Father fighting for custody

[forthemboys]

Hello,

I am in the midst of a custody battle for my boys. I am realling having a problem with "What really matters" I have reviewed months worth of material online in search of the answers.

My marraige of 10 years is over. It was not a good marraige. My wife and I fought constanty about what I percieve as neglect of our children. She just simply was not atentive, caring, nerturing, ect,,,, She neglected their medical needs, as well as their hygene. My children would walk around with their feet hanging out of their shoes.
I blamed her neglect on the fact that she is Bi Polar. It took me 7 years to convience her to see a pyscologist, but when she did she was diagnosed/referred to a pyschirtrist. Sadly she rejected the diagnoses and things only got worse. She ended up being admitted to the pysch ward after nearly overdosing on prescription drugs.

Other things she did during our marraige, include shopliffting, felony theft, being expelled from college for failing a drug test, fired from several jobs. I could go on and on.

Since our seperation she lied to obtain a TPO in order to gain custody of the boys. The cop that was called on the day in question was furious because she lied to the domestic court. He filed a report stating that the account of events she gave the court 2 days later was not the same story she told him. In his initial report he listed me as a victim.

Does any of this matter? I have not had more than a speeding ticket since my first son was born over 10 years ago.

Since the seperation my children have told me even more disturbing things. One of which was an apparent abduction attempt while in the neighborhood unattended. He says mom never spend any time with them unless she takes them on dates with one of her boyfriends. This bothers my oldest son very much. She admitted that smoking pot is her "crutch" to the GAL. They has been wild parties at the house where my boys are staying and on one event a smokebomb was thrown into their bedroom while they were sleeping (both suffer from asthma) Again, I could go on and on.

It saddens me to see what she is doing. It also angers me that as a father I can not protect my boys from what is happening.

She has no job and lives with her mother and 21 year old brother (party monster). The boys stay in the basement. She actually got in a fight with her mom and brother and moved my boys to her sisters basement for about a month before patching things up and moving back.

I have carreer. (my job is raising my boys), the marital home, which if it is lost I will be able to provide another residence.

Any insight would be appreciated. If nothing else, thanks for giving me a place to vent.

 

[TheGeekess]

You have neglected to mention your US state.

 

[stealth2]

My marraige of 10 years is over. It was not a good marraige. My wife and I fought constanty about what I percieve as neglect of our children. She just simply was not atentive, caring, nerturing, ect,,,, She neglected their medical needs, as well as their hygene. My children would walk around with their feet hanging out of their shoes.

I'm only going to address this since we have no idea what state you're in (yes, it matters). Do you realize that you were just as neglectful? Why did YOU not attend to their medical needs? Why did YOU not buy them shoes taht fit? And so on, and so forth.

See how finger pointing works?

 

[forthemboys]

Finger pointing

Sorry, This is in the state of Ohio.


I worked full time Monday thru Friday 8-5pm, but I did take them to the doctor and I did buy them shoes. I wish I could have stayed home and taken care of them, but bills had to be paid. Trust me when I say. If I could have quit my job and stayed home to care for my children full time, I would have done that.

This isn't about finger pointing. It is about the truth. The truth is, my wife has always been very neglectful of the children. She was charged with Child Endangerment in an incident with my stepson.

In fact, since the seperation 1.5 years, she has not provided 1 pair of shoes, 1 hair cut, cut their finger nails, or toe nails. I do these things. I do these things everytime I get to see them. I have socks that they have shown up in that are just rank and so dirty they can stand up on their own. These boys go 7-10 days without a bath when they are with their mother.

These boys get home from school and are sent to the basement, or out into the neighborhood and told not to return until it is dark. I spend more time with them in an afternoon than she does in the two weeks they are with her.

These are not just words. I can prove the things that I have said here.

I do understand that I need to present why I am the best choice as residential parent. I understand that this requires more than just pointing out the negatives about their mother.

Again, this is not about finger pointing. This is about the truth. It is about the people who are going to decide the fate of my children knowing the truth, so that they can better determine the best interest of the children.

I love my boys more than anything in this world. I have and will continue to sacrifice for what is best for them. I am there for them and they know it. I am approachable and enjoy a very close relationship with the boys.

My boys want to live with me. They feel safe and secure with me. They trust me and respect me.

 

[Ohiogal]

Sorry, This is in the state of Ohio.


I worked full time Monday thru Friday 8-5pm, but I did take them to the doctor and I did buy them shoes.

That is an excuse. You let your children be neglected by leaving them with their mother. You want her to be the bad guy but you were just as bad.

I wish I could have stayed home and taken care of them, but bills had to be paid. Trust me when I say. If I could have quit my job and stayed home to care for my children full time, I would have done that.

If your wife was that bad then you never should have allowed your children to remain with her while you worked. They should have been with a proper caregiver.

This isn't about finger pointing. It is about the truth. The truth is, my wife has always been very neglectful of the children. She was charged with Child Endangerment in an incident with my stepson.

AND? You did NOTHING to protect your children.

