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Full custody after the death of the mother

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H

HOPEAMBER

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CALIFORNIA
HI, I HAVE BEEN DIVORCE FOR 13 YRS FROM MY EX WIFE, MY DAUGHTERS WERE 1 AND 3 AT THE TIME, THEY ARE NOW 14 AND 16, WE HAD 50/50 CUSTODY I HAD 3 WEEKENDS A MONTH AND 5 WEEKS OF VACATION OF VISITATION TIME.I NEVER MISSED A CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT.THE GIRLS AND I HAVE A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER WHEN WERE TOGETHER. MY EX HAS BEEN LIVING WITH HER BOYFRIEND FOR 12YRS AND THEY BECAME A CLOSE FAMILY MY DAUGHTERS EVEN CALL HIM DADDY EVEN THE BOY FRIEND NEVER WANTED TO MARRY MY EX.MY DAUGHTERS MOTHER DIED LAST WEEK AND I'M VERY HEART BROKEN TO SEE MY GIRL'S LOSE THERE MOM, I WANT FULL CUSTODY , MY DAUGHTERS TOLD ME THAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO LIVE WITH MY EX WIFE'S BOYFRIEND OR THERE GAMMA.OH BY THE WAY WE LIVE 135 MILES APART SO THEY HAVE TO LEAVE THERE FRIENDS AND CHANGE SCHOOLS. THE BOY FRIEND AND GAMMA WILL FIGHT ME IN COURT FOR CUSTODY, WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF GETTING THEM TO LIVE WITH ME. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


P

Proserpina

Senior Member
Ohiogal said:
Go pick up your daughters today. You have custody since their mother died.
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I know this is the legal reality but in this case..is it the right thing to do? The girls are apparently very settled and have expressed a wish to stay put - is there another option possibly?

I know they don't get to choose, but I'm not sure it's honestly in their best interests to be ripped out of the current situation - being uprooted from their school and friends after losing their Mom so recently - and then going to live with Dad, even though Dad and they still enjoy a very close relationship.

This one is just heartbreaking for everyone concerned. :(

(Though I know that it's the legalities that matter, not the emotion)
 
H

HOPEAMBER

Junior Member
Hi, I consider about moving, however my company is not doing any transfers at this time from San Diego to El Centro
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
Proserpina said:
I know this is the legal reality but in this case..is it the right thing to do? The girls are apparently very settled and have expressed a wish to stay put - is there another option possibly?

I know they don't get to choose, but I'm not sure it's honestly in their best interests to be ripped out of the current situation - being uprooted from their school and friends after losing their Mom so recently - and then going to live with Dad, even though Dad and they still enjoy a very close relationship.

This one is just heartbreaking for everyone concerned. :(

(Though I know that it's the legalities that matter, not the emotion)
Click to expand...
I honestly have to agree with this.

Legally, dad has absolutely every right to simply pick up his children and move them to his community. If it came down to a court fight he would win, hands down.

However, these two girls are teens, with lives of their own outside of the legal custodial situation. They have just lost their mother. Are they required to lose everything else that is familiar and normal to them? Friends could be critical lifelines for them at this point.

What I think that dad needs to do is do some serious soul searching as to what is really best for his daughters at this point. It may be best that they move to his community now. It may be best that they finish the school year now where they are and then move to dad's community afterwards. It may be best that they stay put now and its played by ear afterwards.
 
T

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
The one reason to move NOW, as opposed to the end of the school year is that have a better chance of MAKING friends during a school year.

The BF can be ruled out. But, the grandma might have a chance if she is in the same school district as where mom lived.
 
H

HOPEAMBER

Junior Member
Yes gramma does live in the same school district, gramma would also be hard press to make half way meet point during visitation time 3 weekends a month that would a total of 270 miles per weekend for a grand total miles for the month 810
 
Ohiogal

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Proserpina said:
I know this is the legal reality but in this case..is it the right thing to do? The girls are apparently very settled and have expressed a wish to stay put - is there another option possibly?

I know they don't get to choose, but I'm not sure it's honestly in their best interests to be ripped out of the current situation - being uprooted from their school and friends after losing their Mom so recently - and then going to live with Dad, even though Dad and they still enjoy a very close relationship.

This one is just heartbreaking for everyone concerned. :(

(Though I know that it's the legalities that matter, not the emotion)
Click to expand...
Dad has had a relationship with HIS children. He sees them quite a bit in the summer AND three weekends a month. The children can make new friends at dad's. They can get adjusted at dad's. The longer they stay with gramma and boyfriend (boyfriend could claim in loco parentis as standing for custody if they stay with him too much) the harder the fight becomes.

This father IS NOT a stranger to his children. As such he needs to parent them now. I am not saying cut ties to everyone in that area. I am saying he needs to step up and start parenting. He can allow the girls to go visit a weekend a month or so.
 
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