Ex skipped town - I haven't paid child support.

[Trinity23t]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Hello,
The last time I saw my son was Fathers day of 2001. The next visitation weekend, I went to pick up my son, only to find my ex's apartment empty. The neighbor told me they moved to Austin (4 hours away). In my divorce decree, it specifically states that she cannot leave the county without my permission. I have not paid child support since day one. We have been divorced since december 2000. Child support was calculated based on a contract job that was paying $40K/yr (which I was laid off from less than two weeks after the decree was finalized). Since then, I have been unable to hold a steady job, due to the job market here in Dallas. I am an IT professional... jobs are few and far between. Everyone that I have attempted to get help from tells me that everyone uses this excuse. They got fired, and can't work anymore... just to get out of child support. Unfortunately, it's not an excuse... it's my life. I left my ex because our marriage was dead, and I found someone that made me feel ALIVE again! I now have a family of three, and I'm just barely able to support my family. We get a little further behind every month. I'll get a contract for a couple of months (just enough to get caught up), and then get laid off for a couple of months. This has been going on for over a year. About 7 months ago, my ex sent me a registered letter informing me of her whereabouts, and that she moved because I have been unable to pay any child support since our divorce.

The score is 1 and 1... she can't do anything because she screwed up by leaving the area without notifying me or getting permission, and any movement on her part might spark a lawsuit on my part. I can't do anything because I haven't paid child support, and any movement on my part might spark a lawsuit on her part.

What can be done? I have been told that I cannot change the child support decree until all owed child support has been paid. Under my current circumstances, that is impossible... and it keeps racking up at that ungodly rate every month. Until that is taken care of, I cannot pursue getting the visitation modified. Until the visitation is modified, I cannot see my son.

I have had no contact with my ex since Fathers day weekend of 2001. I have had no contact with my son since Fathers day weekend 2001. I have to try not to think about him just to be able to make it through the day... and there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Does anyone have any good news?

 

[CMSC]

bump

 

[raddadthomas]

Hi Dad

I'm saddened by your post. I understand your fear of retalitation from the X. I can relate to your situation more than most.

First thing you will be told in here is;
C/S and Visitation are two seperate issues.

I am going to be straight forward here. Hope you can take it.

I disagree strongly with you providing ZERO support. Your kids regardless of living with you or X have basic needs. Start to believe this and it will help you. Children can't go get a job to buy food. SEND SOMETHING! Make it a point, No matter what to send at least $100 a month. Think of it as a bill. Consider your rent to be $100 higher a month. You love your kids? Sure you do, or you wouldn't be here asking for advice.

O.K. can't change the past so put away the guilt. Go forward starting now. Do all the right things.

Visitation;
Your X will be propably be shocked receiving a check from you out of the blue. Sending $100 unannounced may soften her. DON"T TELL HER your sending anything. Let it be a suprise.

With the check enclose a SMALL note. Keep it simple and short.
Ask her to mail you back a current photo. Apologize for your previous financial state. Let her know she can expect another check at the beginning of the following month to help with food.

The last part of the note. Write your phone # and politely ask if she would have the kids call you at certain date & time. Pick date 3-5 days after your certain she will receive the letter.


Benefits to you is;
Photo copy letter and check. Do NOT send cash to X. (Only send $5 cash to child in letter) This letter may open the communication between you and the X. You just might get a call from your child. Your X will read and reread this letter several times before she makes the decission to call.

If she calls after the first letter? Be cordial and polite? Refrain from carrying on about guilt, no blaiming, be on best behavior.
Talk to your kids!!!

If you get nothing on the first letter. Follow thru with the next months check and enclose same sweet letter. Date & Time request. On the 3rd if you have had NO RESPONSE yet, include small statement asking why kids have not called. Reinterate you are worried about their well being and missing them.

Here is what you've done for $300
You've given yourself a current track record of providing for your children while NOT getting contact. Your not looking so bad now, but she is. Court is far more expensive and painfull on everyone including your kids.

I hope you breakthrough after just the first letter. Do this my friend and DON'T make any excuses to not send $100
This could be the cheapest solution for you. I took alot of time and honest effort to reply to you, don't let it go to waste.

Things could be worse. I have exceeded $20,000 in my pursuit to remain in my sons lives. I have suffered 3 years with ZERO contact, except my $1200 per month in child support. That's over and above my $20,000 in legal fees. You see, You are NOT alone.