Grandparent Rights In North Carolina

[01grandma]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina
My daughter moved out of my house when she was 13 to live with her grandparents/father. I had rules that were to be followed and she didn't like it. Since she moved out she dropped out of school, has had 2 children, runs the roads, drinks, does who knows what all kinds of drugs, and is running with some real "trash". She will be 17 on May 20th. Her oldest son is 21 monthes old. His father is a part of his life when he thinks he might be able to get her back. I receive a child support check from him once a month--court order. Her 6 month old son has no father listed on his BC. She claims this guy named Steven is the father. She was 15 when she got pregnant with him. The guy was 20. He is useless. He calls and says he's coming to see the baby and never does. Has never gave support for the baby. The oldest boy has lived with me and my husband more or less since he was born. The youngest stays with us most of the time (especially the last 2 1/2 monthes). My daughter told me yesterday over the phone she's pregnant. When I went off she started laughing and said she was kidding. But I've been told she's eating alot again and putting on weight again---this is what she did the last 2 times she was pregnant. The law in NC says I can't put my hands on her. I'LL go to jail for assualt and battery on a minor and/or child abuse. She will not work. She woen't do anything to better herself. She has no license, no car, no income, nothing. If it weren't for me and her grandparents she would have nothing....not even the clothes on her back. The oldest boy receives medicaid because the law says that if a child lives with it's grandparents then it automatically is covered. I also receive his monthly child support check. Both are wrote out in care of my name. Does anyone know what my rights are as a grandparent? Is there anything that can be done about my daughter? Especially IF she is pregnant again?

 

[moburkes]

You can lock your daughter in her room until she is of age. You could have contacted child & family services for their assistance. Why don't you get a child support check from your daughter?

 

[01grandma]

i didn't set up the child support order for my grandson from his father. she did...it was transferred to me when i talked with the child support office and they found out he was living with me. my understanding is since i don't have legal papers stating i have custody of my grandson, then i can't take her OR him for child support(which makes no since to me since i'm receiving it from him). i was also informed that since she was under 18 that she couldn't be made to pay child support. in fact, i was told I could be forced to pay child support to her (or her grandparents) since she is under 18. and that in NC....that i could be held responsible for whatever she does....criminal or whatever it is.....BUT....i can't do anything to make her come home or to beat the living snot out of her....which trust me....i feel like doing. i've been told by several people i'm wasting my time that in NC grandparents have no rights....which i guess shouldn't surpise me since i'm legally not allowed to do anything with/about my daughter.

 

[Zephyr]

would your daughter agree to give your gaurdianship of the children?

 

[01grandma]

no....then she wouldn't have anything to hold over me. i'm just lost as to what i can and can't do. she will not give custody of the boys to me without a fight. if i have custody of the boys then she can't use the threat of taking the boys away from all of us as a way to make sure she can live at her grandparents house without working or anything else. i'm so angry right now....any suggestions???? does anyone know if grandparents in north carolina have any legal rights especially when the mother is under 18 and out of control?

 

[01grandma]

Is there anyone out there with knowledge of North Carolina law concerning grandchildren? I really need some help!! I can't afford to go and pay $100.00 for a 1 hour sit down with a lawyer just to be told I can't do nothing. I've called several lawyers in the area I live and NO ONE will even tell me if I have a case to even pursue unless I come in and give them $100.00 upfront. Trust me....if I had it I sooo would of done been at their offices!!

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina
My daughter moved out of my house when she was 13 to live with her grandparents/father.

And you allowed her to do so why?

I had rules that were to be followed and she didn't like it.

So you let HER make the decisions.

Since she moved out she dropped out of school, has had 2 children, runs the roads, drinks, does who knows what all kinds of drugs, and is running with some real "trash".

And what have you done to bring her home?

She will be 17 on May 20th.

Okay.

Her oldest son is 21 monthes old. His father is a part of his life when he thinks he might be able to get her back. I receive a child support check from him once a month--court order.

