Ex wife put spyware on daughter's phone, which is my phone

[dadinMS]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

I have sole physical, we have joint legal. Exwife lives in TX, 12 hours away. She has filed for custody and we have court in September.

The kids have been with her for a month and got home today. As soon as my 17 year old daughter connected to our network at home, I got an alert that spyware was detected on her phone. I subscribe to a service that monitors for viruses and spyware.

I tell daughter that I just got an alert that there's spyware on her phone and she tells me that her mom installed it to see what my wife and I text to my daughter and that it can also record both audio and video of the phone's surroundings and send it to her mom and that her mom did it to get dirt on us for court.

This phone technically belongs to me. I bought it, it's on my account, and I pay the bill each month.

Is what my exwife did illegal? If so, what actions do I take?

Will the judge care about this? How should I handle this?

 

[TheGeekess]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MS

I have sole physical, we have joint legal. Exwife lives in TX, 12 hours away. She has filed for custody and we have court in September.

The kids have been with her for a month and got home today. As soon as my 17 year old daughter connected to our network at home, I got an alert that spyware was detected on her phone. I subscribe to a service that monitors for viruses and spyware.

I tell daughter that I just got an alert that there's spyware on her phone and she tells me that her mom installed it to see what my wife and I text to my daughter and that it can also record both audio and video of the phone's surroundings and send it to her mom and that her mom did it to get dirt on us for court.

This phone technically belongs to me. I bought it, it's on my account, and I pay the bill each month.

Is what my exwife did illegal? If so, what actions do I take?

Will the judge care about this? How should I handle this?

I'd delete the app off the phone and ignore it.

 

[dadinMS]

The first thing I did was delete it.

Should the judge not be made aware of this stunt? This was a huge invasion of my privacy. I would never do that to her. It honestly blows my mind that she would stoop to that level.

Not to mention that she put our daughter in the middle. Yes, our daughter is older and is almost an adult, but it's still wrong to put her in that position.

 

[TheGeekess]

The first thing I did was delete it.

Should the judge not be made aware of this stunt? This was a huge invasion of my privacy. I would never do that to her. It honestly blows my mind that she would stoop to that level.

Not to mention that she put our daughter in the middle. Yes, our daughter is older and is almost an adult, but it's still wrong to put her in that position.

Mom doesn't have a real chance, IIRC. Just chuckle quietly to yourself how easily you foiled her plans.

Daughter will be making her own judgments about Mom. You don't need to do a thing.

 

[single317dad]

What Mom did is a federal crime. Whether you want to pursue that is another question. Follow this scenario through to the end in your head, and decide if that kind of circus is the best thing for your daughter.

Instruct the child on proper use of locking passwords.

 

[Zigner]

What Mom did is a federal crime.

I disagree. The user of the phone is aware of the software and agreed to it (as evidenced by the continued use of the phone with the knowledge that the software is present.)

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I would reformat the phone IMO. Do a backup first. It won't backup the spyware that is generally done as a hack.

 

[Ladyback1]

Putting the spyware on the phone was not a nice thing to do, and could possibly be prosecuted criminally....

HOWEVER---is this the hill to die on? You learned about it quickly enough to mitigate most, if not all, damages.
Remove the spyware, and let the ex-wife stew on why she's not getting anything from her little plan.

 

[Silverplum]

Mom doesn't have a real chance, IIRC. Just chuckle quietly to yourself how easily you foiled her plans.

Daughter will be making her own judgments about Mom. You don't need to do a thing.

I agree: children grow up and make their own judgments. They decide with whom they will spend holidays. They decide who will be the babysitter of the grandchild/ren.

 

[single317dad]

I disagree. The user of the phone is aware of the software and agreed to it (as evidenced by the continued use of the phone with the knowledge that the software is present.)

I thought of that, but a couple of points steered me away:

- Is it possible for a minor to consent to that on a device she may not legally own?
- Is it possible for the daughter to consent to surreptitious recording of Dad's home and private communications? If so, maybe the daughter committed the crime (or displayed intent to do so).

 

[gam]

I would reformat the phone IMO. Do a backup first. It won't backup the spyware that is generally done as a hack.

I'm betting this is not a hack, but a legit program, there are some out there and many parents use them on their childrens phones. No different then ones you can use on your computer. Every once in a great while I read over at steptoxic, and that is where I learned about these programs. There meant to keep an eye on your kids, but they recommend them over there to spy on the other parent, made me sick, but whatever.

I think the poster is going to have an issue with mom claiming she put the program on there to keep tabs on what her daughter is up to. The only one that told dad why mom put the program on is the daughter. Do you really want to force your daughter into testifying against mom, and I'm not sure a family court would even let that happen.

 

[dadinMS]

Our daughter didn't consent to it. Mom said let me see your phone so I can send vacation pics to myself. Daughter gave mom the phone and unlocked it for her. A few mins later daughter was walking by and saw what mom was finishing up and asked mom what she was doing. That's when mom told her. Daughter was extremely unhappy about it but it was already on there and she didn't know what to do because she felt like she was in the middle.

Daughter is 17. She doesn't own the phone. I do.

I'm really not that concerned with criminal charges, although I'm highly ticked off at this stunt.

I'm more interested in if this should be brought up to the judge and how.

 

[dadinMS]

I can't quote from my phone so my apologies.

As far as her keeping tabs on our daughter, she should get her a phone if that's her intention. As it stands, she installed malicious spyware on MY phone that was recording and videoing MY home without my permission.

Also, my understanding is that the judge will be talking to my daughter about her preference anyways since she is 17.

 

[TheGeekess]

Our daughter didn't consent to it. Mom said let me see your phone so I can send vacation pics to myself. Daughter gave mom the phone and unlocked it for her. A few mins later daughter was walking by and saw what mom was finishing up and asked mom what she was doing. That's when mom told her. Daughter was extremely unhappy about it but it was already on there and she didn't know what to do because she felt like she was in the middle.

Daughter is 17. She doesn't own the phone. I do.

I'm really not that concerned with criminal charges, although I'm highly ticked off at this stunt.

I'm more interested in if this should be brought up to the judge and how.

Why bring it up to the judge? Don't you think your case is strong enough without this?

Honestly, Dude, let it go. Let Mom stew in her juices.

 

[Zigner]

As it stands, she installed malicious spyware on MY phone that was recording and videoing MY home without my permission.

You have proof of this recording?