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  1. #1
    loucee is offline Junior Member
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    Getting supervised visits

    Hi there. I'm in the state of Michigan.

    I'm wondering if my situation with my ex is grounds for supervised visits with our son.

    The reason we split was because I found out my ex had taken my son to the city to purchase marijuana. I of course was irate and had him leave the house. Since then he has continued to take our son to the city for these special trips.

    In our custody agreement a certain friend of his was put in it that he was not allowed to be around our son during parenting time since he's a drug dealer.

    Everything seemed to be ok until I found that my ex is now sleeping with and bringing the wife of the man who is in our custody agreement around our son. (This man is now in jail) The fact that she can easily take my ex (and my son who is only 4) to the drugs is what gets me.

    There has been numerous times I've picked up my son from his fathers and his father is so incredibly high and my son tells me "that girl" was around and he never wants to go back there again because his daddy is mean and made him cry all day.

    The icing on the cake for me was last weekend when my ex thought no one was home at my mothers house and went there to steal. Little did he know that my mother WAS home. He quickly turned around and got out of the house. This made me realize how bad his addiction has gotten.

    He also lost an amazing job due to the drugs a month ago.

    I absolutely want my son to have his father in his life. I'd just rather have him come to our house or to a controlled environment so I know that my son is not being neglected due to drug use.

    According to my sons father it's all my fault and I'm not letting him see him. I've invited him over to see him but he doesn't want to be around me which I can understand because I feel the same way but of course I want my son to have a father figure in his life.

    I'm not sure if any of this would be grounds for supervised visits. There is so much more that has happened but this is basically it in a nutshell. I just want the best for our son. He'll be put in these situations as he gets older. He does not need to be in them now.
  2. #2
    not2cleverRed is offline Member
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    Well, for starters, you need proof of your allegations.

    Your word alone isn't enough.

    Did your mother file a police report?
    Have YOU ever filed a police report?
  3. #3
    loucee is offline Junior Member
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    I was worried my word alone wouldn't be enough. But no. Neither of us have.

    Even with him losing his job to drugs wouldn't be enough?


    Quote Originally Posted by not2cleverRed View Post
    Well, for starters, you need proof of your allegations.

    Your word alone isn't enough.

    Did your mother file a police report?
    Have YOU ever filed a police report?
  4. #4
    not2cleverRed is offline Member
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    And how do you KNOW he lost his job due to drug use?
  5. #5
    LdiJ is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loucee View Post
    Hi there. I'm in the state of Michigan.

    I'm wondering if my situation with my ex is grounds for supervised visits with our son.

    The reason we split was because I found out my ex had taken my son to the city to purchase marijuana. I of course was irate and had him leave the house. Since then he has continued to take our son to the city for these special trips.

    In our custody agreement a certain friend of his was put in it that he was not allowed to be around our son during parenting time since he's a drug dealer.

    Everything seemed to be ok until I found that my ex is now sleeping with and bringing the wife of the man who is in our custody agreement around our son. (This man is now in jail) The fact that she can easily take my ex (and my son who is only 4) to the drugs is what gets me.

    There has been numerous times I've picked up my son from his fathers and his father is so incredibly high and my son tells me "that girl" was around and he never wants to go back there again because his daddy is mean and made him cry all day.

    The icing on the cake for me was last weekend when my ex thought no one was home at my mothers house and went there to steal. Little did he know that my mother WAS home. He quickly turned around and got out of the house. This made me realize how bad his addiction has gotten.

    He also lost an amazing job due to the drugs a month ago.

    I absolutely want my son to have his father in his life. I'd just rather have him come to our house or to a controlled environment so I know that my son is not being neglected due to drug use.

    According to my sons father it's all my fault and I'm not letting him see him. I've invited him over to see him but he doesn't want to be around me which I can understand because I feel the same way but of course I want my son to have a father figure in his life.

