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Father wants baby for 3 months a year

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emmagirl

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Pennsylvania

I (mom) will be having my first child in September. The baby's father is in the air force and stationed in Idaho. I want the baby to know her father, but he wants to take her for 3 monthes every summer to Idaho. The baby's father will be deployed in January and returning in June or July 2011. Our child will be 9 or 10 months old at the time of his return. He (father) wants to picker her up and keep her in Idaho from the time he returns until September or October 2011. Every year following he would like to take her for the summers (3 months).

Although the father being in her life is very important. I am worried about her being so far away. I would like to have custody for my child with the father getting visitation when he is on leave and comes to Pennsylvania. At least until she is at an age where she will be beginning school.

Now the father not only will be deployed once a year, but while home in Idaho he is sent on missions with very little notice. These missions can take him out of state or out of the country. I'm afraid of the baby being left with another family in Idaho while he is gone.

I think the fact that he wants to be in her life is great. But I am trying to think of our baby's well being and fear that she will be terrified so far from the parent she knows. :confused:
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Search the boards for posts similar to yours. Your question has been answered multiple times.

And, while too late for you, maybe someone else will get a clue - STOP having kids with people you don't plan to commit to! If you can't even commit to them, why are you committing a child?
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
He will NOT be able to take an infant who is a complete stranger to him out of state for such a long time. He will need to have introductory visits and a chance to form a bond with the child before extended visits are possible. When the child is older, spending summers with dad is likely/normal.

It is important for your child to know dad's family, too. If he has to go away for a few days during visitation, letting the child spend that time with grandparents or aunts/uncles will be valuable for her. Either way, it will be his responsibility to arrange for child care if he needs to go out of town while she is with him.

At any rate, this is not something you will have to worry about for a while. After the baby is born, you can file to establish paternity (important so baby can get military benefits) and child support as well as custody and visitation. Dad is likely to get joint LEGAL custody but physical custody is almost sure to be with you since he is deployed so much.
 

emmagirl

Junior Member
Search the boards for posts similar to yours. Your question has been answered multiple times.

And, while too late for you, maybe someone else will get a clue - STOP having kids with people you don't plan to commit to! If you can't even commit to them, why are you committing a child?
What some people do not realize is a lot of us do plan to commit and after all of the plans for marriage and beginning a family had been set and the baby was made**************he left because to him freedom was better.
 

emmagirl

Junior Member
He will NOT be able to take an infant who is a complete stranger to him out of state for such a long time. He will need to have introductory visits and a chance to form a bond with the child before extended visits are possible. When the child is older, spending summers with dad is likely/normal.

It is important for your child to know dad's family, too. If he has to go away for a few days during visitation, letting the child spend that time with grandparents or aunts/uncles will be valuable for her. Either way, it will be his responsibility to arrange for child care if he needs to go out of town while she is with him.

At any rate, this is not something you will have to worry about for a while. After the baby is born, you can file to establish paternity (important so baby can get military benefits) and child support as well as custody and visitation. Dad is likely to get joint LEGAL custody but physical custody is almost sure to be with you since he is deployed so much.

Thank you for this information. I plan to have our child see his family as much as possible. They are wonderful supportive people. The relationship I have with them will most likely change when I attempt to postpone his long visitations but hopefully all will come together and all involved can have good relationships for the baby.
 

TheGeekess

Keeper of the Kraken
What some people do not realize is a lot of us do plan to commit and after all of the plans for marriage and beginning a family had been set and the baby was made**************he left because to him freedom was better.
That's an excuse. Commitment before babies. Not plan-to-commit. :rolleyes:
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
What is good for children is frequent time with BOTH parents. What he is proposing won't fly with the courts while the child is so young.

Now, what I would research is "virtual" parenting time. In addition, the child should have pictures of dad so that you can "show" the child who is daddy. Consider webcam when the child gets older so that the child can "see" daddy.
 

CJane

Senior Member
That's an excuse. Commitment before babies. Not plan-to-commit. :rolleyes:
Yeah, because the ACTUAL thing NEVER ever 'falls through'. We all make the promises and sign the paper and have the ceremony, and live happily ever after in the land of rainbows and gum drops.

