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Ex wants to change kids school

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rjcirr72

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (NYS)?

Hello,
New here thought i'd float this out there.
A few yrs ago my ex moved 45 mins away knowing the children's legal address was my house & that I had residential custody during the school yr.
We also have a 50/50 split.
She wants to move the kids to her district because she doesn't want to keep making the drive 3-4 times a week to my area with the kids & the new baby she had with her current BF.

I'm hesitant because I don't know how changing my kids legal residence will affect our split & custody.
Clearly I can't have custody of them during the school yr if they legally live with their mom in order to go to school there.

Also, my boys are 6 & 8.
How will this affect them?

Although, it may increase my nights with them since i can drop them off to their mom before school on my way to work.
Otherwise I have my parents take them to school out by me.

Part of me wonders if i'm being an ass & inconveniencing everyone just because my divorce agreement says I can & part of me wonders if i'm opening myself up to a potential loss of custody if I agree to it.
Even if its to alleviate the burden of travel for everyone.

I don't trust this woman.
She talked about moving out of the area (100 miles) because her BF may be transferred but it didn't happen nor would I of let her take the kids without a fight.
My divorce agreement I believe would of stopped that should she of tried to move & take them with her since they legally lived with me during the school year.
What happens if they legally live with her?
Do I have to get her to agree to not move any further away?

Our divorce agreement says we go to the mediator first but i plan to consult a lawyer first but not to bring one along. I don't want to annoy the court by charging in with a flame thrower.

thanks in advance.
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (NYS)?

Hello,
New here thought i'd float this out there.
A few yrs ago my ex moved 45 mins away knowing the children's legal address was my house & that I had residential custody during the school yr.
We also have a 50/50 split.
She wants to move the kids to her district because she doesn't want to keep making the drive 3-4 times a week to my area with the kids & the new baby she had with her current BF.

I'm hesitant because I don't know how changing my kids legal residence will affect our split & custody.
Clearly I can't have custody of them during the school yr if they legally live with their mom in order to go to school there.

Also, my boys are 6 & 8.
How will this affect them?

Although, it may increase my nights with them since i can drop them off to their mom before school on my way to work.
Otherwise I have my parents take them to school out by me.

Part of me wonders if i'm being an ass & inconveniencing everyone just because my divorce agreement says I can & part of me wonders if i'm opening myself up to a potential loss of custody if I agree to it.
Even if its to alleviate the burden of travel for everyone.

I don't trust this woman.
She talked about moving out of the area (100 miles) because her BF may be transferred but it didn't happen nor would I of let her take the kids without a fight.
My divorce agreement I believe would of stopped that should she of tried to move & take them with her since they legally lived with me during the school year.
What happens if they legally live with her?
Do I have to get her to agree to not move any further away?

Our divorce agreement says we go to the mediator first but i plan to consult a lawyer first but not to bring one along. I don't want to annoy the court by charging in with a flame thrower.

thanks in advance.

What's the current timeshare? (in days, not numbers please) . Does Mom usually do the transportation to and from school?
 

rjcirr72

Junior Member
What's the current timeshare? (in days, not numbers please) . Does Mom usually do the transportation to and from school?
Monday evenings once or twice a month.
every Tuesday evening.
Every friday evening to sunday afternoon.

It was originally based on her job that was evenings & weekends with the middle of the week off then she lost that job & I didn't fight her when she wanted them a little more.

On the days she has the kids she does the transporting.
On the days I have them my parents take care of transportation.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Monday evenings once or twice a month.
every Tuesday evening.
Every friday evening to sunday afternoon.

It was originally based on her job that was evenings & weekends with the middle of the week off then she lost that job & I didn't fight her when she wanted them a little more.

On the days she has the kids she does the transporting.
On the days I have them my parents take care of transportation.
If it is too inconvenient for mom, that is on her -- if the above is the time mom has the children. The children's lives shouldn't be disrupted due to the fact that mom doesn't want to drive and she is the one who moved.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
If it is too inconvenient for mom, that is on her -- if the above is the time mom has the children. The children's lives shouldn't be disrupted due to the fact that mom doesn't want to drive and she is the one who moved.

of course, OP dfoesn't drive them to school, either...
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Except that dad said this:

Although, it may increase my nights with them since i can drop them off to their mom before school on my way to work.
Otherwise I have my parents take them to school out by me.
Therefore the possibility seems to exist that it might be more convenient for EVERYONE if the children go to school in mom's district.

Also, to be honest, dad seems more concerned about having the designation of residential parent than the actual timeshare.
 

GrandmaOH

Member
Except that dad said this:



Therefore the possibility seems to exist that it might be more convenient for EVERYONE if the children go to school in mom's district.

