Father seeking full P & L custody of 7yo son, open to advice...

[kealohilani]

What is the name of your state? Hawaii
I have been divorved since 1996. During this time she has withheld him from me on 2 occassions, once for 2 months and more recently for 2 weeks. she has a TRO against her boyfriend (who is living with her and our son in a STUDIO APARTMENT) Our son has been having behavioral problems at school and is under counseling through the schools psycolgist. She leaves vulgar messages on my phone regarding everything under the sun. She constantly threatens to keep me away from my son for even longer periods of time.
My concern is ONLY for my sons physical and mental health. What she says to me, I could care less. What she says and does to and in front of my son is all I care about. The psycologist has said that OUR SON has talked to her about wanting to live with me, and about his mothers language and arguements and abuse. He has even told my girlfriend that he pretends to be asleep while his mother and boyfriend are "doing it"
We went to court yesterday and she was granted a continuance for 2 weeks. My attorney objected, but the judge wouldnt hear it. My son is suffering mentally and I would appreciate any advice or input you could give me. I am NOT trying to take him away, like she has done to me, I KNOW our son needs his mother, but I feel she needs to get some help, and my son needs TWO stable parents in his life more than ever. I feel he would be better living with me and having VERY reasonable visitations with his mother...Thank You.
Help needed in Hawaii

 

[skyy]

I don't know what you're looking for specifically, but I would suggest looking around the FAQ section of this site to help you get prepared.

http://www.deltabravo.net

 

[kealohilani]

I have been reading alot of letters since I posted this. I guess I want to know what would be the most advantageous way to go about this to win full custody of my son.
This is what I currently have:
copies of 2 orders for protection against her boyfriend. He has even served time because he breaks the TRO(physical abuse). But they are currently living together
Police reports in her own words of the altercations and that he is to have no contact with our son. But as I said, they are living together.
A previous order for her to put me back on the daycare and school pick up list when she denied me visitations in the past.
MANY vulgar messages to me and my girlfriend
Messages of my son calling at obsurd hours to ask when I will be paying her.
taped conversations of my son saying that she is trying to take him away from me, that her boyfriend hits her in front of him, that he wants to live with me, he even says what he thinks the visitations should be.
I have the day care records, the school records, the psycologist records, the CPS interview.
I have character letters for myself and against her from co workers and even her own sister who came to visit for 2 weeks and said Tyler was miserable the whole time, said her sister constantly used foul language in front of and to our son.

at court yesterday, she came in alone, claiming she only found out this past friday she was to appear...LIE...papers were served to her on May 16th. And she says she cant afford a lawyer. so they granted a continuance. Why didnt the judge see that she was served nearly 3 weeks earlier and overrule her request?

What I dont want to happen is what I keep reading...the judge rules in her favor regadrless of what a father has put on the table. what is the best way to go at this? She IS Mentally abusive, she exposes him to sex/violence. She tells him he wont see me for a long long time, she tells him if I dont pay her he cant see me. I have records that I have NEVER missed a payment and they have always been early or on time.
This is the most important battle of his tiny life and mine. I am seeking everyone past experiences, be it failure or victory, on how I can give my son back his life so that he can have the chance to be happy and healthy! I am so soryy this is so long...but how do you keep something this important short?Thanks hnih

ps my girlfriend(mother of 2 brilliant and loving children) is supporting me 110% and prays I win, for my sons sake.
pss and her children love my son and miss him when she withholds him and is sad when he has to leave.

 

[kealohilani]

Thank You SKYY for that website...it is proving to be very helpful and I am coming up with alot of ideas and answers to alot of questions. I would still like to hear some do's and don'ts from fathers who have gone or are currently going through fighting to get full custody of their child(ren) I want a strong case, but I certainly dont want to come across wrong and have him taken away all together...Thanks again
Hnih

 

[skyy]

Most of what you already have, I would have suggested. So, I think you're on the right track.

In addition, I'd ask your courthouse for a sample child custody video to prepare yourself on expected courtroom behavior and see how they handle custody cases. I would go to the court website to see if they have any FAQ or do's and don'ts for preparing. They might even have some cases similar to yours.

Again, I'd suggest taking a lot of time to search through this site to see what people have found useful in preparing their cases.

Of course, getting a lawyer is the best thing I could suggest.

Good luck

P.S. Stay calm and collected (even if lies are being told).