Seriously, this is a mom who seems to honestly be trying to figure out how to BOTH have the father in the child's life AND figure out how to do that in a way that keeps kiddo from being hurt by it. Who cares WHY her and Dad aren't together anymore? And why should she be expected to justify it to anyone at all?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Yeah, because the ACTUAL thing NEVER ever 'falls through'. We all make the promises and sign the paper and have the ceremony, and live happily ever after in the land of rainbows and gum drops.

Seriously, this is a mom who seems to honestly be trying to figure out how to BOTH have the father in the child's life AND figure out how to do that in a way that keeps kiddo from being hurt by it. Who cares WHY her and Dad aren't together anymore? And why should she be expected to justify it to anyone at all?
Standing up and applauding.

The exact same problems would exist if they had gotten married, then gotten pregnant, then dad deployed, and then dad decided he couldn't handle being married. Nothing would be any different.
 

emmagirl

Junior Member
Yeah, because the ACTUAL thing NEVER ever 'falls through'. We all make the promises and sign the paper and have the ceremony, and live happily ever after in the land of rainbows and gum drops.

Seriously, this is a mom who seems to honestly be trying to figure out how to BOTH have the father in the child's life AND figure out how to do that in a way that keeps kiddo from being hurt by it. Who cares WHY her and Dad aren't together anymore? And why should she be expected to justify it to anyone at all?
THANK YOU!!!!! Dad and I are at this point able to remain good friends in order to keep our child happy. Wouldnt it be nice if people would only post helpful things and not be rude? :)
 

frylover

Senior Member
Standing up and applauding.

The exact same problems would exist if they had gotten married, then gotten pregnant, then dad deployed, and then dad decided he couldn't handle being married. Nothing would be any different.
Good friend of mine properly dated, then married, then became pregnant by her husband...HE in fact, was the one who brought up the subject of having a baby. Imagine her surprise two years later when he informed her he was sorry, but he didn't want to be a husband or a father.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Good friend of mine properly dated, then married, then became pregnant by her husband...HE in fact, was the one who brought up the subject of having a baby. Imagine her surprise two years later when he informed her he was sorry, but he didn't want to be a husband or a father.
Perfect example.

Now, that's not to say that I do not feel that people should make the committment before they decide to have children. I absolutely do feel that they should. This whole recent phenomena of people feeling like they have to have a child with every person with whom they are in a serious relationship mystifies me.

Thank goodness my daughter doesn't feel that way. The last thing she wants is another child at this point in her life.

However, there are many situations that would be absolutely no better if someone had been married first, and this OP's situation is honestly one of them.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What some people do not realize is a lot of us do plan to commit and after all of the plans for marriage and beginning a family had been set and the baby was made**************he left because to him freedom was better.
And what some people don't realize is that there is birth control that can be used together to greatly reduce the possibility of pregnancy (i.e. the pill AND a condom). And that it is NOT necessary to have a child BEFORE marriage! Get married, be together as a married couple for a few years and THEN have a child! At least you have a better chance of staying together. Believe it or not, a lot of people actually do this.
 

emmagirl

Junior Member
And what some people don't realize is that there is birth control that can be used together to greatly reduce the possibility of pregnancy (i.e. the pill AND a condom). And that it is NOT necessary to have a child BEFORE marriage! Get married, be together as a married couple for a few years and THEN have a child! At least you have a better chance of staying together. Believe it or not, a lot of people actually do this.
Seriously.....why post if your not being helpful? There is no reason for anyone to be rude. I am sure you are not perfect and should not judge others when you do not know the situation.

Some people get pregnant while on birth control (me as the example)

The point in these sites is to get information and assitance. Not to be talked to or about like your trash. Grow up and find something better to make you feel good about yourself. :mad:
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Seriously.....why post if your not being helpful? There is no reason for anyone to be rude. I am sure you are not perfect and should not judge others when you do not know the situation.

Some people get pregnant while on birth control (me as the example)

The point in these sites is to get information and assitance. Not to be talked to or about like your trash. Grow up and find something better to make you feel good about yourself. :mad:
Nothing that I posted in this thread was rude. If you took it to be such? It says more about you than anything.
 

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