girlfriend badmouthing kids to cp

[two4two]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Briefly. Ex has not taken children for visitation since new girlfriend moved in with him in January. Recently girlfriend made very deragatory statements about my children to me refering to my four year old daughter as a B**** and my son as a M***** F*****. This was about three weeks ago and father did nothing, nor has he called since this happened. Called today wanting me to let him see children on an alternate schedule than what the papers say. I am okay with this as long as she is not around. I told him that he can see the kids anytime while she is at work because I do not trust her around the kids (she said some really demented things). I am willing to work an alternate schedule so that his kids can see him, but I do not think that it is in the best interest of the children to be around her with the animosity that she has for them and I both. If this gets taken to court will the judge understand?

 

[ceara19]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Briefly. Ex has not taken children for visitation since new girlfriend moved in with him in January. Recently girlfriend made very deragatory statements about my children to me refering to my four year old daughter as a B**** and my son as a M***** F*****. This was about three weeks ago and father did nothing, nor has he called since this happened. Called today wanting me to let him see children on an alternate schedule than what the papers say. I am okay with this as long as she is not around. I told him that he can see the kids anytime while she is at work because I do not trust her around the kids (she said some really demented things). I am willing to work an alternate schedule so that his kids can see him, but I do not think that it is in the best interest of the children to be around her with the animosity that she has for them and I both. If this gets taken to court will the judge understand?

More then likely the judge will understand reasoning, but it is doubtful that they will AGREE with you.

There are many different things working against you. The top ones being the fact that she is not a party to the court order. Another is because she hasn't actually done or said anything to the CHILDREN. You cannot dictate the terms for dad's visitation. You HAVE to go by EXACTLY what is in the court order. If you don't, you could be facing contempt charges because you are in violation of the order.

You can ASK the judge if the order can be modified so that she cannot be there, but unless you PROVE she is somehow a DANGER to the kids, the judge will probably not allow the change.

Do you get dad's permission before YOU allow anyone around the children? Why should you be allowed to decide what dad can or cannot do or who can or cannot be around to kids during DAD'S visitation time?

 

[GrowUp!]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Briefly. Ex has not taken children for visitation since new girlfriend moved in with him in January. Recently girlfriend made very deragatory statements about my children to me refering to my four year old daughter as a B**** and my son as a M***** F*****. This was about three weeks ago and father did nothing, nor has he called since this happened. Called today wanting me to let him see children on an alternate schedule than what the papers say. I am okay with this as long as she is not around. I told him that he can see the kids anytime while she is at work because I do not trust her around the kids (she said some really demented things). I am willing to work an alternate schedule so that his kids can see him, but I do not think that it is in the best interest of the children to be around her with the animosity that she has for them and I both. If this gets taken to court will the judge understand?

According to you, these statements were made to YOU -- NOT to the children. You have nothing.

 

[LdiJ]

You have gotten honest advice. I do however understand your concerns. Someone who would describe young children that way is very possibly not stable.

Its possible that dad understands that its a problem too. If he is willing to work with you then work with him. If push comes to shove its at least worth a try to ask the judge to prohibit her being around the children. I do know of many cases where a judge has ordered that when the new significant other has shown animosity towards the children.

 

[ceara19]

You have gotten honest advice. I do however understand your concerns. Someone who would describe young children that way is very possibly not stable.

Its possible that dad understands that its a problem too. If he is willing to work with you then work with him. If push comes to shove its at least worth a try to ask the judge to prohibit her being around the children. I do know of many cases where a judge has ordered that when the new significant other has shown animosity towards the children.

I know alot of cases where that has happened too. And 9 out of 10 times the people end up getting married as a way around it.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? Texas

Briefly. Ex has not taken children for visitation since new girlfriend moved in with him in January.

Irrelevant.

Recently girlfriend made very deragatory statements about my children to me refering to my four year old daughter as a B**** and my son as a M***** F*****.

Irrelevant.

This was about three weeks ago and father did nothing, nor has he called since this happened.

Irrelevant.

Called today wanting me to let him see children on an alternate schedule than what the papers say. I am okay with this as long as she is not around.

And since it is an alternative to the current court ordered visitation you don't have to allow it. however, he can have a hooker next to him when he sees the kids and there's not a thing you can do about it.

I told him that he can see the kids anytime while she is at work because I do not trust her around the kids (she said some really demented things).

And if you persist, you will be in violation of the court order.

I am willing to work an alternate schedule so that his kids can see him, but I do not think that it is in the best interest of the children to be around her with the animosity that she has for them and I both.

And again, that is NOT your choice.

If this gets taken to court will the judge understand?

Sure. The judge will understand that it's none of your business and admonish you accordingly.

 

[jslopez711]

I know alot of cases where that has happened too. And 9 out of 10 times the people end up getting married as a way around it.

Yup, I'm proof of this as was the story in my case. Ex married the convict and he continues to tell my son all that he possibly can to destroy my credibilty with him. This includes name calling (explicit) directly to my son about me and my wife. Ex does nothing.

 

[ceara19]

Yup, I'm proof of this as was the story in my case. Ex married the convict and he continues to tell my son all that he possibly can to destroy my credibilty with him. This includes name calling (explicit) directly to my son about me and my wife. Ex does nothing.

Once their MARRIED to the offensive person, the judges hands are pretty much tied unless there is a credible reason to believe the person is actually a danger to the kids.

But in THIS case, the OP doesn't even have a case to keep the girlfriend away from the kids.

