father in jail-need advice about getting full/sole custody..and divorce

[deenatxscrub]

im in austin texas.....

i was told by many drs that i could not conceive...after 6 yrs, i did. 1 week afte i found out my husband was arrested on his 5th DWI! I thought at the time it was his 4th, but found out later i was wrong. He spent my entire pregnancy and first 18 mos of her life in prison. when he got out i remained in east texas near my mom for support and he lived in austin. in april, he was arrested again! for his 6th DWI! i can not stand this person anymore. I have a responsibilty to my daughter to protect her and all I can think about is getting a divorce and sole custody before he gets out this time (on his short 7 year sentence...unbelievable!!!). He will get out on parole I'm sure and when he does, he will drink and get behind the wheel again. He will probably kill someone this time and I REFUSE to let that be my daughter! He has 2 other children ages 12 and 14 and the mother fled the state for this very reason. He put no effort in finding them and he is a deadbeat father. I wish he would just sign away his parental rights so I can change her name...and mine, back to my maiden name, but I don't see him offering that while locked up. What are my options??? I know any judge would not even allow him visitation that wasn't supervised, but I cringe at the thought of him even having that right. In my eyes, he gave up all of his rights when he got in a vehicle (company vehicle at that!) and drove drunk again!! I will do what I can to petition the parole board not to release him early, but he WILL get out someday and I do NOT want him in our lives. Someone please help me. If you think I'm being harsh, you don't understand the full situation. My family completely supports me in these decisions and my brother was a very close friend of his, but they realize I HAVE to do what's best for my daughter. Please advise me if you can. Thank you!PS...I am about to move back to the austin area and get back into my profession and be a single working mom. We have just been approved for a house to lease and I'm excited to be raising my daughter in the Austin area.

 

[penelope10]

im in austin texas.....

i was told by many drs that i could not conceive...after 6 yrs, i did. 1 week afte i found out my husband was arrested on his 5th DWI! I thought at the time it was his 4th, but found out later i was wrong. He spent my entire pregnancy and first 18 mos of her life in prison. when he got out i remained in east texas near my mom for support and he lived in austin. in april, he was arrested again! for his 6th DWI! i can not stand this person anymore. I have a responsibilty to my daughter to protect her and all I can think about is getting a divorce and sole custody before he gets out this time (on his short 7 year sentence...unbelievable!!!). He will get out on parole I'm sure and when he does, he will drink and get behind the wheel again. He will probably kill someone this time and I REFUSE to let that be my daughter! He has 2 other children ages 12 and 14 and the mother fled the state for this very reason. He put no effort in finding them and he is a deadbeat father. I wish he would just sign away his parental rights so I can change her name...and mine, back to my maiden name, but I don't see him offering that while locked up. What are my options??? I know any judge would not even allow him visitation that wasn't supervised, but I cringe at the thought of him even having that right. In my eyes, he gave up all of his rights when he got in a vehicle (company vehicle at that!) and drove drunk again!! I will do what I can to petition the parole board not to release him early, but he WILL get out someday and I do NOT want him in our lives. Someone please help me. If you think I'm being harsh, you don't understand the full situation. My family completely supports me in these decisions and my brother was a very close friend of his, but they realize I HAVE to do what's best for my daughter. Please advise me if you can. Thank you!PS...I am about to move back to the austin area and get back into my profession and be a single working mom. We have just been approved for a house to lease and I'm excited to be raising my daughter in the Austin area.

I'm sorry I got a little bit lost there....what was your question?

 

[LdiJ]

im in austin texas.....

i was told by many drs that i could not conceive...after 6 yrs, i did. 1 week afte i found out my husband was arrested on his 5th DWI! I thought at the time it was his 4th, but found out later i was wrong. He spent my entire pregnancy and first 18 mos of her life in prison. when he got out i remained in east texas near my mom for support and he lived in austin. in april, he was arrested again! for his 6th DWI! i can not stand this person anymore. I have a responsibilty to my daughter to protect her and all I can think about is getting a divorce and sole custody before he gets out this time (on his short 7 year sentence...unbelievable!!!). He will get out on parole I'm sure and when he does, he will drink and get behind the wheel again. He will probably kill someone this time and I REFUSE to let that be my daughter! He has 2 other children ages 12 and 14 and the mother fled the state for this very reason. He put no effort in finding them and he is a deadbeat father. I wish he would just sign away his parental rights so I can change her name...and mine, back to my maiden name, but I don't see him offering that while locked up. What are my options??? I know any judge would not even allow him visitation that wasn't supervised, but I cringe at the thought of him even having that right. In my eyes, he gave up all of his rights when he got in a vehicle (company vehicle at that!) and drove drunk again!! I will do what I can to petition the parole board not to release him early, but he WILL get out someday and I do NOT want him in our lives. Someone please help me. If you think I'm being harsh, you don't understand the full situation. My family completely supports me in these decisions and my brother was a very close friend of his, but they realize I HAVE to do what's best for my daughter. Please advise me if you can. Thank you!PS...I am about to move back to the austin area and get back into my profession and be a single working mom. We have just been approved for a house to lease and I'm excited to be raising my daughter in the Austin area.

