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  1. #1
    amundseng Guest

    father wants to modify custody

    What is the name of your state? AZ
    HELP! I HAVE SOLE CUSTODY. I LET OUR DAUGHTER LIVE TEMPORARILY WITH HER FATHER FOR ONE SCHOOL YEAR AND NOW HE WANTS JOINT AND PHYSICAL CUSTODY. OUR ARRANGEMENT WAS ONLY TEMPORARY AND NOW I FEAR NOT GETTING HER BACK. SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO STAY WITH HIM BUT I FEEL THAT SHE IS BEING BRIBED WITH CARS AND CELL PHONES. WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF GETTING HER BACK?
  2. #2
    krispenstpeter Guest
    about as good as getting an answer unless you edit your post to NOT INCLUDE all caps
  3. #3
    tcpmp is offline Member
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    He is probably in a good position to get joint custody. What was the reason that you got sole custody in the first place? It sound like you daughter is a teen, so the judge will ask her what she wants to do as well. What wrong with her living with her father?
  4. #4
    amundseng Guest
    I received joint custody because we were unable to agree on any aspect of our child' well being (i.e. school, religion, medical). In addition, he proved to the judge that he was a lier and a deadbeat. He's been in court numerous times for failure to pay child support. I've never denied him visitation or access to legal documents. I've followed our decree to the T, he has not. For a number of years, I've heard my daughter say how great her father is. I've clothed her, put her in good schools, provided all her medical/dental insurance. I've never trashed her father to her. We werent getting along and felt that she needed to see for herself what her father was reall like. He call her names by the clothes she wear's and is offering her a car as soon as she's legal. At this point in time, all she thinks about is boys, friends, computers, cell phones etc.... The school he wants her to attend is notorius for drugs, gangs and occasionally a killing (last year). How could it possibly be good.
  5. #5
    tcpmp is offline Member
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    Re: father wants to modify custody

    [QUOTE #1]Originally posted by amundseng
    What is the name of your state? AZ
    HELP! I HAVE SOLE CUSTODY. I LET OUR DAUGHTER LIVE TEMPORARILY WITH HER FATHER FOR ONE SCHOOL YEAR AND NOW HE WANTS JOINT AND PHYSICAL CUSTODY. OUR ARRANGEMENT WAS ONLY TEMPORARY AND NOW I FEAR NOT GETTING HER BACK. SHE SAYS SHE WANTS TO STAY WITH HIM BUT I FEEL THAT SHE IS BEING BRIBED WITH CARS AND CELL PHONES. WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF GETTING HER BACK?
    [/QUOTE]

    [QUOTE #2].... The school he wants her to attend is notorius for drugs, gangs and occasionally a killing (last year)[QUOTE]

    I'm not trying to put you down by this comment but if you were so concerned with not wanting her to go to the school he want to enroll her in [QUOTE #2] why did you allow it [QUOTE #1]. So, you don't have SOLE custody, you have JOINT custody, you having primary? He can always go back to court for custody, more visitation and lower child support but whether or not it is granted is up to the judge. As long as you can prove it and the judge sees it, which it sound like they can I would worry about it as much.
  6. #6
    amundseng Guest
    You are absolutely right. I made a mistake. The jr high she's going to right now is all right, It's the high school I'm worried about. I'm not against joint custody and i'm not against her seeing him. It would just chap me if he did get physical custody and requested child support on top of that. He's been a deadbeat since day 1. I've just been too nice. Thanks for your input.
  7. #7
    amundseng Guest
    Just a quick question. What experience do you have in these matters that you are able to respond? Just wondering
  8. #8
    tcpmp is offline Member
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    I am not a lawyer by any means. I have been I and out of court for 5 years dealing with custody and child support issues with my child mother. Most of my expirence comes from pro per clinics, websites such as this one, newspapers, radio talk show and word of mouth. Without going into my full story I basicaly had a child with a one night stand, young, dumb and full of ***. She had custody in the begining and eventually wasn't able to support him. I filed for custody and proved that I would be better suited to provide for my child. I have had custody for 2 1/2 years and have always followed the law, whereas she hasn't. I keep documentation on everything and have become pretty inventive in gathering it. I try not to portray what I say as stone fact but what I have experienced and learned.
  9. #9
    meridiandad Guest

    Daughter living with father....

    The one thing you have to remember is that child support and visitation are two different things. Although many relate them together, they are legally separate. Maybe your ex is a 'deadbeat' by not paying child support, but it sounds to me like he's been supportive enough of your daughter to take custody when things got tough for you and your daughter. And it also sounds like it has worked.... until now.

    That being said, I get the feeling you would be more upset over having to pay child support than having joint custody with your ex having primary physical care. After all, if he was really that bad would you have let her go there to begin with???? I understand you were trying to relieve the situation in your home, but don't you think that's kind of hyprocritical?

    You need to stop letting your own feelings of your ex cloud what is best for your daughter. I understand you are faced with realizing your daughter may not want to come back home after her year with her dad... and I understand how that must hurt you. But you need to keep your daughter's feelings and well-being your number one priority.

    You have gotten very good advice here. If you want to get primary physical custody of your daughter back, you need to 'get your ducks in a row' and figure out how to prove that being with you is 'in the best interest of the child'.
  10. #10
    amundseng Guest
    Thanks for your input. I've tried giving this whole thing a lot of thought. I don't want to put our daughter in the situation of having to make a decision in front of a judge. I am willing to go with her decision as long as I know that she is not being pursuaded by him offering her material things. He has mentioned to her that she would be very ungrateful if she left him since he is planning a sweet sixteen for her. I don't believe in buying our daughter. I can only offer her a means to a good education and a roof over her head. I love my daughter and don't want to hurt her any more than she is hurting right now. Hypocrital, for 10 years I've heard how her father stands on a pedastal. She now knows he's not perfect. That is all I wanted her to see because that wasn't something I could tell her.

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