In fact, since the seperation 1.5 years, she has not provided 1 pair of shoes, 1 hair cut, cut their finger nails, or toe nails. I do these things. I do these things everytime I get to see them. I have socks that they have shown up in that are just rank and so dirty they can stand up on their own. These boys go 7-10 days without a bath when they are with their mother.

Prove it. Why can't your children take a bath? How old are they? Infants or in school?

These boys get home from school and are sent to the basement, or out into the neighborhood and told not to return until it is dark. I spend more time with them in an afternoon than she does in the two weeks they are with her.

PROVE IT.

These are not just words. I can prove the things that I have said here.

How? What is your evidence?

I do understand that I need to present why I am the best choice as residential parent. I understand that this requires more than just pointing out the negatives about their mother.

Why did you leave them when you left their mother?

Again, this is not about finger pointing. This is about the truth. It is about the people who are going to decide the fate of my children knowing the truth, so that they can better determine the best interest of the children.

I love my boys more than anything in this world. I have and will continue to sacrifice for what is best for them. I am there for them and they know it. I am approachable and enjoy a very close relationship with the boys.

Yet while living with their mother you allowed them to be neglected and not cared for.

My boys want to live with me. They feel safe and secure with me. They trust me and respect me.

Their wishes are NOT controlling.

 

[forthemboys]

Finger pointing

OK, well here is the way I see things so far.

Dad's are all bad no matter what they do, or do not do.

Mom's are just poor mis-understood victims of big bad bully men.

If you are a father no need to come here and take any further abuse.


Good day!

 

[mistoffolees]

OK, well here is the way I see things so far.

Dad's are all bad no matter what they do, or do not do.

Mom's are just poor mis-understood victims of big bad bully men.

If you are a father no need to come here and take any further abuse.


Good day!

Nonsense. Complete, total BS.

Everyone here tends to get the same advice (with a couple of exceptions). If you want to try to take custody away from the other parent, you need evidence of a change of circumstances (in most states) to even get a hearing. And if you do get a hearing, you need proof which is admissible in court to prove that a change is in the best interests of the child. It doesn't matter if you're male, female, or an alien from Arcturus.

 

[Ohiogal]

OK, well here is the way I see things so far.

Dad's are all bad no matter what they do, or do not do.

Mom's are just poor mis-understood victims of big bad bully men.

If you are a father no need to come here and take any further abuse.


Good day!

Then you are an idiot who will drown in your ignorance. No one said mom was a poor misunderstood victim. The only victims here are YOUR children and you allowed them to be victimized by your lack of inaction.

When you separated from mom, did you take the children with you/remain with them in the marital home? If mom took them, did you immediately file for a temporary custody order? Did you do anything about the neglect you state that they have suffered? Why can't your children bathe themselves? I never saw the answer to that question.

What I see here is you on a big old pity party and wanting sympathy when you haven't mentioned ANYTHING you have done to stop the neglect of your children. Rather, YOU have allowed it to continue which makes you JUST as neglectful.

 

[forthemboys]

Name calling makes people look stupid

I came here for advice, not to be grilled by people who obviously enjoy tearing people down. I am in the marital home, She left and left the boys with me as she did many times in the past. When she found out I was filing for emergency custody she went to the school and took the boys out.

The GAL has already confirmed that the boys have not been bathed for weeks at a time, as well as many other factors, and regardless of their ages it seems to me being a parent does not stop at the time they can walk, as some on here would believe. Would you like to know what the GAL recommended? Does that matter?

Right now my boys are being beaten up in the neighborhood. They are being called names and ridiculed constantly. Mom forces them outside and tells them to not return until it is dark. My oldest went to mom and told her. She told him he was a jerk and deserved it.

Now, I have already been told that she can do whatever she wants and that me calling the cops or CPS will make me look like I am harassing her.

Obviously I have informed my lawyer about this, but what now? Should I go do something stupid to protect my children now and destroy my case?

Sadly, my hands are tied and I can do nothing to help my children.

The idea that I somehow contributed to the neglect of my children is a pretty harsh thing to say. I have done everything I could to protect them and I am doing everything I can now.

I could go on and on, but I will stop, and will not have anything else to say unless the attacking stops and some form of decent advice or opinion is given.

I hope you all understand. This is not about me wanting custody of my boys. That is a given, but I honestly, with all my heart believe they NEED to be with me.

 

[Isis1]

question: you say you were GOING to file for emergency custody when mom removed them from school. why didn't you do that?

 

[mistoffolees]

I came here for advice, not to be grilled by people who obviously enjoy tearing people down. I am in the marital home, She left and left the boys with me as she did many times in the past. When she found out I was filing for emergency custody she went to the school and took the boys out.

The GAL has already confirmed that the boys have not been bathed for weeks at a time, as well as many other factors, and regardless of their ages it seems to me being a parent does not stop at the time they can walk, as some on here would believe. Would you like to know what the GAL recommended? Does that matter?

