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first hearing on custody

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chesterflick

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? north carolina
Next monday is the first hearing on my custody case. This is what I expect to happen. If I am off base please give me a clue

I initiated the action.The childs mother lives in Florida and may or may not show but her legal aide lawyer might be.
I have been in this judges court before and he is ultra cool and fair. Since this is the first hearing I am going to only assume that a mediator or guardian ad litem type of thing is going to happen.
If you remember my case the mother is in kidney failure and the reason she sent the child to live with me in the first place. She still has the same condition except now instead of taking anti rejection medicine to stay alive ( she has twice been given a transplant) she now has to have dialysis to stay alive . I continued to pay my child support to her for 1.5 years even when I had our daughter in my care because I could afford it and felt the loss of the 350.00 per month would add to her situation and since we have always got along the money was not an issue with me but here well being was for her sake and our daughters. When I lost my job last December I was not able to pay child support to her and even lost my house to foreclosure. I was subpoenaed to court for the non payment of child support and called and asked the mother to rescind the child support so I wouldn't go to jail...she did nothing and stopped returning my calls as well. I called my child support case worker here in NC and she told my that I was the first person that she knew of that continued paying support when I had the child and asked me to provide the proof that my daughter was enrolled in school here. I sent the info and she immediately closed the case. It was one month later when mom wanted me to send back our daughter because "she missed her" I refused and started this action.

I will not be bringing my daughter to the hearing with me because she will be in school. I have no problem with mom having a visit with her daughter when she is here if she comes.

What can I really expect to happen at this hearing and if her lawyer does show without her and starts slinging balony should I sling back. Just wondering what to expect.
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
It's a little late to be asking that question. You really need to understand the court's rules and procedures if you're going to handle this on your own.

As I understand your timeline, you have had the child since at least late last year. Mom has not seen the child much, if at all, during that time.

IF YOU HANDLE THE CASE PROPERLY (which is why I recommend an attorney when there's something as important as a child's life being discussed), and if there are no other relevant facts you've left out, you have a good chance of gaining primary custody and a court order for Mom to pay CS.

But without knowing exactly what's going on at this hearing or what might be brought up at the hearing, it's impossible to say.
 

chesterflick

Junior Member
I am not asking for child support. I have offered her all holidays and willing to pay for the trips. She has countered asking for child support (duh ) and attorney fees.
My one and only point is and will be is this. It is a fact under moms care my daughter failed 6th grade. After being sent to me she is doing exceptionally well in school and my only wish and desire is that she remains in my care and go to school here and not yank her out and move her back with her mother who is in failing health and unable to care for her daughters educational needs in these formidable years of her life. I dont think a judge would let her go back with mom.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I am not asking for child support. I have offered her all holidays and willing to pay for the trips. She has countered asking for child support (duh ) and attorney fees.
My one and only point is and will be is this. It is a fact under moms care my daughter failed 6th grade. After being sent to me she is doing exceptionally well in school and my only wish and desire is that she remains in my care and go to school here and not yank her out and move her back with her mother who is in failing health and unable to care for her daughters educational needs in these formidable years of her life. I dont think a judge would let her go back with mom.
Go back and re-read my previous post.

Those comments do not change my view. You have a winnable case, but only if you handle it properly. If you mess it up, you could lose. For something as important as your daughter's life, I would suggest an attorney.
 

WittyUserName

Senior Member
I am not asking for child support. I have offered her all holidays and willing to pay for the trips. She has countered asking for child support (duh ) and attorney fees.
My one and only point is and will be is this. It is a fact under moms care my daughter failed 6th grade. After being sent to me she is doing exceptionally well in school and my only wish and desire is that she remains in my care and go to school here and not yank her out and move her back with her mother who is in failing health and unable to care for her daughters educational needs in these formidable years of her life. I dont think a judge would let her go back with mom.
Formative years, is the term you're looking for. And if I were opposing counsel, I'd wonder why you weren't in direct contact with the school. Then you wouldn't have been misled.

Please listen to Misto and consider a lawyer. Even a one time consultation may help.
 

chesterflick

Junior Member
Okay..I'll bite. How can I mess it up.

I have an attorney. I dont have the 3500 dollars needed for her on this one. I do have a consultation deal in place and she is up on everything going on to date and feels that I am in very good shape.

Again how can I mess it up?
 

Isis1

Senior Member
Okay..I'll bite. How can I mess it up.

I have an attorney. I dont have the 3500 dollars needed for her on this one. I do have a consultation deal in place and she is up on everything going on to date and feels that I am in very good shape.

Again how can I mess it up?
Sometimes, the other legal party is more confident in law than a pro se litigant and can stump the pro se litigant.

I don't know every exact law, but I can hold my own in court. Because I enjoy the courtroom. (I know, I need a life) but for someone in your instance, being an out of state situation, it's best to get an attorney. No one here will garuntee you a win. And we'd be irresponsible if we didn't suggest an attorney if the other party has one.

I do know of bundled services which some attorneys have done.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Okay..I'll bite. How can I mess it up.

I have an attorney. I dont have the 3500 dollars needed for her on this one. I do have a consultation deal in place and she is up on everything going on to date and feels that I am in very good shape.

Again how can I mess it up?
There are an infinite number of mistakes - in allowing ex to present things that are irrelevant. Or failing to present something that would make your case. Or misquoting the law. Or irritating the judge by talking about irrelevancies. Or not cross-examining ex and getting relevant information. Or technical mistakes like failure to serve ex. And millions more.