So he is supporting his child and is the legal father.

Her 6 month old son has no father listed on his BC.

Which means nothing.

She claims this guy named Steven is the father. She was 15 when she got pregnant with him. The guy was 20. He is useless. He calls and says he's coming to see the baby and never does. Has never gave support for the baby.

Unless he is LEGALLY ADJUDICATED daddy then he is not daddy. Nor does he have to support the child. Nor does he even have to see the baby if he is legally adjudicated the father. Visitation is a right NOT an obligation.

The oldest boy has lived with me and my husband more or less since he was born.

More or less? explain that comment.

The youngest stays with us most of the time (especially the last 2 1/2 monthes).

Why?

My daughter told me yesterday over the phone she's pregnant.

That is sweet.

When I went off she started laughing and said she was kidding. But I've been told she's eating alot again and putting on weight again---this is what she did the last 2 times she was pregnant.

So?

The law in NC says I can't put my hands on her. I'LL go to jail for assualt and battery on a minor and/or child abuse.

Or domestic violence.

She will not work. She woen't do anything to better herself.

She doesn't have to work apparently. Why did you not do anything over two years ago when she first got pregnant? Why didn't you act like the parent then?

She has no license, no car, no income, nothing. If it weren't for me and her grandparents she would have nothing....not even the clothes on her back.

And? You are responsible for supporting your child. LEGALLY you have a financial obligation to support her and provide her with the minimum necessities.

The oldest boy receives medicaid because the law says that if a child lives with it's grandparents then it automatically is covered.

A child is NOT an "it".

I also receive his monthly child support check. Both are wrote out in care of my name.

Who writes the checks out in your name?

Does anyone know what my rights are as a grandparent?

As a grandparent you have no rights.

Is there anything that can be done about my daughter?

You could be the adult and have her come home or file against her as a delinquent and have her picked up.

Especially IF she is pregnant again?

Like what? You cannot force her to get an abortion.

 

[Ohiogal]

i didn't set up the child support order for my grandson from his father. she did...it was transferred to me when i talked with the child support office and they found out he was living with me.

Okay.

my understanding is since i don't have legal papers stating i have custody of my grandson, then i can't take her OR him for child support(which makes no since to me since i'm receiving it from him).

Nope. because you don't have custody. You are however legally responsible for supporting your daughter which you do not seem to be doing.

i was also informed that since she was under 18 that she couldn't be made to pay child support.

Not true. However she cannot be forced to pay child support to you because as her parent you are legally responsible to be supporting her.

in fact, i was told I could be forced to pay child support to her (or her grandparents) since she is under 18.

You should be paying her grandparents child support since she is a minor and under the law you are legally responsible.

and that in NC....that i could be held responsible for whatever she does....criminal or whatever it is.....BUT....i can't do anything to make her come home or to beat the living snot out of her....which trust me....i feel like doing.

Well I can understand why she doesn't want to come home. Your idea of parenting is ridiculous. And yes you are responsible for her -- it is called being a parent. YOu wonder where your daughter learned her parenting skills? FROM YOU!

i've been told by several people i'm wasting my time that in NC grandparents have no rights....

Grandparents have no legal rights superior to parents in ANY state.

which i guess shouldn't surpise me since i'm legally not allowed to do anything with/about my daughter.

Legally you are allowed to be a parent to your daughter. No you are not allowed to assault her or commit violence against her but you could be a parent. Which means providing guidance and teaching her right from wrong and respect. Which apparently you never did or you would not have let her make decisions at the age of 13 not to live with you.

