Ex wants to change custody

[Mpls612]

This is in Minnesota.

Just looking for some input. Me and the ex have a parenting plan approved by the courts in June of 2015. We have 50/50 everything and the parenting plan is the 2-2-5 plan. (I have our son Monday and Tuesday, she has him Wednesday and Thursday and then we switch every other Friday Saturday Sunday)

I just received papers and we have a court date later this month and she basically wants to switch to me having him only every other weekend. She states our son is involved in bad situations.

She was very vague in her filings but we have been going through it since June. Basically it boils down to she doesn't want him around my new girlfriend. She is going around spreading false lies that I am dating my brothers ex wife. The truth of the matter is my girlfriend was married to my ex step brother 10 years ago. My mom was married to his dad for about 2 years approx 20 years ago.

Just wondering if I really need to worry about anything? I'm fairly confident. My gf has no old or pending legal issues or anything. No history of drug or alcohol abuse or anything like that. She has full custody of her two kids and has been at the same job for almost 10 years. Basically she's just a good girl who happened to have a relationship 10 years ago with my ex step brother. That is the ONLY thing she has against me. I had temp full custody as we went through the original custody phase due to my ex's alcohol abuse, she had to complete treatment, drug testing etc. Just wondering what you guys think? While I'm nervous just because you never really know what a judge will say, I'm pretty confident as I have done nothing but support our son.

 

[I'mTheFather]

This is in Minnesota.

Just looking for some input. Me and the ex have a parenting plan approved by the courts in June of 2015. We have 50/50 everything and the parenting plan is the 2-2-5 plan. (I have our son Monday and Tuesday, she has him Wednesday and Thursday and then we switch every other Friday Saturday Sunday)

I just received papers and we have a court date later this month and she basically wants to switch to me having him only every other weekend. She states our son is involved in bad situations.

She was very vague in her filings but we have been going through it since June. Basically it boils down to she doesn't want him around my new girlfriend. She is going around spreading false lies that I am dating my brothers ex wife. The truth of the matter is my girlfriend was married to my ex step brother 10 years ago. My mom was married to his dad for about 2 years approx 20 years ago.

Just wondering if I really need to worry about anything? I'm fairly confident. My gf has no old or pending legal issues or anything. No history of drug or alcohol abuse or anything like that. She has full custody of her two kids and has been at the same job for almost 10 years. Basically she's just a good girl who happened to have a relationship 10 years ago with my ex step brother. That is the ONLY thing she has against me. I had temp full custody as we went through the original custody phase due to my ex's alcohol abuse, she had to complete treatment, drug testing etc. Just wondering what you guys think? While I'm nervous just because you never really know what a judge will say, I'm pretty confident as I have done nothing but support our son.

If she doesn't have anything specific regarding the "bad situations" your son is involved in, then I'd be confident too.

Is there a "no paramour" clause in your decree? How old is your son?

 

[Mpls612]

Sorry I'm not sure what no paramour means but we have no type of clause like that anywhere in our custody arrangement.

 

[Mpls612]

And our son is 5

 

[I'mTheFather]

A "no paramour" clause restricts parents from having boyfriends/girlfriends stay overnight during custodial times.

 

[Mpls612]

Nope. Nothing like that whatsoever. I would never agree to that anyways. My ex and I were together for 8 years. We got together when he kids were 2 and 4 and lived together almost the entire time. I would find it funny if she tried to add that morality clause at this point in her life...

 

[I'mTheFather]

I don't see anything in your post that would change custody. Of course, if your ex can articulate some reasons for her claims, beyond the step-brother thing, then that's a different story.

 

[Mpls612]

I agree, that would be a different story. But there is absolutely nothing else which is why she was so vague in her filings. Honestly, I believe I am and always have been a great father. I'm sure everyone believes that.. but I honestly believe it.

 

[lervin98@gmail.]

no change

She will not win if you have not changed anything you living with your new gf is not a change in circumstances it's sad they make people go to trail over such stupid things it's a waste for you and the courts

 

[CJane]

I'm curious...

1) Why, if the filings are so vague and there really is nothing changed in the child's life, has this been dragging on so long? Have you had any hearings, additional pleadings filed, etc?

2) Are either of you represented by an attorney?

3) How far away from each other do you and Mom live?

4) Are you in the same school district?

5) Do you understand that any issues Mom had in her life that may have affected custody prior to the current court order are completely irrelevant now?