Are you sure that you shouldn't follow the lead of the other mother and leave the state yourself?

If you have not already divorced him you need to hire yourself an attorney and divorce him and petition for sole custody, with visitation rights for him either "reserved" or denied. You can discuss with the attorney the possibility of a termination of his parental rights (TX does allow that without a stepparent adoption) but there is no guarantee that is possible.

 

[penelope10]

Are you sure that you shouldn't follow the lead of the other mother and leave the state yourself?

If you have not already divorced him you need to hire yourself an attorney and divorce him and petition for sole custody, with visitation rights for him either "reserved" or denied. You can discuss with the attorney the possibility of a termination of his parental rights (TX does allow that without a stepparent adoption) but there is no guarantee that is possible.

I'm going to respectfully argue with one statement you made. I do not believe that legally it would be wise to leave for the OP the state at this time. Only after OP goes to court, and only if the court makes a decision to grant her sole custody without visitation for Dad, should she consider leaving the state with the child.

There's a chance that EVEN with all the DWIs Dad might still get some form of limited visitation. Op did know that Dad had four DWIs before getting pregnant with the child and I think that argument will be used by Dad in court. Whether he prevails using this story will be up to the court....Leaving the state before the court decides the issue will only hurt the OP's chances of getting visitation set up in a way that would be in the best interests of the child.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm going to respectfully argue with one statement you made. I do not believe that legally it would be wise to leave for the OP the state at this time. Only after OP goes to court, and if the court makes a decision to grant her sole custody without visitation for Dad, should she consider leaving the state with the child.

There's a chance that EVEN with all the DWIs Dad might still get some form of limited visitation. Op did know that Dad had four DWIs before getting pregnant with the child and I think that argument will be used by Dad in court. Whether he prevails using this story will be up to the court....Leaving the state before the court decides the issue will only hurt the OP's chances of getting visitation set up in a way that would be in the best interests of the child.

Actually, leaving the state while dad is in prison isn't the slightest bit risky, legally. A judge cannot force her to remain in the original home state, and cannot force the children to remain there unless the judge is willing to give custody to the other parent. Since the judge obviously cannot give custody to an incarcerated parent, there is absolutely no risk for her in leaving. Residency in a new state would be firmly established long before dad gets out of jail.

 

[penelope10]

Actually, leaving the state while dad is in prison isn't the slightest bit risky, legally. A judge cannot force her to remain in the original home state, and cannot force the children to remain there unless the judge is willing to give custody to the other parent. Since the judge obviously cannot give custody to an incarcerated parent, there is absolutely no risk for her in leaving. Residency in a new state would be firmly established long before dad gets out of jail.

Here's my only problem with this--For visitation to be established (or denied) legally Mom's going to have to divorce Dad and have the court decide issues of visitation. Mom's going to have to set up residency in that other state before she can file for a divorce. We don't know how long Dad's been in jail and when he's going to get out.(In other words paroled). Let's say Dad get out before Mom sets up residency in the new state. He files for divorce in TX before Mom can file. Mom may end up shooting herself in the foot if she leaves the state and this happens.....

 

[LdiJ]

Here's my only problem with this--For visitation to be established (or denied) legally Mom's going to have to divorce Dad and have the court decide issues of visitation. Mom's going to have to set up residency in that other state before she can file for a divorce. We don't know how long Dad's been in jail and when he's going to get out. Let's say Dad get out before Mom sets up residency in the new state. He files for divorce in TX before Mom can file. Mom may end up shooting herself in the foot if she leaves the state and this happens.....

Yes...I understand your logic. However in this case dad has been sentenced to 7 years. The odds of him getting out in 6 months (the amount of time needed to establish residency in another state ) are virtually non-existent.

 

[penelope10]

Yes...I understand your logic. However in this case dad has been sentenced to 7 years. The odds of him getting out in 6 months (the amount of time needed to establish residency in another state ) are virtually non-existent.

Well ya never know this is TX LOL!!!!! (And I can joke cause I live here) Geeze you would have thought on the 5th one he would have spent more time behind bars.

 

[mommyof4]

And realistically, in THIS instance, even IF Dad got out within the next 6 months, filed a motion in court to force her to return the child to the state, AND had the hearing, the odds of being forced to return the child to the state with his criminal history are just about nil...ESPECIALLY with a Travis County court.

Travis County courts are known for allowing move aways and not forcing parents to return the child to the area. Austin is an incredibly transient area.

It is better for her to go ahead and go NOW than to wait.

(Really, I don't normally advise this. This is ONE instance that I will.)

