filing contempt when there was no comtempt???

[vamomof3]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? VA

I have been asking for advice to do with my daughter's father for several weeks now and now I need to ask about my son's father.

Daughter and son are on the same schedule, same type of barebones order. EOW and Wednesday evening visitation, no holiday schedule. So, because of a switch I made when I had pneumonia, Christmas weekend came on son's father's weekend. However, this is what our order specifically says EOW Friday from 6-9pm, Saturday 6-9pm and Sunday 10am-6pm. He doesn't have him for overnights on the weekend although I am flexible and the weekends typically follow this schedule, Friday 6-9pm (which I need to hang out a little over an hour from my home for 3 hours waiting for visitation to get over then make the long drive home) and I then bring him back to his father at 6pm Saturday and he spends the night with him until 6pm on Sunday.

So, on the Monday before Christmas Eve, the father sends me a text that states "I will ALLOW you to keep son until 10pm on Christmas Eve". Well, he only gets him until 9pm on Fridays anyhow so he doesn't get to "allow" me to do anything. I tell him "thanks, I will bring him to you at noon on Saturday". To which he then texts back saying that no I am to bring son to him at 10pm on Friday. I tell him that I refuse to discuss the issue further as that is my parenting time and I will bring him to him at noon which is 6 hours earlier than I am legally required to do so.

Yesterday, a deputy arrives on my doorstep with a criminal summons that states I am in contempt of our court order for what happened on Christmas Eve. I took a picture of our court order with the times highlighted and sent it to ex to ask how he was able to file for contempt when no contempt occurred, of course I haven't heard back from him yet.

This makes me mad, it is a waste of my time, I now have to be at court nearly 2 hours away at 9am on March 21. I will have an infant and my children will have to miss the day of school because I will have to leave the house before they can be dropped off at school. My husband will have to miss a day of work. This is the second time in a little over a year he has filed a false contempt case against me. He was severely reprimanded by the judge the last time but yet he goes and does it again. Is there any way to prevent this from reoccurring time and time again? When does the court step in and say, "enough is enough"?

 

[mistoffolees]

This makes me mad, it is a waste of my time, I now have to be at court nearly 2 hours away at 9am on March 21. I will have an infant and my children will have to miss the day of school because I will have to leave the house before they can be dropped off at school. My husband will have to miss a day of work. This is the second time in a little over a year he has filed a false contempt case against me. He was severely reprimanded by the judge the last time but yet he goes and does it again. Is there any way to prevent this from reoccurring time and time again? When does the court step in and say, "enough is enough"?

That's up to the judge. If the judge severely reprimanded him for it last time, it will probably be even worse this time (you might need to remind the judge of the outcome the last time this happened).

Since there's a history of frivolous filings, ask for the court to order him to pay all your expenses (travel cost, meals, extra child care if needed, etc). Heck, you could even try to get the court to order him to pay your lost wages for the day, if any.

Unfortunately, the system is fairly lenient about letting people air their grievances. Some judges let it go on nearly forever-if yours has already issued a reprimand, then you're ahead of the game.

 

[vamomof3]

That's up to the judge. If the judge severely reprimanded him for it last time, it will probably be even worse this time (you might need to remind the judge of the outcome the last time this happened).

Since there's a history of frivolous filings, ask for the court to order him to pay all your expenses (travel cost, meals, extra child care if needed, etc). Heck, you could even try to get the court to order him to pay your lost wages for the day, if any.

Unfortunately, the system is fairly lenient about letting people air their grievances. Some judges let it go on nearly forever-if yours has already issued a reprimand, then you're ahead of the game.

The guy uses the system to "abuse" me, he did it when we were married, it is not the reason we are divorced but it is what led me to finally leave the marriage. He kept filing false police reports against me, scaring the children when the police would come and threaten to have me arrested for doing something as naturally human as crying because he bullied me. The problem is he has Asperger's so I am not so sure he is even aware how wrong this behavior is.

The last time was because of phone issues. There is nothing in our order stating he gets phone contact but it was agreed between us that he would call on Tuesdays and Thursdays (the child had just turned 4), well one Thursday I dropped my phone and broke it and when he called of course I didn't answer because I had no phone. A couple of days later I received the criminal summons.

The judge told him that the worse thing he could possibly do is try to have the mother of his child arrested. He told him he did not want to see us back in court again. He said that if the case was brought back in court that he would make us see a coparenting counselor, unfortunately with his Asperger's diagnosis that would not help one bit.

I just hate abuse of the system. I have two choices when it comes to son's father, either cave in to his every demand or face these false contempt charges.

 

[CourtClerk]

Why do the kids have to miss a day of school and your husband miss a day of work. You have to be in court, so you go.

Your husband can take the kids to school, then take himself off to work. Hopefully by the time the kids are out of school, you'll be back home.

 

[mistoffolees]

The guy uses the system to "abuse" me, he did it when we were married, it is not the reason we are divorced but it is what led me to finally leave the marriage. He kept filing false police reports against me, scaring the children when the police would come and threaten to have me arrested for doing something as naturally human as crying because he bullied me. The problem is he has Asperger's so I am not so sure he is even aware how wrong this behavior is.

