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  1. #1
    Moe248 is offline Junior Member
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    Friendly visit from CPS

    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    Michigan

    Hi, first after looking through this forum it is important that I state my relationship to this case as the girlfriend.

    Up until a month ago I was the primary care giver to my boyfriend's daughter from approx 7am-9pm M-Sat, during those days he would have 2 week days off work that he would spend at home with us and on sundays she (daughter) would always be home with her mother. The child is 4 was three when this began and did not attend school at the time.

    This arrangement began because mom worked a lot of hours and needed child care, I worked from home and later on in the arrangement left my position to provide as best care i could for her (boyfriends daughter). She and I got along very well and although at times tensions were high between her and Dad they also got along fairly well. She was sporatically paying me anywhere from 50-100 dollars a week for groceries and clothing items as the child generally came to my home in her PJ's.

    At this time Mom had full physical and legal custody due to an unmarried situation that dad had never contested, previous to the break down a month ago dad had seen the child 2x+ every week with little resistance from mom as long as he never requested sundays as they have been mom's only day off work each week since the child was born.

    about a month ago mom and dad got into it over the rules in our home (rules like you must eat your dinner, don't choke the cat to death and stay off the stairs) they got into it over the phone and she came to collect the child from my care mid day one Thursday afternoon after hours of telephone fighting with him (mom and dad fighting, i was uninvolved in the argument). A month later a judge set up a 50/50 type situation between the two of them and we have been doing that. (Child is overnight here M, W and Thurs)

    During the court battle she came to my home with her boyfriend (who was recently released from his third stretch in prison, he has spent the last 15 out of 20 years incarcerated) and the two of them threw a very large rock through our picture window, we took photos of them in our yard the plates on the cars etc etc etc, and pressed charges. Around this time CPS was contacted because either the child was in the car with them at 4am when they committed the crime at our home OR they left her home alone. We drove to their home and took photos of the cars in the driveway that night as well the only two cars that were there were hers and his, she does not deny his involvement and states that he acted alone (funny because we have photos of the two of them) these types of criminal charges take quite a bit of time to play out in my city but the police have since issued warrants for them both (they won't pick up on these types of issues due to budget cuts)

    CPS was contacted about the incident at our home other allegations were also made, we are unsure who called but have a good idea.

    CPS has visited her home since and when they did it did not go well from what we understand (although getting a straight answer out of them is pretty tough) their visit to her home was unannounced and on a holiday.

    Yesterday we (my boyfriend and i) were each contacted separately ask a ton of strange questions (like are you of native American decent? odd because my name is scottish and his name is irish (complete with an O'xxx) then the CPS worker ask if we were available for an informal visit to our home this week, they let us pick the day and time. We selected tomorrow at 1:30 we were both ask to be home his daughter will be here as well at that time.

    What is CPS looking for when they come here? my house is reasonably clean, but like any home with a man, a kid, and a couple of pets running around I could probably spend hours cleaning and not achieve "museum clean".... There aren't like dirty dishes in the sink, or rodents/ants, but im sure i wouldn't have to look real hard to find a dust bunny. My fridge and pantry are always pretty well stocked with snacks, leftovers and staple foods.

    How nervous should we be? How nervous should I be? Should I devote the rest of my day to deep cleaning? Or is lived in acceptable? (I might have 6 loads of dirty laundry in the basement next to the machine) Everyone still has plenty of socks undies and general clothing even with the dirty laundry (which is mostly mine! yikes!)

    Is it ok if there is beer in the fridge? (like 6 beers)

    I called our atty today but have not gotten a call back. Just need to know if im getting all worked up over nothing. seems like if they gave us notice they don't suspect anything bad is going on here.

    Mom has been going on since the visit to her home that "she thinks they are trying to take her away" As well as she has made several statments that they won't tell her what her "results" were no matter how much she calls. I know they tested her for drugs, and I would be very surprised to learn that there was food in the house when they visited as they tend to only eat out given mom's work schedule.

    Any help would be most appreciated.
    Last edited by Moe248; 05-10-2011 at 02:31 PM.
  2. #2
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    CPS will normally be looking for a safe environment for the kids.

    The house doesn't need to be spotless, but it shouldn't be ankle high in dirt and dog poop, either.

    A few beers in the refrigerator won't matter (put them up high so the kid can't get to them), but if you have 30 cases of empties lying around the kitchen, it might.

    They're not going to care if the kids have a closet full of Oshkosh clothes, but they need to have a reasonable amount of wearable clothing.

    There doesn't need to be filet mignon in the refrigerator, but there should be a reasonable amount of healthy food.