 

[penelope10]

And realistically, in THIS instance, even IF Dad got out within the next 6 months, filed a motion in court to force her to return the child to the state, AND had the hearing, the odds of being forced to return the child to the state with his criminal history are just about nil...ESPECIALLY with a Travis County court.

Travis County courts are known for allowing move aways and not forcing parents to return the child to the area. Austin is an incredibly transient area.

It is better for her to go ahead and go NOW than to wait.

(Really, I don't normally advise this. This is ONE instance that I will.)

Well just so ya know that I wasn't knocking TX in my last post. I am a NATIVE TEXAN. Now my oldest did choose to go to OU, but I can't personally have that held against me can I? (Penelope hangs her head in shame and goes into the corner to sulk---the memory of that sad day when her daughter did not chose UT still brings a tear to her eye).

 

[mommyof4]

Well just so ya know that I wasn't knocking TX in my last post. I am a NATIVE TEXAN. Now my oldest did choose to go to OU, but I can't personally have that held against me can I? (Penelope hangs her head in shame and goes into the corner to sulk---the memory of that sad day when her daughter did not chose UT still brings a tear to her eye).

ALL of my kids have been indoctrinated in the healthy hatred of all things OU. I would disown them if they ever considered OU. Okay, maybe not disown them, but their Christmas presents would be pretty skimpy and all of them would be burnt orange.

Yes, I hold you 100% responsible. You should have started on her earlier.

I even taught my kids to say 'Hook em" before my husband could teach them "Go Bucks". I am so thankful that I am a SAHM and have HOURS upon HOURS to brainwash them first.

I didn't think you were knocking TX. I was just pointing out that even IF Dad managed to pull off some miracle, Travis County courts are pretty liberal and loosening up every day when it comes to move away cases.

 

[penelope10]

ALL of my kids have been indoctrinated in the healthy hatred of all things OU. I would disown them if they ever considered OU. Okay, maybe not disown them, but their Christmas presents would be pretty skimpy and all of them would be burnt orange.

Yes, I hold you 100% responsible. You should have started on her earlier.

I even taught my kids to say 'Hook em" before my husband could teach them "Go Bucks". I am so thankful that I am a SAHM and have HOURS upon HOURS to brainwash them first.

I didn't think you were knocking TX. I was just pointing out that even IF Dad managed to pull off some miracle, Travis County courts are pretty liberal and loosening up every day when it comes to move away cases.

Do you think CPS will come in and take the rest of my kid's away from me because of this one bad apple? And oh my Gosh the horror of it all ....the little one talked has about wanting to attend the Long Island School of Photography.

And here's the worst thing---the oldest one has chosen to STAY in OK. And she's seriously dating a boy from OK. My daughter may end up being a breeder of future OU students.

 

[mommyof4]

Do you think CPS will come in and take the rest of my kid's away from me because of this one bad apple? And oh my Gosh the horror of it all ....the little one talked has about wanting to attend the Long Island School of Photography.

And here's the worst thing---the oldest one has chosen to STAY in OK. And she's seriously dating a boy from OK. My daughter may end up being a breeder of future OU students.

I'm calling CPS now. Expect a visit. Don't worry, I'll request that the children come stay with me so that I can set them on the right path.

Go drag your daughter home and tell her that there is no way she is going to be allowed to have any contact with that boy. I don't care if she's 25. You have to assert your parental authority. Be tough. Wear lots of orange. That should momentarily blind her so that you have a second to tie her up and throw her in the car. If you don't think you can do it on your own, give me a shout. I'll ride shotgun.

LONG ISLAND??? Where did that hairbrained idea come from? There's a perfectly good island here in TX. Okay, it's known for parties during the spring, but lots and lots of pretty pictures can be taken down there.

Sigh....I've got to get hold of your kids.

 

[penelope10]

I'm calling CPS now. Expect a visit. Don't worry, I'll request that the children come stay with me so that I can set them on the right path.

Go drag your daughter home and tell her that there is no way she is going to be allowed to have any contact with that boy. I don't care if she's 25. You have to assert your parental authority. Be tough. Wear lots of orange. That should momentarily blind her so that you have a second to tie her up and throw her in the car. If you don't think you can do it on your own, give me a shout. I'll ride shotgun.

I am so ashamed of my failure as a proper Mother... I may need your future help with the intervention on the 25 year old! Like I said she's really turned out to be a bad apple....

 

[mommyof4]

I am so ashamed of my failure as a proper Mother... I may need your future help with the intervention on the 25 year old! Like I said she's really turned out to be a bad apple....

Oh, I'm sure she's just horrible.

Well, we can always hope she comes to her senses and her impact on the others will be minimal.

Just think, if (when) she has children, you will get a whole new chance!

My sister is an Aggie (don't ask...that's worse than OU). I deck her son out in TX gear every chance I get. He is a HUGE Longhorn. She hates it, which makes it 2X as great for me.