    I'm not sure if any of this would be grounds for supervised visits. There is so much more that has happened but this is basically it in a nutshell. I just want the best for our son. He'll be put in these situations as he gets older. He does not need to be in them now.
    Are there currently any visitation/custody orders? If not, then you are free to handle visitation any way that you like, including no visitation at all. However, if your ex files to establish paternity/custody/visitation he will get some form of visitation. Its not guaranteed that you will be able to convince a judge that it should be supervised.
  6. #6
    loucee is offline Junior Member
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    Besides him telling me himself...

    he actually posted on his facebook to "clear all the rumors up". He says exactly why he was let go and that he's an occasionally pot smoker a.k.a 24/7 smoker.

    He was a foreman at a shop in town. One of the best jobs to possibly get in this rinky dinky town. Not that makes any difference, just sad to watch him let go of such a great job.

    Quote Originally Posted by not2cleverRed View Post
    And how do you KNOW he lost his job due to drug use?
  7. #7
    loucee is offline Junior Member
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    We just went to court 2 weeks ago and this weekend would have been his weekend to have our son.

    I initially was going to try for supervised visits. But then the drug dealer friend of his went to jail and was put in our custody papers to have no contact with my ex during parenting time so I figured all was well and I trusted him.

    That day I dropped our son off at my exes and found out about the wife of the drug dealer basically being my exes new girlfriend. He shortly after sent me a text saying he was going to the city with this woman and my son and I demanded him to bring him home. Since then he has not seen our son even though the door is always welcomed to come see him.

    I'm wondering if I should hire a lawyer instead of just going at it alone and petitioning the court. Don't know if that will make a difference. But I strongly feel that it would be in the best interest of our child to have supervised visits to make sure no drug activity is going on.


    Quote Originally Posted by LdiJ View Post
    Are there currently any visitation/custody orders? If not, then you are free to handle visitation any way that you like, including no visitation at all. However, if your ex files to establish paternity/custody/visitation he will get some form of visitation. Its not guaranteed that you will be able to convince a judge that it should be supervised.
  8. #8
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    I'm not seeing proof that your child is being endangered.

    Please understand also that supervised visitation is often very temporary; once Dad completes X amount of supervised visits, he'd have a good chance of getting the supervision dropped.

    Long term supervision is not common outside of abject abuse/neglect findings.
  9. #9
    meanyjack is offline Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loucee View Post
    . But I strongly feel that it would be in the best interest of our child to have supervised visits to make sure no drug activity is going on.
    That's not how it works. You have ZERO EVIDENCE behind what you "believe." Plus, you have to actually PROVE that the child is in danger. You do not have that either.

    You do not just walk into court asking for something when you have ZERO proof of it. The court is not going to give you something on a whim. Not to mention, the person who was put into your order that your ex was not to have contact with during the time he has the child with him is in jail. So, he's now irrelevant, per se, since he's in jail & will be until he's out or the current order is modified and his name removed.
    And you can't just get the woman/wife of the jailed guy in your order either. going into court with "well, she's his wife, so..." assumptions won't work either. Him losing his job for whatever reason: irrelevant here.
  10. #10
    gam
    gam is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loucee View Post
    We just went to court 2 weeks ago and this weekend would have been his weekend to have our son.

    I initially was going to try for supervised visits. But then the drug dealer friend of his went to jail and was put in our custody papers to have no contact with my ex during parenting time so I figured all was well and I trusted him.

    That day I dropped our son off at my exes and found out about the wife of the drug dealer basically being my exes new girlfriend. He shortly after sent me a text saying he was going to the city with this woman and my son and I demanded him to bring him home. Since then he has not seen our son even though the door is always welcomed to come see him.

    I'm wondering if I should hire a lawyer instead of just going at it alone and petitioning the court. Don't know if that will make a difference. But I strongly feel that it would be in the best interest of our child to have supervised visits to make sure no drug activity is going on.
    So your saying your court order is only 2 weeks old? According to that court order this is dads weekend, did you not let dad have the child?

    If you denied dad his time, you are now in contempt of that court order. Dad can file contempt on you, you can't withhold the child from going to dad on his time.

    You have no proof of your allegations and the court is most likely going to be unhappy with you filing already, your order is 2 weeks old. On top of that you may have denied dad this weekend.
  11. #11
    loucee is offline Junior Member
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    Yesterday I called friend of court to have papers sent to me for supervised visits.