    And so on.

    I think your BF's bigger problem is to ensure that the child comes with him. If I'm understanding correctly, the court gave the parents 50:50 physical custody. Does BF have joint legal, as well? If this has not been established, he should make sure it is. Unless he has legal standing as a parent, CPS can't put the child with him even if they want to.

    Basically, if there's nothing serious to hide, there's little to worry about. Oh, be sure to be polite and attentive. If they offer suggestions, listen to them and don't fight with the CPS person. Even if your BF disagrees, do so only very gently and politely. It can always be addressed later if CPS is in error, but if he gets loud and abusive with them, he will have a hard time overcoming that.
  3. #3
    Ohiogal is offline Senior Member
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    There is no such thing as a friendly visit from CPS.
    Parents should remember 3 things: Love your kids more than you hate your ex; when you have children the relationship with the other parent is until death; your children determine what type of nursing home you end up in.
    Nothing stated by me should be taken as giving you legal advice or forming an attorney/client relationship.

    Attorney-GAL in Ohio.

    I've removed the knife from my back, polished it, and will one day return it -- long after you think I have forgotten.
  4. #4
    stealth2 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    There is no such thing as a friendly visit from CPS.
    That's about what I was thinking...
  5. #5
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
    Michigan

    Hi, first after looking through this forum it is important that I state my relationship to this case as the girlfriend.
    Ok, first off, you have a lot of extra nadn unnecessary info info here. SEcond, Why ins't your fiance posting? This is actually his --and only his, not your--legal problem Just ot make sure you are aware, ok? You have an awful lot of "we"'s here, and it really should be "him."

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    Up until a month ago I was the primary care giver to my boyfriend's daughter from approx 7am-9pm M-Sat, during those days he would have 2 week days off work that he would spend at home with us and on sundays she (daughter) would always be home with her mother. The child is 4 was three when this began and did not attend school at the time.
    OK, so chld lived with Dad and his new fiancee and saw mom on Sundays.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    This arrangement began because mom worked a lot of hours and needed child care, I worked from home and later on in the arrangement left my position to provide as best care i could for her (boyfriends daughter). She and I got along very well and although at times tensions were high between her and Dad they also got along fairly well. She was sporatically paying me anywhere from 50-100 dollars a week for groceries and clothing items as the child generally came to my home in her PJ's.
    Was there any order for child support between Mom and Dad?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    At this time Mom had full physical and legal custody due to an unmarried situation that dad had never contested, previous to the break down a month ago dad had seen the child 2x+ every week with little resistance from mom as long as he never requested sundays as they have been mom's only day off work each week since the child was born.
    ok. Was paternity ever established?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    about a month ago mom and dad got into it over the rules in our home (rules like you must eat your dinner, don't choke the cat to death and stay off the stairs) they got into it over the phone and she came to collect the child from my care mid day one Thursday afternoon after hours of telephone fighting with him (mom and dad fighting, i was uninvolved in the argument). A month later a judge set up a 50/50 type situation between the two of them and we have been doing that. (Child is overnight here M, W and Thurs)
    So this happened last month?

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    During the court battle she came to my home with her boyfriend (who was recently released from his third stretch in prison, he has spent the last 15 out of 20 years incarcerated) and the two of them threw a very large rock through our picture window, we took photos of them in our yard the plates on the cars etc etc etc, and pressed charges. Around this time CPS was contacted because either the child was in the car with them at 4am when they committed the crime at our home OR they left her home alone. We drove to their home and took photos of the cars in the driveway that night as well the only two cars that were there were hers and his, she does not deny his involvement and states that he acted alone (funny because we have photos of the two of them) these types of criminal charges take quite a bit of time to play out in my city but the police have since issued warrants for them both (they won't pick up on these types of issues due to budget cuts)
    ok.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    CPS was contacted about the incident at our home other allegations were also made, we are unsure who called but have a good idea.
    What other allegations? Doesn't really matter at this point who called, CPS is investigating the situation....

