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Hair Cut

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drama247

Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

There is so much more to this story, but I will just give you a brief summary of what is being dealt with. My husband has a 4-year-old daughter with his ex. He is very active in her life, and we get her almost 50% of the time. He has never been behind on support, and does everything he can to get involved with her schooling and other activities. This is not a deadbeat dad we are talking about here.

When the support/visitation order was written, nothing was mentioned about who could and could not provide haircuts. My husband's ex has a habit of not taking good care of the kids' (he also has a son with her) hygiene and physical appearances, so we try to take of trimming their nails, getting their haircuts...all grooming issues that she does not tend to regularly.

We have regularly given his son haircuts, and nothing has been said. However, his daughter's hair needed to be trimmed, as her mother does not brush it or put it up to get it out of her way. Her hair was down to her waist, was painful for her to have it combed out because of the length and split ends, and it was starting to touch the toilet seat when it wasn't up. It was becoming an issue of no longer being sanitary, comfortable or safe for her. Her father asked me to trim her hair, and I did this for her. My stepdaughter was excited about it.

Now her mother is very angry about it, and claims that it is "short." It is not. It was a trim. The style was not changed, and the length was not drastically altered. It wasn't done out of spite. It was done to take care of a little girl who is not getting the attention she deserves.

It seems to me that her mother is making this a big deal just to be difficult, but I am wondering if she has any legal recourse at this point. As I stated, nothing was in the custody/visitation order regarding this sort of thing. It would be selfish of her at this point to take it any further, but we do want to know if there is anything we should look out for from a legal standpoint. Would she have a leg to stand on?
 


Proserpina

Senior Member
If Mom wants to make an issue of it...I'm tempted to say "let her".

Nobody is going to get dinged for cutting the child's hair without the other parent's permission. Mom is being unreasonable.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Indiana

There is so much more to this story, but I will just give you a brief summary of what is being dealt with. My husband has a 4-year-old daughter with his ex. He is very active in her life, and we get her almost 50% of the time. He has never been behind on support, and does everything he can to get involved with her schooling and other activities. This is not a deadbeat dad we are talking about here.

When the support/visitation order was written, nothing was mentioned about who could and could not provide haircuts. My husband's ex has a habit of not taking good care of the kids' (he also has a son with her) hygiene and physical appearances, so we try to take of trimming their nails, getting their haircuts...all grooming issues that she does not tend to regularly.

We have regularly given his son haircuts, and nothing has been said. However, his daughter's hair needed to be trimmed, as her mother does not brush it or put it up to get it out of her way. Her hair was down to her waist, was painful for her to have it combed out because of the length and split ends, and it was starting to touch the toilet seat when it wasn't up. It was becoming an issue of no longer being sanitary, comfortable or safe for her. Her father asked me to trim her hair, and I did this for her. My stepdaughter was excited about it.

Now her mother is very angry about it, and claims that it is "short." It is not. It was a trim. The style was not changed, and the length was not drastically altered. It wasn't done out of spite. It was done to take care of a little girl who is not getting the attention she deserves.

It seems to me that her mother is making this a big deal just to be difficult, but I am wondering if she has any legal recourse at this point. As I stated, nothing was in the custody/visitation order regarding this sort of thing. It would be selfish of her at this point to take it any further, but we do want to know if there is anything we should look out for from a legal standpoint. Would she have a leg to stand on?
Dad has just as much of a right to take his child for a haircut or have his childs hair cut as mother. Mother has no leg to stand on and she needs to stop. Ignore her.
 

drama247

Member
Thank you both very much for your prompt responses. I was hoping this was the case. My stepdaughter's a beautiful girl, and the haircut looks great. I wish mom would just appreciate her pretty little daughter and stop making everything so hard.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Thank you both very much for your prompt responses. I was hoping this was the case. My stepdaughter's a beautiful girl, and the haircut looks great. I wish mom would just appreciate her pretty little daughter and stop making everything so hard.
To be honest...I am going to give you different advice than you got from the others, but this is NOT legal advice.

A trim is an inch or less. If you trimmed an inch or less, then mom has no right to be witchy about it.

However, if you trimmed more than that, then I can understand mom's point of view.

Parents need to respect each other's wishes in regards to a child appearance. Particularly a girl's hair, because boys tend to permanently wear their's short.

Personally, I would NEVER have done more than trim about an inch off the hair of a girl with long hair, without making sure that BOTH parents were OK with that. Its common courtesy and respect for the other parent.

My ex's girlfriend once trimmed, thinned and highlighted my daughter's hair without checking with me first. It looked really nice, but I made a point of saying to my ex that I would appreciate if he would talk to me about things like that BEFORE doing them.

His girlfriend called me back a little while later and apologized all over herself for doing that. She said that she NEVER would have done it if my daughter and ex hadn't assured her that it was OK with me, and that she would never do something like that again without checking with me first.

Guess how much that went towards a great relationship between me and the ex's girlfriend?...a loooong way.