If you can't even imagine the mistakes you might possibly make, then you REALLY need an attorney.
 

chesterflick

Junior Member
the reak crappy thing is that she was able to get a lawter in NC through FL legal aide and I could not get a NC lawyer here in NC because the legal aide in NC dont do custody cases..pretty screwed up don't you think.

again..how can I mess it up?
 

CJane

Senior Member
the reak crappy thing is that she was able to get a lawter in NC through FL legal aide and I could not get a NC lawyer here in NC because the legal aide in NC dont do custody cases..pretty screwed up don't you think.

again..how can I mess it up?
Do you have proof that Mother's health - TODAY - precludes her ability to properly care for the child?

Do you know how to properly have that proof admitted into evidence over the objections of her attorney?

If Mom's attorney presents evidence that Mom did, in fact, send the child to you in good faith while she was in failing health, but understanding that the arrangement was temporary - so temporary that you agreed to continue paying child support in the interim, can you counter that argument effectively?

Can you prove that you were so concerned about the child's failing grades (which did not happen overnight), that you were in consistent contact with her school in FL, and making every effort to assist in her success?

Can you prove that you were so concerned about the child's failing grades that you were already considering a change in custody prior to Mom asking you to provide care for the child?
 

chesterflick

Junior Member
I cant afford a friggin lawyer so how about that. Maybe I should just frigging give up and take in the old wazoo. All I see is a friggin lawyer trying to make a paycheck from me. If I had a lawyer he would have made the deal that I first set out but due to greed and a possible pay out by what he may presume as a chump is only going to backfire for mom. I took money out of the kids college fund just in case and I will wait until the hearing to see what kind of monkey business this "legal aide" lawyer is going to try and pull. Be assured that I will be able to get a lawyer if I need one and fight this to the finish. I will have to up the stakes though. I will indeed ask for child support and I will also ask to have my lawyers fees be paid for in full by mom..and Christmas with mom will be out of the question. All phone calls will be short and scheduled.

It appears that the only free legal advice on this site seems to be one big spam act for people to get lawyers.. how about some real help !
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I cant afford a friggin lawyer so how about that. Maybe I should just frigging give up and take in the old wazoo. All I see is a friggin lawyer trying to make a paycheck from me. If I had a lawyer he would have made the deal that I first set out but due to greed and a possible pay out by what he may presume as a chump is only going to backfire for mom. I took money out of the kids college fund just in case and I will wait until the hearing to see what kind of monkey business this "legal aide" lawyer is going to try and pull. Be assured that I will be able to get a lawyer if I need one and fight this to the finish.
Except that it may be too late. You didn't say what this hearing will cover. If the issues are settled at this hearing, it will be too late to get an attorney since you can't appeal on the basis of not having an attorney at the hearing.

So you have the money but don't want to get an attorney? You've apparently decided that the few thousand dollars means more to you than having the kids with you. No problem if that's what you want.

I will have to up the stakes though. I will indeed ask for child support and I will also ask to have my lawyers fees be paid for in full by mom..and Christmas with mom will be out of the question. All phone calls will be short and scheduled.
Go ahead and suggest that - and your chances for getting custody will go down the tubes.

It appears that the only free legal advice on this site seems to be one big spam act for people to get lawyers.. how about some real help !
Lots of people get free advice here. But some people are too lost and too stubborn to listen and they are directed to seek attorneys.
 

WittyUserName

Senior Member
I cant afford a friggin lawyer so how about that. Maybe I should just frigging give up and take in the old wazoo. All I see is a friggin lawyer trying to make a paycheck from me. If I had a lawyer he would have made the deal that I first set out but due to greed and a possible pay out by what he may presume as a chump is only going to backfire for mom. I took money out of the kids college fund just in case and I will wait until the hearing to see what kind of monkey business this "legal aide" lawyer is going to try and pull. Be assured that I will be able to get a lawyer if I need one and fight this to the finish. I will have to up the stakes though. I will indeed ask for child support and I will also ask to have my lawyers fees be paid for in full by mom..and Christmas with mom will be out of the question. All phone calls will be short and scheduled.

Really, Chester? That's how you see the law? Then best of luck. Because you sound like a petulant child. You are gonna ask for child support JUST to stick it to Mom, and you want control of all her phone calls? Have fun finding a lawyer who will take your case after you screw it up for yourself.

It appears that the only free legal advice on this site seems to be one big spam act for people to get lawyers.. how about some real help !
How about you take your snotty attitude elsewhere? We aren't lawyers. We're (by and large) parents who have been through this - and none of us really dig paying legal fees. But that's what you do when it's in your CHILD's best interest.
 

ecmst12

Senior Member
It's lovely that you're willing to damage your childrens' relationship with their mother over your own pride.
 

Artemis_ofthe_Hunt

Senior Member
Really, Chester? That's how you see the law? Then best of luck. Because you sound like a petulant child. You are gonna ask for child support JUST to stick it to Mom, and you want control of all her phone calls? Have fun finding a lawyer who will take your case after you screw it up for yourself.



How about you take your snotty attitude elsewhere? We aren't lawyers. We're (by and large) parents who have been through this - and none of us really dig paying legal fees. But that's what you do when it's in your CHILD's best interest.
Co-sign permission please and also adding, that if you don't have the time nor the inclination to learn and be as prepared as you can be in relevant information, understanding rules and procedures, then your best chances ARE to seek an attorney who can guide you through this process and SERVE the CHILD'S best interest.

OP, your attitude sucks. I understand that you're between a rock and a hard place, but attempting to stick it to someone like this? You're sounding more and more like a spoiled, egocentric, contempuous little man with an entitlement issue. You're best served to edit your attitude, your contempt for the issue is more likely than not obvious to your child as well. Good luck, and remember the quote "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves." Confucius
 
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