Ex wants joint custody of a child he has only willingly seen twice?

[Ohiogal]

When we got the gender results in an ultrasound, they saw that there was a blip (to which they thought the baby might have had a hole in his spine.. which was later resolved because there was nothing there two weeks later.). We were still dating and talking about the baby at that point and I told him because I was worried. A week later we had the falling out when he found out that medicaid in GA asks the father to pay half of hospital costs, etc. He had his new girlfriend a few days after that and had started sending more messages threatening to take the baby away because I was already a horrible mother. (I guess because I left.)

And yes, I am very aware he can sue for custody.. which he is asking for joint custody. My main concern is the amount of shuffling he is wanting done (he wants him thurs to sun every week.) when he hasn't seen him in months. I'm asking what the chances are that he will get thursday to sunday without having spent any time previously with the child. The child goes to daycare- and they do have a curriculum (the bright start program) and it gives him the social interaction that I would really like him to have (with other children his age). He goes mon-fri and when the child is three, I would really like him to be enrolled in a head start program that is available where I live. In the parenting plan I submitted in response, I agreed that I would like to make joint decisions on all of these things WITH the father- so I am not with-holding it.
My concerns lie in the fact that the child does not know the father and overnight for so long right off the bat could hurt the child. I put into the parenting plan that I would like him to have every other weekend, friday night to sunday night and one night during the weekday. The one night during the weekday might not be a great idea because we live almost two hours apart. He and I both work mon-fri full time and I know we both have family events on some weekends so I would like to allow for the child to be able to see everyone at some point.

How well did the child know the day care workers before you left him at daycare the first time?

 

[gam]

When we got the gender results in an ultrasound, they saw that there was a blip (to which they thought the baby might have had a hole in his spine.. which was later resolved because there was nothing there two weeks later.). We were still dating and talking about the baby at that point and I told him because I was worried. A week later we had the falling out when he found out that medicaid in GA asks the father to pay half of hospital costs, etc. He had his new girlfriend a few days after that and had started sending more messages threatening to take the baby away because I was already a horrible mother. (I guess because I left.)

And yes, I am very aware he can sue for custody.. which he is asking for joint custody. My main concern is the amount of shuffling he is wanting done (he wants him thurs to sun every week.) when he hasn't seen him in months. I'm asking what the chances are that he will get thursday to sunday without having spent any time previously with the child. The child goes to daycare- and they do have a curriculum (the bright start program) and it gives him the social interaction that I would really like him to have (with other children his age). He goes mon-fri and when the child is three, I would really like him to be enrolled in a head start program that is available where I live. In the parenting plan I submitted in response, I agreed that I would like to make joint decisions on all of these things WITH the father- so I am not with-holding it.
My concerns lie in the fact that the child does not know the father and overnight for so long right off the bat could hurt the child. I put into the parenting plan that I would like him to have every other weekend, friday night to sunday night and one night during the weekday. The one night during the weekday might not be a great idea because we live almost two hours apart. He and I both work mon-fri full time and I know we both have family events on some weekends so I would like to allow for the child to be able to see everyone at some point.

Chances are high now that dad has come forward that he will get joint legal. So what you want, has now become what you both want. Many of these issues must be discussed jointly and you and dad must come to a middle ground on them. As I said in my other post, my grandsons father was not there the first 2 1/2 years, on top of that he lives in another state, however the court gave him right out of the gate, joint legal. So from that point forward, my daughter has to now discuss things with him and come to joint decisions.

Can't tell you what he will start out with. You can ask for a graduated plan, and you can ask for that to start out supervised. Will you get it? Who knows, in my daughters case she got 1 hour of supervised visitation and from that forward dad did get a graduated plan, but he just comes and picks up the child and drops him off when the time ends. Common amount of time for graduated could be as little as a couple months up to a year. In your case since distance is not a factor, it will probably go quickly. In my daughters case the graduated plan has gone from Sept 2012, until May 2013, but distance is a major factor, dad can only get here once a month.
t
Your offering dad standard visitation, 1 week night and EOW. Dad is wanting more of a 50/50. I would have a 50/50 plan ready as the court might go for that, I do still think first they would do some kind of graduated plan. So come up with a 50/50, that has you getting weekends to. The courts usually don't allow all the free time weekends to go to one person. Lots of 50/50, ways to do it. Will dad get 50/50, can't guess, but I would make a plan anyways to take to court, in case the court leans that way.

Editing cause I missed the 2 hours apart. So distance is a bit of a factor, however if the drive is split, that is 1 hour each way for both of you, so the distance is not a huge factor. Weeknights are possible and overnight weeknights are still possible to. Just cause you have baby in your daycare, does not mean a court won't allow dad to find daycare where he would like for an overnight during the week.

 

[mayuriinabox]

How well did the child know the day care workers before you left him at daycare the first time?

