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  1. #1
    ione is offline Junior Member
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    Father fighting me for 50/50 physical custody

    What is the name of your state? California

    I was in a relationship that resulted in my daughter who is now 3 1/2. The father has constantly taken me to court fighting for more time, more time. At the age of 5 mos. he served me with papers for visitation when at the time he had visitation with our daughter in my home. After becoming demanding of me and verbally abusive, I said he could no longer have visits in my home therefore he took me to court. His stated he wants 50/50 joint physical custody. As of now, I have physical custody and we both have joint legal. He has visits every other weekend and two mid-week visits Wed/Thurs from 4:30-7pm. When our daughter is sick and I suggest she stay home, he accuses me of violating his visits and wants a make-up date. He also demands he sees her when she's sick stating "I can take care of a sick child too". He has never commuicated with me in 3yrs re. our daughter except when in court. He states he wants no suggestions from me and what he does with her on his time is his business. It has become beyond frustrating. Last year he moved in with a woman and my daughter was sleeping there every other weekend. Neither of them would speak to me re. my chid and the court would not permit me any rights to view her sleeping quarter. My question is, can this man just continue to take me back and forth to court demanding more time until he gets his 50/50 custody!! Now that our daughter is starting pre-school he says he's going to take me again and aske for another mid-week overnight. He is 40yr. old and lives at home with his mother, sisters and their children in a 3 bedroom apt. It worries me sick and I feel I have no rights as the custodial parent. I feel the courts are in favor of him just because he pays child support and is an African American man who wants to see his child. Having taught children, I know shuffling our daughter back and forth would be a detriment given the circustances however I don't know how to protect myself from this happening. Pls Advise !!!!!
  2. #2
    nextwife is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    What is the name of your state? California

    I was in a relationship that resulted in my daughter who is now 3 1/2. The father has constantly taken me to court fighting for more time, more time. At the age of 5 mos. he served me with papers for visitation when at the time he had visitation with our daughter in my home.
    He has that right. Especially if he was being denied his OWN time (away from you, in his home) with the child that is ALSO his.

    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    After becoming demanding of me and verbally abusive, I said he could no longer have visits in my home therefore he took me to court. His stated he wants 50/50 joint physical custody. As of now, I have physical custody and we both have joint legal. He has visits every other weekend and two mid-week visits Wed/Thurs from 4:30-7pm. When our daughter is sick and I suggest she stay home, he accuses me of violating his visits and wants a make-up date. He also demands he sees her when she's sick stating "I can take care of a sick child too".
    Many father's have 50/50 custody. There are regular posters eher whose kids are shared 50/50 and do great. The child is that of two parents. If he has CO'd visiation, he is absolutly right. He can parent his child, sick OR well. Fatherts DO parent sick kids. You have no right to deny CO'd visitation. MY hubby is wonderful for my daughter when she's sick. Yes, fathers can be caregivers, sick or well, it is important they show the child they are there for them when they are not feeling so great. A child can sleep in a bed at Daddy's the same as the can at Mommy's.

    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    He has never commuicated with me in 3yrs re. our daughter except when in court. He states he wants no suggestions from me and what he does with her on his time is his business. It has become beyond frustrating. Last year he moved in with a woman and my daughter was sleeping there every other weekend. Neither of them would speak to me re. my chid and the court would not permit me any rights to view her sleeping quarter. My question is, can this man just continue to take me back and forth to court demanding more time until he gets his 50/50 custody!!
    Yes, he has the right to pursue hiis rights in court, just as you have the right to go to court and fight for what you want.

    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    Now that our daughter is starting pre-school he says he's going to take me again and aske for another mid-week overnight. He is 40yr. old and lives at home with his mother, sisters and their children in a 3 bedroom apt. It worries me sick and I feel I have no rights as the custodial parent. I feel the courts are in favor of him just because he pays child support and is an African American man who wants to see his child. Having taught children, I know shuffling our daughter back and forth would be a detriment given the circustances however I don't know how to protect myself from this happening. Pls Advise !!!!!
    And he was 36 year old man when you made the baby with him. Has his living circumstance changed much since then? Very successful people have grown up in crowded living conditions. MOST of the world lives that way. And, kids in shared parenting can do very well. What is important is the parents trying to work together. The courts want to facilitate a child's relationship with both of their parents.
    Last edited by nextwife; 02-23-2005 at 03:27 AM.
  3. #3
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Seriously, OP - he is the child's other parent. He is as capable of caring for her as you are - whether she's well or sick. And he's correct that his time is his to use as he sees fit. Be glad that he wants to be involved in his child's life, and let loose of the apron strings a teeny bit - you're not sending your daughter with a total stranger, but with her Daddy.
  4. #4
    casa is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    What is the name of your state? California

