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Father is mentally ill

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Liz26

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Iowa

I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex boyfriend. We were never married and never lived together. He has bipolar disorder and does not take his medication like he should. He only takes it here and there. He was rarely around at all the whole time she was a baby and all the way up until now. He doesn't support her financially either. He very rarely gives me any money. (I know that is a separate issue). He was very mentally abusive towards me and has a terrible temper.He is also a pathelogical liar. Some of the things he makes up are just crazy and it doesn't bother him to say it. Our daughter has seen him in a rage and screaming at me a few times. He even threatened to kill me once a few years ago. He did physically assault his boss once. Our daughter does not want to leave with him at all. She is fine if he stays at my place to see her, but gets very upset if he tries to take her and says she doesn't want to and doesn't like him. Anyway, he wants to have joint custody and beable to take her all of the time. I do not want that to happen. I don't want that to happen because he is bipolar (untreated), has a bad temper, has never been involved in her care since the day she was born, and she isn't comfortable with him. My whole family doesn't trust him with her either. His whole family wants nothing to do with him. It is a real mess. Anyway, what can I do? Would a judge actually give someone like this joint custody? A guy in our town with bipolar did kill his kids and tried to kill his wife, so I don't think they take it too lightly.
 


snostar

Senior Member
Liz26 said:
Anyway, he wants to have joint custody and beable to take her all of the time. I do not want that to happen. I don't want that to happen because he is bipolar (untreated), has a bad temper, has never been involved in her care since the day she was born, and she isn't comfortable with him.
You should have thought about this prior to conception.
Anyway, what can I do?
Hire an attorney.
Would a judge actually give someone like this joint custody?
Yes.
 
Is he on the birth certificate?

Document everything you have. Did his boss file charges, or is there court evidence of the assault? If yes, get a certified copy of it from the court.

He has threatened you..you have every right to stop contact with him.

Then if he wants to fight for custody he can file and hopefully by then you will have some documented proof of his issues.

If you are pushed to file a PFA (protection from abuse) on behalf of yourself and/or your daughter, the court will review the child custody/visitation then, so be sure to get everything documented ASAP.

You have every right, even an obligation to keep your daughter safe.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
A mental health issue that is not being properly treated could be grounds for supervised visitation. However its not guaranteed that you or anyone in your family would get to be the supervisor.

However, until he files in court you are free to restrict visitation to supervised by you.
 

bononos

Senior Member
If your still around OP:
I have the exact same issues with my ex. I was unaware of his diagnosis until AFTER I filed for divorce and we had to do 3 counseling sessions, then it all came to light. I recently had an evaluation ordered because we did have joint custody.
There are severities of the illness and, like you, my ex does not follow any treatment. I will tell you that in my case, supervised is not even being mentioned. I will only tell you that I was recommended primary, but he still has alot of visitation days. More than EOW.
Get an attorney and request an evaluation to help in coming up with a safe and reasonable custody arrangement.
By the way, he is STAYING at your house to see her? Like, overnight? Is that necessary? If he has anger issues and has threatened you, why is he staying? I hope I just read that wrong.
Even in joint custody he doesn't get to "take her whenever he wants". There are specific days and times.
 

Liz26

Junior Member
bononos said:
If your still around OP:
I have the exact same issues with my ex. I was unaware of his diagnosis until AFTER I filed for divorce and we had to do 3 counseling sessions, then it all came to light. I recently had an evaluation ordered because we did have joint custody.
There are severities of the illness and, like you, my ex does not follow any treatment. I will tell you that in my case, supervised is not even being mentioned. I will only tell you that I was recommended primary, but he still has alot of visitation days. More than EOW.
Get an attorney and request an evaluation to help in coming up with a safe and reasonable custody arrangement.
By the way, he is STAYING at your house to see her? Like, overnight? Is that necessary? If he has anger issues and has threatened you, why is he staying? I hope I just read that wrong.
Even in joint custody he doesn't get to "take her whenever he wants". There are specific days and times.
No, he does not stay at my house! I would never allow that. I meant he comes to visit her for a bit at my house when he feels like it. He has probably seen her no more than 15 times in the last 6 months; maybe not even that many times. I have witnesses to that. I also have several e-mails he has sent me where he admits his terrible temper, how he gets irritated easily, doesn't like being around anyone, etc. I think your situation may be different from mine since we never married and have never lived together. I knew he was bipolar before he got me pregnant, but I didn't realize how bad it was. He seemed to get worse after she was born too. I did not try to get pregnant. He pulled a fast one on me, literally. He has never been involved in her care since day 1. She doesn't even call him dad or anything. He can't handle anything and does even know the first thing about taking care of her. Whenever she would have a tantrum or anything he would take off. He never fed her, changed her, took her to doctor, he never did anything! He doesn't know much about her. He has yelled at her and said things you should not say to a toddler before too and I have witnesses to that. We were in a restaurant once and he told her that if she didn't shut up that she could sit in the car. She was only about 2 years old. He has no patience with her. I think she is scared to be alone with him. He did take her once for a very short time and she hasn't liked him since.The ex-husband of the woman he is dating doesn't want him around his child either. He is not a good person at all. He also likes to sleep around with different women and I do not want my daughter around that either. He is cheating on the one he is with now, but she doesn't know it. He is not a good role model.
 

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