Ex wants joint custody of a child he has only willingly seen twice?

[mayuriinabox]

We'd prefer it if you made the post here in the thread rather than adding to the first post.

lol, I'll repost it here.

We go to mediation on Tuesday- we were supposed to get a mediator from a different county and meet halfway.. instead they decided on a mediator from their county and at the mediators office in their county as well.

I need to know if this sounds reasonable..

The parenting plan I submitted is for second and fourth friday-6pm to sunday 6pm and every wed. from 5:30-7:30.

I made several parenting plans.. the one that I can deal with (but gives the most time) is the same 2/4 friday to sunday... and then in the summer on his weeks, add thursday.. then two additional weeks for vacation... and every 1/3/5 wed so he will see him every week so there is contact.

There would be three days during winter break, two in spring break. And holidays would alternate, if there is a school holiday, whomever has him that weekend will keep the child that day until 6PM.

Would a plan like this appeal to a judge?


Also, I am considering asking my ex to go to a nutritionist as his family is converting to vegan and then vegetarianism.. I don't consider the diet to be a huge problem but would like to make sure that the child gets all the nutrients he needs- especially during those weeks where he would have him more. (Summer vacation, etc)
Last edited by mayuriinabox; Today at 12:02 PM. R

 

[stealth2]

We'd prefer it if you made the post here in the thread rather than adding to the first post.

But at least she didn't start a new thread! So that's a positive right there!

The main thinkg I would change is the school breaks (Christmas, Spring, etc.) - alternate them. Dad deserves that off time, too. I'd likely also split summer.

 

[mayuriinabox]

But at least she didn't start a new thread! So that's a positive right there!

The main thing I would change is the school breaks (Christmas, Spring, etc.) - alternate them. Dad deserves that off time, too. I'd likely also split summer.

The Christmas part of the plan was that one person have him till 2PM christmas and the other have him from 2PM on.
Summer.. In the very last plan I made put it at him having Thursday 6PM to Sunday 6PM and then still see him on Wed. for most likely a little bit longer considering that there would be no school. (In the future.)
Then on top of that.. two weeks added for vacation (to be decided by both parents in advance). I was considering going with 3-4 weeks but figured that might be something to negotiate with during mediation. I am not sure how long summer is for students anymore- and I'm sure it will be a little different then from now.

Another concern that I would really like to tackle in mediation is school activities.
I really want to make a plan that would involve minimal change.. But when I was a student, I was in band and colorguard as well as a few other activities.. So if I were in this position with my parents, unless both parents were very involved in the activities.. I would have had a very difficult time every monday night, weds night, and friday (for marching band and colorguard).
I'd just like to make sure that the child will have the opportunity to join clubs or sports and it not bother the schedule too much. D: I guess thats what mediation is for- to talk about those issues.

 

[TheGeekess]

The Christmas part of the plan was that one person have him till 2PM christmas and the other have him from 2PM on.
Summer.. In the very last plan I made put it at him having Thursday 6PM to Sunday 6PM and then still see him on Wed. for most likely a little bit longer considering that there would be no school. (In the future.)
Then on top of that.. two weeks added for vacation (to be decided by both parents in advance). I was considering going with 3-4 weeks but figured that might be something to negotiate with during mediation. I am not sure how long summer is for students anymore- and I'm sure it will be a little different then from now.

Another concern that I would really like to tackle in mediation is school activities.
I really want to make a plan that would involve minimal change.. But when I was a student, I was in band and colorguard as well as a few other activities.. So if I were in this position with my parents, unless both parents were very involved in the activities.. I would have had a very difficult time every monday night, weds night, and friday (for marching band and colorguard).
I'd just like to make sure that the child will have the opportunity to join clubs or sports and it not bother the schedule too much. D: I guess thats what mediation is for- to talk about those issues.

