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  1. #16
    OldandTired is offline Member
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    The smoking in the presence of the child is one of t he things that I have a hard time with. Contact your local chapter of the American Lung Assn, or get the information online about second-hand smoke.

    Although I am a smoker, I am the one that had the clause put in my divorce decree that no one will be allowed to smoke in the presence of my daughters, and that should anyone be smoking, it is the responsibility of the parent to remove the children from that atmosphere.

    If the mother denies drug use, request that the Court order a hair follicle test. That particular drug test can take a person back 7-10 years on drug use history.

    Your main problem is going to be proving your accusations, and explaining why you allowed some of this on your part, to continue.

    Don't be at all surprised to have the Judge looking down his/her nose at you, and do not make statements that you don't like it or care for it. Just get your business taken care of so you can take care of your son.

    I wish you the best of luck. Not many guys will stand up for their kids like this.
  2. #17
    onebreath is offline Member
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    I do not know the smoking laws in Wash. state, but I do know here in California, 7 years ago I had a top notch attorney tell me, if you smoke quit. If you smoke, choose between your child and cigarettes. So times have really changed here in CA. I haven't been to court for it, and it won't happen, just what an attorney told me.

    Knowing how adament CA is, I cannot help but wonder if SOME states are catching up to that...so it behooves you to find that out about your state. If not here, and anyway I would advice it for your issues, hire a great attorney for an hour and ask questions. Its the best way to find out for your area (about all the issues)

    Personal questions, does mom take any drugs? Does she take anti-depressants?

    If she is taking drugs illegally, that could be influencing her behavior (not trying to pretend you could ever prove that....and I have never heard of a child being tested for drugs except like an above poster mentioned...maybe crack.

    But getting an understanding of whats happening for mom will help.

    If no drugs, or abusive alcohol, it sounds, according to an article I recently read by Barry Brazelton, a mom described not really 'liking' to be with baby although she did still take care of baby. It was suggested she go see her doctor for postpartum depression, which is unfortunately very common. I also know when I breastfed, and daughter still a little baby, I was EXHAUSTED. I'm sure its different for every mom, but that can explain a lot. Outside of any legal choices you make, see if you can also remain friends with mom, and encourage her to see a doctor. I don't know what it is with women, and again, many are different, but this is so not uncommon and I have several friends who have dealt with the same thing. I think its probably depression.
  3. #18
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Searon View Post
    As for the reason of why nothing was done, is most of this stuff I had not known about until during the last few days before seperated or after we did. That's what was causing conflicts. Like her not waking up for our son 20-40 minutes everyday while I'm working. I did not know about that until a few days before we seperated. I have a lawyer, and am filing papers, should be done within the next day or so. Then get another court date.
    She is implying that I harm the child and her, which is false, getting a protection order against her. that way she doesn't have to be around me, and trying to keep my son away from me.

    so no, im not at fault for him being neglected. i knew she wasn't the best mother, but the fact that this was what happened, i had no idea it was that bad until this stuff started going down.

    i knew that everyday i get off from work, i take care of my son. i tend to his needs. every morning i wake up to give him to her so she could breastfeed. and she only stopped breastfeeding completely after she left.

    sorry for not being as clear before, but for a perfect clear story of what's been going on would be a very long topic.

    Doesn't matter. The court will find that you were neglectful towards your son if you try to use all this against mom.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  4. #19
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    The smoking in the presence of the child is one of t he things that I have a hard time with. Contact your local chapter of the American Lung Assn, or get the information online about second-hand smoke.
    And unless the children's doctor testifies that the smoke specifically causes severe problems for this particular child it won't matter.

    Although I am a smoker, I am the one that had the clause put in my divorce decree that no one will be allowed to smoke in the presence of my daughters, and that should anyone be smoking, it is the responsibility of the parent to remove the children from that atmosphere.
    Well then you agreed to such a clause.


    If the mother denies drug use, request that the Court order a hair follicle test. That particular drug test can take a person back 7-10 years on drug use history.
    Unless mom has a substantiated drug history that is recent a court will NOT order a hair follicle test. Nor can it go back 7-10 years. You are lucky if it can go back an entire year.


    Your main problem is going to be proving your accusations, and explaining why you allowed some of this on your part, to continue.

    Yes, HE has to PROVE his accusations. Not expect the court to do so.

    Don't be at all surprised to have the Judge looking down his/her nose at you, and do not make statements that you don't like it or care for it. Just get your business taken care of so you can take care of your son.

    I wish you the best of luck. Not many guys will stand up for their kids like this.

    Bull. Many fathers stand up for their children like this. Many stand up even better than this OP.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  5. #20
    CJane is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by onebreath View Post
    I do not know the smoking laws in Wash. state, but I do know here in California, 7 years ago I had a top notch attorney tell me, if you smoke quit. If you smoke, choose between your child and cigarettes. So times have really changed here in CA. I haven't been to court for it, and it won't happen, just what an attorney told me.
    The attorney may have been speaking to what a particular judge would say when dealing with a particular case, but there is no reference to smoking in CA child custody statutes, nor would a judge be able to justify denying a parent custody based ONLY on the fact that the parent smoked (around the child or not) something that is perfectly legal.

    The ONLY way it could be a deciding factor is if the child had demonstrable and severe health issues that are PROVEN to be exacerbated by the smoking of the parent, AND that the other parent could keep the child out of ANY/ALL situations in which ANYONE EVER might smoke around them.
  6. #21
    Ambr is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Searon View Post
    I am a father of a 4 month old son. I usually go to work everyday in the morning, and come over during the afternoon to my wife and son, and nothing is done.
    Quote Originally Posted by Searon View Post
    I take care of him while I'm home, and I have to work to be able to keep our apartment, because my wife refused to work.
    Quote Originally Posted by Searon View Post
    I told my wife she needs to start taking care of the apartment and everything while I'm at work or she needs to leave, so she packed all of her stuff and left.
    Quote Originally Posted by Searon View Post
    I told her she needs to do something or get out, so she left with my son,
    You seem to be contradicting yourself.

    First she lives with you and you do everything.
    Then you throw her out and you are still doing everything.

    If she left, with the baby, then how are you still the one providing all the care for the child. How do you know that she is staying on the internet, doing nothing, not caring (feeding, washing, etc) for the baby.

    I am not trying to be mean, just asking the obvious questions.

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