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He cut my daughter's long hair!!

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SPOTTGA

Guest
What is the name of your state? CA

I have joint custody with my daughter's father. Recently he cut her hair really short and knew I was against it (he asked me, I said no and he did it anyway). Can he do that? Do I have any control?
 


usmcfamily

Senior Member
Well, it's a bit after the fact -- what do you want to do...sue him? In the "big picture" hair is not a big issue -- it will grow back. If it were something that was actually an endangerment to the child you might have a case but something like a haircut is going to seem petty when brought before the court (not negating the upset it is causing you -only pointing out how it will seem in the court's eyes)
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
SPOTTGA said:
What is the name of your state? CA

I have joint custody with my daughter's father. Recently he cut her hair really short and knew I was against it (he asked me, I said no and he did it anyway). Can he do that? Do I have any control?

My response:

What do you mean, "can he do that?" For Pete's sake, he's her father, and her parent too!

Did you ask him for permission when you pierced her ears?

And, even if he didn't have joint custody, he's still her father and well within his rights as a father to make decisions. Who appointed you to be the "sole" decision maker?

Just wait until she comes home with purple hair, a nose ring, pierced nipples, and a dope smoking, ill-mannered guy named "Chopper."

That's where your worries and concerns should be - - not her hair length. Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

IAAL
 

skyy

Member
I would ask why he shouldn't be able to cut her hair if you have joint custody. Truthfully, there are bigger issues of which you should be concerned. At least he made an effort to contact you first showing that he wanted to let you know you could be involved in a decision. As much as we like to be right, our word isn't always law.

I don't know what type of breakup you had, but getting upset over every thing he does that you don't agree with is only going to give you gray hair, an ulcer or a breakdown! Are you going to NOT do something with your daughter because he doesn't like it? You want her to have a cat; he thinks it should be a dog. You want to buy her a pink outfit; he can't stand pink. If something of this nature is a problem, then when you start being involved with other people, want to move or something major, a war is going to go off. It really isn't worth the headache. Do the best you can with with her hairstyle, complain to your friends without her being around and move on.
 
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DChristian112

Guest
I think she has a right to get upset- I had my son's hair groing out- he has this beautiful orange-ish reddish hair, and his father buzzed it, now he is saying he should shave his head. (He calimed his son looked "dumb" with long hair- while i thought he looked adoreable) Our son was only 13 months at the time, and was really not ready for a hair cut anyway...
I was against it, because I wanted to do the before and after photo, save the hair, and save it in his baby book- his father knew I was against it, and did it anyway.
I think parents should come to a mutual understanding/agreement when it comes to their children's appearance. This is just my opinion though.
 

kidoday

Senior Member
You do have the right to get upset for him having your daughters hair cut. This is just a control issue with your ex, and apparently it worked.

Due to the fact you have joint custody he has just as much right to cut your daughters hair as you have to grow it out. How does your daughter feel about her new cut? This really is the point.

As other posters said it will grow back. But only if she wants it to.

My tragic experience with my daughters hair was self inflicted by herself. She had beautiful brown curly hair down to her shoulders. Well I answered the phone, and talked not more than 5 minutes while she sat in the other room. I said I need to let you go, Kir**** is too quiet and I have her working on a craft project. Well the craft project was her hair and Ernies hair. She cut off parts of her hair and almost balded herself in one spot. I called my then husband bawling that she had just cut her curls off, he started to laugh and said, well it will grow back. And it did.
 
