Ex wants joint custody of a child he has only willingly seen twice?

[mayuriinabox]

So you don't think it is possible that during the "get to you know" phased in period that the court could order that dad has time every Saturday or Sunday for four/six/eight hours for a period of a month or two? Then it increases to overnights once a week (think every Friday or Saturday night) for a month or two before it goes to every other weekend? Really? You think that is completely and totally impossible and will NEVER happen because it is Georgia? That is a very short amount of time (two to six months) that mom would not have full weekends (but neither would dad) and I think it is probable that dad would get some time like this scheduled. These parents live a few hours apart. If either mom or dad works when is there going to be enough time for travel other than a weekend in order to make sure dad gets frequent consistent visitation. I find the fact that you are so determined that something like this WILL NOT happen preposterous. I am correct in stating that this is very possible and MAY be ordered (or something similar). No where did I state that dad would get every weekend for ever. But for the phased in portion of the program, it is very possible. Happens quite a bit actually. So again, I state to you READ WHAT I STATED AGAIN. it is not that difficult.

You are right on that. I proposed a phased in plan with the parenting plan I submitted. Apparently he REALLY didn't like that- his lawyer told me that there was no way he would agree to that. I understand that the lawyer will most definitely aim for and push for more... But I do firmly believe that he read the papers, probably got just as mad at my proposal as I did to his.
I have several plans available in regards to phased in parenting. Seeing as how my son is 18 months, I asked for a six month phasing in. Starting with (maybe supervised? daytime visitation, evolving to longer hours, then overnight once every other weekend and then the full weekend I proposed- which is second and fourth fridays from 6pm to sunday at 6pm. This would give us both time to have the child bathed, fed, and ready for bed by 8-8:30, which is his normal bedtime (we have a very good schedule going, he sleeps throughout the night. )
I do think the father will contest this as much as possible- he has always been very impatient.. but that could really be his downfall for his case.. if he gets too angry that things aren't going the way he planned. ( If it says anything as to why I am worried.. when I was pregnant, I didn't want to stay the night so he threatened suicide with a gun.. which is when I called 911. He is known for these acts. )
But that being said... I'd be more than willing to start with a few hours each weekend. That would be fine. As for every weekend.. We do have family that the child loves to see. A few of our cousins that just make his day.. and we see them every other weekend- just about.
As for the length of my phased in proposal.. I realize that its a long shot to have it go on that long.. But maybe its something we can negotiate in mediation.


I keep hearing all these stories about mothers not having lawyers and losing their case because of it. I'm a single mom- my dad has a room in my apt (my mother died last year three months after my son was born), it is MY apartment, I pay all my bills, I work part time while looking for full time, have my own car, takes the child to ALL appointments, but my income is fairly low. Not low enough to deprive my son of anything, but significantly lower than the fathers.

I'm afraid that they will use the fact that he is married, has a child, and has more money to try and get what he wants. D:


EDIT: Also, the lawyers I have talked to here all state that there is a mandatory parenting class that the father and I would both have to attend.. and mediation is also mandatory.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Thread hijack for clarification from the Seniors. I read this site almost daily and I am confused about something. Is there something with OP's state that says she has to agree to anything at all in Mediation??

OP, I think it's great that you are working with Dad to come up with a phased in parenting plan that you are comfortable with. I just wanted to make sure if you were aware that you are under no obligation to agree to anything just cause they want you to.

Mediation is mandatory, as far as I am aware. Same with parenting classes.
I am pretty sure that I don't have to agree to anything I do not want to... do I am anticipating this going to court. They want to negotiate child support also- I DO expect that to go to court.

 

[LdiJ]