Well, there's a little time before one has to worry about extracurriculars. But you can certainly have it worked into the order. My order worded it this way:

A. During visitation periods, Defendant shall take the child to scheduled sport and other extracurricular activities; Plaintiff shall provide Defendant with extracurricular activity schedules at least three weeks in advance of the scheduled activity.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Well, there's a little time before one has to worry about extracurriculars. But you can certainly have it worked into the order. My order worded it this way:

I realize that it will still be a while. But I do like to think ahead.. I'd rather deal with it now than when the child comes up to us and asks for permission to join activities.

 

[LdiJ]

I realize that it will still be a while. But I do like to think ahead.. I'd rather deal with it now than when the child comes up to us and asks for permission to join activities.

I disagree with the idea presented above to alternative the Christmas Holiday. I think that Christmas Break is long enough that both parents should get time.

 

[stealth2]

Granted, my ex & I are a a distance. But our order had us alternating holidays so that, at Christmas for example, one year I had them from the end of school until the 26th; Dad had them from the 26th until the 1st. The next year, it was switched around. It really was easier for the kids. The ones it MAY have been difficult on were the adults. Who, frankly, can suck it up. Every other year, we had Thanksgiving a week early. Either my family could make it, or they couldn't. Every other year, we celebrated Christmas two weeks late (which we have actually switched to permanently).

Swapping in the middle of a holiday is SO disruptive for kids, IMO.

 

[single317dad]

The Christmas part of the plan was that one person have him till 2PM christmas and the other have him from 2PM on.
Summer.. In the very last plan I made put it at him having Thursday 6PM to Sunday 6PM and then still see him on Wed. for most likely a little bit longer considering that there would be no school. (In the future.)
Then on top of that.. two weeks added for vacation (to be decided by both parents in advance). I was considering going with 3-4 weeks but figured that might be something to negotiate with during mediation. I am not sure how long summer is for students anymore- and I'm sure it will be a little different then from now.

Another concern that I would really like to tackle in mediation is school activities.
I really want to make a plan that would involve minimal change.. But when I was a student, I was in band and colorguard as well as a few other activities.. So if I were in this position with my parents, unless both parents were very involved in the activities.. I would have had a very difficult time every monday night, weds night, and friday (for marching band and colorguard).
I'd just like to make sure that the child will have the opportunity to join clubs or sports and it not bother the schedule too much. D: I guess thats what mediation is for- to talk about those issues.

I'm not sure I full understand the Christmas portion. Does one parent have the child from the last day of school up until 2PM Christmas Day, then the other parent has the child from 2PM Christmas Day until he returns to school? That may cause trouble if a vacation ever starts on the 23rd, for example. Consider CP having the child from last day to Christmas, NCP for Christmas to New Years, and back to CP until school begins. That's an equal division of the break.

As far as summer, I wouldn't make a lot of detailed changes. I'd just offer one or two 2-week visitations, with notice required by April 30th or something.

Regarding activities, it's great to have the child involved in clubs and sports, and if the NCP wants to be involved as well that's even better. Awesome in fact. However, NCP's visitation time will take precedence over activities, and if they don't want to be involved then it will be counterproductive to try to force the issue.

 

[mayuriinabox]

Granted, my ex & I are a a distance. But our order had us alternating holidays so that, at Christmas for example, one year I had them from the end of school until the 26th; Dad had them from the 26th until the 1st. The next year, it was switched around. It really was easier for the kids. The ones it MAY have been difficult on were the adults. Who, frankly, can suck it up. Every other year, we had Thanksgiving a week early. Either my family could make it, or they couldn't. Every other year, we celebrated Christmas two weeks late (which we have actually switched to permanently).

Swapping in the middle of a holiday is SO disruptive for kids, IMO.

