Father allowing girlfriend to bath with daughter

[malcava]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Tx


I just found out from my daughter that her father has allowed his girlfriend to shower and bath with her @ least 4 times. My dauther is six years old. She didnt want to father to get mad at her so she did what he said. What can I do? She hasnt said she doesnt want to go back but i'm worried that if i dont allow her to go with him I can be held in contempt. I have no problem with allowing the girlfriend to bath my daughter and whatnot but when she's naked in the shower with her that draws the line. I have no luck in reaching her father. I just need to know what i can do on my side.


Thanks for reading.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Tx


I just found out from my daughter that her father has allowed his girlfriend to shower and bath with her @ least 4 times. My dauther is six years old. She didnt want to father to get mad at her so she did what he said. What can I do? She hasnt said she doesnt want to go back but i'm worried that if i dont allow her to go with him I can be held in contempt. I have no problem with allowing the girlfriend to bath my daughter and whatnot but when she's naked in the shower with her that draws the line. I have no luck in reaching her father. I just need to know what i can do on my side.


Thanks for reading.

Is the issue adults seeing your child nude? (Because Dad will, and g/f will, and Gma will...whenever she visits, because 6 yr olds run around naked before/after the bath- at least mine did)

If the issue is your daughter seeing an adult nude~ Has she seen YOU nude or Dad nude?

I don't hear you voice any suspicions re; any inappropriate behavior...so I'll just give my 'opinion' which is in no way legal- My daughter took a shower with her Dad's g/f...my daughter told me it was funny to hear her sing. (she is 5). We giggled and it didn't seem to be a problem. I must admit that I am not a prude re; nudity- and as a single Mom sometimes that means we are all rushing to get out the door and running around from drawers to dryer in various states of undress. So my daughter was not upset by this at all.

SO~ Guess it depends on how you/your daughter/your family view and address nudity.

 

[snostar]

That is definitely NOT normal. Is there a reason she can't wash herself? Make your daughter comfortable and capable of taking care of her own hygiene, then there will no reason whatsoever for the GF to even be in the bathroom with her. Talk to her father and voice your concerns. Do not deny court ordered visitations, or you may be found in contempt.

 

[JustLil'Ol'Me]

Is the issue adults seeing your child nude? (Because Dad will, and g/f will, and Gma will...whenever she visits, because 6 yr olds run around naked before/after the bath- at least mine did)

If the issue is your daughter seeing an adult nude~ Has she seen YOU nude or Dad nude?

I don't hear you voice any suspicions re; any inappropriate behavior...so I'll just give my 'opinion' which is in no way legal- My daughter took a shower with her Dad's g/f...my daughter told me it was funny to hear her sing. (she is 5). We giggled and it didn't seem to be a problem. I must admit that I am not a prude re; nudity- and as a single Mom sometimes that means we are all rushing to get out the door and running around from drawers to dryer in various states of undress. So my daughter was not upset by this at all.

SO~ Guess it depends on how you/your daughter/your family view and address nudity.

I have to say that I agree with you casa - I am not particularly modest around my own children but they each decided on their own, at different ages, that THEY wanted more privacy or that they didn't want to see mommy running around in her undies or nude. My six year old could care less but my ten and thirteen year olds are fairly modest now. It is a matter of family views I would think.

 

[casa]

I have to say that I agree with you casa - I am not particularly modest around my own children but they each decided on their own, at different ages, that THEY wanted more privacy or that they didn't want to see mommy running around in her undies or nude. My six year old could care less but my ten and thirteen year olds are fairly modest now. It is a matter of family views I would think.

LOL, of course age matters...My middle-schooler would be horrified if you even knocked on the door while she was in the bath! (Thank God for 2 bathrooms )

 

[casa]

That is definitely NOT normal. Is there a reason she can't wash herself? Make your daughter comfortable and capable of taking care of her own hygiene, then there will no reason whatsoever for the GF to even be in the bathroom with her. Talk to her father and voice your concerns. Do not deny court ordered visitations, or you may be found in contempt.

How can you say it's "NOT normal"? I just gave you examples of where it is...in some households. For instance at my home the kids take a bath at night...but at Dad's they take them in the morning, so if they were running late~ at least g/f made sure my daughter was bathed! She's only 5 after all, and OPs daughter is only 6...and they are same sex.

I saw my stepmom nude growing up...hey we had one bathroom in the house and sometimes to save time we jumped in to shower quickly before getting dressed and zipping off to somewhere. Like I said, it is dependent upon the views and culture with ea. particular family.

 

[snostar]

WOW...my boys saw me in just jeans and a bra once.....they turned red! Sex of the child and parent may also contribute. Modest, I am....a prude, I am not.