 

[01grandma]

You know what? It's smart people like you that make it possible for kids to legally get away with the stuff like what my daughter is doing. I'm a good parent...I don't really care if you believe it or not. First of all, I didn't just let her make the decision to move out. The understanding was she was supposed to be living with her father, who at the time was supposed to be moving in at his mothers until his house was ready to move into. This was a lie told to me...by my daughter, her father, and her grandmother. Second...I do support her...to a certain degree. This degree is that I will NOT buy her cigarettes, pay for cell phone bill, or give her cash to run the roads. I will/do buy her clothes, any medication she needs, or anything important she needs. I have tried to give her grandparents money...I was told no...to use it on the other kids. If the time came that they needed it then they would be happy to ask me for it. 3rd--I was informed by the police that I couldn't force her to come home. Her father lives in the house right beside her grandparents. That as long as she had a decent home to live in then I was just out of luck. 4th--More or less means just that...more or less....he stays with me and goes to visit his mother at her grandmothers. So he is not in my house /care 24/7. Why is the youngest one with me most of the time? Because I love him and I enjoy spending time with him. I have never told either one of my daughters (the oldest 2 have children)--(I have 3 daughters and 1 son) no that my grandchildren can't come down and stay. And I never will--that is what a grandparent does....love and spend as much time with their grandkids as they can. Please tell me what I was supposed to do 2 years ago when she got pregnant?? The law said I didn't have a leg to stand on, the police said there was nothing they could do. I also know that a child is not a "it". I was repeating exactly what the social worker said. The child support check is sent from the child support enforcement section in Raleigh, NC.....so I would assume it is wrote/typed out in the Raleigh office!! And MS. KNOW IT ALL/PERFECT...the law has been contacted several times.....and I have been told since her father lives next door to her and she's not breaking the law.....then my hands are tied. I just have to wait till she breaks the law and then they can get involved. As far as a abortion...that has never entered my head, not the first time, nor the second, nor this time...I'm a christian and I believe what the Bible says. It must be nice to be up there on that perfect platform you keep preaching from. You have no idea what my idea of parenting is like. I'm ridiculous because I woen't allow my children to flunk in school, or drop out of school? I woen't allow then lay up on the phone day and night or do what ever they want on the computer? I woen't allow them to run the roads? I make them take responsibility for what they say and do? I know where they are, who their with, and where their going at all times. Do I spank my children? Yes I do. Not my children or anyone elses' is gonna stand in my home and talk to me like a dog or curse at me, or threaten me or anything else like that. I don't beat or abuse my children. And even the one I'm having all this trouble with will tell you....if Moma spanks you.....you've really gone to far. I love my children...all 4 of them. I have always been there for them and always will, but my daughter wants to be like her father.....I've have bent over backwards to make sure that man was a part of her life. She thought he was sooo perfect and could do no wrong....until she moved up there. Now she can't stand him.....and she uses him to make sure I can't do a dang thing. So as much as I want to thank you for you input.....you don't know squat about anything. All I did was ask if anyone knew the law in north carolina concerning grandparents rights. I did not ask for the smart, hateful comments you felt the need to leave.

 

[moburkes]

Did you really just tell a family law attorney that she doesn't know anything about the law? OMG!

 

[Just Blue]

So as much as I want to thank you for you input.....you don't know squat about anything. All I did was ask if anyone knew the law in north carolina concerning grandparents rights. I did not ask for the smart, hateful comments you felt the need to leave

An attorney told you the law. Perhaps you wouldn't be having this problem if you PROPERLY disciplined you daughter....or invested a couple of hundred dollars 4 years ago to talk to a lawyer to find out what a PARENTS rights were!!

And why was it that you never had the 20 year old MAN arrested for sexually molesting your 13 year old CHILD?

 

[Ohiogal]

Did you really just tell a family law attorney that she doesn't know anything about the law? OMG!

Damnit -- I guess I gotta work on those there people skills of mine again. Should I break her last post down?

 

[Ohiogal]

You know what?

Nope. Never met What personally but can you tell me if he is nice? Or is What a she? Dang.

It's smart people like you that make it possible for kids to legally get away with the stuff like what my daughter is doing.

Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate being called smart. Makes me feel good.

I'm a good parent...I don't really care if you believe it or not.

