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fighting for custody. proving mother unfit.

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phat.troy

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan.

2 months ago I walked into my ex's room to find her and a few of her friends smoking pot. meh, whatever you know. but my son was in there too! i was furious. this is never ok. and to make it worse he has to have daily breathing treatments. maybe this is the reason why?
anyways, she has sole legal custody so i panicked and didnt know what to do. i wanted to just take him and leave. but i called cps. a couple of weeks later they drug tested her and she tested positive for weed. i only know this because she called my mom to tell her to tell me i better watch my back and told her thats why. anyways, after that i get a letter in the mail saying they closed her case.
heres some background info on my ex. shes 20. has never had a job in her life. she lives in a subsidized apartment that costs her $15 a month. i pay 370/ month in child support. she also gets 400 in welfare and 500 in food stamps. she just bought a new cadillac and top of the line cellphone. she can also obviously afford to buy pot! and a few nights ago she called to ask me for money.
i havent seen my son in over 2 months. neither has any of my family members. i know shes upset that i recently married someone else, but thats her own problem. not a reason to keep my son from his dad and other family.
my wife and i are pretty set finacially. not that we never struggle, but we do ok to make ends meet and still have a good time. we are both responsible adults. we have space for him in our home. we have a bed for him and everything.

whats it going to take to get custody of my son? i want full custody cuz im worried about his health. but i will take my parenting time for the time being and keep fighting if i have to.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Why does mom have sole legal custody? That's a bit rare.
Also, how old is the child?
 

Proserpina

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan.

2 months ago I walked into my ex's room to find her and a few of her friends smoking pot. meh, whatever you know. but my son was in there too! i was furious. this is never ok. and to make it worse he has to have daily breathing treatments. maybe this is the reason why?
anyways, she has sole legal custody so i panicked and didnt know what to do. i wanted to just take him and leave. but i called cps. a couple of weeks later they drug tested her and she tested positive for weed. i only know this because she called my mom to tell her to tell me i better watch my back and told her thats why. anyways, after that i get a letter in the mail saying they closed her case.
heres some background info on my ex. shes 20. has never had a job in her life. she lives in a subsidized apartment that costs her $15 a month. i pay 370/ month in child support. she also gets 400 in welfare and 500 in food stamps. she just bought a new cadillac and top of the line cellphone. she can also obviously afford to buy pot! and a few nights ago she called to ask me for money.
i havent seen my son in over 2 months. neither has any of my family members. i know shes upset that i recently married someone else, but thats her own problem. not a reason to keep my son from his dad and other family.
my wife and i are pretty set finacially. not that we never struggle, but we do ok to make ends meet and still have a good time. we are both responsible adults. we have space for him in our home. we have a bed for him and everything.

whats it going to take to get custody of my son? i want full custody cuz im worried about his health. but i will take my parenting time for the time being and keep fighting if i have to.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?


..so CPS closed the case?

Having found no reason to remove the child?
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Michigan.

2 months ago I walked into my ex's room to find her and a few of her friends smoking pot. meh, whatever you know. but my son was in there too! i was furious. this is never ok. and to make it worse he has to have daily breathing treatments. maybe this is the reason why?
anyways, she has sole legal custody so i panicked and didnt know what to do. i wanted to just take him and leave. but i called cps. a couple of weeks later they drug tested her and she tested positive for weed. i only know this because she called my mom to tell her to tell me i better watch my back and told her thats why. anyways, after that i get a letter in the mail saying they closed her case.
heres some background info on my ex. shes 20. has never had a job in her life. she lives in a subsidized apartment that costs her $15 a month. i pay 370/ month in child support. she also gets 400 in welfare and 500 in food stamps. she just bought a new cadillac and top of the line cellphone. she can also obviously afford to buy pot! and a few nights ago she called to ask me for money.
i havent seen my son in over 2 months. neither has any of my family members. i know shes upset that i recently married someone else, but thats her own problem. not a reason to keep my son from his dad and other family.
my wife and i are pretty set finacially. not that we never struggle, but we do ok to make ends meet and still have a good time. we are both responsible adults. we have space for him in our home. we have a bed for him and everything.

whats it going to take to get custody of my son? i want full custody cuz im worried about his health. but i will take my parenting time for the time being and keep fighting if i have to.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Please define "room".
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
i havent seen my son in over 2 months. neither has any of my family members. i know shes upset that i recently married someone else, but thats her own problem. not a reason to keep my son from his dad and other family.
my wife and i are pretty set finacially. not that we never struggle, but we do ok to make ends meet and still have a good time. we are both responsible adults. we have space for him in our home. we have a bed for him and everything.

whats it going to take to get custody of my son? i want full custody cuz im worried about his health. but i will take my parenting time for the time being and keep fighting if i have to.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Since CPS found no cause to remove the child, it is unlikely that you're going to be able to change custody-at least not unless there's much more to the story than you've said.