 

[snostar]

How can you say it's "NOT normal"? I just gave you examples of where it is...in some households. For instance at my home the kids take a bath at night...but at Dad's they take them in the morning, so if they were running late~ at least g/f made sure my daughter was bathed! She's only 5 after all, and OPs daughter is only 6...and they are same sex.

No need to get bitchy. Both my children were able to completely wash and bath themselves before they were 5. The fact is, if mom is uncomfortable with it she needs to voice her opinion to Dad, and not deny visitation.

 

[casa]

No need to get bitchy. Both my children were able to completely wash and bath themselves before they were 5. The fact is, if mom is uncomfortable with it she needs to voice her opinion to Dad, and not deny visitation.

Did that sound bitchy? That was not my intent sno.

My child knows how to bathe herself at 5...but her concept of 'bathe' and my concept aren't quite the same ie; when she does it alone, when combing her hair I usually find chunks of conditioner not totally rinsed out. lol

I agree the gender issue is relevant. If it were step-DAD, I may feel differently...and of course that explains your boys normal reaction to Mom in a bra.

One time my sisters and I went to a spa...There was an area where people went into the various springs nude- I was surprised to see a couple different children there. (That drew the line for ME- bc the adults were strangers and mixed genders)..but I watched and the children didnt' react uncomfortably, which led me to believe this was 'normal' for them. Wasn't normal for me, but didn't cross the line of abuse either. (I was still a child advocate at the time).

I know a family where the parents and 2 kids all sleep in a family bed. Weird to me, but probably bc if my kids slept with me~ I'd get no sleep!

 

[CJane]

Weird to me, but probably bc if my kids slept with me~ I'd get no sleep!

NO KIDDING! My 2 have decided that when the BF is out of town, my bed is also their bed. Thankfully, I don't have them every night!

 

[snostar]

The poster was obviously uncomfortable about what has transpired....nothing wrong with that either, especially since we are talking about a girlfriend (non parent). Yes, you did sound bitchy (IMO..could be my day)....all is well though.

 

[lizbeth17]

nope

I would not be comfortable with it at all...Modest or not, I want to make sure not to desensitize my daughter to certain things...My naked body fine, I am her mother....A girlfriend of her dad's is different. (much like if i had a son..i would certainly not let a boyfriend bathe with him...)

 

[malcava]

I have no problem with allowing his gf and family to bathe her. She takes showers by herself all the time. I allow my daughter her privacy when she's showering and using the bathroom. I dont just leave her in there by herself though. Yes she's seen me without my shirt and what not but being completely nude with a child in the shower is different. . i'm also concern with this becoming more of an issue later on. She told her father and the gf that she could shower on her own and she didnt need her to go in there with her but the gf insisted and the dad told her to.

 

[JustLil'Ol'Me]

Did that sound bitchy? That was not my intent sno.

My child knows how to bathe herself at 5...but her concept of 'bathe' and my concept aren't quite the same ie; when she does it alone, when combing her hair I usually find chunks of conditioner not totally rinsed out. lol

I agree the gender issue is relevant. If it were step-DAD, I may feel differently...and of course that explains your boys normal reaction to Mom in a bra.

One time my sisters and I went to a spa...There was an area where people went into the various springs nude- I was surprised to see a couple different children there. (That drew the line for ME- bc the adults were strangers and mixed genders)..but I watched and the children didnt' react uncomfortably, which led me to believe this was 'normal' for them. Wasn't normal for me, but didn't cross the line of abuse either. (I was still a child advocate at the time).

I know a family where the parents and 2 kids all sleep in a family bed. Weird to me, but probably bc if my kids slept with me~ I'd get no sleep!

Yeah, I am one of those weirdo parents that love hotsprings and there are always people soaking in the nude. It is the norm for that sort of thing. I would definitely let me kids go with me to the hot springs and explain to them that different people have different values and that is okay. The nude body is not something to be ashamed of IMHO.

 

[casa]

The poster was obviously uncomfortable about what has transpired....nothing wrong with that either, especially since we are talking about a girlfriend (non parent). Yes, you did sound bitchy (IMO..could be my day)....all is well though.

Sorry 'bout that...could be *me* too, I've only had one cup of coffee this morning.

I agree that it's dependent on each particular family's 'view' of nudity. Mom can address this with Dad, but if Dad is not open to it being discussed- he could get just irritated or feel defensive (seeing accusation where there may not be one). And the concern I have is that Mom would have a hard time proving any of this if it turned into a legal issue.

Reminds me of a funny story (not to make light, but relevant re; various beliefs/cultures). My friend from Slovenjia visits the US every other year or so. The first time, he brought his g/f and child. They went to the beach and g/f was approached by lifeguards bc she took her top off When he e-mails me pix from Slovenjia they always show nude or semi-nude/topless people all over the beach. LOL I open them when my kids aren't standing behind me!