotten serious because theres no phone contact and I don't know where they live.
I just dont know what to do, my attorney is filing a criminal motion for contempt of court. I really do not like going to that courthouse because they are so mean to parents like us where the child isnt being physically abused and the parents just dont know how to get along. What they dont see is that I'm willing to coparent and I want to be friendly and dont want to fight and she just keeps doing bad things that get her in trouble and takes her anger out on my by using the kid as a tool to punish me. The police say they see it all time. The police understand me, Ive never talked to the judge, its always been in mediation. My attorney told me when we go back there wont be a mediator,
my attorney also told me they will just slap her on the hand and tell her to give up the address and tell her dont do it again! He said they cant stop her from using the kid as a tool to punish me, they said basically they dont care about cases like this because they see a thousand of them a month. I was surprised he said that. Its like nobody can help me.
My question here is what should I expect, what will happen to her, im scared they will be mad at both of us again and tell us to grow and stop fighting etc. Even tho I havnt done anything wrong again. Im just trying to follow the agreement while in the other hand she isnt following the agreement and refuses any contact with me, phone or in person. So I never see or talk to her. So I dont fight with her, it was like that last time we went and they told us to stop fighting and everytime I tried to talk the mediator interrupted me and told me what she thought was going on, when i would try to respond and correct her with what truthfully really was she would interrupt me again. I could never get a word in. Its so heart breaking because she isnt there to help us, shes just there to do paperwork and be mean to us. My daughter is ultimately suffering from them not looking into my problem and putting forth any effort to look at who is the more responsible parent.
If my ex lost a significant amount of custody I guarantee she would stop playing her games. But I dont ever see that happening as the courts dont seem to want to look into what the problem really is, and that is my ex.
question 2 What exactly is a custody evaluation and would it be useful in my case?
Heres a quick description on whats been going on this year;
-Last march09 we had our first hearing, went to mediation and she was given like 59%, but its joint custody. No child support, her income is over twice mine.
-We got back together shortly after and got into an argument about the guy she was still seeing and she ended up hitting me in public, DA did not file charges. That was the end of the relationship.
-She kept saying she was going to have me killed, beat up, etc. We went to court and filed mutual restraining order in May09. Found out she bought a gun that month and she was ordered to surrender it to the LE. (scared the heck out of me cause of the death threats)
- I had first right to baby sitting if she was busy for 4+ hours a day, her Daycare provider she picked said she was only able to watch our daughter until 1pm everyday. I was only working till 12pm and it wasnt a problem for me to pick her up. However I wanted to work more or goto school and wanted to look for another provider, my ex refused and found this to be a big issue for me and began abusing it. She wouldnt pick her up after she got off work each day and would tell me she would meet me before I went to work, the next morning before my work she would not show up or would be atleast 1 hour late each time. I was suffering so much financially that I wasnt able to pay rent, I filed for modification - told them what was going on in a statement and weeks after filing moved in with family.
- We went back to court in mid JULY, the judge was upset we were back so soon and before letting us talk about anything told us to goto mediation.
The mediator helped somewhat, she said the judge was very pissed off at us and wrote her a note explaining to her to basically explain to us that its rediculous that we have to come to court to work our problems, well you know this isnt my fault! My ex is refusing to Co-Parent this child with me and has even told me to kill myself so I wouldn't be a burdon on her and so she and the child can move on and be happy. Anyways I was trying to tell the mediator that we can change things on paper there but if we dont fix the problems we have between us then things will not change outside of the court, she will continue to punish me in her own ways. The mediator told me she doesnt have to do anything and basically gave her an EGO boost which did not help me at all. I was also given more custody. I now get double weekends everytime there is 5 weekends in the month, 4 times a year. Which puts me i think just a little over 45% custody.
- things are fixed, Im making it to work everyday on time and I'm studying in my free time everyday for many hours and Im registered and soon going back to college next semester.
-Since that hearing, my ex went to court for the restraining order and was sentenced to community service, she was denied Welfare services because I have already signed up for Healthcare and EBT Food, so she has 2 things to be mad at me over and has already brought it to my attention that she is pissed off. (I needed it because of the position she put me in)
Now every custody day of mine since august she has been doing her best to refuse custody to me and I have had to call the police to go knock on her door and get my child from her, it has been working and she has continued to do it over and over, she just keeps getting madder everytime i call the police and does it again the next weekend of mine, I have missed 14-15 days with my daughter
-NOW She & her Boyfriend of 2 months have got a place together somewhere the 1st of this month and 1) is refusing to tell me where the live & 2) Is refusing to let me see her 100%, She has taken 1 entire weekend, 1 partial weekend and 2 days of custody I get prior to my weekend.
-She has also changed babysitters and is refusing to tell me that information as well.
She says sometimes her boyfriend watches her while she works, other times I hear from her family that its her boyfriends parents that are watching her.
She has hit me.
She had her brother beat me up during a child exchange.
She violated the mutual restraining order, went to jail and was ordered to serve community service.
I keep a calender of events & custody to show her track record of custody violations & everything else.
Right now she is contempt of court because she will not tell me where she lives and is refusing to give me our daughter on my custody days.