    I honestly didn't deny him his visit today. He really didn't want to take him today believe it or not.

    Thank you for your opinion. I really think I have a lot of evidence but then again, maybe not. I'm extremely confused right now with everything going on. He's back at home with his mom while I'm raising our son by myself financially and emotionally yet he has money to go get his drugs.

    I do not want to come across as trying to keep my son from his father. I'd love for my ex to see our son every single day. But not at the expense of my child being put upstairs in a room so his father can get high.
    Quote Originally Posted by gam View Post
    So your saying your court order is only 2 weeks old? According to that court order this is dads weekend, did you not let dad have the child?

    If you denied dad his time, you are now in contempt of that court order. Dad can file contempt on you, you can't withhold the child from going to dad on his time.

    You have no proof of your allegations and the court is most likely going to be unhappy with you filing already, your order is 2 weeks old. On top of that you may have denied dad this weekend.
  12. #12
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loucee View Post
    Yesterday I called friend of court to have papers sent to me for supervised visits.

    I honestly didn't deny him his visit today. He really didn't want to take him today believe it or not.

    Thank you for your opinion. I really think I have a lot of evidence but then again, maybe not. I'm extremely confused right now with everything going on. He's back at home with his mom while I'm raising our son by myself financially and emotionally yet he has money to go get his drugs.

    I do not want to come across as trying to keep my son from his father. I'd love for my ex to see our son every single day. But not at the expense of my child being put upstairs in a room so his father can get high.

    I just don't see supervised visitation happening.

    Sorry.

    And by filing only TWO WEEKS after the orders were made? I can see a judge being more than a trifle ticked at you for filing what might be seen as a frivolous motion.
  13. #13
    gam
    gam is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by loucee View Post
    Yesterday I called friend of court to have papers sent to me for supervised visits.

    I honestly didn't deny him his visit today. He really didn't want to take him today believe it or not.

    Thank you for your opinion. I really think I have a lot of evidence but then again, maybe not. I'm extremely confused right now with everything going on. He's back at home with his mom while I'm raising our son by myself financially and emotionally yet he has money to go get his drugs.

    I do not want to come across as trying to keep my son from his father. I'd love for my ex to see our son every single day. But not at the expense of my child being put upstairs in a room so his father can get high.
    Friend of Court will send you any papers you ask for. Exactly what did Friend of the Court tell you when you called? FOC likes to overstep their place in small towns, be careful with them. They do not make orders, they only make recommendations, only a Judge can make an order. They can enforce orders, and you need to be careful and follow the order, you can't change that order on your own. If you don't think dad is providing proper care, then you can file to change the order, but until the order is changed you must follow it.

    If you were just in court, did you get an order for CS? Cause that would solve the problem of him not financially supporting his child. Do not plan on him helping fianancially even with an order of ever supporting his child, and forget getting any emotional support from him. Sometimes that happens and a single parent is left with doing it all, part of being the custodial parent.

    Fact is the father can get high, if you can't prove he is and if nothing has happened to the child under his care, you have nothing.

    Did he call or show up to take the child today? If he did either what was your response to him?
  14. #14
    pekawrecker is offline Junior Member
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    Go with your gut. Sorry but I think when this situation is dangerous. I would involve CPS. They will drug test him. May even test you as well.
    Also if you have to go pick up the child take a peace officer. They will provide safety if you feel threatened by Dad or the woman. Drug abusers are often unpredictable.
  15. #15
    Proserpina is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by pekawrecker View Post
    Go with your gut. Sorry but I think when this situation is dangerous. I would involve CPS. They will drug test him. May even test you as well.
    Also if you have to go pick up the child take a peace officer. They will provide safety if you feel threatened by Dad or the woman. Drug abusers are often unpredictable.


    And for the most part, pot isn't considered a big deal.

    Regular, wake-and-bake and daily smokers retain and/or obtain PRIMARY custody of their kids.

    Calling CPS when there is no emergency can seriously backfire.

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