You are right on that. I proposed a phased in plan with the parenting plan I submitted. Apparently he REALLY didn't like that- his lawyer told me that there was no way he would agree to that. I understand that the lawyer will most definitely aim for and push for more... But I do firmly believe that he read the papers, probably got just as mad at my proposal as I did to his.
I have several plans available in regards to phased in parenting. Seeing as how my son is 18 months, I asked for a six month phasing in. Starting with (maybe supervised? daytime visitation, evolving to longer hours, then overnight once every other weekend and then the full weekend I proposed- which is second and fourth fridays from 6pm to sunday at 6pm. This would give us both time to have the child bathed, fed, and ready for bed by 8-8:30, which is his normal bedtime (we have a very good schedule going, he sleeps throughout the night. )
I do think the father will contest this as much as possible- he has always been very impatient.. but that could really be his downfall for his case.. if he gets too angry that things aren't going the way he planned. ( If it says anything as to why I am worried.. when I was pregnant, I didn't want to stay the night so he threatened suicide with a gun.. which is when I called 911. He is known for these acts. )
But that being said... I'd be more than willing to start with a few hours each weekend. That would be fine. As for every weekend.. We do have family that the child loves to see. A few of our cousins that just make his day.. and we see them every other weekend- just about.
As for the length of my phased in proposal.. I realize that its a long shot to have it go on that long.. But maybe its something we can negotiate in mediation.


I keep hearing all these stories about mothers not having lawyers and losing their case because of it. I'm a single mom- my dad has a room in my apt (my mother died last year three months after my son was born), it is MY apartment, I pay all my bills, I work part time while looking for full time, have my own car, takes the child to ALL appointments, but my income is fairly low. Not low enough to deprive my son of anything, but significantly lower than the fathers.

I'm afraid that they will use the fact that he is married, has a child, and has more money to try and get what he wants. D:


EDIT: Also, the lawyers I have talked to here all state that there is a mandatory parenting class that the father and I would both have to attend.. and mediation is also mandatory.

The bolded is irrelevant. It doesn't work that way at all. Those are factors that a judge CANNOT use to decide custody.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mediation is mandatory, as far as I am aware. Same with parenting classes.
I am pretty sure that I don't have to agree to anything I do not want to... do I am anticipating this going to court. They want to negotiate child support also- I DO expect that to go to court.

Parenting classes are NOT mandatory. A parenting seminar may be but not parenting classes.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Parenting classes are NOT mandatory. A parenting seminar may be but not parenting classes.

I'll look into it some more. That's just what two of the consultations said.. I'd seen mediation is but the classes are just what Ive been told.

 

[Silverplum]

I was considering a guardian ad litem but not sure. A few lawyers said that its just more money and its usually used for divorce cases.
Guardian ad litem was a recommendation from my aunt, who has been through two divorces. There are volunteers for ad litem, tho, and its fairly accessible in GA. If anyone has used one, I'd appreciate input on it.

mayuriinabox, meet Ohiogal.

 

[mayuriinabox]

mayuriinabox, meet Ohiogal.

Did I say she was a he or something?

 

[ilokguardian]

Did I say she was a he or something?

gal = guardian ad litem

 

[Silverplum]

Did I say she was a he or something?

Context: I was referring to your own post, which I quoted.

Guardian Ad Litum = GAL.

Ohiogal = An Ohio attorney who also serves as a GAL.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Context: I was referring to your own post, which I quoted.

Guardian Ad Litum = GAL.

Ohiogal = An Ohio attorney who also serves as a GAL.

O: I didn't really think about abbreviation. Thanks

 

[Ohiogal]

I'll look into it some more. That's just what two of the consultations said.. I'd seen mediation is but the classes are just what Ive been told.

It is a superior court rule (24.8) and is explained further here: http://ayottelawfirm.com/home/2012/03/parenting-seminars/
Also see:
http://www.chathamcourts.org/Portals/ChathamCourts/Superior%20Court/Forms/Transitional%20Parenting%20Seminar.pdf

as it does not apply to just DIVORCES.

 

[gam]

So you don't think it is possible that during the "get to you know" phased in period that the court could order that dad has time every Saturday or Sunday for four/six/eight hours for a period of a month or two? Then it increases to overnights once a week (think every Friday or Saturday night) for a month or two before it goes to every other weekend? Really? You think that is completely and totally impossible and will NEVER happen because it is Georgia? That is a very short amount of time (two to six months) that mom would not have full weekends (but neither would dad) and I think it is probable that dad would get some time like this scheduled. These parents live a few hours apart. If either mom or dad works when is there going to be enough time for travel other than a weekend in order to make sure dad gets frequent consistent visitation. I find the fact that you are so determined that something like this WILL NOT happen preposterous. I am correct in stating that this is very possible and MAY be ordered (or something similar). No where did I state that dad would get every weekend for ever. But for the phased in portion of the program, it is very possible. Happens quite a bit actually. So again, I state to you READ WHAT I STATED AGAIN. it is not that difficult.

