Ex's Girlfriend acts like my kids are her's

[oner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? PA My ex-husband has a girlfriend and I think she is crossing the line. She wants to take my kids to events like her college reunion, the weddings of her friends and family, her family gatherings. I don't like it. Why doesn't she go have kids of her own. My kids are great kids and I think she wants people to think they are hers. My ex wants to take the kids to this woman's friend's wedding and I know they will be drinking. I'm thinking of going to court to try to stop this. This is a man who until this girlfiend came along skipped his visitation half the time. I had to fight with him to get him have anything to do with his kids. Now all the sudden this girlfriend comes along and he tries to act like he's this great dad. I'm sooo disgusted. He's using his kids to try to look like a good guy to his girlfriend. I don't want the girlfriend thinking my kids are hers and what if I go to court about her drinking? Maybe I could get her barred from being around the kids? She does get drunk sometimes, the kids tell me.

 

[ecmst12]

Dad can take the kids wherever he wants during his parenting time. His gf's friend's wedding is not likely to be dangerous for them and "there might be drinking" is not a good reason for the court to step in. Learn to let go.

 

[CourtClerk]

Maybe you should grow up and work on those jealousy issues that are oozing out of you right now.

I do all of the same things to other kids that this girlfriend does with my neighbors' kids. You'd be ok with it because I'm not sleeping with them, I suppose. That makes you a selfish, petty, jealous little girl, when you should be a mature woman.

Oh, and you can go to court and get laughed out if you'd like. That will leave a great thought in the judge's head when you have to go back one day.

 

[oner]

Is she really allowed to get drunk around the kids? They're little. We come from a family of alcholics and the kids grandmother, my mother, is brain damaged and in a nursing home from a head injury due to alcoholism. I've been in recovery for years. My family is torn to shreds from this disease. I'm a little sensitive to the kids being exposed to a drunk person.

 

[ecmst12]

Seeing a drunk person is likely to do a lot more to deter them from drinking then all the horror stories in the world. As long as there is a sober adult present to watch them, no judge is going to rule that they can't be around anyone who is drinking ever. Now if they are both drunk and the children are being placed in danger that's a different story but you'd need proof, not just the word of small children or guesses.

Seriously, stop spending so much time worrying about what goes on when they're with dad, it's not healthy.

 

[oner]

The last post gives me a chuckle. Seeing a drunk person IS more likely to deter the kids from that kind of life than sheilding them from it. You are right. But, yes, I do believe they will both be drinking at the wedding. And, yes, he does drink and drive, and yes, he would do so with the kids in the car. He and I were both big drinkers when we met. Its probably a big reason we got together. When the kids came along I saw that I'd be taking them down the same path my parents took me down if I kept up the drinking. I joined AA and stopped. He didn't sign on for the sober life when he married me, and didn't want to be married anymore. Drinking is a big deal to him, and the new girlfriend. Until he gets caught for DUI I have no proof of this to take to a court except my own observations and those of our 8 and 9 year old children. They don't like his drinking, they say he gets mean. They don't like his girlfiend either. They want less visitation with him. I fell terrible handing over my kids and wondering if he's going to stay sober. What if something bad happens, and I'd done nothing to protect them??? I did what I could when we first separated. The best the court could do was order drug and alcohol testing. Of course he didn't drink before the test. What else can I do. The kids seem old enough now that the court might listen to what they have to say. Am I wrong on this??

 

[stealth2]

Your "little" children "telling" you she's been drunk is not going to get you anywhere. Having an alcoholic beverage is not illegal - even when it's around children.

Nor is Dad taking them to an event with someone else's family reason to believe that the other person is trying to pretend your kids are hers.

You seriously need to consider some counseling to get over some of these issues.

 

[stealth2]

The kids seem old enough now that the court might listen to what they have to say. Am I wrong on this??

Yes, you are.

 

[oner]

Really??? If the kids came to a judge saying we watched Dad drink beer. He smelled of booze and he was stumbling. Then he made us get into a car that he drove, and they tell us at school that this is dangerous, a judge would not listen. So if my kids are killed in this manner, I can refer back to your advice, and feel that I have done all that was possible to protect them?? Well, thanks a ton!

 

[AbbaDabba730]

Really??? If the kids came to a judge saying we watched Dad drink beer. He smelled of booze and he was stumbling. Then he made us get into a car that he drove, and they tell us at school that this is dangerous, a judge would not listen. So if my kids are killed in this manner, I can refer back to your advice, and feel that I have done all that was possible to protect them?? Well, thanks a ton!

what does this have to do with your ex's g/f acting like the kids are hers?

 

[oner]

It doesn't have anything to with her acting like the kids are hers. I understand what everyone is saying about my being jealous. Everyone is right. I am being childish in the jealousy arena. That part is easy for me to let go of. But then there's that deeper, nagging concern about the drinking. I understand that people in the world drink, even if I don't. However, comments the kids have been making about their drinking are nagging at me. The kids constantly asking if they can PLEASE skip visitation. My daughter crying one night that she has a drunk for a father. Everone acts like I'm harping on this poor man about his drinking. I'm not around, so I don't know how bad it is. I know how bad it WAS. But I've been the child of alcoholics. andits a terrible thing when no one believes you. I feel sometimes that I ought to do more to give them a voice. But I have no proof, you see.

 

[AbbaDabba730]

It doesn't have anything to with her acting like the kids are hers. I understand what everyone is saying about my being jealous. Everyone is right. I am being childish in the jealousy arena. That part is easy for me to let go of. But then there's that deeper, nagging concern about the drinking. I understand that people in the world drink, even if I don't. However, comments the kids have been making about their drinking are nagging at me. The kids constantly asking if they can PLEASE skip visitation. My daughter crying one night that she has a drunk for a father. Everone acts like I'm harping on this poor man about his drinking. I'm not around, so I don't know how bad it is. I know how bad it WAS. But I've been the child of alcoholics. andits a terrible thing when no one believes you. I feel sometimes that I ought to do more to give them a voice. But I have no proof, you see.

and until you have proof (not only that he is drinking because that is not illegal) but that it is putting the children in danger than there is really nothing that I know of you can do. Maybe the children could go to therapy to discuss why they are having problems with dad. don't let your negative feelings about him influence how the children feel about him.

 

[CourtClerk]

It doesn't have anything to with her acting like the kids are hers. I understand what everyone is saying about my being jealous. Everyone is right. I am being childish in the jealousy arena. That part is easy for me to let go of.

No it's not, because generally when newbies post, they post their BIGGEST and most IMPORTANT issue first. Look what your first, biggest and most important issue is.

Further, that you'd be willing to put your children on the stand to testify against their FATHER to satisfy your own childish needs... sickens me.

 

[oner]

I sure wish someone had an answer for me. I know someone is going to say its my own fault for marrying someone who drinks alot. And it is my fault. But its not the kids fault. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I was raised in the alcoholic life and I just thought that was the was way to live. I married what I knew. My mom was brain damaged due to her drinking shortly after my kids came along. I loved the kids so much I just woke up about the dinking. I couldn't see putting them through that kind of pain. My relationship with them is good and strong. I don't want anything bad to happen to them. I guess there is only so much a court can do for me at this point, which seems to be nothing, really.

 

[oner]

No it's not, because generally when newbies post, they post their BIGGEST and most IMPORTANT issue first. Look what your first, biggest and most important issue is.

Further, that you'd be willing to put your children on the stand to testify against their FATHER to satisfy your own childish needs... sickens me.

My childish need for what?? What am I putting my kids on the stand for here? You lost me. Sorry you feel so sick.