 

[two4two]

I guess the real meaning at han here is that I should not allow my ex to take the kids on an alternate schedule as the papers say because in doing so I am asking TOO much putting conditions on to not want a woman who has made it clear that my children are just a "thorn in her side" around my kids. The situation at hand is that my ex does not take the children on his scheduled visitation at all. All kinds of excuses are used. I was just trying to find a way to bend over backwards to allow my children to see their father in his convience rather than him not see them at all because the bottom line is "she won't let him". She wants him to care for her children and only her children and he is accepting it hook , line, and sinker to keep her. Some part of me does believe that this man still loves his children, but I do not trust that gut instinct enough for him not to allow her to harm my children, or make them sad while they are visiting. I was trying to find a way for the children to have a relationship with their father without the animosity of the other woman, but I see that once again my way of rationalizing the well being of my children is just stupid and selfish.

 

[two4two]

I guess the real meaning at hand here is that I should not allow my ex to take the kids on an alternate schedule as the papers say because in doing so I am asking TOO much putting conditions on to not want a woman who has made it clear that my children are just a "thorn in her side" around my kids. The situation at hand is that my ex does not take the children on his scheduled visitation at all. All kinds of excuses are used. I was just trying to find a way to bend over backwards to allow my children to see their father in his convience rather than him not see them at all because the bottom line is "she won't let him". She wants him to care for her children and only her children and he is accepting it hook , line, and sinker to keep her. Some part of me does believe that this man still loves his children, but I do not trust that gut instinct enough for him not to allow her to harm my children, or make them sad while they are visiting. I was trying to find a way for the children to have a relationship with their father without the animosity of the other woman, but I see that once again my way of rationalizing the well being of my children is just stupid and selfish.

 

[Silverplum]

I guess the real meaning at hand here is that I should not allow my ex to take the kids on an alternate schedule as the papers say because in doing so I am asking TOO much putting conditions on to not want a woman who has made it clear that my children are just a "thorn in her side" around my kids. The situation at hand is that my ex does not take the children on his scheduled visitation at all. All kinds of excuses are used. I was just trying to find a way to bend over backwards to allow my children to see their father in his convience rather than him not see them at all because the bottom line is "she won't let him". She wants him to care for her children and only her children and he is accepting it hook , line, and sinker to keep her. Some part of me does believe that this man still loves his children, but I do not trust that gut instinct enough for him not to allow her to harm my children, or make them sad while they are visiting. I was trying to find a way for the children to have a relationship with their father without the animosity of the other woman, but I see that once again my way of rationalizing the well being of my children is just stupid and selfish.

Your whining is kinda stupid and selfish. But I can see your point as a person. The deal is, you have legal court orders you must follow. If you can prove she is a danger to your kids, you can take it to court. If not, you have to let go.

And two points:
1.) Dad does not ever have to use his visitation time. It's his right. It is your obligation to provide it any time he wants it within the court orders.

2.) You are never, ever going to be able to protect your kids from being sad. Ever.

 

[casa]

I guess the real meaning at han here is that I should not allow my ex to take the kids on an alternate schedule as the papers say because in doing so I am asking TOO much putting conditions on to not want a woman who has made it clear that my children are just a "thorn in her side" around my kids. The situation at hand is that my ex does not take the children on his scheduled visitation at all. All kinds of excuses are used. I was just trying to find a way to bend over backwards to allow my children to see their father in his convience rather than him not see them at all because the bottom line is "she won't let him". She wants him to care for her children and only her children and he is accepting it hook , line, and sinker to keep her. Some part of me does believe that this man still loves his children, but I do not trust that gut instinct enough for him not to allow her to harm my children, or make them sad while they are visiting. I was trying to find a way for the children to have a relationship with their father without the animosity of the other woman, but I see that once again my way of rationalizing the well being of my children is just stupid and selfish.

If Dad is choosing this woman who is not healthy for his kids~ STOP going out of your way to encourage him to visit, and leave well enough alone when he doesn't!

 

[LdiJ]

If Dad is choosing this woman who is not healthy for his kids~ STOP going out of your way to encourage him to visit, and leave well enough alone when he doesn't!

I have to agree with that one. Although I probably would cooperate myself with some "outside of the schedule" time if I really believed that dad loved the kids and they loved him too. However I wouldn't push it.

 

[ceara19]

I guess the real meaning at hand here is that I should not allow my ex to take the kids on an alternate schedule as the papers say because in doing so I am asking TOO much putting conditions on to not want a woman who has made it clear that my children are just a "thorn in her side" around my kids. The situation at hand is that my ex does not take the children on his scheduled visitation at all. All kinds of excuses are used. I was just trying to find a way to bend over backwards to allow my children to see their father in his convience rather than him not see them at all because the bottom line is "she won't let him". She wants him to care for her children and only her children and he is accepting it hook , line, and sinker to keep her. Some part of me does believe that this man still loves his children, but I do not trust that gut instinct enough for him not to allow her to harm my children, or make them sad while they are visiting. I was trying to find a way for the children to have a relationship with their father without the animosity of the other woman, but I see that once again my way of rationalizing the well being of my children is just stupid and selfish.

You don't KNOW how this woman really feels about the kids. She made inappropriate comments about the children to YOU, the mother. Almost every new gf/bf/spouse has at one point said things to the ex with the SOLE intent to tick them off. Just like most ex's at some point will say something to tick off the new SO. Many times there is no truth behind what is said.

You can do what others have suggested and leave things as they are and let dad have them on the court ordered date or not at all. You could also work with him on the alternative schedule with the stipulation that the gf not be ALONE with the children. All she has done is make comments about the children. If she did ever make these comments to the children their feeling would be hurt, but it won't damage the children for life. Plus, if she does, dad will here it since she isn't allowed to be alone with them. If that is not enough for dad to give her the boot, go back to the court ordered times.