The last time was because of phone issues. There is nothing in our order stating he gets phone contact but it was agreed between us that he would call on Tuesdays and Thursdays (the child had just turned 4), well one Thursday I dropped my phone and broke it and when he called of course I didn't answer because I had no phone. A couple of days later I received the criminal summons.

The judge told him that the worse thing he could possibly do is try to have the mother of his child arrested. He told him he did not want to see us back in court again. He said that if the case was brought back in court that he would make us see a coparenting counselor, unfortunately with his Asperger's diagnosis that would not help one bit.

I just hate abuse of the system. I have two choices when it comes to son's father, either cave in to his every demand or face these false contempt charges.

$hit happens.

You do what's right and then deal with the issues. The judge has already told him to quit messing around. Eventually, the judge will get really fed up.

As I said, ask to be reimbursed for any money that you've lost due to his messing around. There's not a lot more you can do. The court is not going to take away his right to sue. In REALLY extreme cases (which you don't have), there are actions the court could take to make it more difficult for him, but you're a long way from that point.

 

[gam]

As already posted, it is up to the Judge to have enough of him. Try what was suggested and ask for money loss, due to his BS filing.

In my one daughter's case, I lost track after her ex filed 25 times. In my state, we have Ref's and then Judges, so everytime someone files you can first go to the Ref, and then if a party objects, you then have a court hearing with the Judge. So of these 25 times he filed, he objected to all 25, daughter was in court 50 times. On top of that there were more filings, I just gave up on keeping track.

In my court, both Ref's and Judges love to reprimand, and say next time. However when next time rolls around, they do nothing but reprimand and say next time again. The only time my daughter got the Judge to access him for her loss, was when he actually failed to show for 2 court hearings he filed for.

4 1/2 years this went on for my daughter. Never did the court find my daughter in contempt(cause she never was), nor did he ever get his CS lowered(most often it was raised, as his income kept going up). Nor did he get more then standard parenting time, nor did he get more then joint legal custody. At one point he lost his joint legal, for not showing up to the sole custody hearing he filed for. 6 months later he filed for joint legal back, and the Judge heard it, and sent it for investigation, he got his joint legal back.

I just gave you a worse case situation, terrible court system that my daughter has, with a terrible Judge. Hopefully your court won't let it go on and on, but prepare yourself just in case.

 

[vamomof3]

Why do the kids have to miss a day of school and your husband miss a day of work. You have to be in court, so you go.

Your husband can take the kids to school, then take himself off to work. Hopefully by the time the kids are out of school, you'll be back home.

My husband's commute is more than an hour away, he leaves here around 430 am every day but he always comes to court with me for the moral support. I am a very, very quiet, passive, and easily bullied person, when husband is there the ex's antics are kept to a minimum. The last time we were in court the judge asked to speak to husband anyhow as a witness to the events. Court is two hours away, I have to leave before they can be dropped off and I have no one to care for them here and make sure they get to school. So, unfortunately that means them missing school and going with me so that my mother can care for them during court.

 

[vamomof3]

As already posted, it is up to the Judge to have enough of him. Try what was suggested and ask for money loss, due to his BS filing.

In my one daughter's case, I lost track after her ex filed 25 times. In my state, we have Ref's and then Judges, so everytime someone files you can first go to the Ref, and then if a party objects, you then have a court hearing with the Judge. So of these 25 times he filed, he objected to all 25, daughter was in court 50 times. On top of that there were more filings, I just gave up on keeping track.

In my court, both Ref's and Judges love to reprimand, and say next time. However when next time rolls around, they do nothing but reprimand and say next time again. The only time my daughter got the Judge to access him for her loss, was when he actually failed to show for 2 court hearings he filed for.

4 1/2 years this went on for my daughter. Never did the court find my daughter in contempt(cause she never was), nor did he ever get his CS lowered(most often it was raised, as his income kept going up). Nor did he get more then standard parenting time, nor did he get more then joint legal custody. At one point he lost his joint legal, for not showing up to the sole custody hearing he filed for. 6 months later he filed for joint legal back, and the Judge heard it, and sent it for investigation, he got his joint legal back.

I just gave you a worse case situation, terrible court system that my daughter has, with a terrible Judge. Hopefully your court won't let it go on and on, but prepare yourself just in case.

Goodness that sounds awful.

 

[stealth2]

My husband's commute is more than an hour away, he leaves here around 430 am every day but he always comes to court with me for the moral support. I am a very, very quiet, passive, and easily bullied person, when husband is there the ex's antics are kept to a minimum. The last time we were in court the judge asked to speak to husband anyhow as a witness to the events. Court is two hours away, I have to leave before they can be dropped off and I have no one to care for them here and make sure they get to school. So, unfortunately that means them missing school and going with me so that my mother can care for them during court.