 

[LdiJ]

Just as a cautionary note dad, you want to make sure that your girlfriend being in your life is not causing any "drama". As long as your girlfriend is stepping back, being totally respectful of mom and basically treating mom the way that she would want the girlfriend of her children's father to treat her...then all is good.

No matter how squeaky clean your girlfriend is, if she is butting into the parenting of your child, being disrespectful to mom, or in any other way interfering in the co-parenting relationship between you and mom, that is a serious problem. I am not saying that she is doing that, but its something that honestly could cause a parent to lose a 50/50 timeshare. Unfortunately its kind of a "classic" problem. Mom's new boyfriend/husband or dad's new girlfriend/wife thinks that they are a superior parent to mom or dad and basically tries to take over the parenting or tries to control the parenting...sometimes even insisting on being called "mom" or "dad" by the child. Sometimes there is even an element of jealousy...the new significant other kind of wants to erase the old significant other.

So, just keep that in the back of your mind. Nip any signs of that sort of thing in the bud. Don't let your girlfriend do anything that you would be unhappy about mom's new boyfriend doing.

 

[Mpls612]

I'm curious...

1) Why, if the filings are so vague and there really is nothing changed in the child's life, has this been dragging on so long? Have you had any hearings, additional pleadings filed, etc?

2) Are either of you represented by an attorney?

3) How far away from each other do you and Mom live?

4) Are you in the same school district?

5) Do you understand that any issues Mom had in her life that may have affected custody prior to the current court order are completely irrelevant now?

It dragged on initially for a year. When we split up, we filed a 50/50 parenting plan. A week later my ex was hauled away for public intoxication at the local pool whole my son was present. I filed for emergency full custody. We then went to court for a year, dealing with a guardian ad litem, working towards getting back to our 50/50 plan. We finally got there in June 2015 and have been going according to that parenting plan ever since.

Neither of us have been represented by an attorney during this process. We live approx 2 miles from each other in the same school district.

I do understand any old issues are irrelevant. However, her still being on probation and a year into recovery, still having license restrictions, etc.. make her prior alcohol abuse still a very relevant issue. That fact aside, I'm not going into court beating her down. All I'm doing is basically defending the great job I have done with my son as a basis for leaving the parenting plan as is.

 

[Mpls612]

Just as a cautionary note dad, you want to make sure that your girlfriend being in your life is not causing any "drama". As long as your girlfriend is stepping back, being totally respectful of mom and basically treating mom the way that she would want the girlfriend of her children's father to treat her...then all is good.

No matter how squeaky clean your girlfriend is, if she is butting into the parenting of your child, being disrespectful to mom, or in any other way interfering in the co-parenting relationship between you and mom, that is a serious problem. I am not saying that she is doing that, but its something that honestly could cause a parent to lose a 50/50 timeshare. Unfortunately its kind of a "classic" problem. Mom's new boyfriend/husband or dad's new girlfriend/wife thinks that they are a superior parent to mom or dad and basically tries to take over the parenting or tries to control the parenting...sometimes even insisting on being called "mom" or "dad" by the child. Sometimes there is even an element of jealousy...the new significant other kind of wants to erase the old significant other.

So, just keep that in the back of your mind. Nip any signs of that sort of thing in the bud. Don't let your girlfriend do anything that you would be unhappy about mom's new boyfriend doing.

I totally understand what you are saying, however it is not the case at all. My girlfriend does not live with me. She has her own 2 kids she is raising. She does not play a parental role at this point. Nothing more than just a stable adult that is around my son a couple times a week. She has shown tremendous restraint over the last 6 month. If you guys could see the literal 100s of horrible, disgusting texts she has sent my new girlfriend I guarantee you would be disgusted. My girlfriend has never, not once replied with so much as a single word, smiley face.. absolutely nothing.

 

[CJane]

So, why didn't you file to have her motion dismissed?

Did you file a response, indicating that there is no change in circumstances?

Do either of you pay child support?

 

[Mpls612]

So, why didn't you file to have her motion dismissed?

Did you file a response, indicating that there is no change in circumstances?

Do either of you pay child support?

I did file a response to her motion addressing 2 things she stated in her motion, in addition to the fact that i put my son in "bad situations". 1 was that he needs to spend more time with his other 2 siblings (her kids from previous relationship), and that he needs to be with her more. At the end of my response, I put in summary that I am asking the court to deny her motion to change the current parenting plan.

As for child support, neither of us pays it. She attempted to get it by filing for some sort of assistance from the county, however the county denied her.