    I was in a relationship that resulted in my daughter who is now 3 1/2. The father has constantly taken me to court fighting for more time, more time. At the age of 5 mos. he served me with papers for visitation when at the time he had visitation with our daughter in my home. After becoming demanding of me and verbally abusive, I said he could no longer have visits in my home therefore he took me to court. His stated he wants 50/50 joint physical custody. As of now, I have physical custody and we both have joint legal. He has visits every other weekend and two mid-week visits Wed/Thurs from 4:30-7pm. When our daughter is sick and I suggest she stay home, he accuses me of violating his visits and wants a make-up date. He also demands he sees her when she's sick stating "I can take care of a sick child too". He has never commuicated with me in 3yrs re. our daughter except when in court. He states he wants no suggestions from me and what he does with her on his time is his business. It has become beyond frustrating. Last year he moved in with a woman and my daughter was sleeping there every other weekend. Neither of them would speak to me re. my chid and the court would not permit me any rights to view her sleeping quarter. My question is, can this man just continue to take me back and forth to court demanding more time until he gets his 50/50 custody!! Now that our daughter is starting pre-school he says he's going to take me again and aske for another mid-week overnight. He is 40yr. old and lives at home with his mother, sisters and their children in a 3 bedroom apt. It worries me sick and I feel I have no rights as the custodial parent. I feel the courts are in favor of him just because he pays child support and is an African American man who wants to see his child. Having taught children, I know shuffling our daughter back and forth would be a detriment given the circustances however I don't know how to protect myself from this happening. Pls Advise !!!!!
    You don't need to protect yourself- You are not in any danger.

    You don't need to protect your daughter from a willing and able parent- She not only deserves that, but needs it.

    The father can take you to court to increase his time as often as he likes- it's up to the judge to decide whether to allow more time or not.

    Many people in CA share living space- I would think it would be nice for your child to see her aunt, grandmother and cousins when she visits her father.

    50/50 is common in CA, but it working depends on many factors (especially since your child is approaching preschool/school age) like being geographically close to one another and being able to cooperate and communicate.

    The father can take care of a sick child just like you can. What do you do when the child is sick that the father cannot do?

    The father's age is irrelevant. In fact, he probably has more life experience and maturity than younger fathers.

    Is the real concern here child support? Because the father is not a danger and the only thing you don't like is that he wants to be more involved with his child...Sounds like a lucky little girl to me
  5. #5
    Benjaline is offline Junior Member
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    Be Happy

    Ione,

    Be Happy. That's absolutely wonderful that her father wants to see her more. My boyfriend loves his children so much and has been fighting for almost a year now for more time with them. His kids are much older, and he shares joint and legal custody, but his ex-wife is making it difficult for him to see them in order to decrease his time spent with them to increase her CS amount. He has always paid on time, and we always go over and beyond in helping with their extra expenses...be happy! Take time for yourself when she is with her daddy. I think it's wonderful that he IS an AFrican American father who takes responsibility. I'm sorry your relationship isn't as you want it to be with him, but don't fight him on this...your daughter will grow up loving you more knowing that you never stood in the way of her relationship with her father.

    Quote Originally Posted by ione
    What is the name of your state? California

    I was in a relationship that resulted in my daughter who is now 3 1/2. The father has constantly taken me to court fighting for more time, more time. At the age of 5 mos. he served me with papers for visitation when at the time he had visitation with our daughter in my home. After becoming demanding of me and verbally abusive, I said he could no longer have visits in my home therefore he took me to court. His stated he wants 50/50 joint physical custody. As of now, I have physical custody and we both have joint legal. He has visits every other weekend and two mid-week visits Wed/Thurs from 4:30-7pm. When our daughter is sick and I suggest she stay home, he accuses me of violating his visits and wants a make-up date. He also demands he sees her when she's sick stating "I can take care of a sick child too". He has never commuicated with me in 3yrs re. our daughter except when in court. He states he wants no suggestions from me and what he does with her on his time is his business. It has become beyond frustrating. Last year he moved in with a woman and my daughter was sleeping there every other weekend. Neither of them would speak to me re. my chid and the court would not permit me any rights to view her sleeping quarter. My question is, can this man just continue to take me back and forth to court demanding more time until he gets his 50/50 custody!! Now that our daughter is starting pre-school he says he's going to take me again and aske for another mid-week overnight. He is 40yr. old and lives at home with his mother, sisters and their children in a 3 bedroom apt. It worries me sick and I feel I have no rights as the custodial parent. I feel the courts are in favor of him just because he pays child support and is an African American man who wants to see his child. Having taught children, I know shuffling our daughter back and forth would be a detriment given the circustances however I don't know how to protect myself from this happening. Pls Advise !!!!!

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