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  1. #1
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    Ex wants custody of my daughter

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

    I really need help because my husband and I are fighting over this.

    My ex-boyfriend and I had a daughter and split up a few years after she was born; she is now a teenager. We now have joint legal custody with me being the primary physical parent. He had every other weekend with her, split holidays and all summer with her except for every other weekend when she would come home and then I had one week of visitation with her.

    I think this was more than generous because he has had alot of problems since we broke up, including being married to a woman who was on drugs. They had two kids together and somehow he wound up with full custody, but his youngest daughter has been staying with his mom for the last couple of years while he supposedly finished up school. He's been in school forever so I don't even know if he was really in school or not.

    He had told me last year that he and his supposed fiancee (they say their engaged, but they've been engaged for a really long time so I don't know why theyre not marired yet) were planning on moving out of state when she graduated from college so she could go to school again...for like graduate school or something. He wanted to work out a plan with me on our daughter for visitation that we would submit to the judge together so we wouldn't have to pay for attorneys again. I don't like the idea of my daughter flying by herself, so I never really agreed to anything. I feel like since he is the one who is putting his girlfriend before our child, he should be the one to make the sacrifices to see her.

    Well his mom wasn't happy that they wanted to move and take his youngest daughter with them because she has been taking care of her and she has alot of problems because the girl's mom (his ex-wife) was on drugs. So his mom filed for custody of the girl before they moved and took her. They are in court over that, and his mom called me and asked if me and my daughter would testify against him. She said that her attorney said that since my daughter is his oldest and is there alot that it would really help her case.

    He got really mad when he found out that our daughter was testifying against him and she told me that he and his girlfirend said alot of mean things to her, like she isn't respecting him and is ungreatful. I think this is another reason why she shouldn't be allowed to see him anymore.

    My daughter is really upset that her dad and his girlfirend/fiancee/whatever said these things to her, and she is mad that he has moved away from her. He never puts her first. But then, I got papers saying that he is fighting me for sole custody of her! He wants her to live with them, and he said all these things like I'm "emotionally abusive" to her and that supposedly this isn't the first time I've violated the court order! I've never violated the court order, I have just done what is right for my daughter!

    My husband is angry because he told me that my ex would probably bring me back to court for getting my daughter involved with her grandmother's fight, but I think he is crazy and shouldn't be taking care of any of his kids. There is one daughter that is still with him and his fiancee that his mom is not fighting him for, and I think that kid is in danger too. But she's not mine so I am not worried about her because that is their problem.

    My daughter doesn't want to leave and she is really upset that her dad is doing this, but my husband told me that I may get in trouble because I did not bring her back to him after the weekend I was supposed to have her in July. But now he is out of state and I don't want her traveling by herself, especially when I don't know how he and his girlfirend are going to treat her. What should I do???
  2. #2
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    There is one daughter that is still with him and his fiancee that his mom is not fighting him for, and I think that kid is in danger too. But she's not mine so I am not worried about her because that is their problem.
    So it doesn't matter that a child is at risk? because she's not yours? Seriously?

    My daughter doesn't want to leave and she is really upset that her dad is doing this, but my husband told me that I may get in trouble because I did not bring her back to him after the weekend I was supposed to have her in July. But now he is out of state and I don't want her traveling by herself, especially when I don't know how he and his girlfirend are going to treat her. What should I do???
    You need at attorney. You had no right to withhold the child and honestly, you're doing yourself absolutely no favors here - if you're concerned about the child's welfare, you deal with it via the proper channels.

    What exactly do your custody orders say?
  3. #3
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dogmatique View Post
    So it doesn't matter that a child is at risk? because she's not yours? Seriously?
    It's not that I don't care, but my daughter is my first concern. My daughter told me that he has always favored that girl over her so she is probably the least one that could be hurt by him. I don't think he is stable. I feel bad for the girl, but I am just trying to protect my daughter and I am already angry that he is coming after me for because I told his mom that our daughter and me will testify against him in this other custody case so I don't want to get any more involved.

    Our custody papers say that we have joint legal custody and I have primary physical. He has visitation during the school year and primary physical during the summer when she is not in school. We are supposed to work with each other when something comes up and the weekends need to be changed. If it's a big change, we have to go back to the judge. He said he filed a police report when I did not bring her to the dropoff point in July, but I don't know if he really did or not.

    I know you are probably right that I need to get a lawyer because he is agressive but I don't have the money for one, so I am trying to do this by myself for as long as I can. I know I was supposed to bring her back, but I was afraid for her and she didn't want to go back. I don't want to force her to go see her dad when she doesn't want to. She is happier with me.