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    CPS has visited her home since and when they did it did not go well from what we understand (although getting a straight answer out of them is pretty tough) their visit to her home was unannounced and on a holiday.
    Ok.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    Yesterday we (my boyfriend and i) were each contacted separately ask a ton of strange questions (like are you of native American decent? odd because my name is scottish and his name is irish (complete with an O'xxx) then the CPS worker ask if we were available for an informal visit to our home this week, they let us pick the day and time. We selected tomorrow at 1:30 we were both ask to be home his daughter will be here as well at that time.
    ok.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    What is CPS looking for when they come here? my house is reasonably clean, but like any home with a man, a kid, and a couple of pets running around I could probably spend hours cleaning and not achieve "museum clean".... There aren't like dirty dishes in the sink, or rodents/ants, but im sure i wouldn't have to look real hard to find a dust bunny. My fridge and pantry are always pretty well stocked with snacks, leftovers and staple foods.
    They want to enusre the that child's enviroment at Dad's house is stable, abuse free, and safe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    How nervous should we be? How nervous should I be?
    Just be honest. If you haven't done anything wrong, you don't have a lot to be scared of.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    Should I devote the rest of my day to deep cleaning? Or is lived in acceptable? (I might have 6 loads of dirty laundry in the basement next to the machine) Everyone still has plenty of socks undies and general clothing even with the dirty laundry (which is mostly mine! yikes!)
    Do a couple laods of wash.... But CPS workers are people, too. I have been to few different social workers' homes and you might be shocked at the state of their home.....


    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    Is it ok if there is beer in the fridge? (like 6 beers)
    Yes, that is fine.



    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    I called our atty today but have not gotten a call back. Just need to know if im getting all worked up over nothing. seems like if they gave us notice they don't suspect anything bad is going on here.
    Quite likely.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    Mom has been going on since the visit to her home that "she thinks they are trying to take her away"
    If everything you have posted is accurate and honest, then Mom might have a few things to worry about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    As well as she has made several statments that they won't tell her what her "results" were no matter how much she calls.
    They may not, until they have evaluated the situation as a whole--Mom's house and Dad's and made their determinations.


    Quote Originally Posted by Moe248 View Post
    I know they tested her for drugs, and I would be very surprised to learn that there was food in the house when they visited as they tend to only eat out given mom's work schedule.

    Any help would be most appreciated.
    Be calm and honest and listen to everything the other seniors will tell you.
  6. #6
    mistoffolees is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    There is no such thing as a friendly visit from CPS.
    While true in principle, in this case if they have nothing to hide, they have more to gain by cooperating with CPS than resisting.
  7. #7
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ohiogal View Post
    There is no such thing as a friendly visit from CPS.
    Awwww! I've had nothing but friendly visits from CPS.

    OP, just be friendly. Don't point fingers at mom. Keep your opinion of her to yourself. Yeah, I know, I have a few choice words over mom inciting this violence. Just keep it quiet. Don't offer more info unless asked.
  8. #8
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
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    My suggestion is to cooperate with them answer their questions truthfully but don't over volunteer any information. Above all stay objective and truthful if asked about mom.
  9. #9
    Moe248 is offline Junior Member
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    "friendly"

    Ok I posted because dad is at work. He works 4 x 12's, he was off and the little one was here yesterday, thats when CPS called to ask to visit. I am posting because I am at home and the one who would need to scrub down corners, do laundry etc etc etc if changes needed to be made. I am also sitting at home worrying about this.

    I was also DIRECTLY contacted and questioned by CPS yesterday. So that's why I'm posting. I am not posting about custody (I guess I know this is the custody forum but it just seemed like the best place for this sort of thing).

    When the child was in MY care while mom and dad were both at work she would stay the night some nights, other nights mom would come get her between 9-11pm depending on how late she got out of work. While HE felt like 11 was too late for mom to pick her up she is not in school and could sleep in once she got here the next morning or catch up with a long nap, in the end given that he did not have an order for physical custody he was seeing her 6 days a week instead of 2-3 that he had previously been seeing her HE viewed our arrangement with me providing child care to be beneficial to all parties, she did too until she lost it one day (btw not that it matters but WE believed the break down was actually caused by the child not wanting to go home with her mom, and asking to come back to our house a situation that was intensifying leading up to the day when mom came to get her)

    Paternity was established. I stopped providing care for her 04/31, he had no contact with the child from that date until the court date. The window incident happened on 04/07, CPS was contacted shortly after, they were seen in court about custody on 4/18, CPS showed up at her home on Easter (04/24 @8pm), they contacted him and I about the investigation yesterday and requested to come to our home for a visit tomorrow 5/11.

    Paternity and support were established through a DS case when the child was 4 months old. They were married when the child was 1 month old, and living in separate homes when she filed for support and state aide in spring 2007. They are going through divorce proceedings, and legal custody will be decided at an evidence hearing at a later date.

    If your next step is to tell me man he is an idiot why did he wait so long? why did he let it get out of control etc, YES you are right. No excuse is sufficient to me either. In the end the divorce proceedings, custody case etc are his problem. Because this CPS investigation is now including ME it is important to ME that my home passes their inspection. As MY name appearing in a bad CPS investigation could come back to haunt me years down the road for all i know.