I agree that it is but in the fathers parenting plan, it had us switching at 10AM on Christmas.. the only thing I did was change it to a later time.
I think that he and I both agree that we should both have time on each holiday.. but not sure how that would work.
Then again the entire parenting plan he sent me is really kind of crazy for a toddler. Would be even crazier during school considering the distance. I doubt he would would to wake up 2-3 hours earlier to take our son to school

 

[mayuriinabox]

I'm not sure I full understand the Christmas portion. Does one parent have the child from the last day of school up until 2PM Christmas Day, then the other parent has the child from 2PM Christmas Day until he returns to school? That may cause trouble if a vacation ever starts on the 23rd, for example. Consider CP having the child from last day to Christmas, NCP for Christmas to New Years, and back to CP until school begins. That's an equal division of the break.

As far as summer, I wouldn't make a lot of detailed changes. I'd just offer one or two 2-week visitations, with notice required by April 30th or something.

Regarding activities, it's great to have the child involved in clubs and sports, and if the NCP wants to be involved as well that's even better. Awesome in fact. However, NCP's visitation time will take precedence over activities, and if they don't want to be involved then it will be counterproductive to try to force the issue.

Yes, one parent would have him from the end of school until 2PM Christmas.. then the other parent would have him 2pm christmas till the 27-28 (which is what I was thinking) and would go back to the other parent.

Summer.. I was trying to find something that would be fair to our son- especially in the event he chooses to do something (sports or clubs.. trips or even just visiting friends) so that it is open to him.
I'm not sure how my ex will be about activities.. he was a high school drop out and isn't concerned with school at all.. Even told me that if I really wanted to travel for a school program or whatnot (my degree will be in anthropology) that I'd just have to change majors or he would have to go and we'd do what he wants. (He is very controlling. )... so I am worried he isn't going to encourage our son to go out and do things.. to better himself and pursue education. (Which.. I did put in the plan that both parents should be paying 50% of higher educational costs)
The plan he suggested was in response to me filing child support.. which he has been afraid of. So I really don't know how serious he is about our CHILD as opposed to his money.

 

[LdiJ]

Granted, my ex & I are a a distance. But our order had us alternating holidays so that, at Christmas for example, one year I had them from the end of school until the 26th; Dad had them from the 26th until the 1st. The next year, it was switched around. It really was easier for the kids. The ones it MAY have been difficult on were the adults. Who, frankly, can suck it up. Every other year, we had Thanksgiving a week early. Either my family could make it, or they couldn't. Every other year, we celebrated Christmas two weeks late (which we have actually switched to permanently).

Swapping in the middle of a holiday is SO disruptive for kids, IMO.

Ah...I misunderstood you. I though that you were saying Christmas break rather than just the day. I agree with you there. Its easy to celebrate on another day during Christmas Break.

We have family friends who always celebrate their Thanksgiving on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. All of the ex's are very cooperative about making sure their children can be there because they appreciate them doing that.

 

[stealth2]

Ah...I misunderstood you. I though that you were saying Christmas break rather than just the day. I agree with you there. Its easy to celebrate on another day during Christmas Break.

We have family friends who always celebrate their Thanksgiving on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. All of the ex's are very cooperative about making sure their children can be there because they appreciate them doing that.

No worries!

I think it is selfish of parents to make kids split holidays as a day. We did it ONCE. Never again - and that is probably the one and only thing we actually agreed on. Let kids have an entire holiday to celebrate. To make them split it in half? Is selfishness by the parents. I would never suggest it.

 

[mayuriinabox]

No worries!

I think it is selfish of parents to make kids split holidays as a day. We did it ONCE. Never again - and that is probably the one and only thing we actually agreed on. Let kids have an entire holiday to celebrate. To make them split it in half? Is selfishness by the parents. I would never suggest it.

Maybe I should suggest that one of us celebrate christmas on christmas eve and the other on christmas? I dont know D:

 

[stealth2]

Maybe I should suggest that one of us celebrate christmas on christmas eve and the other on christmas? I dont know D:

What is wrong with one of you getting Christmas on even years, and the other on odd?

 

[mayuriinabox]

What is wrong with one of you getting Christmas on even years, and the other on odd?

I was just going with what he was suggesting.. where we switch off on Christmas. Also.. one of my aunts suggested it as well.. Said it worked really well with her children.. so I didn't change it.