Your parenting skills -- not really my business. I was commenting on the legal side of things.

First of all, I didn't just let her make the decision to move out. The understanding was she was supposed to be living with her father, who at the time was supposed to be moving in at his mothers until his house was ready to move into. This was a lie told to me...by my daughter, her father, and her grandmother

.

Then as soon as you found out about the lie, you march back into DR court or whoever has your original custody order and you get a court order forcing her back into your home. If you didn't have a formal court order to begin with you file for one.

Second...I do support her...to a certain degree. This degree is that I will NOT buy her cigarettes, pay for cell phone bill, or give her cash to run the roads. I will/do buy her clothes, any medication she needs, or anything important she needs.

And that, quite frankly is not LEGALLY what child support is. If she is not living with you a child support payment should be set up to go to those she is living with. That is the responsible thing.

I have tried to give her grandparents money...I was told no...to use it on the other kids. If the time came that they needed it then they would be happy to ask me for it.

Then what you could do is file with CSEA to pay child support to the grandparents for your child. If her grandparents dont want it then they can send it back to you.

3rd--I was informed by the police that I couldn't force her to come home.

Well you know what -- it is NOT a criminal matter. It is a civil matter. Which means you could go through juvenile court or DR court.

Her father lives in the house right beside her grandparents. That as long as she had a decent home to live in then I was just out of luck.

Mentioning her father would have been nice before now. Since you are a good Christian I am sure many of us thought that you were living with her dad and that was the husband to whom you referred.

4th--More or less means just that...more or less....he stays with me and goes to visit his mother at her grandmothers. So he is not in my house /care 24/7. Why is the youngest one with me most of the time? Because I love him and I enjoy spending time with him. I have never told either one of my daughters (the oldest 2 have children)--(I have 3 daughters and 1 son) no that my grandchildren can't come down and stay.

Well then more or less you don't have anything but visitation and child support should NOT be coming to you at all. LEGALLY.

And I never will--that is what a grandparent does....love and spend as much time with their grandkids as they can.

That is emotional answer and this is a LEGAL board.

Please tell me what I was supposed to do 2 years ago when she got pregnant?? The law said I didn't have a leg to stand on, the police said there was nothing they could do.

You were supposed to support your daughter. It is NOT illegal that your daughter got pregnant. The fact that the guy was twenty is a different story and you could have went after him for statutory rape. But there was nothing LEGAL you could do to her.

I also know that a child is not a "it". I was repeating exactly what the social worker said.

Well then the social worker needs a bit of education and you should not have repeated the word "it" in reference to a child.

The child support check is sent from the child support enforcement section in Raleigh, NC.....so I would assume it is wrote/typed out in the Raleigh office!!

Is there a juvenile court proceeding involved? If not, how did the social worker get involved? Seriously. You are leaving out big gaps in this story.

And MS. KNOW IT ALL/PERFECT...

Where is MY CROWN? I need my Tiara. DAMNIT BAY, did you not send it out to be cleaned? Where is it! Mo what did you do with my sash? I NEED MY MS KNOW IT ALL/PERFECT SASH!

the law has been contacted several times.....and I have been told since her father lives next door to her and she's not breaking the law.....then my hands are tied.

Legally yes. Civilly NO. What do your court orders say? Or don't you have any? Because if not her FATHER has just as much right as you do to her.

I just have to wait till she breaks the law and then they can get involved. As far as a abortion...that has never entered my head, not the first time, nor the second, nor this time...

Well then pray tell what were you referring to when you stated what you could do IF she were pregnant. You never answered.

I'm a christian and I believe what the Bible says. It must be nice to be up there on that perfect platform you keep preaching from.

The only one preaching is you. And apparently you don't follow the Bible exactly if you are not still with the daughter's daddy.

You have no idea what my idea of parenting is like.

Nope I don't. I speak to the LEGAL idea of parenting.