    To my knowledge there are no allegations of abuse in our home, lack of food, supervision etc. The case is open against mom not dad. (to my knowledge, and based on my directly asking the CPS worker "are we under investigation?" her response was "no you are not")

    When I say "we" I mean my BF, myself, and his daughter I am speaking of our entire household when i use those words. Unless I say we in reference to the criminal activity, then WE applies to him and I as it is our home and the police complaint reflects damages to OUR home that were paid for with OUR money.

    So yes, WE are not involved with a divorce case/custody case HE is. I agree. That is why I am only asking about the CPS end of things as that directly applies to US.

    Im sorry if you feel this is all info overload just want to be sure i haven't left anything out.

    There is no tone to written words but if there was mine would be friendly and informative

    Oh again I'm not sure who made the complaint nor does it matter I believe the allegations against mom included;

    -leaving the child alone the night of the destruction of property complaint
    -dirty clothing/poopy panties (she has been in trouble with several day cares, she has also been pulled from 2 preschools in the last year, which is why she stopped going to day care and started coming here with me instead)
    -working too many hours/not adequately providing love and affection as a result
    -the presence of the felon in the home, the fact that the 3 of them routinely sleep in the same bed.
    -the felon boyfriend is a known drug user and distributor (as evidenced by 6 drug convictions 3 he did time for) she also has a history of substance abuse and violence (had a felony assault charge in 2003, and an operating under the influence charge in 2005) I would guess that once they began to look into things these things came to light

    The person I would guess made the complaint is one of his family members. She came here to help me board up the bay window the day after the incident, we talked at length, she was also aware of the felon long before this, as well as the day care/preschool issues.

    CPS called Both HE and I the day after the event with the rock

    So again, my home reasonably clean but don't need to scrub blinds/baseboards etc correct?

    Food in the fridge/freezer/pantry should be sufficient? They are well stocked

    Move beer from drawer to top shelf of fridge (no we don't have a ton of empties, the beer may be so old it is expired lol)

    Clean litter box do some laundry, don't worry be polite and honest.

    Any other advice?

    Oh and thank you
    Last edited by Moe248; 05-10-2011 at 04:18 PM. Reason: to add the thank you :)
  10. #10
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Sure. Relax! You'll be fine.
  11. #11
    Antigone* is offline Senior Member
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    Let us know how things go. We'll keep our fingers crossed.
  12. #12
    Isis1 is offline Senior Member
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    Look, if it makes you feel any better, all my visits were surprises. I have four kids. A husband who didn't believe in cleaning up after himself and a father in law who thinks he's entitled to the same clean up service. It's clean, not always neat. The 6 social works that showed up, looked annoyed because my house was way neater then they were given the impression of. Keep in mind, the whole time I'm usually freaking out because I haven't vacuumed yet. Their standards are LOW!
  13. #13
    CSO286 is offline Senior Member
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    I didn't mean to imply a tone either, jsut wanted to give you extra info as well, to help you help Dad.

    Be calm and you'll do fine.

  14. #14
    KmanStuck is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by mistoffolees View Post
    While true in principle, in this case if they have nothing to hide, they have more to gain by cooperating with CPS than resisting.
    My opinion is that if you a are a free citizen, letting a government employee into your dwelling or property can only result in you not being free anymore. There are 27,000+ laws we are supposed to know & obey. I don't know them all, nobody does ...

    I answer all inquires of government employees asking for entry onto my property by the same question: do you have a warrant? When they say no, I ask them to leave my property NOW. If they keep on jabbering on about how it helps me, I then say "You are now trespassing, leave my property NOW or I will arrest you".

    The government is not going to make your free-er ; only less free.
  15. #15
    Artemis_ofthe_Hunt is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by KmanStuck View Post
    My opinion is that if you a are a free citizen, letting a government employee into your dwelling or property can only result in you not being free anymore. There are 27,000+ laws we are supposed to know & obey. I don't know them all, nobody does ...

    I answer all inquires of government employees asking for entry onto my property by the same question: do you have a warrant? When they say no, I ask them to leave my property NOW. If they keep on jabbering on about how it helps me, I then say "You are now trespassing, leave my property NOW or I will arrest you".

    The government is not going to make your free-er ; only less free.
    Hush your muffin. Your village is calling. Your anti-government sentiment will only make things harder on this OP, who is clearly trying to do the right thing. Go away, Troll.
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