I'm with you on what you have brought up here, dad very well could get every Sat and Sun for the "get to know you" phase. I'm not sure why some others don't understand that Judges will look at cases as individual cases. Here we have no relationship between dad and child, we also have a 2 hour distance. It's even possible with a 2 hour distance that the Judge down the road could leave dad with 3 out of 4 weekends. Weekday visit may be impossible for these parents to do with that 2 hour distance, depending on work schedules and what not.

When my other daughter started out with a baby, her ex was 3 hours away at college during the week, only home on weekends and school breaks. He almost got every weekend, as he could not do weekday time. While this was not a phase in situation, this was a case with a baby, so going 2 weeks in between visits would be to long for a baby. Judge even compared it to on record to a phase in case. Now because he was home at times for longer college breaks, the Judge had a different parenting plan for those times. My daughter was prepared for her situation, and came with plans for both herself, as someone on a board like this, told me and then told her(made her come on herself), that 2 plans were possible, and that dad getting all the weekends was possible to.

The point of a phase in is "get to know you", a child who has no clue to who the person is will have more troubles with a phase in when it is spaced far apart. Many Judges will want to have more frequent visits in such a case. With the distance, weeknights are going to be limited, and maybe impossible.

I've already told the poster to be prepared for all circumstances of her case, and to get herself a couple of different plans ready and take with her. She is going to be screwed if she don't plan for all the lil problems her case has. But she most likely is going to listen to all these telling her it is going to happen the "norm" way.

Off my soapbox about the "norm" and how I believe the "norm" does not happen as often as ones here like to believe.

 

[mayuriinabox]

I'm with you on what you have brought up here, dad very well could get every Sat and Sun for the "get to know you" phase. I'm not sure why some others don't understand that Judges will look at cases as individual cases. Here we have no relationship between dad and child, we also have a 2 hour distance. It's even possible with a 2 hour distance that the Judge down the road could leave dad with 3 out of 4 weekends. Weekday visit may be impossible for these parents to do with that 2 hour distance, depending on work schedules and what not.

When my other daughter started out with a baby, her ex was 3 hours away at college during the week, only home on weekends and school breaks. He almost got every weekend, as he could not do weekday time. While this was not a phase in situation, this was a case with a baby, so going 2 weeks in between visits would be to long for a baby. Judge even compared it to on record to a phase in case. Now because he was home at times for longer college breaks, the Judge had a different parenting plan for those times. My daughter was prepared for her situation, and came with plans for both herself, as someone on a board like this, told me and then told her(made her come on herself), that 2 plans were possible, and that dad getting all the weekends was possible to.

The point of a phase in is "get to know you", a child who has no clue to who the person is will have more troubles with a phase in when it is spaced far apart. Many Judges will want to have more frequent visits in such a case. With the distance, weeknights are going to be limited, and maybe impossible.

I've already told the poster to be prepared for all circumstances of her case, and to get herself a couple of different plans ready and take with her. She is going to be screwed if she don't plan for all the lil problems her case has. But she most likely is going to listen to all these telling her it is going to happen the "norm" way.

Off my soapbox about the "norm" and how I believe the "norm" does not happen as often as ones here like to believe.

I understand that it might not happen the "normal" way.
I just honestly do feel that EVERY thursday to sunday will not be beneficial to the child. He would have time to get used to one household and then be placed in another. Over and over. And like I said, when school comes around, it would harm one parents time with the child. Mostly the father.
When the child ISN'T in school at a later date.. I would be comfortable with every other thursday to friday- which would be summer vacation, I suppose.. I offered two weeks in the summer (which was a recommendation from a relative whose daughters have this plan) but was prepared to offer what another relative suggested.. which would have been 4-5 weeks in the summer.

I'm just trying to make plans that seem reasonable and something we wouldn't have to change for school. After a phase-in period, based on the suggestions and advice of everyone thus far.. I was thinking of making a parenting plan proposal where the father would do every other thurs-sun so he would still have the one weeknight. I'm not sure- I am open to suggestions.

 

[mayuriinabox]

added

added to the end of the first post

 

[TheGeekess]

added to the end of the first post

We'd prefer it if you made the post here in the thread rather than adding to the first post.