    He is also mad because I was letting my daughter tell him stuff about her grades and all, and he said I was supposed to tell him. I don't know why I have to when she is old enough now to tell her dad stuff. He said this violates the court order, but I think it only meant we had to talk when she was younger.

    I don't like talking to him and his fiancee makes me feel stupid, which I don't like. I asked her what she tells my daughter and she told me that she never talks bad about me to my daughter and she tells my daughter that she needs to respect me but I don't believe her. I think she is the one who told him to file for custody because I've had primary physical for years. So I really don't want him to get custody of her because this is all her idea and she doesn't know what's best for my child.
  4. #4
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Louisiana

    I really need help because my husband and I are fighting over this.

    My ex-boyfriend and I had a daughter and split up a few years after she was born; she is now a teenager. We now have joint legal custody with me being the primary physical parent. He had every other weekend with her, split holidays and all summer with her except for every other weekend when she would come home and then I had one week of visitation with her.

    I think this was more than generous because he has had alot of problems since we broke up, including being married to a woman who was on drugs. They had two kids together and somehow he wound up with full custody, but his youngest daughter has been staying with his mom for the last couple of years while he supposedly finished up school. He's been in school forever so I don't even know if he was really in school or not.

    He had told me last year that he and his supposed fiancee (they say their engaged, but they've been engaged for a really long time so I don't know why theyre not marired yet) were planning on moving out of state when she graduated from college so she could go to school again...for like graduate school or something. He wanted to work out a plan with me on our daughter for visitation that we would submit to the judge together so we wouldn't have to pay for attorneys again. I don't like the idea of my daughter flying by herself, so I never really agreed to anything. I feel like since he is the one who is putting his girlfriend before our child, he should be the one to make the sacrifices to see her.

    Well his mom wasn't happy that they wanted to move and take his youngest daughter with them because she has been taking care of her and she has alot of problems because the girl's mom (his ex-wife) was on drugs. So his mom filed for custody of the girl before they moved and took her. They are in court over that, and his mom called me and asked if me and my daughter would testify against him. She said that her attorney said that since my daughter is his oldest and is there alot that it would really help her case.

    He got really mad when he found out that our daughter was testifying against him and she told me that he and his girlfirend said alot of mean things to her, like she isn't respecting him and is ungreatful. I think this is another reason why she shouldn't be allowed to see him anymore.

    My daughter is really upset that her dad and his girlfirend/fiancee/whatever said these things to her, and she is mad that he has moved away from her. He never puts her first. But then, I got papers saying that he is fighting me for sole custody of her! He wants her to live with them, and he said all these things like I'm "emotionally abusive" to her and that supposedly this isn't the first time I've violated the court order! I've never violated the court order, I have just done what is right for my daughter!

    My husband is angry because he told me that my ex would probably bring me back to court for getting my daughter involved with her grandmother's fight, but I think he is crazy and shouldn't be taking care of any of his kids. There is one daughter that is still with him and his fiancee that his mom is not fighting him for, and I think that kid is in danger too. But she's not mine so I am not worried about her because that is their problem.

    My daughter doesn't want to leave and she is really upset that her dad is doing this, but my husband told me that I may get in trouble because I did not bring her back to him after the weekend I was supposed to have her in July. But now he is out of state and I don't want her traveling by herself, especially when I don't know how he and his girlfirend are going to treat her. What should I do???
    To some extent I agree with your husband. Your daughter really should not be involved in the grandmother's case against her own father, and if you had declined to involve her, you probably wouldn't be dealing with your own custody battle regarding your daughter.

    In addition you did violate the court orders by not returning her to dad for his summer visitation. You are going to suffer for that.

    Get yourself an attorney ASAP. Dad doesn't really have much chance of prevailing on custody, but you have messed up enough that you cannot afford to be without an attorney.



    However, I also don't think that dad has any real hope of prevailing
  5. #5
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    In addition you did violate the court orders by not returning her to dad for his summer visitation. You are going to suffer for that.
    What do you mean by suffer? Do you think he will get more time with her? I don't want him having visitation with her anymore. I have never really wanted him to have visitation because he is too busy taking care of his other family and my daughter has my husband who is great to her.

    His fiancee acts all uppity to and I don't like my daughter being around her. I should be the one giving my daughter advice on college, not her. I don't think she is a good influence on my daughter.

    I only agreed to let my daughter testify against him because I thought he would get mad and not want to see her anymore. Instead he does this and he says I'm not a fit parent! I'm not the one in two custody battles, he is!
  6. #6
    gr8rn is offline Senior Member
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    You not wanting him to have any visitation at all is not going to happen. He is her father and he will see her. Do you understand that you can't make that happen with or without an attorney.

    His fiancee is all uppity and not a good influence because she is giving your daughter college advise? For real?