I'm ridiculous because I woen't allow my children to flunk in school, or drop out of school? I woen't allow then lay up on the phone day and night or do what ever they want on the computer? I woen't allow them to run the roads? I make them take responsibility for what they say and do? I know where they are, who their with, and where their going at all times.

That is nice. I think. If you are making statements -- though I am wondering if you are questioning yourself.

Do I spank my children? Yes I do. Not my children or anyone elses' is gonna stand in my home and talk to me like a dog or curse at me, or threaten me or anything else like that. I don't beat or abuse my children. And even the one I'm having all this trouble with will tell you....if Moma spanks you.....you've really gone to far.

And after a while spanking is considered domestic violence. Especially if the "child" is a teenager. And it also depends on HOW you spank. With an open hand, a spoon, a belt, a whip, or a stick.

I love my children...all 4 of them. I have always been there for them and always will, but my daughter wants to be like her father.....I've have bent over backwards to make sure that man was a part of her life.

See, mentioning her daddy would have be NICE in the first post. Because that is a VERY relevant thing.

She thought he was sooo perfect and could do no wrong....until she moved up there. Now she can't stand him.....and she uses him to make sure I can't do a dang thing.

And again, no adult seems to be in control of the CHILD in this situation> Which legally the child should not be making the decisions when it comes to where she lives or who she lives with.

So as much as I want to thank you for you input.....you don't know squat about anything.

All I did was ask if anyone knew the law in north carolina concerning grandparents rights. I did not ask for the smart, hateful comments you felt the need to leave.

Not a hateful comment in the bunch. And i told you the law.

 

[LdiJ]

Legally you are allowed to be a parent to your daughter. No you are not allowed to assault her or commit violence against her but you could be a parent. Which means providing guidance and teaching her right from wrong and respect. Which apparently you never did or you would not have let her make decisions at the age of 13 not to live with you.

Way, way overharsh OG. Its easy to sit on the sidelines and talk about what someone should or shouldn't have done in the past. However no parent is perfect and makes perfect decisions. They only do the best that they feel they can at the time that they do it.

Do I agree with the decision that she made? No, I don't. However, berating her about it 4 years later does NOT help. She can't go back and change the past.

Grandma, what you need to do is sit back and wait. Yes, I know that it means that you will have to deal with her threats to remove the children from your home, but you are going to have to live with that. Eventually your daughter is either going to grow up and get her life together, or she is going to fall on her face and present you with an opportunity to file for custody and actually be in a position to be granted custody.

Had everyone, not just you, but her dad and her grandparents as well, forced her to be to real parent to her first child, she probably wouldn't have had the second, and definitely wouldn't be likely to be pregnant with a third. However that didn't happen and its not all your fault, the other adults in her life are equally responsible.

Now, you just have to deal with the reality of the present. You are correct, its too late for you to force anything on your daughter. However its not too late to hope that she will eventually "see the light".

 

[moburkes]

Not harsh at all. Grandma talked about how virtuous and perfect and Christian she is, and then gave a hundred reasons why none of the above were good enough examples for her daughter. Grandma needed to be brought to reality. Don't throw rocks when you live in a glass house. Maybe if she got rid of her holier than thou attitude, and accepted the fact that people, including her, make mistakes, then she would realize that there were many things she could have done before, and some things that she can learn today, that can possibly make things better later.

Too often people come here AFTER THE FACT and are looking for quick fixes to their mistakes. There aren't too many quick fixes when people are looking for legal advice. By the time you involve the law into your affairs, the damage has been done. In Grandma's case, the damage has been done many, many times.

I'm not sure what your problem is with OG, but you often tell her how harsh she is, or how wrong she is. I believe that she is simply very literal. When a person tries to defend themselves by adding extra stuff, it usually backfires and makes them look worse, not better. Sometimes you have to break it down for them to understand. I know that when I post, and don't specifically reference a particular statement directly out of OP's mouth, they come back and act as if I made it up, or misconstrued their words. When you break it down like she did, there is no misunderstanding. None whatsoever.