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Getting Back together with Ex After Custody Battle, then another Battle

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What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Long story short my ex and I had a custody battle for 2 years. I am the father and I have majority custody of our 3 yr old daughter. 1 year ago we entered into co-parenting counseling. That really helped us and I took responsibility for being the cause of our problems and we ended up getting back together. We have been back together for over a year but it hasn't been all peaches & cream. THe mother was ordered not to have weekend custody because she had taken our daughter to late night parties on the weekends where alcohol and guns were present.

The mother has been very demanding and I have been trying to keep the peace by doing whatever I can for her, including buying her food, clothes, etc. We don't live together we still have seperate residences but I would come over and stay the night. The mother didn't even take our daughter on mother's day.

Recently she got angry with me because I wouldn't stay the night, I had to go help my mother. She ended up filing for a custody change to get our daughter on weekends making it sound like she is afraid and terrified of me using texts from 6 months ago. She is omitting the fact we have been in an intimate relationship for the past year, and she just said she doesnt want to have anything to do with me 2 weeks ago.

Another thing is, our daughter spit at her and the mother slapped her in the face right in front of me. We have court orders not to use corporal punishment but she does. She threatens to hit our daughter.

We have mediation coming up and I am wondering how the mediator will see her claims. There has been no change in circumstances other than she keeps changing her work and college schedule and expecting me to change her custody days.

In my mediation documents I want to let the mediator know she is not afraid of me, we have been in a relationship and she is doing this just for her convenience. But I am concerned that the mediator will not want to hear about our personal relationship. Please give me some guidance from an objective point of view on how the mediator will see her request. I am requesting that we keep the status quo since the mother's schedule keeps changing and she is not providing stability for our daughter.

Thank you
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
The fact that you two have been involved in a sexual relationship this past year can definitely be seen as a substantial change in circumstance. You want to criticize her for how she treats your (plural) daughter but yet you have slept with her for the jollies of it. Don't you see how that looks bad on you? When did the sexual relationship end? Or, when is the last time you two had sex? When was the modification of custody filed? What did you do when your daughter spit on her mother? What did you do when mom slapped the child? When did that happen?
 
The fact that you two have been involved in a sexual relationship this past year can definitely be seen as a substantial change in circumstance. You want to criticize her for how she treats your (plural) daughter but yet you have slept with her for the jollies of it. Don't you see how that looks bad on you? When did the sexual relationship end? Or, when is the last time you two had sex? When was the modification of custody filed? What did you do when your daughter spit on her mother? What did you do when mom slapped the child? When did that happen?
Wow, I did not see that as a substantial change considering we have been together 1 year and she's only requesting modification now. Please explain how the mediator will see this when I tell him/her. Mother is claiming in her OSC that we are not and have not been in a relationship, in order to look like she is afraid of me and I'm crazy, a danger, etc.

I didn't sleep with her just to sleep with her, I wanted us to be a family, that's what I always wanted. We still have our issues and the full trust is not there, but it's better for our daughter to see us as a family, and for me to be present in as much of our daughter's life as possible, I believe. The last time was after she filed the OSC papers but before I was served. It was filed a month ago. When our daughter spit on her I didnt have a chance to do anything before she slapped her. Afterwards I told her not to hit her, she does not understand that. That happened 10 days ago. We do have court orders saying no corporal punishment.

Thank you
 
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Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Wow, I did not see that as a substantial change considering we have been together 1 year and she's only requesting modification now. Please explain how the mediator will see this when I tell him/her. Mother is claiming in her OSC that we are not and have not been in a relationship, in order to look like she is afraid of me and I'm crazy, a danger, etc.

I didn't sleep with her just to sleep with her, I wanted us to be a family, that's what I always wanted. We still have our issues and the full trust is not there, but it's better for our daughter to see us as a family, and for me to be present in as much of our daughter's life as possible, I believe. The last time was after she filed the OSC papers but before I was served. It was filed a month ago. When our daughter spit on her I didnt have a chance to do anything before she slapped her. Afterwards I told her not to hit her, she does not understand that. That happened 10 days ago. We do have court orders saying no corporal punishment.