However, why haven't you seen the child for 2 months? What are your current visitation orders?

If you don't have visitation orders, file for court-ordered visitation. Then if ex won't let you see the child, file for contempt.
 

phat.troy

Junior Member
Well I would think coming back with a positive drug test would be reason enuf to atleast further investigate. I called cps to see what i have to do to get a copy of the report, being the boys father and all. but they were rude and wouldnt give me much information.
i went to a meeting with cps and my ex about 4/5 months ago and they said they would send me the info in the mail about my visitation and payments. next thing i know im 2 grand in the hole and she has sole custody with no visitation arrangement.
i trusted her to do the right thing, but i suspect when she found out i was getting married she went to FOC and told them i said i didnt want anything to do with him. which is a straight up lie.
my son is 2. and by "room" i mean her bedroom. with no windows open and there was another girls baby in there too.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Well I would think coming back with a positive drug test would be reason enuf to atleast further investigate. I called cps to see what i have to do to get a copy of the report, being the boys father and all. but they were rude and wouldnt give me much information.
i went to a meeting with cps and my ex about 4/5 months ago and they said they would send me the info in the mail about my visitation and payments. next thing i know im 2 grand in the hole and she has sole custody with no visitation arrangement.
i trusted her to do the right thing, but i suspect when she found out i was getting married she went to FOC and told them i said i didnt want anything to do with him. which is a straight up lie.
my son is 2. and by "room" i mean her bedroom. with no windows open and there was another girls baby in there too.
First, CPS has no obligation (or right) to disclose information to you if you have not legally been declared the father. Even if you ARE the father, there is only a very limited amount of information they can disclose.

CPS does not have anything to do with your support payments - so you have your story wrong.

What you need to do (in order):

1. Have paternity established (if this has not been done)
2. Ask the court for joint legal custody. (almost no chance that you'll get sole legal custody).
3. Ask the court for whatever visitation/custody arrangement you think is best for the kids - and be prepared to prove it. If you have evidence that Mom is doing drugs in front of the kids, you will have the opportunity to present it.
4. After all of that is done, follow the court orders for custody, visitation, and support.
 

gr8rn

Senior Member
my son is 2. and by "room" i mean her bedroom. with no windows open and there was another girls baby in there too.

OK I Know that you know the reason why you were asked what you meant by room. So, that being said, how is it that you came to enter her room.

Were you visiting in the living room, and walked down the hall to her room...
were you in the neighborhood and let yourself into her house, thus walking downthe hall and entering her room
were you living in the same home, sharing expenses but living apart and you walked down the hall and let yourself into her room
were you visiting someone else whom she lives with and you walked down the hall and entered her room without knocking...c'mon. you know the question is there....
 

phat.troy

Junior Member
First of all, i guess I don't understand why you assume I think CPS has to do with the custody. I wanted the report so I could prove shes doing drugs. But i guess that doesn't prove that she does them in front of my son.

2 months ago her and I were still on fairly good terms. I was going to her apartment to see my son. (she never has let me see him without her being there) I got there and texted her that I was there she texted back "come on in, im were in my bedroom" so i walked into the apartment, and straight back to her bedroom.

i dont know why a visitation agreement wasnt made in the first place. she doesnt deny im the father or anything, no we were not married, but i am on the birth certificate if that means anything at all now.

when she called last week begging for money she told me "he doesnt even know who you are anymore. hes got a new daddy now"

WTF?

im just frustrated. and FOC doesnt seem to care. ive called her case worker and she just gives me the run around. i feel like everyones on her side. i cant even see him!! thats my son and i havent see him in 2 months. its killing me!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
First of all, i guess I don't understand why you assume I think CPS has to do with the custody. I wanted the report so I could prove shes doing drugs. But i guess that doesn't prove that she does them in front of my son.

