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  1. #1
    Snooch is offline Member
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    Ex's new husband banned from the home??

    Daughter is in Ga.

    I recently spoke with an old mutual friend of mine ad my ex's, although at present this person and the ex are no longer on speaking terms. The mutual friend tells me that in 2004, my ex's new husband had to go before a judge and was banned from being in the home and having any contact with the children (one is mine) because he was under investigation for abusing the kids. I never knew anything of this. Every time I've been to visit, (usually 2 times a year) he's been there.

    The friend claims to have been visiting when the husband called and the friend was told the situation at that time.

    I asked my daughter about it and she denies it is true (naturally) I cannot imagine any reason why the old friend would lie about it as she seems to have nothign to gain, but between her and my daughter, SOMEBODY is lying.

    Is there a way to find out if this story is true, such as calling the court or local police in the area?

    Thanks!
  2. #2
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    Daughter is in Ga.

    I recently spoke with an old mutual friend of mine ad my ex's, although at present this person and the ex are no longer on speaking terms. The mutual friend tells me that in 2004, my ex's new husband had to go before a judge and was banned from being in the home and having any contact with the children (one is mine) because he was under investigation for abusing the kids. I never knew anything of this. Every time I've been to visit, (usually 2 times a year) he's been there.

    The friend claims to have been visiting when the husband called and the friend was told the situation at that time.

    I asked my daughter about it and she denies it is true (naturally) I cannot imagine any reason why the old friend would lie about it as she seems to have nothign to gain, but between her and my daughter, SOMEBODY is lying.

    Is there a way to find out if this story is true, such as calling the court or local police in the area?

    Thanks!
    There would have been a restraining order on file with the police department if that is the truth. How old is your daughter? And why do you say "she denies it is true (naturally)"? Is your daughter prone to lying?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  3. #3
    Snooch is offline Member
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    Thanks for replying.

    My daughter will be 12 this month. I doubt she's being honest for two reasons.

    1. Her mother is a compulsive liar and cannot be trusted. I know better than to ask her because she'll deny it.

    2. I suspect her mother has "coached" her in what to say if anyone ever comes asking. If she loses custody (and if this is true I'll fight to the last dime to gain FULL custody), she also loses that check she gets every month and that's the last thing she wants. When I asked her about it, she answered right away with no hesitation, as if she's been asked this before.

    Would I legally be allowed to view any documentation the police or court may have even if he was found innocent by whatever investigation may have been done?

    On a side note, it has come to my attention that my daughter does not have the best hygiene. To be blunt, she doesn't wipe her butt. I've tried for years to correct this to no avail. Everyone I have spoken to (social workers, etc) has told me this is a warning sign of possible abuse or molestation. Now with this alleged abuse investigation I'm really worried.

    From a legal standpoint, how do you think I should approach this situation?
    Thank you for your advice and help!
  4. #4
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    Thanks for replying.

    My daughter will be 12 this month. I doubt she's being honest for two reasons.

    1. Her mother is a compulsive liar and cannot be trusted. I know better than to ask her because she'll deny it.

    2. I suspect her mother has "coached" her in what to say if anyone ever comes asking. If she loses custody (and if this is true I'll fight to the last dime to gain FULL custody), she also loses that check she gets every month and that's the last thing she wants. When I asked her about it, she answered right away with no hesitation, as if she's been asked this before.


    Maybe she has been asked it before before the "mutual" friend has been spreading rumors. And if mom is a compulsive liar and told mutual friend -- well that could have been a lie. She could have just been mad at hubby at that point.

    Would I legally be allowed to view any documentation the police or court may have even if he was found innocent by whatever investigation may have been done?

    Nope. You would not be allowed to view ANY documentation necessarily. If he was found guilty you would have access to that. If he was found innocent then it doesn't matter because he didn't do anything.

    On a side note, it has come to my attention that my daughter does not have the best hygiene. To be blunt, she doesn't wipe her butt. I've tried for years to correct this to no avail. Everyone I have spoken to (social workers, etc) has told me this is a warning sign of possible abuse or molestation. Now with this alleged abuse investigation I'm really worried.

    From a legal standpoint, how do you think I should approach this situation?
    Thank you for your advice and help!
    You have a couple problems. This took place in 2004. The time to do something would have been then. And you have no proof that anything happened then.