Also, to be honest, dad seems more concerned about having the designation of residential parent than the actual timeshare.

He has reason to be concerned. In the current situation he is fine with a 50-50 timeshare. But mom has threatened to move 100 miles away. If she got residential that gives her a higher chance of taking them away from dad's current 50-50. That would be reason enough to not give mom residential. Dad seems willing to give mom 50-50 but mom makes noise that would take away dad's time if she got residential.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
He has reason to be concerned. In the current situation he is fine with a 50-50 timeshare. But mom has threatened to move 100 miles away. If she got residential that gives her a higher chance of taking them away from dad's current 50-50. That would be reason enough to not give mom residential. Dad seems willing to give mom 50-50 but mom makes noise that would take away dad's time if she got residential.
I really disagree. I do not believe that a parent has a greater chance of relocating the children (when the timeshare is 50/50) just because they happen to be designated "residential parent". I think that the odds are very slim either way.
 

rjcirr72

Junior Member
He has reason to be concerned. In the current situation he is fine with a 50-50 timeshare. But mom has threatened to move 100 miles away. If she got residential that gives her a higher chance of taking them away from dad's current 50-50. That would be reason enough to not give mom residential. Dad seems willing to give mom 50-50 but mom makes noise that would take away dad's time if she got residential.
THIS!
Also, she has moved about 4 times in the last 5 yrs since divorce & each time it was further & further away.
What happens if she gets residential?

She was extremely bitter over the 50/50 split I insisted on along with court mediation over disputes.
She expected me to just roll over & claimed I was purposefully slowing things down & taking the kids from her.
When we were discussing this over the phone later last night she kept threatening a custody battle by saying she didn’t want a custody battle (I thought we were discussing where the kids went to school?) and that she’s talked to a lawyer .
I’ve tried to work with her in the past so I did more driving but she still choose to keep the kids during the week vs the weekend after I volunteered to change the days up.
I really don’t think this is about the burden of driving since she has made excuses for every idea I’ve come up with & more about gaining residential custody.
She doesn’t want my parents taking care of them those few hrs a day after school all of a sudden.
Says “they are the grandparents not the parents and shouldn’t be playing that roll” (exact words, sounds like someone has been chirping in her ear) but leaves the kids with her boyfriend while she is at work and somehow that is different.

I need to go get a copy of my divorce agreement & talk to a lawyer this week.
Going to have to burn a vacation day for all this crap.
 
Last edited:

not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
No legal advice, just personal observation...

What is the name of your state (NYS)?
...

I don't trust this woman.
She talked about moving out of the area (100 miles) because her BF may be transferred but it didn't happen nor would I of let her take the kids without a fight.
My divorce agreement I believe would of stopped that should she of tried to move & take them with her since they legally lived with me during the school year.
What happens if they legally live with her?
Do I have to get her to agree to not move any further away?

...
You know her better than anyone here. If you say you don't trust her, perhaps there's good reason.

I get that you worry about sticking to status quo as coming across as spiteful, or at least obstetreperous, just being difficult for the sake of being difficult. But, the status quo is what it is for a reason.

It is not unreasonable to question "where is the change of circumstance" warranting such a move, or is this "in the best interest of the children". Because it is a big change. And it seems mostly for the sake of the convenience of the adults.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
THIS!
Also, she has moved about 4 times in the last 5 yrs since divorce & each time it was further & further away.
What happens if she gets residential?

She was extremely bitter over the 50/50 split I insisted on along with court mediation over disputes.
She expected me to just roll over & claimed I was purposefully slowing things down & taking the kids from her.
When we were discussing this over the phone later last night she kept threatening a custody battle by saying she didn’t want a custody battle (I thought we were discussing where the kids went to school?) and that she’s talked to a lawyer .
I’ve tried to work with her in the past so I did more driving but she still choose to keep the kids during the week vs the weekend after I volunteered to change the days up.
I really don’t think this is about the burden of driving since she has made excuses for every idea I’ve come up with & more about gaining residential custody.
She doesn’t want my parents taking care of them those few hrs a day after school all of a sudden.
Says “they are the grandparents not the parents and shouldn’t be playing that roll” (exact words, sounds like someone has been chirping in her ear) but leaves the kids with her boyfriend while she is at work and somehow that is different.

I need to go get a copy of my divorce agreement & talk to a lawyer this week.
Going to have to use a vacation day to seek the best interest of my children.
;)

Fix that for you...

Good luck to you:)

Blue
 

rjcirr72

Junior Member
Whelp,
Just found out she changed their address & they are no longer on the class list for my school next year.

She didn't tell me either.
The school did.

Like I said, she cannot be trusted.
 

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