False Abuse Accusations

[LilSty]

What is the name of your state? nj
Ex has constantly frustrated visitation. Courts have been little help up to now. Now Ex is throwing out to the court accusations of physical abuse of the children. Isn't this the type of thing that could finally get a court to pay more attention to my case? If so, what typically happens when one side starts accusing the other of abusing the children?

 

[ChevyGirl]

well, what happened in our case is that we had a court date, all of the sudden girl was being molested out of the blue, dfs is investigating and they have continued the court date until dfs is done investigating which is AT LEAST 6 weeks ago so all I can say is GOOD LUCk to you. It is a long, horrible road that they make you and your kids suffer through instead of reading between the lines

 

[LilSty]

Is it the same for physical abuse. The abuse being thrown out is violence on the children? Isn't that more easily disproven? I mean, you have a lifetime record of a non abusive dispositon of all of a sudden.....? Doesn't that make a court scratch their heads a little??????

 

[ChevyGirl]

I am not sure. Do they have any proof of physical abuse? What are they going on?

 

[LilSty]

Taking situations that occurred with the kids and twisting the reality to make it look like physical abuse. The way it's being presented to the court, you would think the EX was in the room but all this detail seems to be coming from children under 10. It's wierd in the sense that you don't want to believe that someone that bitter would stoop to this level. And if you are the target of these accus. you feel almost helpless. I mean someone out to keep the kids from you will try anything including manipulating the kids. The big question is, won't a court/counselor see right through that?

 

[cirrus0306]

If the same story is given by all children, separately, it may hold some weight, If there is another explanation they will listen, but it better be a good one. Even tho the kids are young, abuse isn't usually made up. The court won't simply take dads word for it, the kids will be interviewed by a professional also. If there is no basis, a good therapist will be able to sort it out, however, for your sake, I hope you haven't spanked, swatted, or done anything else physical as punishment. Even tho the truth may come out when it comes to abuse issues, its very subjective. Just bcuz you think a spanking on he hiney of a kid may be ok to you, it may not be to the person deciding the case. Most states don't have clear cut laws as to what constitutes abuse. Also, I am NOT implying anything, however, a lifetime record of a non abusive disposition could simply mean you were just never caught.

 

[LilSty]

What about the overall mind games going on? In other words, the kids hate me and yet can't say why (a result of bad mouthing from other parent). Doesn't this type of stuff usually come out in counseling? In addition, does custody become an issue if it is found in court ordered counseling that the physical abuse charges are false and driven by a vindictive parent?

 

[cirrus0306]

Yes, that stuff will come out if you have a good therapist. And custody if it is proven false won't necessarily become an issue unless you request the order of custody be revisited. Being vindictive isn't a crime. (usually) However if the therapist sees that the "bad mouthing" is detrimental to the mental well being of the children, the therapist can recommend custody changes. This doesn't mean a judge will do it. Anything the therapist says is a recommendation and although judges usually go along w/ it, they aren't required to.... I do want to tell you I have no legal training. All my advice comes from experience. Parents divorced when I was ten, and everything you have mentioned happened to us.. (except abuse was true) since then I have kept up on the laws in Ks, and am now learning the laws in Co since that is where dad took 3 of my siblings. If the laws are diff in Colorado, I'll let you know if they are relevant, then you may want to speak w/ atty in your area to see if there is anything in your state that differs from what I have stated.

 

[LilSty]

I can say honestly, the abuse here is not true. I am a very caring parent and simply just want a relationship with my children. One that has been interrupted by a vindictive ex who has thrown out everything to get in the way of visitation. I guess what hits me here is these allegations arise from some recent progress in getting a court to issue stronger orders to stop this interruption of visitation. It is in response to this motion about to be heard that these allegations arise. That's why I ask, isn't it that obvious that the ex is down to the last straw as far as excuses for blocking visitation so they throw out physical abuse stories? Will a court act see this type of obvious step is the bigger question? Remember, the ex is confident that the kids are brainwashed enough to convince a professional counselor. I personally don't think that can happen.

 

[njmom]

few questions?

Did you ever purchase a book on fathers rights or seek any help for fathers rights?

I am from New Jersey as well, and things are going to become very strict here, because of the case in the Atlantic City area. I have a feeling that if DYFS gets involved, it could take forever.

What part of New Jersey do you reside in?

It is such a shame that she is still playing these games with you! I just don't understand why she is accusing you of abuse, when she is the one that is doing the worst kind of abuse, and that is mental and emotional!

Good luck and let us know how things go!

 

[LilSty]

The consensus from posting on this board before seems to be that a lot of the Father's rights organizations are not very helpful.
What is the issue with the case in Atlantic City? Does it involve true or false accusations?

 

[njmom]

Lil.......

The accusations in this case are true, however, this case is going to make things very difficult for many cases, whether they are true or false. Many of the social workers have been canned, due to this case. email me if you want at [email protected]
I can give you a better run down.
The reason why I asked about your location, is because it may be a different scenario where you live. But, I am sure the whole state is going to be effected by this case!

 

[purpledragon]

In my case, my little girl came home with a handprint briuse, a man who worked for social services was in my home when I discovered it, HE is the one who said it looked like a handprint. He is the one who asked my little girl what happend, and she told him her fathers girlfriend hit her. I asked him what I should do, and I ended up reporting it the next day. The CPS worker said it did look like a handprint, and she took pictures. Well because everyone in the fathers home denied it, nothing happened. She was back with them 3 days later, and it really made me look bad for trying to protect my little girl. Now I know they can get away with hitting her and theres not a dam thing I can do about it. Judges and Lawyers are different everywhere, as I see it.

 

[Boxcarbill]

What is the name of your state? nj
Ex has constantly frustrated visitation. Courts have been little help up to now. Now Ex is throwing out to the court accusations of physical abuse of the children. Isn't this the type of thing that could finally get a court to pay more attention to my case? If so, what typically happens when one side starts accusing the other of abusing the children?

Typically happens? Well, what "typically happens" now, after the late 80's epidemic of "recovery of repressed memory for sexual abuse," the courts and CPS have become skeptical of allegations of abuse when there is a custody disputes in progress. However, there are still a lot of social workers who are very young, untrained, as well as inexperienced (and in a lot of cases have personal problems from their own childhood that they are super imposing on many of their assigned cases) so a lot of kids are still being removed from their homes until the facts can be sorted out.

The removal for a child on false allegations of physical abuse is much less frequent than in sexual abuse, for the reason that physical abuse is much more medically obvious. There are patterns which occur in physical abuse which are pretty clear from a medical standpoint. Sexual abuse, however, is not as clearly recognized in the absence of anal or vagina pentration. A lot of kids wind up being removed only to discover that the alleged sexual abuse was, in fact , itching due to an infections from bubble bath or talc powder!

Fortunately, many counties (parishes) have family law courts which hear exclusively family law matters. As a result of listening to family law every day all day long , these Judges know who's lying and who's telling the truth (without the help of any "eye-rolling" or "heavy sighing" from the opposing party at counsel table.) These judges know the counselors who will say whatever who has hired them needs them to say and which counselors are going to testify, if called, as what they believe. Some experts have greater credibility than do others. The Judges also know (just as attorneys) that children can be led to say most anything by an adult. So an attorney is going to have requested a copy of the interview tapes to hear how the interview was conducted.

So while the wheel of justice grind exceedingly slow, they usually do grind out justice.

 

[HomeSkillet]

Even if there is proof of abuse, if it only happens once the courts or DFYS usually doesn't do much. It's considered a "one time event". If you persue it, the person who caused the abuse will be told to seek counseling for anger and not to do that again. Case closed. It's dumb.