    She doesn't wipe her butt? Well unless there is medical evidence that she has been abused you have nothing. Seriously. Have you taken her to a doctor for a physical and asked for an exam? Is there any EVIDENCE that your daughter has been abused. Your daughter could just be lazy.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  5. #5
    Snooch is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    You have a couple problems. This took place in 2004. The time to do something would have been then. I just found out about it. I should have mentioned that. And you have no proof that anything happened then.

    She doesn't wipe her butt? Well unless there is medical evidence that she has been abused you have nothing. Seriously. Have you taken her to a doctor for a physical and asked for an exam? Is there any EVIDENCE that your daughter has been abused. Your daughter could just be lazy.Good point. Next time I have her I'll take her for a full physical. I bet that will piss her mother off, but I could care less at this point.

    Maybe she has been asked it before before the "mutual" friend has been spreading rumors. And if mom is a compulsive liar and told mutual friend -- well that could have been a lie. She could have just been mad at hubby at that point.

    That makes sense. I wouldn't put it past her considering how many people she lied to me about over the years. Nonetheless, between this mutual friend and my daughter, somebody is lying. The friend has nothing to gain by it and the ex has everything to lose. I'm going to have her thoughly checked out by a doctor and if there are signs of abuse, she'll find herself in court.

    Thanks for our replies so far!
    Last edited by Snooch; 10-10-2006 at 10:53 AM.
  6. #6
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    Maybe she has been asked it before before the "mutual" friend has been spreading rumors. And if mom is a compulsive liar and told mutual friend -- well that could have been a lie. She could have just been mad at hubby at that point.

    That makes sense. I wouldn't put it past her considering how many people she lied to me about over the years. Nonetheless, between this mutual friend and my daughter, somebody is lying. The friend has nothing to gain by it and the ex has everything to lose. I'm going to have her thoughly checked out by a doctor and if there are signs of abuse, she'll find herself in court.

    Thanks for our replies so far!
    Both could be telling the truth though based on what you said. Mutual friend says she was told that hubby was banned from house. She is basing that on information she got from ex wife. Daughter said hubby wasn't banned.
    Both could be telling their truth -- mutual friend was told that and believes that mother wouldn't lie. Hence she is telling you what she believes. Daughter is telling you what she believes. Daughter could have been told by mom that friend is spreading lies and no such thing happened. Understand?

    Only take daughter for a physical if you have the LEGAL RIGHT to do so. If you do not have legal custody or the right to make medical appointments that could land you in hot water.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  7. #7
    Snooch is offline Member
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    I'm responsible for providing medical insurance for her, so isn't reasonable medical appointments OK?

    I'm not talking pelvic exams of the like, but even if I chose to, I'm her father. Do I not have the same rights to have my daughters physical health checked out as her mother does?

    Let's say that I had reason to believe that my daughter has been abused or I suspect my daughter is sexually active. For what legal reason could I be in trouble for having her checked out?
  8. #8
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    I'm responsible for providing medical insurance for her, so isn't reasonable medical appointments OK?

    I'm not talking pelvic exams of the like, but even if I chose to, I'm her father. Do I not have the same rights to have my daughters physical health checked out as her mother does?

    Let's say that I had reason to believe that my daughter has been abused or I suspect my daughter is sexually active. For what legal reason could I be in trouble for having her checked out?
    What does your court order say about medical appointments? About legal custody?
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  9. #9
    Snooch is offline Member
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    It doesn't say anything at all about appointments but states that I will provide 66% of medical care, which in this case, she has 100% coverage as I'm military.

    As far as custody, her mother has full custody.
  10. #10
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    It doesn't say anything at all about appointments but states that I will provide 66% of medical care, which in this case, she has 100% coverage as I'm military.

    As far as custody, her mother has full custody.
    If you do not have legal custody you have problems and may not be able to obtain non-emergency medical care. Whlie you are entitled to access, if mom has full legal custody she has the full right to make decisions about healthcare.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  11. #11
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snooch View Post
    As far as custody, her mother has full custody.
    Full physical or full physical AND legal? Paying for insurance does not in and of itself give you the right to take her for medical exams.

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