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Father Refuses to Give Address

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krs0525

Junior Member
ALABAMA

Background:
I am the mother of a three year old girl and have physical custody. My ex-husband has visitation at his home every other weekend from Friday to Sunday. We both live in the state of Alabama in cities that are approximately 100 miles apart.

Issue:
My ex-husband sent me a letter a year ago stating that his address would be changing due to his decision to relocate to a city approximately 40 miles away. At the time, I had no objections to the move.

Six months ago, I sent a letter to him at the address that he had provided, and it was returned to me by the post office. When I called the local post office to find out why the letter was returned, I was told that the residence at that address was vacant. The property is owned by my ex-husband's family, but the postman was adamant that no one had lived there in some time.

I believed that a mistake must have been made, so I called my ex-husband to confirm his residence address. He confirmed that the address that he had given me was correct.

A few weeks later, after our daughter returned from her father's home, she told me that her father lived with two other "guys." I explained to her that she must be mistaken and that they were probably just friends that had come over to visit. She told me, "No. They have beds at Daddy's house." She also added that her father does not even live in the city that he claims, but instead, lives in the city where he resided before the supposed relocation.

I believe that my ex-husband has given me a false address because he is living with other men, and our custody agreement specifically states that he may not live with or have overnight company that is not immediate family when he is exercising his visitation. I am extremely concerned for our daughter's welfare if she is spending the night in a home with men that are strangers to me.

(Side note: I have never driven our daughter to meet her father for visitation because our agreement states that he is responsible for all transportation.)

Question:
How do I confirm the true residential address for my ex-husband? How do I further investigate the living situation to ensure that our daughter is not in a potentially dangerous environment when she is with her father?

Thank you in advance for your help.
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You have no legal right to know who her father is living with or talking to or friends with. Prove that these men are dangerous.

Also, do you have roommates? Do you live with anyone? Ask dad why your letter was returned and hand it to him. I take it you have a phone number for him.

I am extremely concerned for our daughter's welfare if she is spending the night in a home with men that are strangers to me.
And really -- do you expect to know EVERY SINGLE PERSON your ex knows? Does he know EVERY SINGLE PERSON you know and will EVER bring around your child?
 

wileybunch

Senior Member
Well, if he's required to drive, she would need to let him know she's planning to take DD to him. Otherwise, he'll show up for his pick up and they won't be there and OP will be violating the CO. What if he insists he'll be picking up, per the CO?
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Well, if he's required to drive, she would need to let him know she's planning to take DD to him. Otherwise, he'll show up for his pick up and they won't be there and OP will be violating the CO. What if he insists he'll be picking up, per the CO?
then she should say put, i would think. what's the harm in her showing up at the address during the visitation? not knocking on the door or anything, but just driving by.
 

krs0525

Junior Member
You have no legal right to know who her father is living with or talking to or friends with. Prove that these men are dangerous.

Also, do you have roommates? Do you live with anyone? Ask dad why your letter was returned and hand it to him. I take it you have a phone number for him.



And really -- do you expect to know EVERY SINGLE PERSON your ex knows? Does he know EVERY SINGLE PERSON you know and will EVER bring around your child?
Ohiogal, thank you for the advice. The judge in our case made the ruling in regard to my ex-husband not being allowed to live with anyone that is not immediately family due to his criminal background. I don't care to know the identity of anyone he lives with or is friends with because that is not my business. My daughter's welfare and safety, however, are my business. I am only concerned if she is spending the night in the home with other men when that is a specific violation of the agreement, and is in fact, against the law when it is a breach of the terms of a court-ordered agreement.

In answer to your question, no, I do not have roommates. I am married, and I live with my husband and our three children.

I believe that my question may have been misunderstood. I am not asking for anyone's identity with regard to this issue. I am only concerned with verifying the address where my daughter is living when she is with her father. As you know, based on the Child Relocation Act, by law, he is required to provide his residential address.

Thank you, again.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Ohiogal, thank you for the advice. The judge in our case made the ruling in regard to my ex-husband not being allowed to live with anyone that is not immediately family due to his criminal background. I don't care to know the identity of anyone he lives with or is friends with because that is not my business. My daughter's welfare and safety, however, are my business. I am only concerned if she is spending the night in the home with other men when that is a specific violation of the agreement, and is in fact, against the law when it is a breach of the terms of a court-ordered agreement.

In answer to your question, no, I do not have roommates. I am married, and I live with my husband and our three children.

I believe that my question may have been misunderstood. I am not asking for anyone's identity with regard to this issue. I am only concerned with verifying the address where my daughter is living when she is with her father. As you know, based on the Child Relocation Act, by law, he is required to provide his residential address.

Thank you, again.

Your husband technically is quite frankly not necessarily family depending on the definition. He is related ONLY by marriage. He is a roommate of sorts.

And you cannot deny him the right to have his daughter with him. If he is not following the court order all you can do is file contempt.
 

krs0525

Junior Member
But but but .. the court orders require him to drive. And she would have to do something then.:eek:
I am obviously in the wrong place to be asking for advice. I am not understanding the need for the insulting comments, but I will provide some additional explanation...

My daughter's father has not been able to pay child support since our divorce, so I agreed to forgive all of his back child support in exchange for him providing all transportation. I am also an ER physician at a local Children's Hospital and on some days cannot be outside of a certain driving distance in case of an emergency.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I am obviously in the wrong place to be asking for advice. I am not understanding the need for the insulting comments, but I will provide some additional explanation...

My daughter's father has not been able to pay child support since our divorce, so I agreed to forgive all of his back child support in exchange for him providing all transportation. I am also an ER physician at a local Children's Hospital and on some days cannot be outside of a certain driving distance in case of an emergency.
OH. Okay. So that is an excuse why you can't drive your child to find out. Got it now.
 

krs0525

Junior Member
Your husband technically is quite frankly not necessarily family depending on the definition. He is related ONLY by marriage. He is a roommate of sorts.

And you cannot deny him the right to have his daughter with him. If he is not following the court order all you can do is file contempt.
The agreement states "spouse or immediate family." I said nothing about denying him visitation. I think that you are getting ahead of yourself because that was not the question.
 

krs0525

Junior Member
OH. Okay. So that is an excuse why you can't drive your child to find out. Got it now.
I did not say that I can't drive her. I was only explaining why the transportation was a part of the agreement. I have asked to bring her, and he refuses for various reasons. If I don't let him pick-her up at my home, I am breaching our agreement. How do you get around that?
 
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krs0525

Junior Member
My concern was just as wileybunch stated. How do you get him to agree to me dropping her off at his home when it is not a part of the agreement?

Also, I have driven by the address when she was supposed to be there, and no one was there on every occasion. When I inquired as to their whereabouts, he told me that they had gone to visit his parents every time.
 
Pi

You could try hiring a PI. MOST lawyers have one they work with, you could ask yours if they can recomend one. If not, you can always google for one. They usually want a retainer as well though.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I did not say that I can't drive her. I was only explaining why the transportation was a part of the agreement. I have asked to bring her, and he refuses for various reasons. If I don't let him pick-her up at my home, I am breaching our agreement. How do you get around that?
Did you tell dad you got the letter back and you can take him to court for lying to you about his address?
 

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