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Is this a good idea?

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gotmyown3

Member
What is the name of your state? AL


My husband and his ex are going back to court this June. This will be the 5th time, I think, in three years. Anyway, she is in contempt for a lot of things and my husband asked for a Guardian Ad Litem, which we paid for, and that has really upset her. She is remarried, and has two children with the new husband. My step daughter is 12, and told her mom and step dad that she wants to come and live with us after the school year ends. Her step dad told her that "she would never see her little brother and sister again because they are HIS children and he will not let her be a part of their lives." Her mother told her that since I don't have custody of my sons, I am unfit. When I got divorced, my ex and I agreed that he would have custody of our sons and I had custody of our daughter.

Anyway, I said all that to give you background for my questions:

1. My ex has volunteered to testify in June as to the reasons my sons live with him. Is that acceptable, or do you think it would be a bad idea?

2. Just supposing that my step daughter does come to live with us, can her step father really not let her see her little brother and sister? Can her mother be ordered to allow her to see her siblings?

3. My husband has my step daughter for the summer, however his ex just informed him that she has signed the child up for softball this summer and that we "would be expected to travel to MS (where they live) every other weekend so that the child can play because she has already paid the joining fee." WE already registered her and prepaid for her to attend day camp here. What do we do?
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
gotmyown3 said:
1. My ex has volunteered to testify in June as to the reasons my sons live with him. Is that acceptable, or do you think it would be a bad idea?
Relatively pointless - she'd need more to show that you're unfit.

gotmyown3 said:
2. Just supposing that my step daughter does come to live with us, can her step father really not let her see her little brother and sister? Can her mother be ordered to allow her to see her siblings?
Nope, they do not have to allow her to see her half-sibs.

gotmyown3 said:
3. My husband has my step daughter for the summer, however his ex just informed him that she has signed the child up for softball this summer and that we "would be expected to travel to MS (where they live) every other weekend so that the child can play because she has already paid the joining fee." WE already registered her and prepaid for her to attend day camp here. What do we do?
Dad's time - he's under no obligation to do as Mom says on his time.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
What is the fee anyway for community softball? I think we pay only about $50 for our kid each year. And we've sure paid for activities she did not end up being able to complete. The softball fee is irrelevant.
 

weenor

Senior Member
I would concur with stealth, but would add that assuming the judge grants your request, ex would have the long distance visitation your hubby has now...As, such it would be virtually impossible for step dad to keep the siblings apart if biomom has her daughter for the summer...sounds like an empty threat. BTW where was the divorce granted it will make a difference as to whether hubby can get custody at all. In Alabama the legal burden on NCP to change placement is extremely high and a 12 year old wanting to live with you will be considered by the judge but is likely not enough to change placement.
 

gotmyown3

Member
One more question

My husband is supposed to have my step daughter beginning 5/27/06 for his summer visitation. We sent her a letter with the dates on it along with a copy of the page from the court order with those same dates outlined. This was as per the instruction of the court. Well, we got a nasty letter this weekend, informing us that we had listed some of HER weekends and that she would expect to be able to see HER daughter. Also, pursuant to the order, they are not allowed to exchange any letters other those instructed by the cout, e.g.: summer visitation schedule, medical bills, school reports.

Anyway, my husband tried to call her and tell her that she's welcome to come to AL any weekend and visit with their child, but that we had plans already for the summer and would not be making a trip to MS every other weekend while the child is in our custody. She told him she was NOT going to be at the meeting place for him to pick up the child on 5/27/05. We don't go back to court until June 30.

What to do?:confused:
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
gotmyown3 said:
My husband is supposed to have my step daughter beginning 5/27/06 for his summer visitation. We sent her a letter with the dates on it along with a copy of the page from the court order with those same dates outlined. This was as per the instruction of the court. Well, we got a nasty letter this weekend, informing us that we had listed some of HER weekends and that she would expect to be able to see HER daughter. Also, pursuant to the order, they are not allowed to exchange any letters other those instructed by the cout, e.g.: summer visitation schedule, medical bills, school reports.

Anyway, my husband tried to call her and tell her that she's welcome to come to AL any weekend and visit with their child, but that we had plans already for the summer and would not be making a trip to MS every other weekend while the child is in our custody. She told him she was NOT going to be at the meeting place for him to pick up the child on 5/27/05. We don't go back to court until June 30.