    It sounds like if you had followed the order, you would be in a good position since you have primary custody and he moved away, but noncompliance with a custody order is frowned upon, generally, in court.
  7. #7
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    What do you mean by suffer? Do you think he will get more time with her?
    Yes I do. You violated a court order and didn't return her as ordered. He may get even more time, maybe not full custody, but the judge is not going to like you after that. It is said all of the time, court orders are NOT SUGGESTIONS.

    (unless they are suggestions because the parents can get along, which clearly you are not.)


    I don't want him having visitation with her anymore. I have never really wanted him to have visitation because he is too busy taking care of his other family and my daughter has my husband who is great to her.

    That is too effing bad. He is the Father of your daughter and like it or not she deserves to have a relationship with him, even if she doesn't like it. She can decide who to see, and who not to see when she is 18

    His fiancee acts all uppity to and I don't like my daughter being around her. I should be the one giving my daughter advice on college, not her. I don't think she is a good influence on my daughter.
    Also too effing bad. If you want to be the first to tell your daughter things, I suggest you get to talking. Your child's a teenager, and you have no right to say who your ex is with, and when it is his parenting time, what goes on is really none of your business. Your daughter is 0ld enough to stand up for herself, and if your beef is "giving her advice on college" thank your lucky stars shes not giving her advice on the best place to stick the needle.

    (In which case you would get CPS involved, and the state and the police and have them sort it out and make a determination.)

    I only agreed to let my daughter testify against him because I thought he would get mad and not want to see her anymore. Instead he does this and he says I'm not a fit parent! I'm not the one in two custody battles, he is!
    Turns out you are in one now huh. It was childish and not too parent like to try to manipulate the situation like that. My 10 year old is trying to do that. Adults think of whats best for kiddo, and does it. not try to manipulate people. Hellllloooo that kind of childish behavior backfires.


    It is not up to you about when your daughter spends time with her father. If it is so bad then have daughter call the cops. call cps whatever. DO NOT TAKE IT UPON YOURSELF to ignore the judges instructions, or your going to be sorry.

    Keep violating the court order, and he will in fact get custody of your child. and that is the bottom line.
  8. #8
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    I know that he is her dad legally, but she does not want to see him and she is alot closer to my husband. She is a teenager now, why will the judge make her see him if she doesn't want to? She is afraid of him because of the things she told me he said to her when he found out she was testifying. She told me that he said that she was ungreatful for what he has done for her. HA - what has he done for her?

    I don't like his fiancee giving her advice becuase she is not her mother. She is nobody to her, she should not be trying to act like she is someone to her. I am the one who should be giving her adivce, not his fiancee. She thinks she is better then me because she went to college, but I will always know what's best for my child.

    I dont want to force my child on a plane to go see her dad when she doesnt want to. Her home is here and it's not her fault that he moved again. I dont think its safe for her to fly by herself and the airline told me I cant get someone to escort her because she is "too old" so I don't know why he can't just come here to see her if he wants to see her so bad. It's not about seeing her, he is just mad at me.

    Another thing, his mom told me she would testify for me that he should not get custody or visitation. I think that is good that it is his mom that will testify for me, but is it bad that she has already testifyed for him before the last time we went to court?
  9. #9
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    I wasn't being childish. My daughter is mad that he wanted to move and she didnt like being over there with him anyway because he wouldn't do anything with her while she was there. They just stayed at his house alot. This way if his mom wins my daughter at least gets to see her younger sister. I dont want to force her to go when she doesnt want to.

    No him and his finacee aren't tell her "the best place to stick a needle" but his fiancee is really young and I don't think she is a good influence on her. He said that it wanst my business but it effects my daughter so it is my business.

    Quote Originally Posted by Banned_Princess View Post
    Keep violating the court order, and he will in fact get custody of your child. and that is the bottom line.
    So what am I supposed to do now? It would be pretty stupid for me to call him out of the blue and offer to send her and I am NOT paying for a plane ticket.
  10. #10
    Rushia is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    I know that he is her dad legally, but she does not want to see him and she is alot closer to my husband. She is a teenager now, why will the judge make her see him if she doesn't want to? She is afraid of him because of the things she told me he said to her when he found out she was testifying. She told me that he said that she was ungreatful for what he has done for her. HA - what has he done for her?
    Even as a teenager she doesn't get the choice on whether or not she'll get to see him. You NEVER should have allowed her to testify against her father. You stated yourself that you only allowed her to do so on the thought that he'd get mad and wouldn't want to see her again.

    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    I don't like his fiancee giving her advice becuase she is not her mother. She is nobody to her, she should not be trying to act like she is someone to her. I am the one who should be giving her adivce, not his fiancee. She thinks she is better then me because she went to college, but I will always know what's best for my child.
    If this is the only thing, then you have a problem.