2 months ago her and I were still on fairly good terms. I was going to her apartment to see my son. (she never has let me see him without her being there) I got there and texted her that I was there she texted back "come on in, im were in my bedroom" so i walked into the apartment, and straight back to her bedroom.

i dont know why a visitation agreement wasnt made in the first place. she doesnt deny im the father or anything, no we were not married, but i am on the birth certificate if that means anything at all now.

when she called last week begging for money she told me "he doesnt even know who you are anymore. hes got a new daddy now"

WTF?

im just frustrated. and FOC doesnt seem to care. ive called her case worker and she just gives me the run around. i feel like everyones on her side. i cant even see him!! thats my son and i havent see him in 2 months. its killing me!
See post #8.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
First of all, i guess I don't understand why you assume I think CPS has to do with the custody. I wanted the report so I could prove shes doing drugs. But i guess that doesn't prove that she does them in front of my son.
because of how you phrased your post. sorry, but that's all we have to go on is by your words.

2 months ago her and I were still on fairly good terms. I was going to her apartment to see my son. (she never has let me see him without her being there) I got there and texted her that I was there she texted back "come on in, im were in my bedroom" so i walked into the apartment, and straight back to her bedroom.

okay, so she invited you. we have to ask because we need to make sure there isn't something you aren't telling us. we can't help you if we don't know the facts. for all we know, you broke in the house. these things happen. don't get offended. we WANT to help you.

i dont know why a visitation agreement wasnt made in the first place. she doesnt deny im the father or anything, no we were not married, but i am on the birth certificate if that means anything at all now.

a visitation agreement has to be made in court. with a judge. CPS doesn't have control over that. and to be perfectly honest, they could care less. it's not their authority.


when she called last week begging for money she told me "he doesnt even know who you are anymore. hes got a new daddy now"

she was riling you. stop taking the bait. roll your eyes and file for child support so you can have a record of the support you pay.

im just frustrated. and FOC doesnt seem to care. ive called her case worker and she just gives me the run around. i feel like everyones on her side. i cant even see him!! thats my son and i havent see him in 2 months. its killing me!
right now, mom is the only one with custody until a court says otherwise. you need to file for your visitation time.

the problem with your story is, you have no proof. i get it. you saw her. you physically saw her. but you don't have proof. no police records, no mom having social services doing a drug test on mom with a positive result, no drug test on the child with a positive result, no parenting plan issued by the social services. nothing.

you waving your hand at the judge insisiting on what you saw doesn't do anything for you. right now, focus on getting court ordered visitation. start from there.
 
Last edited:

mistoffolees

Senior Member
the problem with your story is, you have no proof. i get it. you saw her. you physically saw her. but you don't have proof. no police records, no mom having social services doing a drug test on mom with a positive result, no drug test on the child with a positive result, no parenting plan issued by the social services. nothing.
I agree with most of what you said, but OP said "a couple of weeks later they drug tested her and she tested positive for weed."

So there is a positive drug test. Granted, there's a good chance that marijuana usage may not be sufficient to change custody, but at least there's SOMETHING to go on.

Still, without more than that, I think that going for custody is doomed to failure (and would ruin any chance of co-parenting). Rather, OP should do what I suggested in #8 and get a parenting plan in place.
 

Isis1

Senior Member
I agree with most of what you said, but OP said "a couple of weeks later they drug tested her and she tested positive for weed."

So there is a positive drug test. Granted, there's a good chance that marijuana usage may not be sufficient to change custody, but at least there's SOMETHING to go on.

Still, without more than that, I think that going for custody is doomed to failure (and would ruin any chance of co-parenting). Rather, OP should do what I suggested in #8 and get a parenting plan in place.
so he says. but the problem is, CPS won't give him a copy of that report. HE doesn't have the proof. CPS does. and according to the OP, CPS may have closed the case. they won't talk to HIM. if mom walks into that courthouse with a closed case letter, dad case has sunk.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
First of all, i guess I don't understand why you assume I think CPS has to do with the custody. I wanted the report so I could prove shes doing drugs. But i guess that doesn't prove that she does them in front of my son.

2 months ago her and I were still on fairly good terms. I was going to her apartment to see my son. (she never has let me see him without her being there) I got there and texted her that I was there she texted back "come on in, im were in my bedroom" so i walked into the apartment, and straight back to her bedroom.

i dont know why a visitation agreement wasnt made in the first place. she doesnt deny im the father or anything, no we were not married, but i am on the birth certificate if that means anything at all now.

when she called last week begging for money she told me "he doesnt even know who you are anymore. hes got a new daddy now"

WTF?

im just frustrated. and FOC doesnt seem to care. ive called her case worker and she just gives me the run around. i feel like everyones on her side. i cant even see him!! thats my son and i havent see him in 2 months. its killing me!
Have you actually been legally declared his Dad, and have you actually filed for visitation? Come on, dude - you DO need to do some work yourself!
 

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