killerzoey
Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Hawaii
Shared legal/physical custody, 3.5 yo and 6 yo daughters.
Question involves youngest.
Crux of my question is what do I do about a slippery ex who is probably almost never giving our daughter her prescribed asthma meds, but who just dodges the issue? Also, what do I do about him not keeping me informed about medical visits while in his care?
Asthmatic 3.5 yo daughter has been prescribed FloVent 2 puffs twice a day. That is the preventative medication. She is also prescribed Albuterol as needed, if she becomes symptomatic. Both "puff puff" meds (as we call them) are given the same exact way.
Ex has one year hx of failing to giving daughter her preventative asthma meds. I thought he was doing so after her major attack last March that had her hospitalized for 4 days. A few months later I found out he hadn't been. It was time to reorder the prev. meds and his counter was still on 120 doses. He feigned surprise, said his dispenser must not have been working. I asked him to bring it to me. He handed it to me, I pressed the cartridge down, dose counter clicked to 119. Hmmm. I bought it then, which now seems ridiculous. Soon it was evident that this was, to him, a cat and mouse game. Particularly if she is sick, I would remind him up front at the exchange that she very much needs her FloVent. He would say he's going to give it to her. Later I would ask him, and he would tell me he didn't. When I asked why, he would say, "She seemed fine." Then I would remind him once again what preventative meds are for, and he would seem to understand. Next time I hand her over I remind him to give her the meds, whole cycle repeats. Over and over.
He stalled a long time by acting like he didn't understand the meds. I have e-mails where I just reminded him him the basics (same stuff as is on the prescription) and others where (after he STILL seemed baffled by what he was supposed to be doing) I typed out all the information he could possibly need to know. You can imagine the frustration when he pretends the information is all new to him each time. I begged him to see the ashtma specialist at Kaiser, as I had done after our daughter was diagnosed. He had refused to go. He still does, when asked...suddenly claiming to understand everything. And later showing just how out there he is by saying things like this (in defense of his choice to withold her prev. meds): "I know she doesn't have asthma because she has bronchitis. I know she has bronchitis because that's what I have and she gave it to me."
I told him he needs to be honest with me, that I had no interest in playing a game involving our daughter's health. He finally admitted that he in fact never had intended to give her the meds. And yet promised once again to do so anyway.
He swore up and down, acted henpecked and like I "won" (his shtick). This was recently. Then, as allowed in the decree he took this daughter to visit his family back in our home state over spring break. They just got back tonight. While giving her "puff puff" tonight I asked our daughter, "Did you get puff puff in California?" She said no. I said "Did you puff puff at ALL in California?" She said no. I asked a few different ways just to make sure. Now, she has told me affirmative a few times in the past (ex has a few times given Albuterol WHEN she became symptomatic AND she asked for it). Knowing her as I do I am quite convinced that she would remember having gotten it at all in a week's time. She is very smart, observant, and able to communicate. She said "No, because I forgot to tell him I needed it." That about broke my heart.
What is even worse is that her trigger has always been a respiratory virus. She was sick enough this trip to go to Urgent Care. I found this out kind of in passing...he didn't share this with me up front. I guess she went a few days ago. And even with this, he didn't give (and historically hasn't given) her preventative meds.
And, ironically, when medical issues ARE dealt with while children are in his care, he seems to have this knee-jerk reaction of wanting to keep it a secret. Last time he had her in California I found out later this daughter made a trip to Urgent Care. Though I asked him via e-mail on more than one occasion to tell me what happened and why she was there and whether he had shared this info with her pediatrician, he has remained mute on the subject. She has Kaiser insurance. He didn't even contact me to ask me where I take them while in California, which I've had to do before. This is probably because it's actually his mom who does the taking. He has never voluntarily taken a sick child to the doctor. He openly admitted his mom took her the previous time, and that is all I got out of him. But I assume he has access to the information. I don't even know where she went. I am sure it was his mom again this time. At the airport tonight he handed me her prescription and said "She probably doesn't need to take any more of this. She's fine now." It was an antibiotic, which she is supposed to take twice a day for ten days. She is three days into it.
Sorry, I'm bleary-eyed and not organizing my thoughts very succinctly. But I need guidance on how to address this, especially his slipperiness and failure to give meds. I cannot afford to retain a lawyer. But I need to act on this. No more.
