Father trying to take full custody of child

[BooFly31]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Father and I have been seperated for over a year and we have joint custody. Custody order doesn't stipulate any terms since when it was given we were living in the same home together. There is a possibility he is not the biological father and he knows this. I have had no problems with him being dad up to this point. He's a good dad and has always been there for her, however now that he is not allowing me to see my little girl and is suing me for full custody and requesting I have only supervised visitation I am being forced to reconsider whether or not he should even be involved with her at all.

I just recieved papers yesterday and everything he has brought up in his declaration happened before January. Since January I have lived in the same house and have had no problems whatsoever. He has yet to show any cause where right now my home would not be a safe, stable environment for her.

Here are the things he is bringing up as reasons to take sole custody and allow me only supervised visitation. I have added underneath each issue what actually happened.

She moved from Sacramento to Humboldt.

He threw me out of the home, I had nowhere to go and a friend in Humboldt offered me a place for my son and I to stay.

She has only seen the child a total of 12 days and 9 1/2 hours in the last year and a half.
This is true, every time I ask to see her he has some song and dance of why I can't or it's not convenient for him. I do talk to her on the phone every day.

She was picked up by the police last november for a 5150 charge and spent several days in the hospital. She has bi-polar disorder.

This is true. At that time he had relocated my daughter temporarily while remodeling his home and would not tell me where she was staying or who they were staying with. I had to contact Sherrif department and have them find him and do a wellness check. My grandfather died the day I was hospitalized. There have been no other issues since regarding my bi-poloar disorder.

She went to live in clean and sober living facility in Modesto California. While living there she wrecked her car, the car was impounded and the passenger was hospitalized. She was unable to pay the impound fees and she remains without a car.

This is also true, but the way he words it makes it sound bad. I moved to a clean and sober living facility because I needed a safe place for me and my son to stay while I got back on my feet. My car was t-boned in an intersection and the passenger was injured and had to go to the hospital. She was released the same day, the injuries were minor. Why it has any relevance to my child I have no idea considering I wasn't even cited for anything and was not under the influence of anything and no children were even in the car with me.

She was forced to leave the clean and sober living facility and was in a homeless shelter fora time. She eventually retnted a room from a couple and she is sharing that one bedroom with her son.

Also made to sound worse than what it was. When I moved into the clean and sober home they were willing to work with me on the rent. I was behind in rent because my bank account had been way overdrawn by my ex before I left him. My social security check is direct deposit so every time it got deposited the money I owed the bank was taken out. I had to apply for welfare for my son and that process takes awhile. In January the clean and sober facility threw me out because they felt it was taking longer than it should for the welfare to come in. I was only in a homeless shelter for 3 days. My welfare came in and they put me in a hotel for up to a week. I only utilized 2 of the 7 days I had been allotted there because I found a room for rent. So eventually 5 days later I found a place to live.

One of her behaviors that was an issue throughout the time we were living together was that she would ignore the children's basic needs not to mention emotional bonding time with the children.

I was the primary caretaker for our children while he worked. I took my son to school every day and picked him up. He was in counseling, I took him to appointments. Sometimes my ex would but not often. Our daughter was barely turning 4 when I left. I took care of her all day long while he worked. If he was so concerned their needs were not being met, why did he leave me with them every day? This is a total crock of BS and I'd love to see how he intends to prove any of it. He can't.

Because she does not have control over her son's behavior I feel that her household is very confusing for our daughter.

I'll answer this after listing the next one.

Our daughter has been in therapy to learn appropriate behavior because being exposed to her brother's out of control behaviors have caused some issues.

Okay, so he uses how little I've seen her against me to start and now is trying to say that in that very little period of time my daughter has picked up enough problem issues from her brother that she now needs therapy? She sees the kids at school more in one day than she's seen her brother in the last year. My son has had some issues yes, issues that were caused by both me and my ex while we lived together. I have been working with him on these issues, I have a no tolerance policy in effect in the home and when he even so much as looks at me wrong he spends time in the corner. School says he is making progress by leaps and bounds.

He doesn't want to deny our daughter time with her mother, he just sees the effects that her mothers's lack of responsibility have on our daughter and believes that supervised, structured visits for our daughter to have with her mother are in the best interest of the child.

The best interest of the child is to have both her parents. However, him and his live in girlfriend have decided mom should have no part in her life therefore the only visits I've had with my daughter since last November have been simply because I've threatened to exercise my rights as listed in the previous custody order. The only reason he has chosen now to file is because my roommates and I recently got a 4 bedroom house and we have an extra room. I told him I want every weekend and every other holiday as we agreed upon when I left.

