Ex threatening to take custody

[maryjo]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA

Not a newbie but its been a long time. I was hoping I wouldnt have to come here again. No offense. LOL! I was just hoping not to have anymore issues with this man.

We have been divorced for 2 and a half years. We have one son who is now 10.

Since we got divorced he has moved 3 times and has had and lost at least 3 or 4 jobs. This is nothing new.

Recently he came to me with papers demanding that I sign them so he can get his child support lowered because he could only find a job that isnt full time and only pays 9 dollars an hour. He is living off 500 a month and cant pay his other bills. At first I let him bully me into signing the papers. When he came back with more, I did some research and made some calls. Found out I dont have to sign his papers and told him so. He threatened to get a laywer and take me to court. I told him to do what he had to do.

I dont care if a judge lowers his child support. I learned a long time ago not to live dependent on it. He is over 3000 dollars behind. I realize this isnt a lot compared to most but it is what it is. The point is, I have made everything easy on him since we seperated and I dont feel the need to do so anymore. The man has scared me for years and I fully believe that before this is over he will have physically harmed me. After years of abuse, I had no proof of it.

So, when I refused to sign the financial papers (mainly because I wasnt giving him that information myself. If a judge do so then so be it.) he said he would take me to court. Fine. Lets go. He somehow started beliving I have a lawyer. I dont. He sent me many text messages asking why I got a lawyer, and when I wouldnt respond to him, he wanted to know why I wouldnt communicate with him. I will communicate with him through text messages for anything concerning our son but I will no longer talk to him, or his girlfriend about anything else. I will no longer talk to his girlfriend about anything.

I also told him two weeks ago that I would no longer be driving the hour long trip to where he moved to to drop off and pick up our son. That he could come here to pick him up and drop off. All this time I have been willing to work with him and have done whatever he wanted. Partly to make things easier for me and our son, partly because I was scared of him. Its habit to just bend to him. When I saw him interact with our son one day, and he acted like he didnt even know who he was...and add to that the fact that he wont get a job that pays enough to pay his child support and his bills. And knowing that he is probably 30,000 dollars in debt because he is not responsible for anything, I decided I wasnt going to make anything easier on him anymore. If he gets the child support lowered then fine. But I wasnt going to just let him railroad me.

Today his girlfriend texted me and said she wasnt bringing our son back and for me to meet her out there. I texted back and said she could meet me at the sheriff's office down the street at 6 and if he wasnt there I was calling the police and I would no longer deal with her, but only with my ex. That set off countless phone calls and text messages.

Basically, I am a bitch, they are going to take him from me if I keep fighting them. I am not doing anything against our court order. We have nothing concerning dropping off and picking up because when we went to court he was supposedly still living here in town. I knew he wasnt but I couldnt prove it. I am actually FOLLOWING the court order. I have done everything to work with him for the last 3 years. Now, because I wont give him his way, he is trying to bully me and threaten me. He said that me not working with him is the same as me denying him his visitation, which I have never, EVER, done!!!

So...am I in trouble here? Can he possibly take my son away because I refuse to allow him to keep bullying me?

What should I do next?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA

Not a newbie but its been a long time. I was hoping I wouldnt have to come here again. No offense. LOL! I was just hoping not to have anymore issues with this man.

We have been divorced for 2 and a half years. We have one son who is now 10.

Since we got divorced he has moved 3 times and has had and lost at least 3 or 4 jobs. This is nothing new.

Recently he came to me with papers demanding that I sign them so he can get his child support lowered because he could only find a job that isnt full time and only pays 9 dollars an hour. He is living off 500 a month and cant pay his other bills. At first I let him bully me into signing the papers. When he came back with more, I did some research and made some calls. Found out I dont have to sign his papers and told him so. He threatened to get a laywer and take me to court. I told him to do what he had to do.

I dont care if a judge lowers his child support. I learned a long time ago not to live dependent on it. He is over 3000 dollars behind. I realize this isnt a lot compared to most but it is what it is. The point is, I have made everything easy on him since we seperated and I dont feel the need to do so anymore. The man has scared me for years and I fully believe that before this is over he will have physically harmed me. After years of abuse, I had no proof of it.