    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    I dont want to force my child on a plane to go see her dad when she doesnt want to. Her home is here and it's not her fault that he moved again. I dont think its safe for her to fly by herself and the airline told me I cant get someone to escort her because she is "too old" so I don't know why he can't just come here to see her if he wants to see her so bad. It's not about seeing her, he is just mad at me.
    Your daughter is old enough to get on a plane without you or dad with her. The judge is going to tell you the same thing. If you insist that she needs company, buy your own ticket to fly with her.

    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    Another thing, his mom told me she would testify for me that he should not get custody or visitation. I think that is good that it is his mom that will testify for me, but is it bad that she has already testifyed for him before the last time we went to court?
    I think a judge is going to see right through the both of you.
  11. #11
    Banned_Princess is offline Senior Member
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    Listen up really close.

    If there is a visitation Court order in place, and you keep violating it, the judge is going to flip the order around.

    If you want things changed in the order, you need to go get the order amended.

    For that we suggest you get a lawyer.

    Until such time, you need to abide by the order strictly. It is obvious to me, who knows nothing of your family or situation that it was really really a dumb idea to get your daughter involved with his business. Under no circumstances should she have interfered in any way, and now you need to find a way to cool the water. (since it was your fault she is in the hot water with dad) Good luck with that.

    I dont care about any of your further excuses. Dont send her back, let dad file for violating the order, go explain to the judge your stupid excuses and your bad parenting and see what happens.

    Good Luck.
  12. #12
    Rushia is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Banned_Princess View Post

    I dont care about any of your further excuses. Dont send her back, let dad file for violating the order, go explain to the judge your stupid excuses and your bad parenting and see what happens.

    Good Luck.
    Please use the correct terminology for bad parenting. The word is craptastic.
  13. #13
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    I would respond but for the fact that cajunmomma doesn't have the brains God gave a bowl of gumbo and quite frankly wouldn't listen anyway. The fact that she believed it was appropriate to let a child TESTIFY in a CUSTODY trial against her parent and the reasons why shows that she has no clue about proper parenting. It also shows that she doesn't care about the alienation she is engaging in.
    If dad takes her back, mom can look at having SUPERVISED visitation due to the fact that she is actively attempting to alienate the child from dad. She has admitted it. Again though, for her to comprehend and understand, she would have to have more brains than is in gumbo.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  14. #14
    cajunmomma is offline Junior Member
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    I really don't think it's fair for you to say I am a bad parent when you don't know me. My daughter and I are best friends and I will always do what I think is best to protect her. When her grandmother asked her to testify, she wanted to. I didn't tell her too. He is trying to say that I brainwashed her.

    He has already filed for sole custody and a change in the visitation order if he doesn't get custody. What else am I supposed to do? Why would I file something when he already has?

    Another thing is he and his fiancee live together. Supposedly they were getting married this summer but when this custody fight with his mom happened, they decided to wait because they were spending their money on that case. But my daughter says that she doesn't think they had plans made for the wedding. Can't I use it agianst him that he is living with her? My friend's dad that is a lawyer said the judge won't care because we lived together and the court order doesn't say anythign about it but I think it's different because I have a stable home and he doesnt.

    Rushia, I don't like her acting like she is her mom. We have in our papers that everyone is supposed to encourage the child's relationship with the other parent, and I don't see how she is doing that wehn she acts like a mom to her.

    So I'm supposed to just call him even though court is next month and offer for him to pick her up for a weekend?
  15. #15
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by cajunmomma View Post
    I wasn't being childish. My daughter is mad that he wanted to move and she didnt like being over there with him anyway because he wouldn't do anything with her while she was there. They just stayed at his house alot. This way if his mom wins my daughter at least gets to see her younger sister. I dont want to force her to go when she doesnt want to.

    No him and his finacee aren't tell her "the best place to stick a needle" but his fiancee is really young and I don't think she is a good influence on her. He said that it wanst my business but it effects my daughter so it is my business.


    So what am I supposed to do now? It would be pretty stupid for me to call him out of the blue and offer to send her and I am NOT paying for a plane ticket.
    You need to get a brain transplant so you have MORE intelligence than gumbo. THEN you need to work your butt off apologizing to your daughter's father and repairing the relationship between him and HIS child that you have managed to destroy. THEN you better hope that he doesn't sue you for custody due to your alienation and that you end up paying HIM child support and only having supervised visitation with your teenage daughter.

    Should I continue? Your bitterness is showing. So what if his fiancee is young. She did NOTHING wrong. YOU on the other hand have engaged in craptastic parenting, illegal acts and behavior more appropriate to a two year old having a tantrum than an adult who happens to be a parent.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.

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