The girlfriend

[ingodsword]

I have tried to be nice but it isn't working. He is refusing to talk to me at all about our children, putting his girlfriend in the middle and she is enjoying every minute of it. I have told her (and him) that I will not discuss any details of my children with her, only to their father. Tonight, I went to pick them up and wanted to know what was the plan for this weekend, since it is father's day and his birthday. And I wanted to know if he planned to pick them up on Saturday because he is allowed to have them on his birthday, only his girlfriend refused to let me talk to him, said he wasn't coming down and did not want to talk to me, she was the one making the arrangements for the children and I had to get over it and whether I liked it or not, I was going have to deal with her.
Is there any thing legally I can do to not have to talk with her and/or force their dad to start talking to me?I live in Florida. I told him if wanted to see the kids again he needed to seek counseling w/ me and/or mediation. Or back to court. I sent a letter certified, stating that on the advice of my counslor...I just hate not letting the kids see him....he is a good dad...just has some growing up to do...

 

[sweetpea_2701]

from girlfriends point of view

is he planning on being with her for a long period of time? a lot of women can be extremely controlling. maybe if you could arrange a meeting between the 3 of you and let her know that you are not trying to exclude her but also would like the fathers input... it would help ease things... maybe her fear of you and your ex getting back together is causing her behavior? or maybe she is afraid you want him back... if you don't let her know that... let her know that you are trying to do what is best for your children and ask her to take that into consideration... remember you don't have to like eachother but if she's going to be around.... you'll have to get along regardless for the sake of the kids..... never lose focus on what is important.... your children .... and sometimes swallowing your pride can be difficult but that only makes you a more beautiful person.

 

[ingodsword]

I failed to mention that they have a child together, which was born before our divorce papers were even signed. I have taken many steps to "get along" with her and tried to be friends. I even gave them old baby clothes and maternity clothes, only to find out later on that she threw them out. I wasn't really surprised but a few weeks before their baby was born, my x was trying to get his mom to help them out because he no clothes for the baby to wear and her family found out that we were still married and were refusing to help her out. I invited them to all of the children's birthday parties..had them sitting in my house and eating dinner like we were old friends...Things recenlty just started getting ugly. They are now trying to take the kids from me, saying that I am an unfit mother. She says they have proof and if we end up in court, I will lose my kids. I told her to bring it on..they don't have a leg to stand on. I have put up with a lot in the past two and half years. He walked out on the kids and me and within three weeks was moving in w/her. He denies they had anything going on before...yeah right..I wasn't born yesterday...I started seeing a counselor a few weeks ago and he suggested that my x and I should be the only ones to discuss our children...we are still the parents no matter what. I realize that they are engaged (I think) and she is going to be a part of their lives....but she needs to let us still be parents...trust me...she can have him.. Been there, done that.

 

[Grandma B]

Parenting plans often include wording to the effect that "only the mother and father" will be involved in any decisions regarding the children with no third party involvement.

 

[morning_angel]

ingodsword, I was in a similar situation, but on the other side of the coin. My dh won't talk to his EX at all, Ever, ever, ever! <B>I</B> am the one that got caught in the middle. Now, I will admit, she is horrid and deceitful, and she has kept his kids from him for years and harrassed us and yada, yada, yada...
But the fact remains, they have both put me in the middle. In the past several years, I have felt as though I would have a nervous breakdown (figuratively, of course) from dealing with the two of them, and have gotten to the point that when she calls, I tell her "he's not here, I'll tell him that you called" and I hang up. When he gets home, I tell him that she called, and give him any phone number that she might have left for him. After that, the ball's in his court. I understand that he doesn't want to talk to her because even now, 16 years after the divorce, the calls all end up with her screaming, cursing, and name calling, and nothing productive EVER comes out of them, but they're HIS kids, not mine. I should also mention that the kids, ages 22, 20, and 19 NEVER call, and she only calls when they are in jail, knocked up, or want money, and I know he's hanging at the end of his rope with them.

Point being, some parents, both fathers AND mothers NEVER grow up. You shouldn't have to talk to the girlfriend. If you go pick them up and the father doesn't want to talk to you, stay calm and tell the girlfriend to tell him to phone you when he is ready to talk you about the kids. If she calls, ask her to put him on the phone so you can discuss the matter with the father, and if she refuses, politely tell her that you really aren't able to discuss the children with her, but that when he has time, he should call, and then hang up immediately, before she can blow the phone call into a battle of wills. Be prepared to remain calm, and know ahead of time, that you may have to hang up on her repeatedly if she is insistent. If you expect him to call you, you will have to make sure that when he DOES talk to you, you don't allow the conversation to drift to other things besides the kids, and try to stay calm.

Look at it this way, what is he going to do, take you into court because YOU won't talk to his girlfriend? The court is going to tell him that he is the parent, grow up and start acting like one. Parenting plans are great, and can be very helpful. If you end up in court, it certainly shows the judge that you have tried to be amicable. The only problem is, they only work if both parties are committed to them working.

Oh, and one other word of advice (what the heck, it's free!! )...you can be nice, and polite, but don't try to be friends with this woman. You will find out, as you have already, it just doesn't work in a practical sense, and it could cause you much trouble, as when you are "friends" with someone, you may reveal little things that could be used against you in court.

Good Luck!

 

[sweetpea_2701]

Then go!

let them you are not playing. you take the care for your children very seriously and your done playing games.... go to court do what you have to do. i know you are worried about your children knowing their father... but the funny thing is is that kids have a pretty good idea as to what going on regardless of what we say or do. they often know before we do. sometimes going to court is the only option. so do what you gotta do..... let him know you're done playing their games.