So, when I refused to sign the financial papers (mainly because I wasnt giving him that information myself. If a judge do so then so be it.) he said he would take me to court. Fine. Lets go. He somehow started beliving I have a lawyer. I dont. He sent me many text messages asking why I got a lawyer, and when I wouldnt respond to him, he wanted to know why I wouldnt communicate with him. I will communicate with him through text messages for anything concerning our son but I will no longer talk to him, or his girlfriend about anything else. I will no longer talk to his girlfriend about anything.

I also told him two weeks ago that I would no longer be driving the hour long trip to where he moved to to drop off and pick up our son. That he could come here to pick him up and drop off. All this time I have been willing to work with him and have done whatever he wanted. Partly to make things easier for me and our son, partly because I was scared of him. Its habit to just bend to him. When I saw him interact with our son one day, and he acted like he didnt even know who he was...and add to that the fact that he wont get a job that pays enough to pay his child support and his bills. And knowing that he is probably 30,000 dollars in debt because he is not responsible for anything, I decided I wasnt going to make anything easier on him anymore. If he gets the child support lowered then fine. But I wasnt going to just let him railroad me.

Today his girlfriend texted me and said she wasnt bringing our son back and for me to meet her out there. I texted back and said she could meet me at the sheriff's office down the street at 6 and if he wasnt there I was calling the police and I would no longer deal with her, but only with my ex. That set off countless phone calls and text messages.

Basically, I am a bitch, they are going to take him from me if I keep fighting them. I am not doing anything against our court order. We have nothing concerning dropping off and picking up because when we went to court he was supposedly still living here in town. I knew he wasnt but I couldnt prove it. I am actually FOLLOWING the court order. I have done everything to work with him for the last 3 years. Now, because I wont give him his way, he is trying to bully me and threaten me. He said that me not working with him is the same as me denying him his visitation, which I have never, EVER, done!!!

So...am I in trouble here? Can he possibly take my son away because I refuse to allow him to keep bullying me?

What should I do next?

As long as you are following the court order, you cannot be held in contempt, therefore cannot lose custody for violating the court order.

However, it is possible that if dad takes the issue to court, that you could be ordered to share the transportation. That's not a sure thing, because dad apparently created the distance, therefore he really should be responsible for the transportion, but it could happen.

You are right to refuse to allow him to bully you anymore.

 

[maryjo]

When I picked my son up today he got in the car crying saying that because of me he probably wont get to see his dad anymore. My ex's girlfriend and discussed this with my ex in front of our son. So I had to explain how I had nothing to do with his dad seeing him or not.

My ex came to my car and confronted me in front of our son. He wanted to know what the problem was. Told him I didnt have one. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him nothing was going on. He wanted to know why I wouldnt work with his girlfriend and talk to her. I told him she isnt his parent and I dont have to. He wanted to know why I couldnt meet him anymore. I explained that gas costs the same to put in my car as it does his and that since I do not have a court order to drive all the way out there, I was not going to be doing it anymore.

He said "We will see if cant get that changed then".

I have two text messages from his girlfriend from today calling me the B word. I have a text from her threatening to take custody when we go to court for the child support. I got a voice mail from him threatening to take custody unless I work with him on this S***. I got another text saying I was because I wont work with him on this that it was the same as me denying him his visititation.

I did tell him if it was a matter of time, all he had to do was say so. If he didnt get off work until 7 all he had to do was call me and tell me so. No problem.

The fact is, I have done absolutely everything he has asked or demanded of me to do for the last 3 years. And now that I have decided that I am done making his life easier, he is having a fit and threatening me. It infuriates him even more that I refuse to fight with him and I refuse to be intimidated by him.

 

[Tallrat]

I have two text messages from his girlfriend from today calling me the B word. I have a text from her threatening to take custody when we go to court for the child support. I got a voice mail from him threatening to take custody unless I work with him on this S***. I got another text saying I was because I wont work with him on this that it was the same as me denying him his visititation.