Right now my boys are being beaten up in the neighborhood. They are being called names and ridiculed constantly. Mom forces them outside and tells them to not return until it is dark. My oldest went to mom and told her. She told him he was a jerk and deserved it.

Now, I have already been told that she can do whatever she wants and that me calling the cops or CPS will make me look like I am harassing her.

Obviously I have informed my lawyer about this, but what now? Should I go do something stupid to protect my children now and destroy my case?

Sadly, my hands are tied and I can do nothing to help my children.

The idea that I somehow contributed to the neglect of my children is a pretty harsh thing to say. I have done everything I could to protect them and I am doing everything I can now.

I could go on and on, but I will stop, and will not have anything else to say unless the attacking stops and some form of decent advice or opinion is given.

I hope you all understand. This is not about me wanting custody of my boys. That is a given, but I honestly, with all my heart believe they NEED to be with me.

I think you've gotten your answers. It's up to you to take action.

Oh, and btw, I'm pretty confident that we're not getting an accurate story. How would the GAL know that the kids hadn't been bathed by weeks at a time unless the GAL was living there?

 

[Ohiogal]

I came here for advice, not to be grilled by people who obviously enjoy tearing people down. I am in the marital home, She left and left the boys with me as she did many times in the past. When she found out I was filing for emergency custody she went to the school and took the boys out.

And did you file for emergency custody? Or not? What was the emergency custody petition? Did you file for ex parte orders requiring the children to be re-enrolled in school AND returned to the marital home due to their mother's neglect?

The GAL has already confirmed that the boys have not been bathed for weeks at a time, as well as many other factors, and regardless of their ages it seems to me being a parent does not stop at the time they can walk, as some on here would believe. Would you like to know what the GAL recommended? Does that matter?

How does the GAL KNOW that the boys have not been bathed for weeks? Why have you not seen them for WEEKS? Why have you done NOTHING to force the issue of not seeing them for weeks? if you have seen them, why have they not bathed then? Why can't they bathe themselves?

Right now my boys are being beaten up in the neighborhood. They are being called names and ridiculed constantly. Mom forces them outside and tells them to not return until it is dark. My oldest went to mom and told her. She told him he was a jerk and deserved it.

And what did you DO about that? How do you KNOW that is what happens? What neighborhood are they in that they are being beaten up and you have done nothing to stop it?

Now, I have already been told that she can do whatever she wants and that me calling the cops or CPS will make me look like I am harassing her.

Who told you that? Why have you done NOTHING to protect your children?

Obviously I have informed my lawyer about this, but what now? Should I go do something stupid to protect my children now and destroy my case?

Is this about your children or the case? What court orders exist at this point?

Sadly, my hands are tied and I can do nothing to help my children.

BULL. You are wrong about that.

The idea that I somehow contributed to the neglect of my children is a pretty harsh thing to say. I have done everything I could to protect them and I am doing everything I can now.

No you are not. What orders exist? What ex parte/emergency orders exist? Have you filed for restraining orders against the bullies on behalf of your children in juvenile court?
I could go on and on, but I will stop, and will not have anything else to say unless the attacking stops and some form of decent advice or opinion is given.

I hope you all understand. This is not about me wanting custody of my boys. That is a given, but I honestly, with all my heart believe they NEED to be with me.

Not understanding quite frankly. You have a LOT of exaggerations in your posts. So try again. What PROOF do you have of any of this? What steps have YOU taken besides talking to your attorney? Why haven't you seen your children for weeks? What orders are in place? How does the GAl KNOW that your children have NOT bathed in weeks?

 

[forthemboys]

Reading comprehension!!!

OK, I think I have figured it.

You are trying to help by acting like my wifes attorney.lol

Actually I think you have issues with reading comprehension. Most of the questions you ask over and over were already stated in my initial post.


Shall I rate this website and the service here?


Not one mention of,,,

If you can prove,,, mental Illness/criminal record/neglect/abuse/drugs/perjury

Not any mention of the GAL's recommendation that the children be with me.


I have reviewed the ORC regarding custody. I know my case is built solid upon the law as written.

The real question is, WHAT MATTERS? Does ORC mean anything, or is the domestic court stacked with people like you who seem very bitter and obsessed with any father who would dare fight to raise his children?

 

[mistoffolees]

The real question is, WHAT MATTERS?

The answer is: it's irrelevant since you're obviously unwilling to listen to the advice you've already been given, so why should anyone waste any more time on you?

 

[CSO286]

Sorry, This is in the state of Ohio.


I worked full time Monday thru Friday 8-5pm, but I did take them to the doctor and I did buy them shoes. I wish I could have stayed home and taken care of them, but bills had to be paid. Trust me when I say. If I could have quit my job and stayed home to care for my children full time, I would have done that.

This really bugs me right here.

OP states in so many words that he wishes he could have taken care of his kids, but he had to work. I worked four jobs and still took care of my child. Daycare, friends, family, you have none of these where you are?

OP, what did you do to ensure these kids had proper hygeine? If you exercised you parenting time, then why did you no make sure they had baths?