What to do?:confused:
Tell hubby to pick the child up as per the court order. Then ignore mom's threats. She has no legal standing during court ordered visitation. In other words, even if she shows up at the door during "her" weekend, hubby doesn't have to let her in.
 
N

nicenyguy

Guest
mom is being a jerk

why your ex has custody of your sons is none of mom's business, thats between you and your ex. if she is not there for the pickup, your husband should inform her he will file contempt charges. mom is free to take the child to her activities on her time, but is out of line to expect or require dad to do the same on his time. when the child is with dad, he is in charge.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
nicenyguy said:
why your ex has custody of your sons is none of mom's business, thats between you and your ex. if she is not there for the pickup, your husband should inform her he will file contempt charges. mom is free to take the child to her activities on her time, but is out of line to expect or require dad to do the same on his time. when the child is with dad, he is in charge.
what are you smoking? The ONLY thing you got right from the Original post is the last sentence.
 

gotmyown3

Member
Thanks to all of you. This has been an ongoing battle, and every time we've gone to court, it seems like it's for nothing. She just keeps doing what she wants. For instance, when we had my step daughter last summer, the court order said the mother was to provide suitable adequate clothing. She sent a suitcase full of her own clothes. The woman weighs 300 pounds and my step daughter was only 11 years old, so needless to say, she couldn't wear the clothes. We ended up buying her clothes enough to get through the summer. None of those clothes fit now, and so I have already gone and put more on lay-away at Walmart, just in case.

Friday night, my step daughter called and told my husband that she has ball practice on some of his weekends. Now remember, we travel 5 hours to visit, and end up with only Saturday, because we don't get there until midnight Friday night and have to leave Sunday morning to get home. Per the court order, they are not to discuss any visitation schedule problems with their child, only with each other. He told his daughter that he'd talk about it with her mom. She said "well, Mama said to call you and ask you if you were going to even bother going to my practices if they're on your weekend." I don't know why she's going to ball practice. She is only with her mother 17 days this summer, at the end of my husband's summer vacation, and that's not enough to play on a team.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
gotmyown3 said:
Thanks to all of you. This has been an ongoing battle, and every time we've gone to court, it seems like it's for nothing. She just keeps doing what she wants. For instance, when we had my step daughter last summer, the court order said the mother was to provide suitable adequate clothing. She sent a suitcase full of her own clothes. The woman weighs 300 pounds and my step daughter was only 11 years old, so needless to say, she couldn't wear the clothes. We ended up buying her clothes enough to get through the summer. None of those clothes fit now, and so I have already gone and put more on lay-away at Walmart, just in case.
Tell hubby the next time this happens he is to file a show cause for contempt and ask for specific damages in the amount of the clothes purchased.
Friday night, my step daughter called and told my husband that she has ball practice on some of his weekends. Now remember, we travel 5 hours to visit, and end up with only Saturday, because we don't get there until midnight Friday night and have to leave Sunday morning to get home. Per the court order, they are not to discuss any visitation schedule problems with their child, only with each other. He told his daughter that he'd talk about it with her mom. She said "well, Mama said to call you and ask you if you were going to even bother going to my practices if they're on your weekend." I don't know why she's going to ball practice. She is only with her mother 17 days this summer, at the end of my husband's summer vacation, and that's not enough to play on a team.
completely irrelevant. If dad doesn't want to take her to practice he doesn't have to.
 

gotmyown3

Member
My husband got a letter from our attorney yesterday. He said that he attempted a conference with my husband's ex-wife's attorney, but that everything we complained about regarding his ex, that his ex had already complained about to her attorney as being my husband's fault. Basically, he said that it is up to the Guardian Ad Litem now. He said that he's not even going to forward to the opposing counsel anymore of the nasty letters we receive from his ex or relate to him anymore of her screaming and cursing phone calls.

So, my husband sat down and typed out a letter to his attorney, and wanted answers. He has not violated the court order, not even once, and yet she violated it within 3 minutes of leaving the courtroom. Can anyone give us a clue as to what the attorney might be thinking and how all of this might affect our case? We are at our wits' end, and being told t hat it's "up to the Guardian Ad Litem to decide" does not help.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
What do you expect the lawyer to do, except for wait for the GAL's assessment? He likely wants to hold on to all of the emails, etc in case they need to be used in court. Why tip your hand unnecessarily?
 
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