Go to the Police Dept and file a restraining order against the girlfriend. Keep the test messages

 

[Isis1]

When I picked my son up today he got in the car crying saying that because of me he probably wont get to see his dad anymore. My ex's girlfriend and discussed this with my ex in front of our son. So I had to explain how I had nothing to do with his dad seeing him or not.

My ex came to my car and confronted me in front of our son. He wanted to know what the problem was. Told him I didnt have one. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him nothing was going on. He wanted to know why I wouldnt work with his girlfriend and talk to her. I told him she isnt his parent and I dont have to. He wanted to know why I couldnt meet him anymore. I explained that gas costs the same to put in my car as it does his and that since I do not have a court order to drive all the way out there, I was not going to be doing it anymore.

He said "We will see if cant get that changed then".

I have two text messages from his girlfriend from today calling me the B word. I have a text from her threatening to take custody when we go to court for the child support. I got a voice mail from him threatening to take custody unless I work with him on this S***. I got another text saying I was because I wont work with him on this that it was the same as me denying him his visititation.

I did tell him if it was a matter of time, all he had to do was say so. If he didnt get off work until 7 all he had to do was call me and tell me so. No problem.

The fact is, I have done absolutely everything he has asked or demanded of me to do for the last 3 years. And now that I have decided that I am done making his life easier, he is having a fit and threatening me. It infuriates him even more that I refuse to fight with him and I refuse to be intimidated by him.

look, just to let you know....as long as you let it continue, is the same amount of time it will take to correct the problem. so you let it go for 3 years, it will take 3 years of standing your ground to get dum dum to stop being so....dum. so dig in your heels, educate yourself and respect yourself. it'll work itself out the better you stand up for yourself. even the NCP in my matter, has learned not to bother arguing with me anymore. he will lose. and he was a controlling son of a *****. i NEVER talked back to him, ever. now, different story.

 

[maryjo]

look, just to let you know....as long as you let it continue, is the same amount of time it will take to correct the problem. so you let it go for 3 years, it will take 3 years of standing your ground to get dum dum to stop being so....dum. so dig in your heels, educate yourself and respect yourself. it'll work itself out the better you stand up for yourself. even the NCP in my matter, has learned not to bother arguing with me anymore. he will lose. and he was a controlling son of a *****. i NEVER talked back to him, ever. now, different story.

You are probably right about that. Hadnt thought about it like that. Wish I had been told that from the beginning. LOL! Whats so sad here is that he doesnt see that I am doing everything I am supposed to do. I am just no longer going to do what HE is supposed to do. And because of that, I am the bad guy. I am the one raising our son. He never, EVER sees him outside of his court appointed visitation and the few times he has, its been at my urging and only for an hour or two. He doesnt get involved in his life in any way. I am the one who has kept a job. Only 3 jobs in 33 years. And two of those I still have and I am the one who quits, I have never been fired. He has had about 16 jobs or more just since I have known him, about 14 years. He is between 26 and 30,000 dollars in debt. I am about 2000 in debt. He is over 3000 dollars behind in his child support and yet he can afford a laywer to take me to court to lower his child support.

As soon as he found out that I plan to move into my own place this summer, thats when all this started. And I knew it would. Thats why I kept it to myself as long as I could. But children dont understand keeping secrets like that. Even yesterday he was having a fit because he thought I was supposed to be working. He wanted to know why I was off. What does it matter? Its my life now! I didnt respond. I no longer respond to anything unless it directly relates to our son. I dont fight with him. I dont raise my voice with him. I wont even speak directly to him unless, like yesterday, he confronts me in person. Which he did. I was in my car and he stood there with his arms folded and his big belly in my face. Even then I didnt get upset or scared or anything. Just answered his questions as simply as possible and explained that there is no court order saying I have to drive all the way out there to drop off and pick up and he is the one who moved, not me. He said "Well, we will see what we can do about that!" Later on he texted me and said that if I dont work with him its the same as denying him his visitation. Really? Is it? If he cant find a way to pick up his own child for his weekends, and bring him back, how is that ME keeping him from seeing him? He knows he has two weeks to get up some gas money. Why doesnt HE plan ahead?

Sorry...you dont scare me anymore! And I think that, more than anything, scares that crap out of him!