Apologize to mom for doing it without checking with her, and tell her that you won't do it again without checking with her.
 

drama247

Member
You're entitled to think what you want, but only our family knows what has happened with these kids. I've never claimed to be "better," but I do know that, in our situation, their father and I have certainly gone above and beyond to hold up our end of the bargain in caring for the kids.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
You're entitled to think what you want, but only our family knows what has happened with these kids. I've never claimed to be "better," but I do know that, in our situation, their father and I have certainly gone above and beyond to hold up our end of the bargain in caring for the kids.
There is no "our end" of anything. That's all that people are saying. We get it, you love the kiddo(s). However, you have no legal rights in this situation. Keep loving them, but let their parents handle this sort of thing.
 

drama247

Member
I don't know what sort of "thing" you are referring to. I didn't make any decisions in this instance. The decision was made by a parent.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I don't know what sort of "thing" you are referring to. I didn't make any decisions in this instance. The decision was made by a parent.
Let me ask you a question stepmom. If you had a pretty little girl of your own, that you shared with another parent, and she had very long hair, and you really liked her with that very long hair, and your ex's new wife cut off a significant chunk of it, would YOU be happy about that? Or pick something else that would be important to you if long hair isn't, and answer the same question.

If your ex's new wife thought that she and their father were better parents than you were, would YOU be happy about that.

Your post did show a bit of arrogance and whether you believe it or not, that probably shows in your dealings with mom.

Like I said, my ex's girlfriend apologized to me profusely for doing things with my daughter's hair without checking with me first, and it increased my respect for her 100 fold.

So, you can let your ego get in the way of happy coparenting and not do anything at all since you had a parent's permission. Or, you can set your ego aside on the basis of promoting happy coparenting and apologizing to mom and promising not to do it again without checking with her first.

Its your choice.
 
Let me ask you a question stepmom. If you had a pretty little girl of your own, that you shared with another parent, and she had very long hair, and you really liked her with that very long hair, and your ex's new wife cut off a significant chunk of it, would YOU be happy about that? Or pick something else that would be important to you if long hair isn't, and answer the same question.

If your ex's new wife thought that she and their father were better parents than you were, would YOU be happy about that.

Your post did show a bit of arrogance and whether you believe it or not, that probably shows in your dealings with mom.

Like I said, my ex's girlfriend apologized to me profusely for doing things with my daughter's hair without checking with me first, and it increased my respect for her 100 fold.

So, you can let your ego get in the way of happy coparenting and not do anything at all since you had a parent's permission. Or, you can set your ego aside on the basis of promoting happy coparenting and apologizing to mom and promising not to do it again without checking with her first.

Its your choice.
A significant chunk? What the.... She gave the kid a trim, for crying out loud.

Would you feel the same way if Dad had taken kiddo to a salon for a trim? It sounds like Dad made the decision. Stepmom simply carried it out. She's no more to blame than a random stylist at the local Great Clips. It is not for Stepmom to apologize and promise never to do it again. If you really feel that an apology is due, then it is Dad's to make.

ETA - OP, next time tell Dad to spend ten bucks and take the kiddo down to a Cost Cutters or something. Then everyone can suggest that the stylist be made to call Mom and apologize for her actions.
 
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drama247

Member
Truthfully, I came here to ask a legal question. As far as I can see, that question has been answered. And now my "ego" has come into question by a couple people making assumptions without knowing what they are talking about.

Please sit the judgments aside and either answer the question, or let it go. You're just being offensive and condescending at this point.
 

Hisbabygirl77

Senior Member
Let me ask you a question stepmom. If you had a pretty little girl of your own, that you shared with another parent, and she had very long hair, and you really liked her with that very long hair, and your ex's new wife cut off a significant chunk of it, would YOU be happy about that? Or pick something else that would be important to you if long hair isn't, and answer the same question.

If your ex's new wife thought that she and their father were better parents than you were, would YOU be happy about that.

Your post did show a bit of arrogance and whether you believe it or not, that probably shows in your dealings with mom.

Like I said, my ex's girlfriend apologized to me profusely for doing things with my daughter's hair without checking with me first, and it increased my respect for her 100 fold.

So, you can let your ego get in the way of happy coparenting and not do anything at all since you had a parent's permission. Or, you can set your ego aside on the basis of promoting happy coparenting and apologizing to mom and promising not to do it again without checking with her first.

Its your choice.
If it was just a trim talking to mom is not needed. If ANYONE needs to speak to mom it is dad. He was the one who made the decision. How often do we tell step parents on here that things with the children are between the parents? She has no more obligation to speak to mom morally or other than a barber or hair stylist would. She was just the hair stylist doing what the dad requested.

If dad would like to work on good coparenting and respect mom's input in this decision then dad should speak to mom.

Question/ If this was the mom who cut the daughters hair and dad came on here asking why he wasnt informed first would he be getting the same response? In this instance I think not. I think he would be being told to stop being petty.
 

drama247

Member
A significant chunk? What the.... She gave the kid a trim, for crying out loud.

Would you feel the same way if Dad had taken kiddo to a salon for a trim? It sounds like Dad made the decision. Stepmom simply carried it out. She's no more to blame than a random stylist at the local Great Clips. It is not for Stepmom to apologize and promise never to do it again. If you really feel that an apology is due, then it is Dad's to make.

ETA - OP, next time tell Dad to spend ten bucks and take the kiddo down to a Cost Cutters or something. Then everyone can suggest that the stylist be made to call Mom and apologize for her actions.
Thank you so much for understanding. I am really confused as to how this became an attack on my character and duties as a stepmom!
 
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