So... over the course of three months you know you will be unable to secure any sort of arrangements for the kids? Why can't your mother come out to you for the day, two days, to get them to school and care for them after? How old are the kids? Do they have no friends whose Mom would be willing to take it on for a day? Do YOU have no friends who could do this for one day? In three months?

And - it is time for you to grow a backbone and stop being the very, very quiet, passive, and easily bullied person you claim to be.

 

[vamomof3]

So... over the course of three months you know you will be unable to secure any sort of arrangements for the kids? Why can't your mother come out to you for the day, two days, to get them to school and care for them after? How old are the kids? Do they have no friends whose Mom would be willing to take it on for a day? Do YOU have no friends who could do this for one day? In three months?

And - it is time for you to grow a backbone and stop being the very, very quiet, passive, and easily bullied person you claim to be.

Unfortunately, no I do not have anyone around. The children do not have any friends that they are close enough to to ask their moms to care for them and get them off to school that early in the morning. I don't have any friends, my family are my only friends. I'm very introverted so I never felt anything was missing from my life by not having friends and I come from a big family so I've always had lots of built in friends. We live in a rural area on 12 acres of land down a 2 mile dirt driveway so there isn't any neighborhood support. The kids are almost 12, almost 9, and 5. So, quite young still.

My mom can't come down here for the day because she provides daily care for my 94 year old grandfather who lives down the street from her, her life pretty much revolves around being his caretaker.

It isn't a terribly big deal but more of an inconvenience that didn't need to happen. I am definitely working on being a more assertive person but it is a long process. Ironically enough this pending contempt case and the pending case with my daughter's father at the end of this month are both the fruit of my attempt to be assertive, so far it seems like the easy way is to just give in to people but I know that I will continue to be a martyr and won't set a good example to my children if I continue to be that way. But I also know that the more assertive I am with these two men the more they will push, it will be an ongoing struggle but it is a fight I am willing to fight.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Have you considered getting an adult babysitter? There are services that do provide in home care. You basically need someone there probably the night before and then to get them off to school. Maybe meet them again at the end of the day.

if you are reluctant, then CALL THE SCHOOL to see if they have any referrals that could be made. Trust me - you have nearly 3 months to find this.

Do you children participate in any activities such as scouts, sports, etc.? If so, what is the worst thing that someone could say to you? NO. You will be no further behind if that is what they say.

You are doing your children a disservice if you don't help them meet and make friends.

 

[mistoffolees]

Have you considered getting an adult babysitter? There are services that do provide in home care. You basically need someone there probably the night before and then to get them off to school. Maybe meet them again at the end of the day.

if you are reluctant, then CALL THE SCHOOL to see if they have any referrals that could be made. Trust me - you have nearly 3 months to find this.

Do you children participate in any activities such as scouts, sports, etc.? If so, what is the worst thing that someone could say to you? NO. You will be no further behind if that is what they say.

You are doing your children a disservice if you don't help them meet and make friends.

There are plenty of bonded, licensed child care facilities available in most locations. One that I've used is seekingsitters.com. The sitters are all screened and licensed and most can provide transportation.

 

[vamomof3]

Have you considered getting an adult babysitter? There are services that do provide in home care. You basically need someone there probably the night before and then to get them off to school. Maybe meet them again at the end of the day.

if you are reluctant, then CALL THE SCHOOL to see if they have any referrals that could be made. Trust me - you have nearly 3 months to find this.

Do you children participate in any activities such as scouts, sports, etc.? If so, what is the worst thing that someone could say to you? NO. You will be no further behind if that is what they say.

You are doing your children a disservice if you don't help them meet and make friends.

I actually have set up an ad with care.com for this occasion, I haven't had much luck in the past with it. Unfortunately the children aren't in scouts or sporting because of the issues with the fathers. The fathers don't want to come to the county the children live in to make sure they get to practices/meetings, etc. during their parenting time so unfortunately it means no extracurriculars for them because they would miss so much, it is a lot of money to invest to not be able to participate in half of the activities. The children do have friends, just not friends they really associate with outside of school (except for oldest daughter).

The in-laws live close by and in situations like this, they are whom we rely on, unfortunately they are going on vacation for two weeks which includes that date.

These are just the types of things that frustrate me when dealing with the ex's, mainly the one without other children because he doesn't understand that people with children can't just up and do something, they have to make arrangements for their children. So, to him filing this charge is just a way to try to continue to hurt me but to me it creates costs when it comes to transportation, costs when it comes to childcare, plus major inconvenience all in the name of hurting someone.

 

[vamomof3]

There are plenty of bonded, licensed child care facilities available in most locations. One that I've used is seekingsitters.com. The sitters are all screened and licensed and most can provide transportation.

Thanks, I will try that site. I've used sittercity.com and care.com but have had zero luck with those two sites.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Have you checked out any college students who wouldn't mind watching the children? How about asking other parents who they use?

Don't know any other parents? How about joining the PTO/PTA - it's time to put the big panties on instead of acting like the victim because that really is what you sound like right now.