Thank you
You wanted to be family AFTER you got a court order? And now you want to enforce the court order that happened before you "wanted to be family"? Yeah. That can definitely be a substantial change in circumstance. So you didn't correct your daughter at all? But you did tell your ex what to do. You had time to correct your ex and not your daughter. Did you EVER correct your daughter? And no, I am not excusing your ex. But you didn't act like a parent to your daughter if you didn't correct her.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Wow, I did not see that as a substantial change considering we have been together 1 year and she's only requesting modification now. Please explain how the mediator will see this when I tell him/her. Mother is claiming in her OSC that we are not and have not been in a relationship, in order to look like she is afraid of me and I'm crazy, a danger, etc.

I didn't sleep with her just to sleep with her, I wanted us to be a family, that's what I always wanted. We still have our issues and the full trust is not there, but it's better for our daughter to see us as a family, and for me to be present in as much of our daughter's life as possible, I believe. The last time was after she filed the OSC papers but before I was served. It was filed a month ago. When our daughter spit on her I didnt have a chance to do anything before she slapped her. Afterwards I told her not to hit her, she does not understand that. That happened 10 days ago. We do have court orders saying no corporal punishment.

Thank you
Was is a real full out slap that left a mark on your daughter's face, or was it a tap on her cheek to get her attention? Spitting is kind of a serious issue with daycares, preschools and schools, so its something that does need to be dealt with swiftly when it occurs.
 
You wanted to be family AFTER you got a court order? And now you want to enforce the court order that happened before you "wanted to be family"? Yeah. That can definitely be a substantial change in circumstance. So you didn't correct your daughter at all? But you did tell your ex what to do. You had time to correct your ex and not your daughter. Did you EVER correct your daughter? And no, I am not excusing your ex. But you didn't act like a parent to your daughter if you didn't correct her.

I'm confused here. The mother is the one filing the OSC, not me. I wasn't trying to change or enforce anything. I want to keep the schedule we have had for the past 6 months, which is not even the court order it's what we informally agreed to. I agreed to change it in the first place 9 months ago because the mother decided to change her work schedule and school schedule and then expected me to change the parenting schedule to fit in with her work and school schedule. Then she changed it again 6 months ago. Now she wants to change the schedule again so she can work more, and she is using the grounds that she is afraid of me from some texts 6 months ago, she is making it sould like we're not in a relationship. My question is, how will bringing up the truth to the mediator affect her request? I am not agreeing to her request because she keeps changing her work schedule over and over.

No, at the time I didn't correct our daughter. She doesn't speak complete sentences but I admit I could have said something. I was upset that her mother had slapped her. Please my main question is about how the mediator is going to interpret her request for modification based on her claims, when I bring up the fact that we have been in a relationship. Will the mediator care that she is lying about that to manipulate the court? Or does it even matter?? Thank you
 
Was is a real full out slap that left a mark on your daughter's face, or was it a tap on her cheek to get her attention? Spitting is kind of a serious issue with daycares, preschools and schools, so its something that does need to be dealt with swiftly when it occurs.
It was not a tap, it was a real slap.
 
Do you have proof you were in a relationship or is it he said/she said?

You were in a relationship 6 months ago? What text messages did you send her that will make you look crazy? And that was while you were trying to be a family?
 
Do you have proof you were in a relationship or is it he said/she said?

You were in a relationship 6 months ago? What text messages did you send her that will make you look crazy? And that was while you were trying to be a family?
Yes, I was trying to be a family. But we were still having arguments mainly because she enrolled in school without letting me know and then she decided she wanted a schedule change so she could have our daughter on weekends. Which was a problem because she likes to go out and party on the weekends, and take our daughter with her. That's the reason the previous mediator said she was not to have weekends.

The text messages were where we were arguing about the schedule, she was telling me to give her the schedule change so she could go to school, or else she was going to take me back to court. And some of them I said if she gives me full custody she will still be able to see our daughter as much as she wants. The texts she put are all out of order and she leaves a bunch of them out so they are out of context and don't make much sense. And they're in Spanish so when she translated them herself they don't even make sense.

And she's saying she thought I was crazy because I showed up at her apartment in the morning and I was calling our daughter from outside. We were together at the time, and there was nothing crazy about it. Our daughter comes running to the window when she hears me calling her.
 
Do you have proof you were in a relationship or is it he said/she said?

You were in a relationship 6 months ago? What text messages did you send her that will make you look crazy? And that was while you were trying to be a family?
I have pictures that we took at a photo booth on Christmas eve that show us kissing, those were after the dates of the texts she's using. I have a bunch of receipts of when I took her shopping, to the movies, etc. When I bought her her cell phone, I have the receipt. That was only a couple months ago. I also sold her my car a month ago. I don't think she will deny it when I bring it up.
 

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