Now he is telling me I cannot see her at all until we go through court. I will be showing up with a sherrif escort next weekend to pick her up. The custody order has not been changed and won't be changed until we go to court in December. We have mediation on the 25th.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

[IsabellaSoriano]

okay. so, you are trying to implement your parenting rights.

good.

so, from the looks of it, there is no court ordered schedule. it was merely a joint custody as agreed issue.

dad is being a..hmmm...selfish...something something. (this story sounds so familar )

okay, you can take the sherrif escort, but it really won't do much good without a court order specifying a custody schedule. they can't "bully" dad into letting you have your visit. technically, even with a court order, they wouldn't be able to do much.

so, respond to dad's paperwork.

you going to rehab is a GOOD thing. had you not gone to rehab and had a conviction, dad might have had a shot.

you being in an accident, matters not. it happens thousands of times a day.


you being diagnosed as bi-polar and being treated appropriately is a GOOD thing.


as far as him possibly not being dad, from the looks of it, it might be too late to bark down that road. how long since dad has been established legally as dad?

[BooFly31]

He is listed as Father on the Birth Certificate. He knows there is a 50/50 chance he may not be the father. Has known since before we even found out I was pregnant that I had been with another man. However, because I didn't demand a DNA test before signing declaration there may not be anything I can do. I have mentioned several times as she's gotten older that she looks nothing like him and he might want to take a DNA test just to be sure but he is adamant that he is the father and even now that we are seperated refuses to take a DNA test.

Honestly that isn't even really the issue here. I am not looking to de-establish him and I really don't want to confuse her even more by trying to remove him from her life. However, I refuse to allow a man who may not even be her biological father and knows this.. get away with treating her as if she's his property.

What is really sad is he raised her 10 year old brother as if he were his own child all his life and now wants nothing to do with him. My son found the court papers on my desk last nite and read them. He came to me this morning and told me he's completely disgusted with the man and wants nothing further to do with him. I have tried to explain to him the best I can what is going on but the only thing he cares about is that his "daddy" is using him as a reason to keep his sister from us.

The funny thing about him using the clean and sober living facility against me is that I wasn't even there due to a drug or alchohol problem. I was there because they were one of the few places that I could move into that would accept a child as well until I could get back on my feet enough to establish a more permanent situation.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by BooFly31

He is listed as Father on the Birth Certificate. He knows there is a 50/50 chance he may not be the father. Has known since before we even found out I was pregnant that I had been with another man. However, because I didn't demand a DNA test before signing declaration there may not be anything I can do. I have mentioned several times as she's gotten older that she looks nothing like him and he might want to take a DNA test just to be sure but he is adamant that he is the father and even now that we are seperated refuses to take a DNA test.

Honestly that isn't even really the issue here. I am not looking to de-establish him and I really don't want to confuse her even more by trying to remove him from her life. However, I refuse to allow a man who may not even be her biological father and knows this.. get away with treating her as if she's his property.

What is really sad is he raised her 10 year old brother as if he were his own child all his life and now wants nothing to do with him. My son found the court papers on my desk last nite and read them. He came to me this morning and told me he's completely disgusted with the man and wants nothing further to do with him. I have tried to explain to him the best I can what is going on but the only thing he cares about is that his "daddy" is using him as a reason to keep his sister from us.

The funny thing about him using the clean and sober living facility against me is that I wasn't even there due to a drug or alchohol problem. I was there because they were one of the few places that I could move into that would accept a child as well until I could get back on my feet enough to establish a more permanent situation.

You need to respond to his petition, and you need to respond to it the way that you explained it to us in your first post. Respond to each point explaining the real truth of the matter. When you talk about the accident, don't simply say that you were T-boned. Explain that you were indeed in an accident, but the accident was the fault of the other driver (specifically say that) and that you were not cited for anything.

[BooFly31]

He is now telling me that I cannot have visits with my daughter until after we go to Mediation on the 25th. My birthday is on the 15th and he says I can see her on the 15th, that he will bring her halfway to a chuck-e-cheese or something but that I cannot have my normal weekend visits we agreed upon because the custody order doesn't stipulate anything and his attorny has informed him if I get any visits with her that are unsupervised I can decide not to bring her back and there is nothing he can do. I have never even hinted at doing anything like this so now he is just being petty.

I am going down on Monday to try and see what kind of legal aide I can get. The hard part is that I am in a different county than which the hearing is scheduled for so I'm not even sure my county can do anything for me. If I have to go through Sacramento County transportation is definately going to be an issue since I still don't have a car. I do have help with getting to and from the court dates, but asking roommates to drive me several times a week for legal council might not be possible since they work.

After he informed me tonite that he knows he isn't going to get what he is asking for, he just wants to make sure I look as bad as possible to the judge I really hope the judge skewers him for being so petty. This really isn't fair to my daughter who keeps asking me when she is going to get to come stay with me again. If anyone is confusing our daughter it's him and his girlfriend who keep telling my daughter lies about why she doesn't get to see mommy.

[pinkey14]

"Boofly31" IS "CAmom31". Nice try, lady. Please read CaMom31's posting history before answering. This is priceless.

