Father refuses to allow child to return home

[dmckune]

I live in California, my son currently resides in Nebraska.
My 15yr old son currently resides with his father in Nebraska. He wishes to return to California. In our 3/2000 divorce & child custody papers it states that I, as the mother, was given primary physical custody. My son chose, at age 13 to live with his father, but now wishes to return to California. If I purchase a plane ticket to leave the state of Nebraska & return to California, will I in trouble for child abduction? The father knows about my son wanting to return to live with me & is refusing to let him. He is telling my son that if he gets on a plane that I will be arrested & sent to prison for child abduction.

 

[Proserpina]

I live in California, my son currently resides in Nebraska.
My 15yr old son currently resides with his father in Nebraska. He wishes to return to California. In our 3/2000 divorce & child custody papers it states that I, as the mother, was given primary physical custody. My son chose, at age 13 to live with his father, but now wishes to return to California. If I purchase a plane ticket to leave the state of Nebraska & return to California, will I in trouble for child abduction? The father knows about my son wanting to return to live with me & is refusing to let him. He is telling my son that if he gets on a plane that I will be arrested & sent to prison for child abduction.

And you're allowing your child to make this decision...why?

Sure, per your court order, you can go and get him.

But expect Dad to file for custody immediately based upon status quo.

 

[dmckune]

My son didn't make the decision. At the time that he was allowed to go out there, my son requested. And I allowed him to go because of the fact that he was causing serious problems in my house because he has bipolar disorder & was refusing his meds. We hoped it would help. However, his father is manipulative & controlling. He refused to get him meds for 18mos. He has just recently been put back on them.

There is a plane ticket already purchased for my son who has a ride to the airport & is able to check himself in. His father is trying to convince him that I will be arrested & put in prison for child abduction even though we have joint legal & I was awarded primary physical.

 

[Proserpina]

My son didn't make the decision. At the time that he was allowed to go out there, my son requested. And I allowed him to go because of the fact that he was causing serious problems in my house because he has bipolar disorder & was refusing his meds. We hoped it would help. However, his father is manipulative & controlling. He refused to get him meds for 18mos. He has just recently been put back on them.

I'm sorry - but what's the difference between your son refusing his meds at YOUR house, and Dad not getting him meds? Dad has put him back on meds, right?

Don't you see what's happening here? (clue: manipulation by child....)

There is a plane ticket already purchased for my son who has a ride to the airport & is able to check himself in.

Who purchased that? That was kind of dumb, frankly.

His father is trying to convince him that I will be arrested & put in prison for child abduction even though we have joint legal & I was awarded primary physical.

This is what you said:

My son chose, at age 13 to live with his father, but now wishes to return to California.

Again, expect Dad to file to have kiddo returned to him.

The child's HOME is with Dad, and has been for over a year.

 

[dmckune]

WOW- way to NOT be polite. So my verbage may not be completely correct, but you can be polite in your responses.

I do not believe that my son is being manipulative. There are a lot of other things that have happened over the last year that have come into play in his requesting to come back to California.

 

[Proserpina]

WOW- way to NOT be polite. So my verbage may not be completely correct, but you can be polite in your responses.

I'm sorry you didn't like the reality

I do not believe that my son is being manipulative. There are a lot of other things that have happened over the last year that have come into play in his requesting to come back to California.

Which you chose not to share.

By all means feel free to consult an attorney first thing in the morning.

 

[dmckune]

I didn't share because I didn't think they would pertain to this particular question. His father has been verbally abusive to my son. And I'm sure it's true because he was to me when we were married. We have a 17 yr old son who also lives with his father. He went to live with their dad a year before my 15 yr old. He was given any thing & everything he wanted, so made it sound wonderful to live with the dad.
But since my son has moved out there, he has run away 3 times. Tried to leave & go live with a friend. And was finally, just last month, admitted to a psych hospital because the school admin, school psych & the school police officer were concerned he was going to commit a felony. He was telling them he was going to kill his dad if he had to go back to live with him. It took them 2 hrs to convince his father to take him for an eval. Once the eval was done, the hospital stated that based on his agitated state & the fact that he had told the school staffers that he was going to commit homicide, then and ONLY then did his dad agree to admit him.

 

[Proserpina]

I didn't share because I didn't think they would pertain to this particular question. His father has been verbally abusive to my son. And I'm sure it's true because he was to me when we were married. We have a 17 yr old son who also lives with his father. He went to live with their dad a year before my 15 yr old. He was given any thing & everything he wanted, so made it sound wonderful to live with the dad.
But since my son has moved out there, he has run away 3 times. Tried to leave & go live with a friend. And was finally, just last month, admitted to a psych hospital because the school admin, school psych & the school police officer were concerned he was going to commit a felony. He was telling them he was going to kill his dad if he had to go back to live with him. It took them 2 hrs to convince his father to take him for an eval. Once the eval was done, the hospital stated that based on his agitated state & the fact that he had told the school staffers that he was going to commit homicide, then and ONLY then did his dad agree to admit him.

What was the result?

 

[stealth2]

Honestly? It sounds as though neither you NOR Dad are able to control the kid. Maybe he needs some further intervention. Like... an inpatient placement. You and Dad are quite obviously unable to help him.

 

[Ohiogal]

WOW- way to NOT be polite. So my verbage may not be completely correct, but you can be polite in your responses.

I do not believe that my son is being manipulative. There are a lot of other things that have happened over the last year that have come into play in his requesting to come back to California.

Yes your son is being manipulative. HOW DARE you let him make the decision and you buy into it. He is with his dad. Expect dad to fight you and win. He has had custody for two years. He has proof that the child is enrolled in school there. He has proof that he has been the child's custodian.

You are the one being manipulative and underhanded quite frankly.

 

[anearthw]

Your son was 13 and is now 15. That age gap is very common for an escalation in deviant youth behavior, you really can't blame any of that on dad. Seeing as though he was pretty much out of control when you sent him, it seems only natural that things are getting worse.

Are you speaking to dad about this? Or are you getting this all through your child?

Don't even try to bring up dad being "verbally abusive" to you, YOU agreed to send him there so obviously that would make you look like a bad parent.