Before it wasnt a problem, Just call the cops and goto her house and get my daugher, but now the cops cant help me anymore, we dont know where she lives and she never answers her phone. (voicemail is full)
Ive made atleast 16 police reports explaining each violation, she's refused to give me our daughter multiple times throughout this entire year. Its up until now that its gotten serious because theres no phone contact and I don't know where they live.
I just dont know what to do, my attorney is filing a criminal motion for contempt of court. I really do not like going to that courthouse because they are so mean to parents like us where the child isnt being physically abused and the parents just dont know how to get along. What they dont see is that I'm willing to coparent and I want to be friendly and dont want to fight and she just keeps doing bad things that get her in trouble and takes her anger out on my by using the kid as a tool to punish me. The police say they see it all time. The police understand me, Ive never talked to the judge, its always been in mediation. My attorney told me when we go back there wont be a mediator,
my attorney also told me they will just slap her on the hand and tell her to give up the address and tell her dont do it again! He said they cant stop her from using the kid as a tool to punish me, they said basically they dont care about cases like this because they see a thousand of them a month. I was surprised he said that. Its like nobody can help me.
My question here is what should I expect, what will happen to her, im scared they will be mad at both of us again and tell us to grow and stop fighting etc. Even tho I havnt done anything wrong again. Im just trying to follow the agreement while in the other hand she isnt following the agreement and refuses any contact with me, phone or in person. So I never see or talk to her. So I dont fight with her, it was like that last time we went and they told us to stop fighting and everytime I tried to talk the mediator interrupted me and told me what she thought was going on, when i would try to respond and correct her with what truthfully really was she would interrupt me again. I could never get a word in. Its so heart breaking because she isnt there to help us, shes just there to do paperwork and be mean to us. My daughter is ultimately suffering from them not looking into my problem and putting forth any effort to look at who is the more responsible parent.
If my ex lost a significant amount of custody I guarantee she would stop playing her games. But I dont ever see that happening as the courts dont seem to want to look into what the problem really is, and that is my ex.
question 2 What exactly is a custody evaluation and would it be useful in my case?
Heres a quick description on whats been going on this year;
-Last march09 we had our first hearing, went to mediation and she was given like 59%, but its joint custody. No child support, her income is over twice mine.
-We got back together shortly after and got into an argument about the guy she was still seeing and she ended up hitting me in public, DA did not file charges. That was the end of the relationship.
-She kept saying she was going to have me killed, beat up, etc. We went to court and filed mutual restraining order in May09. Found out she bought a gun that month and she was ordered to surrender it to the LE. (scared the heck out of me cause of the death threats)
- I had first right to baby sitting if she was busy for 4+ hours a day, her Daycare provider she picked said she was only able to watch our daughter until 1pm everyday. I was only working till 12pm and it wasnt a problem for me to pick her up. However I wanted to work more or goto school and wanted to look for another provider, my ex refused and found this to be a big issue for me and began abusing it. She wouldnt pick her up after she got off work each day and would tell me she would meet me before I went to work, the next morning before my work she would not show up or would be atleast 1 hour late each time. I was suffering so much financially that I wasnt able to pay rent, I filed for modification - told them what was going on in a statement and weeks after filing moved in with family.
- We went back to court in mid JULY, the judge was upset we were back so soon and before letting us talk about anything told us to goto mediation.
The mediator helped somewhat, she said the judge was very pissed off at us and wrote her a note explaining to her to basically explain to us that its rediculous that we have to come to court to work our problems, well you know this isnt my fault! My ex is refusing to Co-Parent this child with me and has even told me to kill myself so I wouldn't be a burdon on her and so she and the child can move on and be happy. Anyways I was trying to tell the mediator that we can change things on paper there but if we dont fix the problems we have between us then things will not change outside of the court, she will continue to punish me in her own ways. The mediator told me she doesnt have to do anything and basically gave her an EGO boost which did not help me at all. I was also given more custody. I now get double weekends everytime there is 5 weekends in the month, 4 times a year. Which puts me i think just a little over 45% custody.
- things are fixed, Im making it to work everyday on time and I'm studying in my free time everyday for many hours and Im registered and soon going back to college next semester.
-Since that hearing, my ex went to court for the restraining order and was sentenced to community service, she was denied Welfare services because I have already signed up for Healthcare and EBT Food, so she has 2 things to be mad at me over and has already brought it to my attention that she is pissed off. (I needed it because of the position she put me in)
Now every custody day of mine since august she has been doing her best to refuse custody to me and I have had to call the police to go knock on her door and get my child from her, it has been working and she has continued to do it over and over, she just keeps getting madder everytime i call the police and does it again the next weekend of mine, I have missed 14-15 days with my daughter
-NOW She & her Boyfriend of 2 months have got a place together somewhere the 1st of this month and 1) is refusing to tell me where the live & 2) Is refusing to let me see her 100%, She has taken 1 entire weekend, 1 partial weekend and 2 days of custody I get prior to my weekend.
-She has also changed babysitters and is refusing to tell me that information as well.
She says sometimes her boyfriend watches her while she works, other times I hear from her family that its her boyfriends parents that are watching her.