[Ohiogal]

So are you on SSI or SSD? Are you yet paying any support or helping raise your child in anyway? If he received aid (dad that is) you would be ordered to pay child support.
Why did you change your username?

[LocalRocket]

Originally Posted by BooFly31

his attorny has informed him if I get any visits with her that are unsupervised I can decide not to bring her back and there is nothing he can do. I have never even hinted at doing anything like this so now he is just being petty.

<---This is pretty inconsistent with this:

We go to mediation on the 25th. My roommate keeps telling me I need to go file for temporary custody so that she is in my care when we go to court. We just moved into a 4 bedroom house last month so there is an extra room which would make this possible. I am not sure I can and even if I can I am worried doing so would only make things worse when I go to court.

Adding up a few others as well... remember when you told us that it wasn't until the child was two or so and you noticed her facial characteristics that the thought occurred to you that she might not be your ex's? Yet now he knew all along? (I can refer you back to the exact post to jog your memory.)

And your 5150 charge, the involuntary psych hold? What does that have to do with a wellness check and your grandfather's death? You've got a little more explaining to do. Lots of people have controlled/medicated bipolar disorder and their ability to parent is unquestioned. What was different here?

As for being "forced to consider whether he should be in her life at all"? As you've been told, that consideration is no longer yours at all. Stop thinking about it. It's no longer a factor either way.

And the 12 days of visitation in the past year and a half? Last time you told us that it was because you were broke and couldn't afford the transportation costs to get to her. Which is it?

Hey, if I were you, I would have wanted to sign up with a new ID and reword my question, too. You were really hammered last time. But it doesn't change the fact that a judge probably isn't going to rule in favor of giving you more time, based on the circumstances you've provided in the this post and your posts as CaMom31. Everyone did, and probably still will think that you aren't seeing your daughter often enough, and that you should be able to. Going to mediation may be a good thing in that regard. You all will need to be actively brainstorming ideas that will facilitate the relationship between you and your daughter with specific requirements on how and when she will be available to you.

Based on what you've shared, you might get supervised visits that could gradually evolve into unsupervised visits as your credibility is established. And your credibility would be based in part on you being able to consistently come up with the financial means to exercise visitation, which was a problem before, right? You are probably going to be asked to prove yourself, and rightfully so. If you really want to get the ball rolling as it pertains to increased parenting time with your daughter, this won't be a problem for you.

[Blue Meanie]

http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/ex-boyfriend-birth-certificate-but-now-i-am-concerned-he-may-not-father-490825.html

[Proserpina]

Originally Posted by Blue Meanie

http://forum.freeadvice.com/child-custody-visitation-37/ex-boyfriend-birth-certificate-but-now-i-am-concerned-he-may-not-father-490825.html

Oh how lovely.

[Antigone*of*Greece]

I don't like the feeling of being played... and guess what, we are being played. I don't like being lied to either, and guess what, I feel we are being lied to.

This did it for me:

This is also true, but the way he words it makes it sound bad. I moved to a clean and sober living facility because I needed a safe place for me and my son to stay while I got back on my feet.

The funny thing about him using the clean and sober living facility against me is that I wasn't even there due to a drug or alchohol problem. I was there because they were one of the few places that I could move into that would accept a child as well until I could get back on my feet enough to establish a more permanent situation.

I find it very hard to believe that a sober living is going to give up a spot for a non-addicted person just to give another perfect stranger a roof over their heads.

[janM]

I knew this sounded familiar!

[BooFly31]

I have no idea what you guys are talking about. This is the first time I've posted on here. Yes I read the other post and it does sound exactly like my situation with some details I haven't even given yet. However, I did not post that thread although I do have a pretty good idea who did. And yes, the clean and sober facility I was staying in helps out people who are not addicted as well as people in a 12 step program. It was a facility for mothers who needed a place to stay as well as mothers who were having issues with drug or alcohol abuse. I was referred there when I left Humboldt to be closer to my family.

As for why I haven't seen her more, he hasn't allowed me to visit her except for a few times in the last year and a half. It wasn't until I threatened to file for modification of the decree to establish set visitation and also threatened to show up with a sherrif that he has decided to fild for full custody.

[pinkey14]

YOU DO??? WAS IT THE OTHER HALF OF YOUR PERSONALITY???

Boo, not only are you full of sh**, I feel sorry for your ignorance. Do you know what an IP address is? Apparently not. No, it's not an email address... Websites can track where their hits AND visits are coming from. Not to the city level. Further than that. And not knowing this you thought you could be tricky and sign up with a different e-mail address. It would have been better for you to just eat crow, admit to this, and say you were drunk or something when you last posted but that you're amenable to help now. We're not idiots.

[pinkey14]

Isn't it crazy that with all of those similarities, the two of you will even be in court on the same day in the same city?! I'd say you should go buy a lotto ticket RIGHT NOW. It will solve ALL of your other problems.