Shared legal/physical custody, 3.5 yo and 6 yo daughters.
Question involves youngest.
Crux of my question is what do I do about a slippery ex who is probably almost never giving our daughter her prescribed asthma meds, but who just dodges the issue? Also, what do I do about him not keeping me informed about medical visits while in his care?
Asthmatic 3.5 yo daughter has been prescribed FloVent 2 puffs twice a day. That is the preventative medication. She is also prescribed Albuterol as needed, if she becomes symptomatic. Both "puff puff" meds (as we call them) are given the same exact way.
Ex has one year hx of failing to giving daughter her preventative asthma meds. I thought he was doing so after her major attack last March that had her hospitalized for 4 days. A few months later I found out he hadn't been. It was time to reorder the prev. meds and his counter was still on 120 doses. He feigned surprise, said his dispenser must not have been working. I asked him to bring it to me. He handed it to me, I pressed the cartridge down, dose counter clicked to 119. Hmmm. I bought it then, which now seems ridiculous. Soon it was evident that this was, to him, a cat and mouse game. Particularly if she is sick, I would remind him up front at the exchange that she very much needs her FloVent. He would say he's going to give it to her. Later I would ask him, and he would tell me he didn't. When I asked why, he would say, "She seemed fine." Then I would remind him once again what preventative meds are for, and he would seem to understand. Next time I hand her over I remind him to give her the meds, whole cycle repeats. Over and over.
He stalled a long time by acting like he didn't understand the meds. I have e-mails where I just reminded him him the basics (same stuff as is on the prescription) and others where (after he STILL seemed baffled by what he was supposed to be doing) I typed out all the information he could possibly need to know. You can imagine the frustration when he pretends the information is all new to him each time. I begged him to see the ashtma specialist at Kaiser, as I had done after our daughter was diagnosed. He had refused to go. He still does, when asked...suddenly claiming to understand everything. And later showing just how out there he is by saying things like this (in defense of his choice to withold her prev. meds): "I know she doesn't have asthma because she has bronchitis. I know she has bronchitis because that's what I have and she gave it to me."
I told him he needs to be honest with me, that I had no interest in playing a game involving our daughter's health. He finally admitted that he in fact never had intended to give her the meds. And yet promised once again to do so anyway.
He swore up and down, acted henpecked and like I "won" (his shtick). This was recently. Then, as allowed in the decree he took this daughter to visit his family back in our home state over spring break. They just got back tonight. While giving her "puff puff" tonight I asked our daughter, "Did you get puff puff in California?" She said no. I said "Did you puff puff at ALL in California?" She said no. I asked a few different ways just to make sure. Now, she has told me affirmative a few times in the past (ex has a few times given Albuterol WHEN she became symptomatic AND she asked for it). Knowing her as I do I am quite convinced that she would remember having gotten it at all in a week's time. She is very smart, observant, and able to communicate. She said "No, because I forgot to tell him I needed it." That about broke my heart.
What is even worse is that her trigger has always been a respiratory virus. She was sick enough this trip to go to Urgent Care. I found this out kind of in passing...he didn't share this with me up front. I guess she went a few days ago. And even with this, he didn't give (and historically hasn't given) her preventative meds.
And, ironically, when medical issues ARE dealt with while children are in his care, he seems to have this knee-jerk reaction of wanting to keep it a secret. Last time he had her in California I found out later this daughter made a trip to Urgent Care. Though I asked him via e-mail on more than one occasion to tell me what happened and why she was there and whether he had shared this info with her pediatrician, he has remained mute on the subject. She has Kaiser insurance. He didn't even contact me to ask me where I take them while in California, which I've had to do before. This is probably because it's actually his mom who does the taking. He has never voluntarily taken a sick child to the doctor. He openly admitted his mom took her the previous time, and that is all I got out of him. But I assume he has access to the information. I don't even know where she went. I am sure it was his mom again this time. At the airport tonight he handed me her prescription and said "She probably doesn't need to take any more of this. She's fine now." It was an antibiotic, which she is supposed to take twice a day for ten days. She is three days into it.
Sorry, I'm bleary-eyed and not organizing my thoughts very succinctly. But I need guidance on how to address this, especially his slipperiness and failure to give meds. I cannot afford to retain a lawyer. But I need to act on this. No more.
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