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Lil Miss Smarty Panties

Guest
I read something similiar to this on the SPARC site. It was posted to the resident psychologist there. I can't remember the name. Samuto maybe? But anyway, this step mom was really upset because the bio mom, who was the NCP, cut off the daughters long hair against everyones wishes, including the childs. She said the child told her she was screaming "please mommy please don't cut off my hair!" IF I remember correctly, she said the child was bald until she was 3 years old and they despaired thinking she's always be bald, but it had finally grown and was long and beautiful. She reported that the child was so upset about this and was embarrassed by it because she thought she now looked like a boy and didn't even want to go to school. "Samuto's" response was that this is clearly a control issue with the bio mom, and if she had no concern for the child's feelings and embarrassment that he suggested they modify the custody order to expressly say that the bio mom would never cut the childs hair again against the childs wishes. I don't know if the post is still there or not, I read this a while back but was reminded of it when I read this post. The url is www.deltabravo.net.
 
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Grampsx13

Guest
I know a couple that went through that hair cutting thing several years ago. The CM had let her daughter's hair grow from birth. The little girl was I think 7 at the time that NCF decided he wanted his daughter's hair cut much shorter and try different styles. The little girl's hair was below tushy length. Neither CM nor little girl wanted the hair cut. Very proud of it. After a weekend visit, the little girl was returned to CM, with all hair cut off up to base of neck. What a feud that caused! But...nothing anyone could do about it. CM went to her attorney, attorney said, sad but, not worth the waste of time and money to go to court over. Still a shame though.

I guess I myself would think that there would be 'certain' things that (even trivial things like that, to an extent) a NCP wouldn't really have the right to just up and decide like that without the CP's consent. I guess maybe "hair" does seem a tad trivial, but the little girl did also object to, and was pretty upset with dad. Evidently dad didn't care. It will grow back? Well...yeah...in another 7 years maybe. Such petty foolishness. Dad really shouldn't have done it, I'm thinking. But then to...done is done. The mother would have liked to have saved the hair as a keepsake at least I guess. Dad threw it all away. Yep...obviously a control thing.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
It may have been a crappy thing for him to do, but at the end of the day - it's hair. It grows. My daughter's hair has been cut against her wishes, and all I tell her is (a) it looks nice, (b) it's fun to try out new looks, and (c) it'll grow back if she really doesn't like it. Is this *really* a hill worth dying on?
 

ktarra617

Member
its like momma said, you have to decide which hill you want to die on and this isn't it. I promise you.

I know you are angry and probably have every right to be but he is still her father and has the right to cut her hair. It will grow back and eventually your daughter will be able to tell her father no. He probably just did it because he KNEW it would piss you off.

It's a control thing.

Believe there are bigger and more important battles to be fought!

Let this one go.
 
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SPOTTGA

Guest
Thanks for all the input. I was really pissed off yesterday and now as I look back in hindsight it is just hair, it will grow back. You are right, there are more important things to worry about. Thanks for helping me put things in proper perspective.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
ktarra617 said:
"It's a control thing."


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My response:

Wait a minute.

If it's, in fact, a "control thing", then it's also a "control thing" for our writer to have withheld "permission"!

It's a two-way street in a joint custody situation. The father, too, has the right to make decisions concerning HIS child. All because Momma Bear doesn't agree, or doesn't like it, doesn't make her opinion the "right" opinion.

The father made the decision, therefore, it too is "right", and Momma Bear, apparently, wants to "control" matters merely because the child "lives with her." Well, that ain't enough to "anoint" her with the "majority vote."

You know, in the father's view, he may have felt that it was time his child had a haircut - - and it wasn't a "control" thing. Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.

IAAL
 
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sunfun

Guest
sorry, can't pass this up IAAL

Unless that cigar belongs to a President...
 
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lovingmysunshin

Guest
Same thing happened to me.....

and I reacted the same way. He does have the right to take care of his child....but when something's done out of spite...that disgusts me. After his father chopped his hair and realized he made him look like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.....he hasn't touched his hair since. lol
 
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Desdemona

Guest
I recently had a similar experience with my daughter's hair, but it was not her father who cut her hair, it was his wife. My daughter, too, has never had her hair cut and it has been growing for 7 years. I am the custodial parent. Does it make any difference whether it was the father or the step-mother? I didn't think she would have any decision making rights at all concerning my daughter.
 
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