We were actually allowed to go in for a few days before fully deciding to enroll him. We got to see how he interacts with the teachers and the class. They gave daily reports (which are standard for that daycare) and I was allowed to go in at any time to see how he was doing.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Chances are high now that dad has come forward that he will get joint legal. So what you want, has now become what you both want. Many of these issues must be discussed jointly and you and dad must come to a middle ground on them. As I said in my other post, my grandsons father was not there the first 2 1/2 years, on top of that he lives in another state, however the court gave him right out of the gate, joint legal. So from that point forward, my daughter has to now discuss things with him and come to joint decisions.

Can't tell you what he will start out with. You can ask for a graduated plan, and you can ask for that to start out supervised. Will you get it? Who knows, in my daughters case she got 1 hour of supervised visitation and from that forward dad did get a graduated plan, but he just comes and picks up the child and drops him off when the time ends. Common amount of time for graduated could be as little as a couple months up to a year. In your case since distance is not a factor, it will probably go quickly. In my daughters case the graduated plan has gone from Sept 2012, until May 2013, but distance is a major factor, dad can only get here once a month.
t
Your offering dad standard visitation, 1 week night and EOW. Dad is wanting more of a 50/50. I would have a 50/50 plan ready as the court might go for that, I do still think first they would do some kind of graduated plan. So come up with a 50/50, that has you getting weekends to. The courts usually don't allow all the free time weekends to go to one person. Lots of 50/50, ways to do it. Will dad get 50/50, can't guess, but I would make a plan anyways to take to court, in case the court leans that way.

Editing cause I missed the 2 hours apart. So distance is a bit of a factor, however if the drive is split, that is 1 hour each way for both of you, so the distance is not a huge factor. Weeknights are possible and overnight weeknights are still possible to. Just cause you have baby in your daycare, does not mean a court won't allow dad to find daycare where he would like for an overnight during the week.

From what I have read from other cases in GA and what I have been told from lawyer consultations here... They don't see him getting the fifty-fifty. Most other cases (from relatives, friends, and coworkers) that were even married and together for at least the first few months of the childs life still don't do 50/50 unless both parents agree on it.
That being said... I know every case IS different, so I like be prepared for possible outcomes. Although.. upon reading the papers (and without any input from me, they just ask when I filed things).. every lawyer I have seen thus far has said that it really does look like he is just trying to get out of child support.


EDIT: I do realize that joint custody and having the child 50% of the time aren't always the same thing.

 

[Ohiogal]

We were actually allowed to go in for a few days before fully deciding to enroll him. We got to see how he interacts with the teachers and the class. They gave daily reports (which are standard for that daycare) and I was allowed to go in at any time to see how he was doing.

Who is "we"?

 

[mayuriinabox]

Who is "we"?

The child and question and me.

 

[gam]

From what I have read from other cases in GA and what I have been told from lawyer consultations here... They don't see him getting the fifty-fifty. Most other cases (from relatives, friends, and coworkers) that were even married and together for at least the first few months of the childs life still don't do 50/50 unless both parents agree on it.
That being said... I know every case IS different, so I like be prepared for possible outcomes. Although.. upon reading the papers (and without any input from me, they just ask when I filed things).. every lawyer I have seen thus far has said that it really does look like he is just trying to get out of child support.
EDIT: I do realize that joint custody and having the child 50% of the time aren't always the same thing.

And what did these lawyers tell you the Judge would do about that? Not a thing, the Judge still will give him parenting time, get your focus off why dad is doing this, fact is you filed for child support, he filed for some kind of custody and parenting time.

Thousands of threads on here were mom filed for child support, dad was not in the picture and suddenly he was and he was filing for full custody, very least 50/50. What they walk away with is another story, but they always walk out with some kind of parenting time and almost always with joint legal.

Then learn everything on custody/child support/parenting time. Prepare for all kinds of arguments, prepare several parenting plans, just in case the Judge leans that way. Otherwise your trusting some lawyer to do everything for you, they get paid no matter what, not their kid, they don't have the vested interest you do.

 

[mayuriinabox]

And what did these lawyers tell you the Judge would do about that? Not a thing, the Judge still will give him parenting time, get your focus off why dad is doing this, fact is you filed for child support, he filed for some kind of custody and parenting time.

Thousands of threads on here were mom filed for child support, dad was not in the picture and suddenly he was and he was filing for full custody, very least 50/50. What they walk away with is another story, but they always walk out with some kind of parenting time and almost always with joint legal.

Then learn everything on custody/child support/parenting time. Prepare for all kinds of arguments, prepare several parenting plans, just in case the Judge leans that way. Otherwise your trusting some lawyer to do everything for you, they get paid no matter what, not their kid, they don't have the vested interest you do.

All they have told me is that joint PHYSICAL custody is unlikely but not unheard of. That is really about it. I do understand that I would be just another payday- which I can't afford one anyway. I was considering a guardian ad litem but not sure. A few lawyers said that its just more money and its usually used for divorce cases.
Guardian ad litem was a recommendation from my aunt, who has been through two divorces. There are volunteers for ad litem, tho, and its fairly accessible in GA. If anyone has used one, I'd appreciate input on it.

I know he will get parenting time. My big concern is overnight for so long so soon. The child has lived with my since birth and have been cared for by me since as well. It just seems like 3.5 days a week with each parent is going to be a big shuffle for a child so small- and one of us is going to end up with a good bit less time when the child goes to school. We live three counties apart. The parenting plans both state that we want to make plans to where there are minimal changes to the parenting plan. I just fail to see how that will happen if the child is moved around every thursday. How is that stable?

 

[starting over]

Thread hijack for clarification from the Seniors. I read this site almost daily and I am confused about something. Is there something with OP's state that says she has to agree to anything at all in Mediation??

OP, I think it's great that you are working with Dad to come up with a phased in parenting plan that you are comfortable with. I just wanted to make sure if you were aware that you are under no obligation to agree to anything just cause they want you to.

 

[LdiJ]

All they have told me is that joint PHYSICAL custody is unlikely but not unheard of. That is really about it. I do understand that I would be just another payday- which I can't afford one anyway. I was considering a guardian ad litem but not sure. A few lawyers said that its just more money and its usually used for divorce cases.
Guardian ad litem was a recommendation from my aunt, who has been through two divorces. There are volunteers for ad litem, tho, and its fairly accessible in GA. If anyone has used one, I'd appreciate input on it.

I know he will get parenting time. My big concern is overnight for so long so soon. The child has lived with my since birth and have been cared for by me since as well. It just seems like 3.5 days a week with each parent is going to be a big shuffle for a child so small- and one of us is going to end up with a good bit less time when the child goes to school. We live three counties apart. The parenting plans both state that we want to make plans to where there are minimal changes to the parenting plan. I just fail to see how that will happen if the child is moved around every thursday. How is that stable?

Again, there is virtually no chance that a judge will give him what he wants...once again, because a judge isn't going to give him EVERY weekend, and because he is a virtual stranger to the child. Unless you roll over and play dead, he is going to end up with a phased in plan and every other weekend.

 

[Ohiogal]

Again, there is virtually no chance that a judge will give him what he wants...once again, because a judge isn't going to give him EVERY weekend, and because he is a virtual stranger to the child. Unless you roll over and play dead, he is going to end up with a phased in plan and every other weekend.

Actually the phased in plan may give him time every weekend in order to get the consistency for a child so young. So OP may have to deal with it for a length of time.

 

[Proserpina]

Actually the phased in plan may give him time every weekend in order to get the consistency for a child so young. So OP may have to deal with it for a length of time.

Every weekend, in Georgia?

Doubt it.

 

[Ohiogal]

Every weekend, in Georgia?

Doubt it.

For the phased in portion where he is seeing the child so that the child is getting to know him on a consistent basis? I don't doubt that it is very possible. If dad is ordered that he gets four hours of visitation a week start (or something like that), it is very possible that it will be every Saturday or Sunday for a few months. Even when he goes to one overnight a week -- again, that is very possible that part of every weekend for a few months will go to dad. So I don't doubt that she could lose portions of weekends for a few months. So what did I say wrong? Oh yeah, nothing. Read it again.

Actually the phased in plan may give him time every weekend in order to get the consistency for a child so young. So OP may have to deal with it for a length of time.

 

[Proserpina]

For the phased in portion where he is seeing the child so that the child is getting to know him on a consistent basis? I don't doubt that it is very possible. If dad is ordered that he gets four hours of visitation a week start (or something like that), it is very possible that it will be every Saturday or Sunday for a few months. Even when he goes to one overnight a week -- again, that is very possible that part of every weekend for a few months will go to dad. So I don't doubt that she could lose portions of weekends for a few months. So what did I say wrong? Oh yeah, nothing. Read it again.

I'll get right on that.

Really.

 

[Ohiogal]

I'll get right on that.

Really.

So you don't think it is possible that during the "get to you know" phased in period that the court could order that dad has time every Saturday or Sunday for four/six/eight hours for a period of a month or two? Then it increases to overnights once a week (think every Friday or Saturday night) for a month or two before it goes to every other weekend? Really? You think that is completely and totally impossible and will NEVER happen because it is Georgia? That is a very short amount of time (two to six months) that mom would not have full weekends (but neither would dad) and I think it is probable that dad would get some time like this scheduled. These parents live a few hours apart. If either mom or dad works when is there going to be enough time for travel other than a weekend in order to make sure dad gets frequent consistent visitation. I find the fact that you are so determined that something like this WILL NOT happen preposterous. I am correct in stating that this is very possible and MAY be ordered (or something similar). No where did I state that dad would get every weekend for ever. But for the phased in portion of the program, it is very possible. Happens quite a bit actually. So again, I state to you READ WHAT I STATED AGAIN. it is not that difficult.

Actually the phased in plan may give him time every weekend in order to get the consistency for a child so young. So OP may have to deal with it for a length of time.